anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog

queenshulamit asked: Socks

~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

davidsevera:

They were his secret pleasure, his dangerous joy, and he kept them buried deep where no one would ever look. The long, multicolored socks he would slip into in the loneliest hours when no one was likely to come knocking on his apartment door. Jason could relax, cook some Asian food, make himself a fancy drink, and forget about the world.

He was forgetting about the world when suddenly he smelled smoke. His dinner was on fire! He tossed his drink on the flames, but that just made things worse. He screamed and ran for the fire extinguisher. Soon everything was contained. Jason collapsed onto the couch, legs crossed, but he heard a key enter his lock. His neighbor Allison must have heard! There wasn’t enough time to sprint to the bedroom. He accepted his fate with grim determination.

Alison opened the door, spare key in hand, taking in the scene, one eyebrow cocked. Her eyes fell on a blushing Jason. “Don’t tell me,” she began. “I spy why you cried: a tie dye thigh high stir fry gone awry and worsened by a spilled Mai Tai. Why you’re tongue tied is that I’ve come by, and in your mind’s eye you’ll be decried as not a tough guy, which feels like a black eye. Well I won’t pry, let’s let this incident pass by. (Though tie dye’s out of fashion, by-the-bye.) Bye-bye!” And with that she left.

Jason vowed that the next time Alison came over he’d be wearing orange socks and eating nothing but oranges, just to make her squirm.

Tags:

#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog

The “If I Fought This DS9 Character, Would I Win?” Post

~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

shevathegun:

Benjamin Sisko

End Fight Probability: There is a 100% chance Sisko knocks you out. 

Sisko’s a survivor, man. He’s Space Dad. Why you even tryin’ to fight your space dad? Sisko has fought almost everyone he’s ever met and triumphed astoundingly. He literally punched Q in the face. He is a goddamn hero. You should be ashamed of yourself. Don’t do it. Don’t fight Sisko. 

Lt. Jadzia Dax

End Fight Probability: There is 99,999% chance Dax knocks you out.

Dax is basically a Klingon in a much hotter, more capable body. She’s gonna whoop your ass. If you do manage to beat her – and you won’t unless she lets you – you’ll have roughly 200 Klingons on your ass in a hot second, because blood oaths are a thing. Don’t do it. Don’t fight Jadzia Dax.

Major Kira Nerys

End Fight Probability: There is a 150% chance Kira knocks you out.

I get it. Kira’s small; she’s snarky; she is occasionally wrong about things. You might think this could be an easy one. But here’s the thing, friend: Kira killed a man for the first time when she was a prepubescent toddler subsisting on only bugs and her own fury. She is literally rage incarnate. She will fight anyone and anything. If you have an actual problem with her that you need solved, just talk to Odo. He’ll fix it. Just don’t fight Kira.

Odo

End Fight Probability: There is a 235% chance Odo knocks you out, and a 98% chance he takes your ass to space jail.

Odo literally has no bones. He doesn’t bruise or bleed. You can’t hurt him, and you will really, really embarrass yourself if you try. He literally doesn’t carry a weapon anywhere. Why? He doesn’t need one, his whole fucking body is a weapon. You ever tried to fight a Go-Gurt? It’s not a fun time. He will lay you out cold and probably put you in a cell to think about your poor life decisions. Don’t do it. Don’t fight Odo.

Dr. Julian Bashir

End Fight Probability: There is a 0% chance Bashir knocks you out.

Bashir is a doctor, okay? He takes that very seriously. He’s not going to hurt you, and even if he did, he’d feel so compelled to patch you up afterwards that your fistfight would probably just transform at some point into a very weird physical. But, take my word for it: don’t fight Bashir. Like, first of all, why do you feel compelled to fight him in the first place? And second of all: OH MY GOD HAVE YOU MET HIS INCREDIBLY POSSESSIVE CARDASSIAN BOYFRIEND? DON’T DO IT! DON’T

Elim Garak

End Fight Probability: There is a 105% chance Garak straight up murders you.

DO NOT!!!!! FIGHT!!!!! GARAK!!!!!! JESUS CHRIST, DO NOT FALL FOR THAT “PLAIN SIMPLE TAILOR” ROUTINE, DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT HE USED TO DO FOR A LIVING??? HE WILL MURDER YOU, MAN! HE WILL MURDER YOU! HE WILL MURDER YOU AND MAKE IT LOOK LIKE AN ACCIDENT AND NOBODY WILL EVEN FIND YOUR BODY FOR ANOTHER 50 YEARS!!!!!! HE KILL YOU AND MAKE YOUR SKIN INTO A SNAZZY TWO-PIECE SUIT!!!!!!!! DON’T DO IT!!!!!! DON’T FIGHT GARAK!!!!!!!!! I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH!!!!! DO NOT DO IT!!!!!

Worf

End Fight Probability: There is a 135% chance Worf knocks you out.

Unless you’re going in on Worf about what a shitty dad he is, just don’t. I know he’s a nerd, but he’s a Klingon nerd, dude. Don’t fight Worf.

Quark

End Fight Probability: There is a -7000% chance Quark knocks you out.

Yes. Fight him. Fight Quark. Fight Quark and win. Fight him for being a gross, misogynistic little shit. Fight him for abusing the shit out of Rom. Fight him for overcharging you for nonalcoholic beer and the worst bar food this side of the galaxy. Fight him on the behalf of his dentist. Fight him until he starts crying. Because he will start crying. Please fight Quark. Please.

Miles O’Brien

End Fight Probability: There is a 15% chance O’Brien knocks you out.

I mean… you can definitely take him, but why would you? Something horrible and confusing is bound to happen to him in an episode or two, anyway. Leave the poor man in peace. Don’t fight O’Brien.

Jake Sisko

End Fight Probability: There is a 250% chance his dad shows up and knocks you out.

No, Jake probably can’t take you. He’s a bow-legged writer type with weak arms and no practical fighting skills. But the minute his daddy senses something amiss, he’s gonna be on you like beautiful, well-muscled coonhound on a scared, dumb raccoon who picks fights with children. Fight Jake at your peril, friend.

Ezri Dax

End Fight Probability: ???

WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU??? LITERALLY WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, LEAVE EZRI ALONE

Vedek Bariel

End Fight Probability: There is -15% chance Bariel knocks you out.

If his shirtless scenes with Kira are any indication, Bariel’s monastery has a benchpress. But he has one of the most punchable faces I’ve ever seen in my life, and he’s not big on violence, so you’ll probably be fine. He’s also got somebody trying to murder him every week or so, so if I were you I’d get in there quick. Do it. Hurry up and fight Bariel. 

Kai Winn

End Fight Probability: There is a 33% chance Winn knocks you out.

Winn’s not a great strategist, and, as person, is literally the worst, so if you get in quick, you might be able to get one up on her. But that woman has seen some shit. She has seen some shit. And… seriously, just look at her. That lady is so evil it comes off of her like stink lines. Who knows what would happen if you fought her? Don’t risk it. Don’t fight Kai Winn. 

Gul Dukat

End Fight Probability: There is a 50% chance Gul Dukat knocks you out.

Yes, he’s bigger than you, and stronger than you, and in all likelihood can survive pretty much anything you can throw at him. Cardassians are like that. But for fuck’s sake, please fight him. Please, for the sake of the entire universe, fight him. Fucking fight him. Please for the love of God fucking fight Dukat

Tags:

#Star Trek #DS9 #fight meme #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog

~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

cosmic-llin:

audible-smiles:

ds9shameblog:

I’VE BEEN FRANTICALLY TWEETING ABOUT THIS ALL MORNING BUT HERE ARE ALL MY “THIS WILL NEVER HAPPEN” star trek series ideas:

– alexander rozhenko, summer camp counselor

– two ensigns get stuck in a galaxy-class ship’s luxury bathroom for a full series

– starfleet academy’s terrifyingly dedicated and obsessive marching band corps

– something about garak’s post-canon political career??? 

– elderly quark finally gets a moon and tries to build a theme park on it. MEETS FAILURE ALONG EVERY STEP OF THE WAY

– star zek

– fake reality tv series where every contestant but one person is a weyoun

– the adventures of lwaxana (this would require time travel or recasting lwaxana, but that isn’t an option, so)

-Captain Nog

-Dax’s 10th host

-an entire show that’s just about holodeck LARP group drama on an entirely unremarkable Starfleet ship

-Klingon Iron Chef

See, I really think if they’re smart they could do a lot of ideas like this with webisodes to accompany the main series, or to fill in gaps between seasons. Star Trek is such a rich universe and there’s so much room to spend a little budget and time exploring stories beyond the main ship and crew.

Tags:

#Star Trek #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #(‘fake reality tv series where every contestant but one person is a weyoun’) #((I mean there are some other gems on that list)) #((but that was the one that cracked me up))

~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

hogwartsninenine:

 

snanger-danger:

l never tire of reblogging this

Tags:

#Harry Potter #since the OP is called hogwartsninenine I’m guessing the quotes are from #Brooklyn Nine Nine #(I’ve seen this quote before but I didn’t keep track of where it was from) #(much like I sometimes have trouble telling the difference between Monty Python quotes and Saturday Night Live quotes) #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog