ellaenchanting:

bannableoffense:

Day 7: Are you a trance junkie (short term) or do you prefer a one hypnotist relationship (long term)? Why or why not?

I’m just gonna

stop

and really take apart that term.

“trance junkie”

Really? Someone who likes getting tranced a lot and doesn’t have consistent partners for that… that’s what you call them? A “trance junkie”?

what a loaded question, comparing people without consistent partners to…

well

you know what, I’ll be blunt. I don’t have consistent trance partners. I’ve never had that, unless my partner was a subject and I played the hypnotist role. So I find enjoyment where I can, when I can, with whom I can, and as time and my schedule permits. I have friends I play with more than others, but, for the most part, that comes down to me, myself, and my tumblr account.

Would I like a long-term relationship with a hypnotist? Of course! It would be absolutely wonderful, for rather self-evident reasons; trust, rapport, and learning are all established with repetition, time spent, and getting to know what the other likes and enjoys and working with that, exploring that. Hell, like I see so many people do here on Tumblr. Why wouldn’t I want something like that?

“trance junkie”

good god…

The usage of “trance junkie” is really weird here- I’ve heard the term thrown around in non-kinky hypnosis communities but only as a slightly self-effacing way to say you really enjoy being hypnotized. So, like, 95% of my tumblr feed (myself included) would qualify. I’ve never heard it used as a way to describe someone who doesn’t have a long-term partner- that doesn’t even really make sense outside of kink and, as @bannableoffense pointed out, is kind of judgemental. 

The first time I encountered the term “trance junkie”–and I wish I could remember who wrote this blog post so I could go check if it’s as bad as I remember; all I know is that it was some Blogspot or maybe WordPress I didn’t read regularly, and I sure wasn’t going to start reading regularly after that–it was…well. There’s “complaining about people who use you for sex and show no indication that they give a shit about whether you enjoy it too”, and then there’s “kinkshaming people who are into hypnosis for the sensations and don’t have control or intimacy kinks”, and it seemed to me they were skirting dangerously far into the latter.

Even if you seem on the surface to share a kink with someone, even if you seem on the surface to like complementary roles, you can still be sexually incompatible on that axis. Furthermore, some people’s kinks are best fulfilled solo, and not all such people have figured that out about themselves yet. I note that from what I’ve seen, it’s fairly common for asexuals who like sex but don’t get anything extra out of it being partnered sex (as opposed to masturbation) to have a troubled sexual relationship in which they find this out the hard way, and the thing that causes them to break up is usually that one or both partners feel like the allosexual is being “used” by the asexual.

And you know what? I was lucky enough to hang out in the asexual community, to hear about that story being played out over and over by different people, before ever having sex myself. Which means if I ever try partnered kink, I get to go into it knowing there’s a chance that partnering might not be for me, and that that’s a valid form of sexuality that wouldn’t mean there’s anything wrong with me, and it wouldn’t make me evil. Not everyone gets that advantage.

So yeah, even without getting into the addiction comparison, I flinch at that term too.

Tags:

#asexuality #reply via reblog #sexuality and lack thereof

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