if you’re struggling with homework, just pretend it’s for starfleet.
biology? no no, xenobiology. for when you’re on the enterprise and you have to examine flora and fauna of newly discovered planets
math? more like super important warp calculations
physics? gotta be like chekov hell yeah
english? no it’s a report for starfleet command
learning a language? channel nyota uhura
gotta pop open a torpedo im really weapons expert carol marcus
My homework is about baking, though. Am I a replicator programmer?
Yes. You will soon have a very promising career collecting and inventing new recipes for the replicator, which will eventually lead to a prominent catering position for those special occasions when replicated food isn’t good enough. This will lead to you cater several starfleet diplomatic functions in the era of your choice. Probably the crew of your choice will be at one of them. The harder you study, the more you impress Julian or Data or whoever with the quality of your pastry.
Does that work?
… Why in the world does Starfleet need an essay over Life of Pi?
I CAN ANSWER THIS QUESTION. I CAN TOTALLY ANSWER THIS QUESTION.
Okay, so, there’s this new alien species right? And they are super confused about human literature. It does not make sense to them. They just don’t see why you have to write down things that aren’t real! And there’s all this hidden meaning and stuff?? What the heck, they say. So you are part of a task force organized to write huge numbers of essays over famous works of Earth literature which are geared specifically towards this alien species. This assignment will help you land a better post once you graduate the Academy, because you’ll already have experience in interxenocultural relations.
Make that alien understand Life of Pi, cadet. Only you can do it.
Why does Starfleet need me to pretend that the way economists fuck up at math is rigorous?
You have to try to understand Ferengi thought about economics. I know it’s hard, cadet! Federation-style socialism just makes so much more sense! But if we do not understand the Ferengi economists this diplomatic mission will fall through!
Tags:
#heavy restrictions on phaser ownership when not for Starfleet purposes: an essential part of any utopia #(I’m writing an essay on gun control) #Star Trek
Brinens and Things 