Anonymous asked: What if Harry Potter, the chosen one, had turned out to be a squib, how do you think history would have turned out differently?

ink-splotch:

It was Mrs. Figg who suspected first.

She noticed many things, sitting on her side of her fence with her cats chasing butterflies and nuzzling her ankles, Mundungus and the other watchers dropping by for tea now and then.

Mrs. Figg noticed that Petunia was a nosy bit of work with insecurities hanging from her every harsh angle. She noticed when Dudley learned the word MINE– the whole neighborhood noticed that one. She noticed that Vernon glared at owls.

She noticed that when Petunia gave Harry a truly horrendous haircut one year, it grew back in at a normal rate. Harry was uneven and weird-looking for ages, hiding under beanies when he could.

When Mrs. Figg had Harry over for carefully miserable afternoons of babysitting, she noticed nothing moved that shouldn’t. He didn’t accidentally make flowers out of fallen leaves, or levitate anything during tantrums, or turn toys funny colors.

Mrs. Figg called up her mother, interrupting the wizarding bridge game she was winning against the nursing home staff, and asked her how she had known, decades back, that her youngest daughter was a squib.

When Albus Dumbledore received Mrs. Figg’s letter he wrote back a polite thank you and then went to talk with Minerva McGonagall, who inhaled sharply in horror when he told her the news.

Finally, McGonagall gave a gathered sigh. “I suppose we can ask one of the wizarding families to homeschool him,” she said. “We can’t have the Boy Who Lived not knowing about his own world.”  

“No, he’ll come to Hogwarts,” said Dumbledore.

“Hogwarts is not a place for–” Her voice fell. “–squibs, Albus.”

Dumbledore shook his head. “Harry must be taught.”

“Be taught what, Albus?”

But Dumbledore just sighed and offered her a lemon drop.

Years later, the owls and the letters came to 4 Privet Drive. The Dursleys ran, dragging Harry with them, and the letters and one stubborn gamekeeper followed– none of this would change with a magicless Harry.

When Hagrid asked Harry in that little cabin on that little rock in the middle of the sea if weird things always happened around him, Harry couldn’t tell him about vanishing glass and setting captive snakes free, about ending up somehow on the school roof, or growing his hair out overnight.  

“Strange things always happen around you, don’ they?”

“Um,” said Harry, racking his brain. “Well… I live in a cupboard under the stairs…”

Harry could tell him about how snakes sometimes talked back, because that had never been Harry’s magic, but when he did Hagrid just blanched and changed the subject.

Hagrid held out hope, even against Dumbledore’s quiet warning explanations, until they made it to Ollivander’s Wands. Harry marveled at Diagon Alley, got his hands shaken in the Leaky, pressed his nose up against shop windows. Hagrid watched the scant boy– looked at James’s messy hair, Lily’s eyes, Harry’s own wandering gaze– and he wondered how this boy could be anything but magical.

In the wand shop, Ollivander said, “James Potter, yes… mahogany, eleven inches. Pliable. A powerful wand for Transfiguration.” He said, “And your mother, Lily…  strong in Charms work, ten and… yes, ten and a quarter, willow, swishy.”

Harry picked up stick after wooden stick. They remained just that– wood with bits of feather or scale or hair. Harry wondered if the creatures who gave these offerings were still alive– if they were given or taken. What did it do to your wand when they died? He waved a maplewood wand (unicorn hair, eleven inches) and a gust from the door opening blew some receipts off the counter.

“Well, said Ollivander. “I think that’s as close as we’re likely to get.”

He sent them out with the maplewood. Hagrid bought Harry a snowy owl and a fudge sundae and tried not make it too obvious that these were condolence gifts. The next day the Prophet’s headlines read: The Boy Who Lived– A Squib? Various magical medical experts weighed in on how it might have happened. Fingers were pointed at childhood trauma, at his upbringing, at his family lineage.

Harry still met Ron on the train– Ron was still smudge-nosed and Harry still bought enough candy to share. When Molly had helped him through the platform entrance, her voice had been a little softer, a little more pitying– but it was still better than the laughter that had been in his aunt and uncle’s voices when they dropped him here to find a platform they didn’t think existed.

Hermione Granger dropped by their compartment, looking for Neville’s toad, but got distracted when she spotted Harry. “I’ve read about you! In my books, and in the paper,” she said. “You’re the Boy Who Lived, and you’re a squib.”

Harry sank down in his seat. Ron hid Scabbers under a candy wrapper.

“Squibs have never been allowed in Hogwarts,” Hermione announced. “According to Hogwarts, A History, squibs try to sneak in now and then– the furthest anyone’s ever gotten is to the Sorting Hat before they got found out.” At eleven, Hermione still believed in expulsion being worse than death. Her voice was thrumming with sympathetic horror.

“But they already found out about me,” Harry said, alarmed.

“It’s alright, mate,” said Ron. “You’re Harry Potter. Oy, Granger,” he added. “What’s this Hat? Fred and George were trying to sell me some story about having to fight a mountain troll to get your House…”

Harry sat back and watched the countryside rush by. Yes, he was Harry Potter– his aunt’s useless sister’s useless child, the boy in the lumpy hand-me-down sweaters who named the spiders who lived in his cupboard. And here, in new world, he was apparently useless too.

When they got to Hogwarts, Harry clenched his fists and stood in line with the other first years. He barely twitched at the ghosts or Peeves, just stared ahead and thought about how far he would get before they turned him around and sent him back to Vernon and Petunia.

They opened the Great Hall doors. They called the first years one by one. Harry clenched his teeth and walked up to the Hat when they called his name.

As he turned to sit down on the stool, he really caught sight of the Hall for the first time– the hovering candles, the big wooden tables, the black robes that swallowed the light. Translucent ghosts gossiped with the students beside them. The paintings on the far walls– were they moving?

Harry’s jaw had unclenched, falling open. His fists curled open, curving around the stool’s seat as he leaned forward to stare. If this was it, if this was as far as he’d get in this world, then he wanted to drink it all in. The candles were floating, in mid-air.

The Hat dropped down over his eyes and blocked out the light.

Well, said the dry voice that had been hollering House placements all night. What do we have here?

Ron had been begging for not-Slytherin. Draco from the robes shop had been scornful of Hufflepuff, desperate in his disdain. Neville had begged for Hufflepuff, sure he was not brave enough for Gryffindor.

Please, thought Harry. Don’t send me back.

Keep reading


Tags:

#Harry Potter #recs

sinesalvatorem:

You have a right to exist even when politically inconvenient. Your experiences don’t become less true or less important for not fitting a convenient narrative. Everything you’ve felt is valid.

So if a feminist space says you’re bad for women, or a queer space says you’re bad for gays, or anyone else tries to shut you up; then fuck them. Walk away and start your own space with fewer assholes. You’re fine; they’re wrong.


Tags:

#thank you

Happy New Year, everyone!

As is our tradition, my family gathered in the living room to eat hors d’oeuvres and chocolates while we watched the Times Square feed on TV. A couple minutes after midnight, we had the annual realisation that none of us know the words to “Auld Lang Syne” past the first verse and so can’t sing very much of it ourselves, the annual hasty scramble to find a recorded version to play instead, and the annual reminder that we don’t speak Scottish and the reason we can never remember the other lyrics is because we can’t understand them.

Ah, tradition.

(On the other hand, “getting out a smartphone and bringing up an ‘Auld Lang Syne’ video on the Youtube app” is absolutely the right way to ring in a mid-2010′s year. It felt very Correct.)


Tags:

#oh look an original post #New Years #proud citizen of The Future #Brin owns *two* 2010’s computers now

lethriloth:

sinesalvatorem:

madeofpatterns:

madeofpatterns:

The A stands for ally *because the LGBTQA community decided it did* decades ago. 

It’s not something straight people wanting to be cool are asserting for themselves. It’s something the community decided. A long time ago. For important reasons. 

Like, when I was in high school, this is what we meant when we used the A to mean allies:

  • the straight couple who regularly took in kids who’d been kicked out of their families for being gay or trans
  • the straight adults who were brave enough to give rides to scared gay kids with violently homophobic parents
  • etc, etc

The A was also there meaning allies to protect people who were LGBTQ but weren’t out:

  • people who were probably gay or trans, but needed space to think about it, and needed to be in LGBTQA space without pressure to self-identity while they were figuring it out
  • people who couldn’t afford be be out, and needed to be able to say “I’m an ally; you don’t have to be gay to go to GSA; I’m just there to support my friends”

I think all the reasons it was important when I was a teenager are still important now.

And like, yeah, having a concept of allies means tolerating a certain amount of obnoxiousness from straight people who want to feel cool. But I think that’s a lot better than only being welcoming of people who are willing to shout from the rooftops how queer they are. Because that excludes some of the most vulnerable people.

(Like – if we want to talk about the problem of queer youth homelessness – it’s important to acknowledge that one thing that protects vulnerable queer kids is having access to spaces that are affirming of their gender and attraction, *and* rigorously careful to avoid outing people. Because people who have access to enough community to sustain them have a much, much better chance of being able to stay alive and stay closeted until they’ve managed to safely move away from dangerous parents.)

My country is super homophobic and this matters a lot. Last year I volunteered as part of an organisation dedicated to combating homophobia. All the members officially described themselves as allies. Yet, this is the first conversation I had when attempting to join them:

Me: *fills out application form while leaving the ‘gender’ section blank*

Secretary: So, are you transgender?

Me: …Yes. But, like, I’m not committing that to writing, or anything.

Secretary: Of course. Totally fine. I’m bisexual. Everyone else here is queer some way or another. I don’t think a straight person has ever joined.

Me: So, the reason you all list yourselves as allies is because…

Secretary: Because homosexuality is illegal.

Me: Thought so.

I am torn on this issue: on the one hand, it’s very important to be welcoming to allies, and not just because often ally==closeted, but for strategic reasons as well. On the other hand, the LGBTetc. acronym does not seem the place for that?    LGBTetc. groups should pretty much be always open to allies in my opinion, but… I don’t think there are many closeted folks going around saying “I’m LGBTQA! I’m the ‘A’, it’s for ‘Allies’!”

Of course, I might also just be bitter because I (an ace-ish-kinda person) don’t ever see “A is for Allies AND Asexuals”, only ever “A is for Allies”. And I saw “A is for allies!” at around the same time I saw a lot of “Asexuals are not a part of the LGBTQ community”.


Tags:

#oh good somebody else wrote about the ace thing #it was bugging me but I couldn’t quite figure out how to put it #asexuality

I Am A Bad Preacher

sinesalvatorem:

When I was in high school, they made us do “devotion” every morning.

  • Every
  • Fucking
  • Morning

They would march us into an auditorium and pack us together and scream at us for an hour about how much Jesus loves us, which is why He threatens us with fire, and if we don’t want to burn we have to let Him come inside our hearts and/or orifices.

  • Jesus Christ: Scumbag Boyfriend

And, as a Jewish atheist, I was too lesbian for this shit.

So I did the obvious thing, of course.

I hid

In my classroom

Where everyone else was hiding.

  • Alison Morais: A Fucking Genius

But then the teachers found us

  • Because, like, how could they not

And they decided that the appropriate punishment for five delinquent kids refusing to participate in forced-worship

…Was to make them lead worship services.

  • My Teachers: Also Fucking Geniuses

So then they marched the lot of us to the auditorium and said that we would each have to give a sermon on a Biblical passage of our choice.

And we would each have to speak, on stage, in front of the crowd, for five minutes.

We were told to vote on who was to go first. Everyone made the logical choice and voted for the person they thought would be best able to deliver a speech on short notice.

  • Translation: Those FUCKING ASSHOLES threw me to the wolves and I will EAT THEIR CHILDREN.

So then it was time for me to use my mouth to serve my scumbag boyfriend Lord and Saviour.

I read and commented on The Lord’s Prayer and made sure to really put OOMPH into it. I was FABULOUS. The crowd went wild; even though they usually hated this part of the day.

  • Charisma: 1
  • Honesty: 0
  • Achievement Unlocked: Standard-Issue Religious Leader

But! There was one problem! Remember that I was supposed to go for 5 minutes, right?

This took me 4.

I had no idea what to do for the last minute, so I just looked at the rest of Matthew 6 in case there was something good.

And boy was there.

I read the audience this:

5 “And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. 6 But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. 7 And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words.

So then I started bullshitting

  • Because of course I did

And I basically was like:

  • You see this thing we do where we assemble each morning
  • And are forced to listen to the teachers pray at us
  • When clearly they’re praying for us to watch instead of for their own spiritual betterment?

And then the teachers were like:

Alison, what are you doing

  • Jesus is telling us that this is morally wrong

ALISON NO

  • He’s saying G-d hates it
  • Your mum hates it
  • Uncle Joe hates it
  • That creepy guy in the white van who sells chloroform-flavoured ice-cream hates it

ALISON STAHP

  • And if you do it you’ll be tortured in hell forever and ever; amen. Good night, Detroit! See ya!

ALISON GET BACK HERE YOU LITTLE BITCH

But I was gone


Tags:

#storytime #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #Christianity

I’m Flying Back To The Caribbean Today

sdhs-rationalist:

sinesalvatorem:

Well, tonight. I leave at 22:00, then I fly to [Stay-Over Country] in the Caribbean. I’ll be stuck in the airport [Stay-Over Country] until for 4hours (until 7:50 the next day). After that, I fly home.

But, on the (literally) bright side, the sun will rise up above the airport at 6:22!

I wonder if that’s enough information to find your flight numbers…hmmm….

I had pretty much the same thought. The conclusion I came to was “Probably, but I would feel like a creep, so I’m not going to do it.”


Tags:

#figuring out people’s unrevealed personal information from their revealed information is a fun puzzle #but I don’t do nearly as much of it as I could because it feels vaguely wrong #reply via reblog


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