stuckinabucket:

Aunt May: Peter, your spider-manning needs to stop interfering with your schoolwork. You’re brilliant. You need to go to college, and you need to land scholarships to go to college, and you need to get your grades up to land scholarships.

Peter Parker: Uh…psht…spider…man…spider-whatting? I’m totally not, uh, Spider-Man.

Aunt May: Peter H. Parker, I’m kind of old, not blind. You can’t come home with a gunshot wound to the leg the same night Spider-Man gets shot, and then be fine two days later, and expect me to not put two and two together.

Peter Parker: I, uh, there’s an explanation for this that doesn’t involve me being Spider-Man!

Aunt May: Is there also an explanation for the giant mutant lizard you got into a fight with just happening to be your parents’ super-close friend that you were just asking about a week before all this shit started?

Peter Parker: …probably?

Aunt May: Is there also an explanation for the Spider-Man costume you left sticking half out from under your bed the last time you got hit by a bus?

Peter Parker: I’m a…huge fan. And what bus.

Aunt May: You know what I’ve been doing since your uncle died and you stopped coming home before 2am?

Peter Parker: …no?

Aunt May: Reading the newspapers. All of them.

Peter Parker: Uh…

Aunt May: And watching the news.

Peter Parker: Uh…

Aunt May: And using the internet.

Peter Parker: Uh…

Aunt May: Did you know that it winds up all over all three of those things when you get hit by a bus while being chased by police helicopters?

Peter Parker: …

Aunt May: I have a powerpoint presentation ready to go with the GPS data from your phone on the relevant dates, if you’re going to keep this up.

Peter Parker: How did you even…

Aunt May: It’s even got accelerometer measurements. Matched up in real-time against news footage.

Peter Parker: …

Aunt May: Don’t give me that look. I’m not the one who took his smartphone to a monster-fight.

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#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog