drawing hands is so bad. like i’ve mostly got it down but sometimes i’ll check my hand for reference and. it’ll just be wrong. i’ll look at my actual physical hand which is definitely not drawn wrong and i’m like “god damn it this won’t do as reference, this doesn’t look right at all, someone drew it wrong”. hands are just the worst. evolution fucked it all up; there must have been some selection pressure such that it was evolutionarily advantageous to piss off artists in the ancestral environment.
Tags:
#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #(”evolutionarily advantageous to piss off artists in the ancestral environment”)
It’s not actually known if lemons were made by humans or if they were just natural hybrids of citrons and sour oranges. Apparently it’s super common for citrons to fertilize basically anything they’re near.
great now we gotta kinkshame the fruit
Everything about this post is going in so many directions at once
lime/lemon fic classifications had a basis in reality
Tags:
#well this post was a wild ride #food #nsfw text? #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog
Someone left a diet pepsi can on the empty table next to us and a person walked by it on the way to our table. They looked at it curiously, then anxiously touched it and then scurried to our table saying ‘YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO TOUCH THE ART AND I TOUCHED THE ART!’
So we had a long discussion about dadaism and what is art and is art art and what makes an art an art and how the majority of artist’s statements are complete and utter bullshit fabricated to fill an arbitrary word count.
It should be mentioned that this person worked in an art museum and that we are both went to art school. We are certainly qualified to expound upon the 2% reduced fat fuckery that is art movements.
So when our visitor left our table, my girlfriend grabbed an index card and made the art official art.
If it’s still there tomorrow after the cleaning crew has been through, then its is now official art art that goes in an art art museum. If it is gone, then someone has TOUCHED THE ART.
And that is part of the art.
The act of the janitor tossing it in the bin… is a statement on art.
We all think we’re god-damned hilarious.
Well, someone came by in the morning and removed the soda can, but left the label.
Then later in the day, someone saw the tag and decided to put a Coke bottle there.
i love in fantasy when its like “king galamir the mighty golden eagle and his most trusted advisor who would never betray him, gruelworm bloodeye the treacherous”
When my sister and I were kids we had this one action figure, who was actually a brutalized batman doll without his cape (the dog chewed half his head, too), who we dubbed ‘Evil Chancellor Traytor’. The idea was that in the fictional society of our toys, ‘chancellor’ just came with the word ‘evil’ in front of it, as a matter of ancient tradition. Like ‘grand’ or ‘high’ or something along those lines.
Anyway, the running gag was that the king (an old Power Rangers knock-off doll) had absolute and unwavering faith in Evil Chancellor Traytor, who basically comported himself like a mix between Grima Wormtongue and Jafar from the Aladdin movies. Everyone was always sure that Evil Chancellor Traytor had something to do with the nefarious scheme of the day. The dude even carried around a poisoned knife called ‘the kingslayer’.
The additional twist on the joke, though, was that he never was behind anything. The king was actually right. Evil Chancellor Traytor was the most devoted civil servant in the entire Action Figure Dystopia. He spent his nights working on writing up new legislature to ensure that broken toys had access to mobility devices, was always on the lookout to acquire new shoeboxes for expanding city infrastructure, and drafted a proposal that once got half the ‘settlement’ in my sister and I’s closet moved to the upper shelf so that vulnerable toys were less likely to be snatched up by the dog.
The knife, as it turned out, was as symbolic as the ‘evil’ in his name. See, Action Figure Dystopia had a long history of corrupted monarchs getting too big for their thrones and exploiting the underclasses. The job of the Evil Chancellor was to always remain vigilant, and loyally serve a good ruler – or, if the regent should became a despot, to slay them on behalf of the people.
But since killing the king would be a terrible crime, the Evil Chancellor had to be the kind of person who would willingly die to spare the people from the plight of a wicked leader; because the murder would be pinned on them, in order to keep the ‘machinery of politics’ working as smoothly as ever.
Anyway, Evil Chancellor Traytor had a diary, in which my sister I would take turns writing out the most over-the-top good shit he’d done behind the scenes. Usually after everyone else had finished talking shit about him. I don’t know why but we got the biggest kick out of being like:
Barbie With the Unfortunate Haircut: Oh that Evil Chancellor Traytor! Why can’t the king see how wicked he is?!
Charmander From the Vending Machine: Char!
Jurassic Park Toy of Jeff Goldblum With Disturbingly Realistic Face: At least if someone puts a knife in the king’s back, we’ll know where to look!
Evil Chancellor Traytor’s Diary: Today I was feeding ducks at the park when I noticed another legless action figure sitting by the benches. I put a hundred dollars into his bag while he wasn’t looking. I really need to increase budgeting to the medical treatment centers. If only we had enough glue, I think we would see far fewer toys trying to get by without limbs… *insert iconic evil laugh*
Anyway, Evil Chancellor Traytor eventually fell victim to one of my mom’s cleaning sprees, and she decided he was too busted up to keep and tossed him out. My littler brother, who tended to follow my sister and I’s games like he was watching a daily soap opera, cried so hard that we had to do a special ‘episode’ where one of the toys found the Evil Chancellor’s diary, and so he got a big huge memorial and the king threw himself into the empty grave and then ordered the toys driving the toy bulldozer to bury him so that ‘Traytor’s grave would have a body’ (this seemed very important for some reason).
And then we had the Quest For a New King. Somehow or another that ended up being a giant rubber snake called ‘Tyrant King Cobra’.
Tags:
#storytime #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #death tw
We’ve got a Worf-centric episode here, where we learn some things about Klingons and about Worf himself. What we do not have are a lot of essential fashions, but there are a few jazzy Klingon looks, so settle in and let’s have a look-see.
The episode starts with Riker and Picard posing for their New Wave album cover on the bridge.
Okay so this would depend on where you are in the world, and whether or not they had squatters rights (can’t be evicted and can apply for legal ownership of place once they have been there for X amount of years) but I mean, the dude owns the place, even if it is a run down mess he was still there first and there’s probably some ancient land ownership law which can’t be overwritten by modern laws (you find all sorts of weird things are still technically legal cause no one bothered to update the books since 1645) so basically whoever just bought this castle to turn it into a modern fixer upper, congrats, you also just bought yourself a vampire and he’s not going anywhere.
(Also now I kind of want to write this where a family buys it to turn it into a hotel/wedding venue and the kids find the vampire in the attic and he ends up being the weird uncle who gets roped into hilarious wedding related shenanigans?? Like
“Okay yes fine, you can host weddings here, but registrar only, no religious ones.” “But Theolodious, why?” “Really Sharon, really, do I have to spell it out for you. Really.”
*
“We really should increase the lighting for photographs, what about skylights?” “No.” “But—” “How about I just set all of you on fire while you’re trying to sleep.”
*
“Please, for the love of god, please don’t let people throw confetti or rice, I’m begging you.”
*
“Okay what’s our final head count for the night?” “107.” “Are you sure?” “Did I fucking stutter Steve?”
*
“Uncle Theo, why does the groom have “help me” on the bottom of his shoes, why is everyone laughing?.” “Because small one, humanity has failed collectively as a species and heteronormativity is a constructed lie designed to oppress over half the population for not conforming to arcane and chauvinistic ideals put in place by dead scholars who have long since turned to dust and have no place influencing modern society.” “…” “Permanence is an illusion.”
*
“Madame, flattering as your offer is for a quickie, you’re not my type.” “What is your type then?” ;) ;) ;) “O negative.”
*
“Whoo, what a day, I could eat a horse.” “Same.” “…” “…well obviously I’m not going to.”
*
“Theo…are you…are you crying?” “Yes.” “You big softie, I never thought someone like you would cry at a wedding.” “…I’ve lived a long life, Sharron. People come and go, the christening you bless will be the funeral you mourn in less than a century. But people keep saying “I love you”, that has to count for something.”
Tags:
#vampires #story ideas I will never write #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog
#Star Trek #Voyager #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #I knew this was going to be a Voyager joke but I didn’t predict the form it would take
Found this in the pet food aisle at HEB today. I did not buy it. I texted one of my best friends, who immediately speculated it was only a matter of time until a person decided to eat this.
How long until we see salmon ketchup and turkey mustard on some menu at a nice restaurant here in Austin?
THIS IS GOING TO CAUSE A CONDIMENT ACCIDENT.
Hey @copperbadge I either found you a new mustard or there’s someone in the Foodie!verse having apoplexy.
I can’t comment other than to say that Bucky and I had the same reaction, to wit: “I’d eat Turkey Mustard.”
:D
I mean, not THAT turkey mustard, but a mustard made with turkey stock as part of its blending liquid, sure. In fact I should try that out when I get home, I bet it adds a nice umami kick to the mustard.
I’m not a big fan of fish flavor (I don’t eat cooked fish except for smoked, the cooking intensifies the flavor too much for me) but Steve would be willing to give salmon ketchup a fair shake, and Sam would probably be willing to test it as a tater tot sauce.
#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #(JT trying to convince Kevin and Ursula to eat it) #(oh god it has been way too long since I listened to #Kevin and Ursula Eat Cheap #I have been so busy) #also #in which Brin has a food poisoning phobia #because that *is* disturbingly likely to cause a condiment accident and I may have shuddered a little #but still funny #just in a slightly horrifying way
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