listen. aging into your thirties rocks. yes your joints get a little creaky. yes you can’t sleep in a pretzel on the floor anymore after a concert or a convention. and you lose some friends. but the thing is that you sort out who your real friends are and you sort out who you really are. and you get to see your friends settling into careers they like, and adopt new dogs and cats, and you find a job you can stand, and get really good at arts and crafts, and maybe that book you loved as a kid gets a movie deal and it doesn’t suck, and you learn to like new food and bake your own bread, and you realize that the great portfolio of self harm scars you all used to curate are going white with age and not updated, and half your friends are a different gender now and so much happier and maybe you are too, and you know who you are, and that it’s a journey and not a revelation. it’s a direction you’re headed, and you’re enjoying the trip.
reaching your 30′s rocks. and i’m hearing good things about what comes next, too.
i am looking into your eyes, i am holding your hand. i absolutely promise.
if you can just live long enough, your soul will build your body into a home. you will live there and you will find a way to be at peace. it’s worth the time and it’s worth the work. i promise.
#this post was *not* queued to ensure proper timing because it felt like bad luck to schedule a post like this in advance #we are coming to you live from shortly after midnight on November 14th #it’s my 30th birthday #and I am thrilled to have made it to this milestone #despite all of the everything‚ I have survived #(I…don’t super *expect* my early thirties to be a turning point for a lot of the stuff described?) #(they’ve been happening for a while) #(my left knee went creaky in January 2022) #(around March 2021 I started gradually losing the ability to comfortably lie down without increasingly unreasonable amounts of cushioning) #((I have now replaced my mattress with a springless one and am up to five pillows and sleep on top of a doubled-up comforter)) #((I don’t think I can do much to shore up my couch though)) #(ditched a *lot* of toxic friendships over the course of 2015) #I’ve had quite enough of entities that might pee on the carpet when I’m not looking #but I *am* hoping to adopt a bunch of houseplants #(hypoallergenic ones obvs) #and I could see myself having a pet fish again someday‚ in some more prosperous time #I know who I am #but knowing what your home *would* look like if you built one isn’t the same as having it #(though TBF I *am* an even more kickass cyborg now than I was ten years ago‚ which I *very* much appreciate) #and I sure do want a job I can stand #…I can’t say I exactly *believe* this post‚ deep down #I’ve known too many people in their late thirties who were still barely surviving #and for that matter too many people whose *thirties* were great and then everything fell apart in their *forties* #but we shall see #as one of the meshnet projects used to say: #deus nolens exitus #birthdays #tag rambles #aging cw?
Brinens and Things 