Bruce Wayne, mostly to annoy Alfred and partly because he genuinely doesn’t believe anyone will care about his antics, claims that his almost ten year disappearance from Gotham was because he was cryptid-hunting across Europe/Asia.
(He was learning to be Batman but whatever.)
“Yetis are real,” he tells Vicki Vale. “And one day, I will make contact.”
Bruce establishes himself as a cryptid enthusiast pretty quickly and blames most of his suspicious childhood injuries on dumb things he did trying to photograph Bigfoot behind Wayne Manor.
So anyways, Batman shows up and Bruce is a smart guy so he knows that Batman being partially myth and urban legend is going to help his crusade against darkness. But he’s also smart enough to know that people are going to start getting suspicious if Batman shows up at the same place Bruce Wayne is and Bruce Wayne constantly denies his existence.
He sets his plan into motion at a bank robbery he happens to be involved in. After sending Alfred off with his costume, he slips back into the bank in time to be there when the police arrive so that he can give his statement.
Bruce makes sure to play it up: his eyes dart around nervously, his voice pitched with excitement, and asserting at the end of his statement that, “I cannot be sure, but I am pretty positive that we were saved by a large, bat-like creature.”
The officers are like ‘yeah ok whatever man’ because Bruce Wayne once fell off of a water-tower because he thought he saw Mothman flying in the night sky, but some of the other witnesses describe seeing a weird bat-thing too so really who knows at this point.
Whenever Bruce Wayne appears publicly somewhere the Batman saves the day, he always makes sure to give a statement about Gotham’s new cryptid and how he intends to be the first on actually catching it in the wild.
“This… Bat-man creature seems to have a moral code,” he tells Vicki Vale. “If I could just,” he clenches his fist, gazing wistfully out onto the street. “Meet him…..”
This also allows for him to ply James Gordon for information without arousing suspicion. And because Gordon has a soft-spot for the little orphan he comforted during his worst night, he usually is willing to give Bruce a little bit of info on cases that the Batman has been working on.
Bruce: Batman is real, don’t lie to me.
Gordon: I can neither confirm nor deny those rumors. *gives Bruce a knowing smile*
Bruce: I heard that he tore through Falcone’s racketeering club the other night!
Gordon: Well…. *glances around* We did get a call from the docks the other night. SOMEONE tied up most of the gang and left them for us to find…
Bruce: Most of the gang?
Gordon: We think five of them are still on the run.
Bruce: Hmmm……
And of course, Batman does eventually become less of an urban legend and more of a known entity.
Bruce, busting down the doors of GCPD: BATMAN IS REAL!!!!!!!!!
Gordon: *puts head in hands, sighs*
And like maybe one time Oprah or someone confronts Bruce like “Hey people are saying that maybe YOU might be Batman” and Bruce just like… fucking loses it on live TV and is alternately crying and talking about how Batman is REAL and he pulled Bruce out of a VERY DIFFICULT TIME and how without Batman Bruce would be LOST and if people want to ruin the SANCTITY of that BOND well FINE.
And then like… Batman Incorporated becomes a thing and Bruce is all teary-eyed and smiley doing news conferences and showing off the blurry picture of him shaking (Dick)Bats’s hand and talking about how “I just always believed and I knew this story would have a happy ending and when I clutched his talon in my hand I knew that I was home.”
Bruce similarly becomes famous for insisting the Superman is a fraud put on by the government.
Tags:
#Batman #cryptids #fanfic #story ideas I will never write #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #embarrassment squick?
Brinens and Things 