the other day a doctor told me that “the best way to make [something i should do but never want to do] routine is to put it on your calendar!” and i found myself completely buh– hhuh?-– about how to respond. i was stupefied by the gulf between our worlds. i looked into her kind eyes and i thought “put it on my what?” shoot it into space? i did not know how to explain to this extremely functional woman that an obligation to myself, with no stronger enforcer than my own words on a calendar, is to me a tattered codex from a lost religion. like this text is maybe historically interesting but not useful as a structure around which to build a life. what am i now going to write that will (or indeed should!) have any authority over me later? WALK? i don’t know her life! and in what world would i respect directives left to me by a complete stranger(me from two days ago) whomst i have every reason to distrust (ate all the entemann’s and put our keys in the laundry)? put it on my calendar. ok, dr goodbrain. but in the moment i nodded like a grinning toy monkey and dutifully thumbed WALK! into my phone at 4 p.m. Repeat: Every Day like that would have any effect on my actual behavior. sometimes it takes an enormous amount of optimism to be a person and frankly i admire us all for trying to do it
I tried to do this once but I was stoned and put it on my band calendar instead of my personal one so for several months every tuesday my bandmate would, without any context, get a calendar notification that just said “RUN”
thank you
Tags:
#this is not something that I experience #but accordionsrule’s anecdote there is a hell of a thing #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #is the blue I see the same as the blue you see #embarrassment squick #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once
Brinens and Things 