lemonbird asked: IMPORTANT QUESTION. Vampires aren’t suppose to enter a premise without being invited right? What if a hermit vampire was living in his falling apart old castle and some fuck bought it as a “fixer upper”, would the vampire just glitch out on to the lawn or would he be okay since he lived there before?

thebibliosphere:

Okay so this would depend on where you are in the world, and whether or not they had squatters rights (can’t be evicted and can apply for legal ownership of place once they have been there for X amount of years) but I mean, the dude owns the place, even if it is a run down mess he was still there first and there’s probably some ancient land ownership law which can’t be overwritten by modern laws (you find all sorts of weird things are still technically legal cause no one bothered to update the books since 1645) so basically whoever just bought this castle to turn it into a modern fixer upper, congrats, you also just bought yourself a vampire and he’s not going anywhere.

(Also now I kind of want to write this where a family buys it to turn it into a hotel/wedding venue and the kids find the vampire in the attic and he ends up being the weird uncle who gets roped into hilarious wedding related shenanigans?? Like 

“Okay yes fine, you can host weddings here, but registrar only, no religious ones.” 
“But Theolodious, why?”
“Really Sharon, really, do I have to spell it out for you. Really.”

*

“We really should increase the lighting for photographs, what about skylights?”
“No.”
“But—”
“How about I just set all of you on fire while you’re trying to sleep.”

*

“Please, for the love of god, please don’t let people throw confetti or rice, I’m begging you.”

*

“Okay what’s our final head count for the night?”
“107.”
“Are you sure?”
“Did I fucking stutter Steve?”

*

“Uncle Theo, why does the groom have “help me” on the bottom of his shoes, why is everyone laughing?.”
“Because small one, humanity has failed collectively as a species and heteronormativity is a constructed lie designed to oppress over half the population for not conforming to arcane and chauvinistic ideals put in place by dead scholars who have long since turned to dust and have no place influencing modern society.”
“…”
“Permanence is an illusion.”

*

“Madame, flattering as your offer is for a quickie, you’re not my type.”
“What is your type then?” ;) ;) ;)
“O negative.”

*

“Whoo, what a day, I could eat a horse.”
“Same.”
“…”
“…well obviously I’m not going to.”

*

“Theo…are you…are you crying?”
“Yes.”
“You big softie, I never thought someone like you would cry at a wedding.”
“…I’ve lived a long life, Sharron. People come and go, the christening you bless will be the funeral you mourn in less than a century. But people keep saying “I love you”, that has to count for something.”


Tags:

#vampires #story ideas I will never write #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog

sinesalvatorem:

animatedamerican:

aviewfrommercury:

asgardreid:

aviewfrommercury:

asgardreid:

If you’re awake between 3 AM and 6 AM you’re appropriating lycanthrope culture and you need to go to sleep and check your privilege

This is blatant vampire erasure.

Go write a sad poem about it

My name is Vlad
and wen its nite
or wen the wolves
art pohsting shite
and all discourse
haf gon to dogs –
i stay up late.
i clik ‘reblog’

PEAK TUMBLR

@kelsbraintumbler


Tags:

#… #…I don’t even know what to tag this

feynites:

forthegothicheroine:

The “horror nerd has valuable skills” trope is quite a respected tradition in film by now.  Often, this is subverted by the fact that the nerd is still useless (Scream), sometimes it’s played straight (Monster Squad), and sometimes it’s somewhere in the middle (Lost Boys.)  But you know what I haven’t seen?

The same trope applied to readers of paranormal romance.

I want a gory teenage horror movie where one of the survivors is a girl who’s the Catherine Morland of Junior High.  She’s read Twilight, she’s read all the Twilight knockoffs, she’s got a shelf full of Harlequin supernatural romances, and when she’s at a thrift store she scours romance book racks for anything with a vampire, werewolf, or fairy on the cover.

So when the supernatural bad guys attack, she feels she’s prepared and knows all about them.  And the worst part, that will be most grating to our heroes?  She’s absolutely right.

“Alright, Lillith, you need to go and talk to the vampire,” Olympia says, expression sombre as they gather outside of the night club where the rest of their friends have been taken.

“What?” Lillith asks. “Why do I have to go and talk to the vampire?!”

“Because! First of all, your name is ‘Lillith’. Second of all, you are a skinny white brunette who – for some unfathomable reason – has zero self-esteem about your appearance, despite looking almost entirely like a supermodel, a delicate constitution, and let’s be real here, out of everyone you are by far the likeliest to be the reincarnation of some Victorian lady who died tragically of illness before her vampire lover could whisk her off to the shores of immortality.”

Lillith hesitates.

“Oh no,” she says.

“Let me guess. You’ve been having dreams?” Olympia surmises.

“But he’s creepy!” Lillith protests.

“Look, after what happened with Peter and the werewolf, are you really gonna back down now?” Olympia demands. “You don’t have to marry the creep, he’s probably been longing for death of centuries and will be content enough to go if he can explode into dust motes in the sunlight after looking at your face ‘one last time’, okay? So just make with the fated re-introduction so we can get into the club and rescue everyone from the succubi.”

The two young women stare one another down.

Olympia lets out a breath of relief as resolve fills Lillith’s gaze, and she turns and heads towards the conspicuously pale figure making his way towards the club’s entrance.

Things might actually being go well, for a change. But then she hears it. Approaching the club, faintly at first, but then loud enough to almost sound like a car pulling up the street.

The jangling bells of the Fairy King’s coach. 

Oh, shit, Olympia thinks, because she knows. This one…

This one is hers.


Tags:

#storytime #vampires

citizen-zero:

So in lore, vampires have this trait that I’ve almost never seen used, and that’s the fact that vampires are OBSESSED with counting things. Like, the Count on Sesame Street was almost certainly created specifically as a vampire because of this piece of lore.

Like, I read this vampire book years and years ago that explained that a surefire way to protect yourself from vampires getting into your house was to spread a ton of seeds on your doorstep–poppy and mustard seeds were particularly recommended for the purpose. Basically, if you suspected someone to be a vampire, all you had to do was drop a sackful of seeds on the ground in front of them.

If they didn’t immediately start counting them, they were not a vampire. However, if they WERE a vampire, they’d be seized with the urge to count all the seeds and they would not budge from that spot until they knew how many seeds there were in total. The point was to keep them there until the sun came up and killed them, because if they hadn’t counted all the seeds by sunrise they wouldn’t be able to leave. Presumably you could just go about the rest of your evening as normal, though no word on whether it’s possible to make them lose count and start over.

Having remembered this piece of lore, I want fewer stories about brooding tortured Edward Cullen-esque vampires. I want to start seeing more stories about math nerd vampires.

Vampire accountants who are an honest company’s best asset and a corrupt company’s bane because they are frighteningly accurate with the accounts and will not hesitate to blow the whistle on a CEO scamming money because fuck you for making the numbers wrong.

Vampire cashiers that don’t need to look at the register screen because they already mentally calculated your total. 10-items-or-less vampires who know goddamn well you have 20 items in that basket and NO, you cannot just slip in with the rest.

Vampire math tutors who are constantly in high demand and have to hold lotteries to see who gets to be tutored by them.

MATH NERD VAMPIRES


Tags:

#vampires #story ideas I will never write

Things I’ve always wondered

zionistsaturnoutpost:

manyspirks:

swanjolras:

eshusplayground:

  1. A gentile vampire turns a promising Torah scholar into a vampire. Is the scholar still permitted to study Torah? Are they still under the yoke of the mitzvot? How does vampirism impact observant Jewish practice? Are they still Jewish, or are they apostates? Would it be permissible for the scholar to turn other people into vampires to cure them of terminal illnesses?
  2. To what degree are Jewish werewolves morally responsible for their actions while under the influence of the full moon? What must they do if they eat treyf in their wolf form?
  3. If, for some reason, we must leave earth for another inhabitable planet on the other side of the galaxy, what do we do about holidays and observing Shabbat? Would we go by earth time or local time? What if this planet has no moon or more than one moon? How would we face Jerusalem to pray?
  4. Can aliens convert to Judaism? If so, does it only apply to humanoid aliens like the greys, or would reptilian aliens and ilithids be able to convert too?
  5. Can sentient machines like the Terminator convert to Judaism? What about Agents from The Matrix?
  6. Speaking of The Matrix, are we still obligated to obey the mitzvot even if we are literally brains in jars or living in a simulated reality created by computer programs? What happens if we’re freed and whatever basis for our Jewish identity we had is no longer present or certain. Are we still Jews? Do we still have a covenant?

speaking with my minimal scholarly experience but also opening this up for all jews to contribute:

1. i don’t see any reason why such a promising torah scholar shouldn’t be allowed to continue to study torah, but practicing judaism would be difficult: blood of all animals is probably treyf, and blood of humans is definitely treyf, so a jewish vampire would have to break mitzvot on a nearly constant basis to survive. however under pikuach nefesh i feel like were the vampire literally about to die, they could consume human or animal blood. therefore a jewish vampire would have to live in a state of starvation at all times, which would probably have a fascinating impact on his torah study.

2. a shoteh is not held responsible for their actions by human or divine courts. maimonides defines a shoteh as any mentally unstable person – for our purposes, a jewish werewolf in wolf form can probably be seen as under the influence of mental instability, and is not responsible for their actions under the law.

3. this is fascinating because when we face jerusalem in america, we face east – even though, physically speaking, jerusalem is somewhere under us, on the other side of the globe. for this reason i’m inclined to avoid the obvious answer, “face earth”. perhaps it would be possible to face, in general, the stars? going by “earth time” seems logistically impossible, since earth has 24 separate times. i think this will be a separate issue for every planet.

4. we are already a reptilian alien race, this question is moot.

5. if robots cannot convert to judaism i am quitting. more seriously: this seems like a good place for the analogy of the four children: the simple robot asks, “what is all this”, i.e., judaism, and you download information about it into his database; the wicked robot asks, “what does all this mean to you,” i.e., humans, and you reply, “we are doing a human thing; if you were a human, you would not be part of it, either”; the wise robot asks, “can you please explain the laws and customs of judaism to me, fellow sentients” and you do so and allow him to convert if he wishes it; and the robot who does not know enough to ask a question does not pass the turing test, so the point is moot.

6. oh yeah, we’d totally still be jews! it’s like finding out for sure there’s no god – maybe it’s gonna stop some people from practicing judaism, but not most of us.

@jewishrey this is relevant to your interests i believe

In re question #3, we have developed an app that calculates the relative location of Yerushalayim for all zmanim for our residents depending on their location. Occasionally this results in prayer being conducted facing downward or upward. Zmanim are determined by LST (local Saturn time).


Tags:

#Judaism #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #(”we are already a reptilian alien race. this question is moot.”)

Hentaiculture: The Vampire Duchies Of Otdykh

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smut-theory:

(Content warning: Hypnosis, bondage, neither of those being what you were thinking of, vampirism, polyamory, sort-of romanticizing mental illness,  enormous cultural ruses, pandering to submitters [maybe])

This is a new column, where we will be building and detailing a hentai-focused or otherwise lewd culture. We’ll start with the condensed core idea, for those who prefer the short and sweet little nugget they can then build up in their own minds. Then, we’ll go into less necessary details, building up the world and culture and society. And then, at the end, a review from the author, explaining the decisions made and why. 

 

THE SHORT AND SWEET

The Vampire Duchies of Otdykh are known to foreigners as a cold, barren, windswept place, divided up between immortal predators, where all humans are the thralls of a cruel, blood-thirsty master who controls their minds and drinks from their hearts. This is all a ruse. Vampires have the power of hypnosis, not mind control, and cannot force someone to go against their own wishes or alter their thoughts. And they feed from people’s hearts, meaning that even more important than getting people’s blood, is getting those people to LIKE them. Instead of cruel masters, vampires are service tops.

When a band of vampires hungers, they will take a handful of villagers and spirit them away to the vampire castle or manor. The villagers will be hypnotized into a deep, relaxing trance, be bound in restraints (to prevent them wiggling during the blood draining process and causing injury), and then fawned over, having all their needs cared for better than they could do to themselves if they were not bound. In their deep, relaxed hypnotic trance, they are sexually pleasured at whatever pace they find comfortable, or simply massaged if that is their preference. They’re fed opulently, by vampires and vampiresses in sexy Gothic outfits, to keep their body recovering the blood they lose. All the while, they are encouraged to offload any troubles or burdens from their minds to their ‘masters’, who listen attentively and provide support, encouragement, or advice, which sometimes is more effective due to the trance. After a week or so, the villagers are freed from bondage and trance, happier but probably a bit lightheaded, given an excuse note to show their employer, and sent back on their way.

Vampires themselves reproduce through converting other humans into vampires intentionally. Since vampires are so fundamentally insecure, this is not something to be taken on lightly, as it’s kind of like inflicting a mental illness on someone so they can understand you better – for this reason vampires only do it to people who know what it entails, and usually only offer to people who seem insecure anyway. Vampires organize in small bands of 3 to 8, and rely on each other for emotional support much more than tangible service. Everyone in the band is lovers with everyone else, romancing as equals, their presence able to assure one another ‘it’s okay, don’t listen to those thoughts that people don’t like you, because I am here and I prove you are worthy of love.’


DETAILS

Many stories about how terrible vampires are were spread by vampires themselves, for two reasons: to keep their lands from having an influx of people they can’t afford to take care of, and so they don’t feel like people are laughing at them for being wusses. The need to be liked is stronger the closer a person is to a vampire, so for faraway people they will never feed on, it’s okay to be feared instead of liked when the alternative is being a laughingstock. They also spread the story that direct sunlight will kill them – it doesn’t kill them, but it makes them as disoriented and confused as a drunken seven-year-old who just stumbled out of a showing of Eraserhead, which not only makes them vulnerable to being killed by anyone who wants to, it’s humiliating and they don’t want others to see them that way.

Vampires are insecure down to a physiological level: their need for other people to LIKE them, especially the ones they feed on, especially especially those under their ‘control’, is as real as living things’ need for oxygen. Tales of the experience of a newly-risen vampire, overwhelmed with the thirst for the blood of the living? Yeah, that’s because it sounds cooler than an overwhelming wave of “Oh God oh God what if they don’t like me I want them to like me so bad!” Blood from a human who actually likes the vampire is exponentially more fulfilling, physically and psychologically, than any other. Blood from someone who likes you is as filling as, say, a 3-course meal from a restaurant with 3 Michelin Stars, after 2 weeks starving in the desert. Blood from someone who hates or fears you is like trying to chase off heroin withdrawal by huffing paint thinner.

Otdykh vampires pretend – even to their mortal subjects – they are only vassals of a great and secretive Vampire King, and that’s why their polities are merely “duchies”. This is another lie. Yeah, centuries ago they tried to have a Vampire King, but it just didn’t work – the crushing psychological need to have that many people like you is completely overwhelming. The last would-be Vampire King, four hundred years ago, went on a crying jag that lasted a couple weeks, long enough to send him into a torpid sleep that he hasn’t risen from since. The other vampires visit his castle and leave little presents outside his coffin sometimes, in case he’s occasionally poking his head out. Don’t let that give you the idea that vampires are incompetent rulers, though – with smaller groups of vassals, they do very well, responsive to their people’s needs (though keeping odd office hours), and the satisfaction they have after feeding from someone who actually likes them, even from just getting affirmation of their subjects’ appreciation and loyalty, is an elation greater than anything they could experience in their mortal lives. When the first republics arose, there was a treatise by an Otdykh-ian political philosopher decrying it due to the obvious superiority of absolute monarchy at meeting the needs of subjects; this confused the hell out of pretty much everyone else in the world.

Vampires also have a large influence on the culture and art of Otdykh, beyond the fact that vampire artists have a lot more experience at it than the human ones and sort of lead tastes and trends. During their blood-draining spa sessions, they encourage people to write horror stories and create art and architecture in the Gothic style, talking up anyone who has an interest in those genres. Partially, this is to aid their efforts to keep the real nature of vampire rulership a secret. Mostly, it’s because vampires all think horror stories and Gothic art are fucking cool as Hell. After all they do for the human population, and the little they ask in return, people are more than willing to go along with those requests. Those vampires are pretty likable folks, after all! Of course, it’s inevitable, after the invention of mass communications, that the secret gets out eventually. The plan the vampires have come up with is, as soon as the secret gets out, start broadcasting the truth about their feeding sessions, inviting everyone to come and join, in the creepiest tone of voice and most dead-eyed expressions they can manage, and play it off as a “obvious ploy by monsters to trick people into their lair” kinda deal.

The relationships between vampires in their groups are the most important ones they have, as the only people they can relate to as equals, and completely drop all pretense around, and who understand what they are going through. Given every one of them can produce just as much mental anguish as alleviate it, their poly-amorous organization is almost necessary to ensure that SOMEONE has their shit together at any given time.


COMMENTARY

The first installment of this column was originally going to be something completely different, that I realized was just too specific and futa-intensive to be the first installment. Then, on reading the reader submission in response to “Finding My Common Thread I”, I thought to myself, “Yeah, I HAVEN’T seen any hypnosis stuff that isn’t about mind control.” This would be a better choice for the first column – and, plus, it had a guaranteed audience of at least one, who was underserved by the current market!

Since this has to be about a culture, it’s a worldbuilding exercise after all, it can’t just be “a person hypnotizes someone to relax them” – it has to be a culture where it happens often. As the other culture was going to be fantasy-based, and I may want to link them with opportunities to others to contribute to an overall “setting”, fantasy was a good idea here instead of sci-fi. What fantasy creatures can hypnotize people? Naga/lamia, vampires, and mind flayers. Mind flayers are really a D&D thing, naga are supposed to be about crushing power, so that leaves vampires. 

So, why do vampires hypnotize people, but not control them? For their benefit. Why are vampires doing things for other people’s benefit? Well, maybe instead of blood, they feed on happiness – so they need to make people happy. They are service tops! Now, vampires who appear powerful but are secretly emotionally vulnerable are always popular, and since this is about not being sinister, I decide “I need people to like me” is a better way to put it than “feeds on happiness”, and I say they need the blood too, to make it more defined and tangible (and throw a bone to anyone with a bloodplay kink). Vampires are associated with Russia and Eastern Europe, so I name the country “Otdykhat”, which Google Translate tells me means “relax” with the connotation of “like what you do at a spa.” Then, about thirty seconds after I post, someone who speaks Russian wakes up in the middle of the night and informs me this is the infinitive verb form, and it should be “Otdykh”, so I fix it hopefully before anyone notices.

Now that we have non-sinister, emotionally vulnerable vampires as service tops, I figure that the rest should be exactly what you expect the aesthetics and associations of vampires to be – misty moors, castles overlooking villages of human subjects, Gothic architecture, all that – but invert expectations about dominance. So, the village ruled by the vampire is run very well, since the vampire cares more about their opinion of him than a human ruler (and I can joke they accidentally invented Moldbug, who thinks it works this way everywhere else). And instead of being an oligarchy at the top, the band of vampires is at the bottom, mutually supporting each other. With that in mind, I cast them as a sort of mentall illness support group, calling to mind comments from people with personality disorders or other such conditions who talk about how amazingly incredibly good it can feel for their specific needs to be met. Hopefully, by tying it to blood consumption (which everyone expects vampires to have) and not making it any specific personality disorder, people who want that dynamic of mentally-ill mutually-supporting polyamory can focus on that primarily, but those who don’t can just see it as “well, it’s pretty much like drinking blood”. I add a bondage element because it goes well with the concept of a “service top” that I see even less than I see service tops: someone who is bound not to make them helpless, but to show they have no need to help themselves. If there is a name for this, I’d love to know it; “power bottom” is definitely not it.

From there, it’s just filling out a couple of details – think of a couple of common things people deal with, and imagine what they do. For a joke I wanted to make in the original Hentaiculture, I was going to say that television had been invented, so I could say that they had telenovelas that were completely fucking bananas. So, if vampires are keeping up appearances of being evil, TV is going to be a problem – I’ll say, they plan to act really obviously like North Korea, so people say “well, that’s an awful attempt at pretending everything is fine”.  The old “lying by saying true things in a way that makes people think you’re making it up” trick is always funny to me, so it’s in. Now that I have established they influence culture to keep their secret, specifying they keep everything looking dark and Gothic just because they think that shit looks cool is a character-building dial-back: some of the stuff they do for their Secret Goal, some of it they do because it’s just neat. While dialing back, I see an opportunity to not make it a unified kingdom, and show their system breaking down and failing in a way that doesn’t hurt a lot of people: they are well able to rule small areas, and that is all nice and cool, but they can’t handle having a lot of people under them, so they don’t have Maximal Rulership.

 

So, did it work? Did you enjoy the vampire duchies, or the format in which they were presented – and what could be done to either to make them better? What sorts of cultures, fetishes, or combinations thereof would you like to see in the future? Please, let us know!

Aww, for me? That’s so sweet!

Re: whether the pandering* worked,

While I do platonically love worldbuilding, the nature (to me, anyway) of broad overviews rather than detailed scenes is to be limited in hotness. It’s got some promise as a foundation on which to build, though.

I’m rather sensitive to repetitive descriptions in erotica, so to me you seem slightly too fond of the word “relax”. Also, I can’t quite place my finger on it, but the piece has a vaguely unpolished feel to it. I mean, that does make sense, since you couldn’t have started writing it longer than a day or two ago, but I thought I’d mention it.

*I’d have used “bottom” rather than “submitter”, but I suppose there’s no point in starting that argument again.


Tags:

#there are few cases in which gifts of porn to someone you barely know can be appropriate #but one of them is when you are interacting on a kink blog #hence the ‘aww’ reaction #reply via reblog #sexuality and lack thereof #nsfw #long post #vampires


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theunitofcaring:

cyborgbutterflies:

slashmarks:

thessalies:

thessalies:

so much fiction about the angst of immortality and just fuck that i want to live forever i want to build a house on mars and have sex in space and watch first contact on the news and i want to see how much better we can get as a species and i want to learn how to play every instrument and speak every language and i want to learn how hardcore cosplayers make those impressive sets of armor and i want to watch all the tv that will ever be made and i want to learn every weird science fact and i want to get married 50 times and i want to survive into an age where science will finally figure out how to fix my sensory issues and cure all mental illness and even if eventually all the suns die and i’m left immortally alone in a dark cold void for all eternity that would be fine i would just write fanfic in my head i could keep myself amused, it would be worth it

mostly though i want to know what happens

incidentally, none of this would be impeded by vampirism, so, stop whining lestat

I was always so frustrated as a kid by how vampires in fiction never did anything cool with immortality and I kind of made up a whole fiction world based around them actually doing shit

If I could, I would definitely become a vampire and start (consensually) spreading vampirism to others.

cyborgbutterflies you have read Luminosity and Radiance, right? Because everyone should but especially anyone interested in a book in which Bella Swan decides it’s a moral obligation to overthrow the Volturi so she can vampirize anyone who is interested, and then does it.


Tags:

#transhumanism #vampires #recs #I’ve read Luminosity #it was very well-written and engaging #and I found it very refreshing to see a narrative that viewed immortality as a valid goal #after growing up on Harry Potter’s bullshit #(they *tell* you all this crap about how ‘death is just the next step’ and Flamel still chose to die) #(and yet they *show* you that Flamel chose to die after over *six hundred years*) #(given the opportunity to set his own lifespan he made it several times longer than what he would have had otherwise) #(but I don’t get the impression we were supposed to read between those lines) #(the lines we’re *supposed* to read between are more the timelines of Voldemort’s life) #(he died his final death less than halfway through the life expectancy of a wizard) #(chasing immortality made him die *sooner*) #anyway enough ranting #I need to finish Radiance someday #death tw


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heartnell:

i wonder what effect wide-spread/public vampirism would have on the evolution of language

 

heartnell:

like i mean obviously i havent slept properly in like two days but seriously how does it evolve without the assistance of former generations dying out. do people use the words “grisbittyng” and “yolo” in the same sentence. are there parts of big cities where its like walking into a different century like are there neighbourhoods in chicago where people literally speak old english and the teachers at the schools use old english and like the people who live two blocks away speak a creole of ge’ez and polish and like. dude i want cultural implications of vampirism that go beyond bloodbanks i want linguistics and politics and medical science and history and religion, i want hypovolemic vampires who speak akkadian in the home and are devout worshippers of inanna and have a home care nurse to help with making sure the picc line theyre getting lactated ringers solution via isnt partially occluded!!! help

 

eighthdoctor:

ok i have no excuse for this but

i just got my drivers license renewed and can you imagine the dol dealing with ‘what is your birthdate’ ‘august 27 1662′ ‘what’

but everyone else too, all the bureaucracy’s gonna be fucked

bloodtype?’ ‘no preference,just fresh’

‘sir are you a senior’ ‘i was born in the fifteenth century, i should hope so’ ‘sir i’ll need to see id’

and like—how do you deal with a population that’s collecting social security while being functionally 15 or 28 or 50 what do you do about them when they don’t die what does it mean to have a group whose physical ability is unchanging, is there a vampire draft, is there a separate database for vampire SSNs because they draw social security for different reasons what is going on with that

how do term limits work, is there a mandatory down period, or are vampires bound to the same term limits as mortals and if so are there protests about this

 

heartnell:

afa social security goes i would assume in this setting it would be based on physical ability rather than necessarily age for vampires, which is very similar to what it is for humans: you can get benefits if youre 65+ OR if you physically cannot work, id assume for vampires its just the latter or else “yeah ive been on retirement for 400 years” “you’re the size of a seven-year-old” “yeah and”

hypovolemia DOES NOT count if youre a vampire, some people seem to forget that. there’s IV saline as an adtl to blood, bc quite honestly vampires are wimps and “have you ever tried to drink blood that has half a cup of salt in it?? it’s disgusting”

oh dear god IDs the big question is ofc do they show up in photographs bc if not there is a big market for photo-realistic artists in the govt and in most big companies, bc IDs with descriptions are… pretty easy to bypass, especially when you’re immortal. i’ll bet some places have fun with it, like a lot of art students’ university IDs will be ridiculously stylised, possibly like cubist or some shit.

i assume there are systems in place to keep someone from being head of state for 700 years.

murder???? how do you solve a vampire’s murder how do you identify the victim is it like “so i found this pile of ashes, and this person went missing near here recently, i guess this is our person??” does no one even bother to investigate? i feel like vamps wouldnt put up with that

 

aromantic-eight:

……Forensic scientists specializing in ash analysis.

 

aromantic-eight:

Would vampires have to get special, like, carbon-nitrogen profiles done? Stuff that would stay in the ashes? “We did a molecular ratio test on the ash pile and the profile matches the following individuals quite closely.”

 

heartnell:

thats FASCINATING ngl, although like i wonder how the community feels abt it, like on one hand if someone gets murdered and theres no way to identify the remains ppl are gonna get pissed, if you mandate fancy tests ppl are gonna get pissed (like how they dont want to be fingerprinted since they “arent a criminal”, u know?), its all a mess

 

secretallie:

Okay, but guys: POLITICS. I mean okay, let’s be optimistic that effectively immortal people would willingly step down from power after a number of years in office. Given how addictive power can be, it’s questionable, but like I said, optimism, because otherwise everything is basically fucked and there will never ever be social or political change whatsoever with a monarch/president still subscribing to rigid old timey values.

But still. Imagine a UN convention where a representative of one country still has visceral firsthand memories of how that dude across the room once served as a general in the war that tore his country apart. Or a Congress where former slaves and slave owners have to sit next to each other. Or a forward-thinking president trying to pass a law about gender equality when a significant segment of the population were raised in an era where women were considered property. HOW WOULD THAT EVEN WORK???

 

ajcrawly:

coto524 old-manrupee armoredhost queenie-bex

 

cosmictuesdays:

My guess is that, because they’d have a greater understanding of what constitutes a long-term impact, vampires would be deeply committed environmentalists. Lobbying for more stringent industrial regulations, strengthening the existing laws for clean air and safe drinking water, increasing EPA funding and collaborating with the Department of Agriculture to fight against corporate lobbyists, that sort of thing. They remember what it was like before the Industrial Revolution kicked in, they know what they’re talking about.

…and besides, would you want to eat something sick and diseased?


Tags:

#vampires #story ideas I will never write

taejira:

bigjaeger:

a support group for vampires who were turned as children or adolescents. a bunch of small, melancholy kid-shaped vampires sitting around in somebody’s living room talking very seriously in tiny voices about current events in the vampire world. a lot of them dress like grandmas because they are as old as a grandma, maybe even ten grandmas. they have a network system where they can call adult-looking vampires to help them get things, drive places, pretend to be parents so child-looking vampires can get into adult movies 

#two vampire friends of the same chronological age #but one was turned at age 11 and the other at age 40 #they pretend to be parent and child but they’re actually more like bickering elderly roommates #bickering elderly roommates who are serial killers


Tags:

#vampires #yes