went to alcatraz today. was not able to conclusively locate the secret entrance to the underground lab run by the Cult of the Beast that’s infiltrated the highest echelons of our government (to stop them from distributing soda that mutates people into radio transmitters for a signal that will awaken the long-slumbering mother of monsters beneath the earth), but did locate several promising entrance candidates for the strike team to investigate.
oh, the model industries building is a “rusted out husk” and “structurally unsound” and the public isn’t allowed inside “for their own safety”, sure. i’m sure all that loading equipment lying around is for totally innocuous purposes, and the fact that it’s right next to the powerhouse where all the pumps (repurposed for mutant soda distribution) and generators for the entire island are located- that’s a wacky coincidence, definitely.
you motherfuckers ain’t foolin’ me
@caprice-nisei-enjoyer i appreciate that you’re yes-and-ing the bit here, but the thing you don’t understand is that i am 100%* serious and these are real** problems i am dealing with. Capricornus Industries is a front for the Cult of the Beast and there is a strike team that will be raiding their secret lab under alcatraz to shut them down and prevent humanity from getting Third Impact’d by a demon or whatever. i did go to alcatraz today*** in order to scout out the layout and locate potential security vulnerabilities to exploit, and fresh local ingredients can eat my entire ass
#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #storytime #(if you’re *going* to go on vacation somewhere that does sound like a fun way to decide where)
Brinens and Things 