That meme where people misspell “ingredients” as “ingredience” is fascinating from a linguistic standpoint because morphologically, “ingredience” really ought to mean something like “the quality of being ingredient” or “the attribute which makes a thing ingredient” – i.e., it would something you have, not somethingyou are. What is ingredience? Do I have it? Do you?
wouldn’t ingredience be a rating of how many things include you in recipes? So flour has a high ingredience; it’s included in many things. Humans have a low ingredience; not many recipes out there that include human (at least that we know of).
Ingredience is formally defined as the probability that, given a random valid recipe not including the ingredient, adding the ingredient will result in a valid recipe. As an example, salt has an ingredience of .98.
A significant problem is that there is no known analytic method to validate a recipe, and it must be done experimentally. Of course, because recipespace is infinite, this means that all ingredience values are approximate.
The question of whether a recipe validator is even possible is a central question of formal culinalysis.
The study of culinalgebra is complicated by the fact that ingredients do not form a basis in recipespace – adding one ingredient may affect the necessary quantities of others. Adding soy sauce to a recipe increases the amount of salt; adding an acidic ingredient in baking may require the use of more baking soda to maintain the previous pH. An existing ingredient whose quantity is not altered by a given change to the recipe is known as an eigengredient.
You can tell how long someone’s been on tumblr by whether or not this image evokes primal emotions in them
I’m too tired for this
Tags:
#oh look an update #history #food #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #unreality cw #(I hope Perchu’s okay and doesn’t regret it) #(there is nothing wrong with being performatively over-the-top anti-Moreo) #((and if you *do* end up with like 20 cookies and no icing left feel free to give them to me))
I love Keanu Reeves and the recent surge of love and appreciation for him warms my heart but I dread to think what’ll happen the moment you demons have had enough of him and start digging up/making up “problematic” shit he did or said when he was like 20 or something
Keanu Reeves sold bad copper and was rude to messengers and sent them back empty-handed through foreign territory and I for one am sick of everybody just giving him a pass for the whole thing when we have over a dozen cuneiform tablets documenting his bad behaviour.
Keanu Reeves cut ahead of women and other children to get on the last Atlantean lifeboat.
Tags:
#Keanu Reeves #history #our roads may be golden or broken or lost #unreality cw #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #the humour of my people #discourse cw?
MORPHEUS: For the longest time, I wouldn’t believe it. But then I saw the fields with my own eyes, watched them liquefy the dead so they could be fed intravenously to the living –
NEO (politely): Excuse me, please.
MORPHEUS: Yes, Neo?
NEO: I’ve kept quiet for as long as I could, but I feel a certain need to speak up at this point. The human body is the most inefficient source of energy you could possibly imagine. The efficiency of a power plant at converting thermal energy into electricity decreases as you run the turbines at lower temperatures. If you had any sort of food humans could eat, it would be more efficient to burn it in a furnace than feed it to humans. And now you’re telling me that their food is the bodies of the dead, fed to the living? Haven’t you ever heard of the laws of thermodynamics?
MORPHEUS: Where did you hear about the laws of thermodynamics, Neo?
NEO: Anyone who’s made it past one science class in high school ought to know about the laws of thermodynamics!
MORPHEUS: Where did you go to high school, Neo?
(Pause.)
NEO: …in the Matrix.
MORPHEUS: The machines tell elegant lies.
(Pause.)
NEO (in a small voice): Could I please have a real physics textbook?
MORPHEUS: There is no such thing, Neo. The universe doesn’t run on math.
Tags:
#I’ve read this before but it’s still great #The Matrix #fanfic #unreality cw #death tw
Item#: 256 Object Class: Keter Special Containment Procedures: SCP-256 is to be handled in isolation, only when required for further consideration. Any necessary actions are to be taken by Security Operations. As of ██/██/20██, no further action has been taken.
Description: SCP-256 is a 4 x 6-inch, high-density “slicing cutter”; it comprises the top three parts, two of which contain the top end of a large, flat top. An iron chain is located on top of the cutter, with a metal buckle around the center. The chain can now move approximately a meter or so along its length, along the length of the upper surface. The chains have been equipped with a thin membrane, which forms an insulating layer. The bottom end acts as a lock and the middle of the edge acts as a brake.
The chain is secured to the base of the cutter, but can be removed once the chain is no longer attached. The chain is held in place with a screwdriver while its motion controls the blade. The hand-held device can be used to operate a knife through its blade unless held on a metal base using a rubber band, or when the knife is moved with the tool to the point where it reaches the cutting surface, or when holding the cutter by the hand. When the blade is moved, the knife will slide back and forth. Any remaining sharpening force will be applied to the base of the cutter, which will cause it to produce a sharp edge in the manner described herein.
SCP-256 was initially discovered to be a 1 x 1.5-inch “slicing cutter”, but was soon discovered to be much larger, and developed a reputation for being capable of slicing through objects, causing several deaths, including that of three individuals, at ███/██/20██. Due to its size, this “slicing cutter”(1) was not sufficiently able to tear through wood, however, and SCP-256 was eventually discovered to have a thick, tough steel casing around its edge. The casing is also thin and hard as iron, so it can easily break down and cause injury, as seen in the following pictures.
Due to the low quality of SCP-256 (3), it was placed in storage at Site 12 on █/██/20██. SCP-256 began producing sharpened knives during this time, as demonstrated by one of its most recent incidents: one sharpened by one man who cut it off in the middle of the day. At ███/19
I completely lost it at “due to the low quality of SCP-256, it was placed in storage”, then remembered it earlier today while a barber was shaving my neck with a straight razor and had to desperately suppress my laughter for fear of being cut open
Yeah, that’s how it gets you
OpenAI’s language model wrote an SCP and it’s… a knife what kills you…
It has an impressive understanding of Sharp Thing = Danger Scary
Tags:
#SCP #GPT #death tw #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #also holy shit it knew to redact stuff #I guess now we know that GPT has read SCP Foundation entries #unreality cw #(which isn’t *quite* right but I feel like ”post was written by non-sapient entity: #if you try to interpret it as being from a person you’ll just end up confused” needs some cw and that one seems close)
I had a friend in high school who insisted Mountain Time was a conspiracy. She didn’t know anyone from Mountain Time or in Mountain Time, nothing she bought or owned was made in Mountain Time, and she declared it was just a cover for the government to spend millions on the “rocky mountains” without accountability. By the end of junior year we all used “Mountain Time” as shorthand for something that shouldn’t exist, or that should exist and didn’t, like, “Oh no man, I forgot to do my homework, it’s in Mountain Time.”
In 1987 or so, I started claiming this to be the case with Portugal. So, the Portugese had a reputation for piracy. (Or perhaps privateering.) And my theory is: It was the Spanish, and then they wanted a cover story.
spain: Oh, no, your ships weren’t raided by Spanish ships. It was the Portugese. everyone else: They spoke Spanish. spain: haha, no. They were speaking Portugese. It just sounds like Spanish. everyone else: Where exactly is this “Portugal” then? spain: oh, it’s… uhm… between us and the ocean. Just a little strip of land. You’d hardly notice it if it weren’t for all the pirates. everyone else: that sounds fake but okay. (updates maps)
I’ve since been informed by people whose native language is probably Spanish or maybe Portugese that this sounds pretty likely.
Tags:
#unreality cw #storytime #I didn’t actually laugh aloud but it still amused me enough to reblog
A side effect of my sleep disorder is that I have lots of really vivid strange dreams, which I remember well when I wake up.
Last night I dreamt that something inexplicable/apparently paranormal (details not important) happened, and that I posted to tumblr saying “hey, so this really weird thing happened, and I can’t come up with a mundane explanation for it, does anyone have any ideas?”
In the dream, I got several replies to the post, offering potential explanations. I posted again thanking people for their input and saying that, as it happened, none of those could apply in this case.
“Obviously,” I added, “from your point of view, the most plausible explanation at this point is ‘some random person on the internet is lying.’ But I’m curious what the most reasonable explanation is from my point of view, given that I know it really did happen.”
At which point I woke up, making the answer immediately clear: the most reasonable explanation was that it did not, in fact, happen, because I was dreaming – even if I was quite sure it had happened.
(ii)
A while ago I had another dream along the same lines.
In that dream, something had happened that could happen in real life, but happens much more frequently in dreams – I don’t remember what it was, but something like “leaving the house and then realizing you’re not wearing pants,” or “finding out you’re signed up for a class you haven’t gone to all semester.”
Within the dream, I noticed this, and turned to the person next to me. “You know,” I observed, “if I were being strictly logical, I should now conclude that this is all a dream and none of it is really happening. Just goes to show how silly and impractical that kind of thinking is.”
Whereupon, of course, I woke up, and subsequently felt very silly indeed.
(iii)
I’m pretty sure my subconscious is trying to tell me something.
I’m a little concerned that what it’s trying to tell me seems to be “you’re living out Inception; wake up.”
This is fascinating to me because, while I do (very rarely) sometimes consider in a dream whether or not I’m dreaming and come up with a “no”, when I do that while awake there is an experiential/intuitive factor present that makes the answer *super obvious* and that is consistently missing in dreams. (It’s just that in dreams I don’t always retain the information “hey, if you can’t feel The Thing That Means You’re Obviously Awake Right Now, you probably aren’t”.)
And like, MOST of the time, if I’m dreaming and it occurs to me to wonder whether I’m dreaming I can notice the absence of The Thing That Means I’m Obviously Awake. Or if not that I can pick up on another blatant sign, such as having a super hard time visually focusing on objects, or the stubborn refusal of bathrooms to continue having walls when I’m in them, or my mother being alive.
I definitely don’t have a Thing That Means I’m Obviously Awake. (A fairly common experience for me is picking up on environmental/mood cues that correlate with being-in-a-dream, and going “oh shoot I am totally dreaming right now aren’t I? great, the jump scare is coming any second,” and then it turning out that I am in fact awake.)
I do have a good reliable check I can perform, though (like you) I often forget it exists in dreams: I don’t feel pain in dreams, so I’ll bite the side of my hand, and if it hurts a little I’m awake and if my teeth go straight through painlessly I’m asleep. (As a kid I assumed everyone had this and that was what the “pinch yourself to see if you’re dreaming” thing was about.)
Unfortunately, though, this really only works while I’m doing it, because (I don’t know if other people experience this?) dreams don’t just give me invented current-experiences, they often come with fictional memories. This can range from “ah yes I have been searching for this mystical artifact for years” to “I can remember clearly the day I learned to fly” to “oh yeah I’m definitely awake because I checked just a little while ago.” (I first consciously noticed this phenomenon after Inception came out; I tried the remember-how-you-got-here thing, and discovered that my brain was cheerfully willing to spin out vivid memories of how I got there.)
(“Try reading a book” used to also be a good check for me; in a dream, I was never able to. Then one time I tried to use it and my brain cheerfully generated pages of made-sense-at-the-time text, and I concluded I was awake, and was quite startled when I woke up. These days, my second-best check for dreaming is that I can never type in dreams, especially not dialing phone numbers; I constantly hit the wrong keys, and then backspace too far, and then hit the wrong keys again…)
(If I had to describe The Thing That Means I’m Obviously Awake, I’d say it’s something like… a solidity and concreteness and embodiedness of experience? Dream experiences hit all or most of the right highlights, but fall down on the really minor stuff like ‘this table is at the exact same height every time I touch it’, and the framing stuff like ‘I have functioning vision, hearing, taste, smell, and proprioception all of the time, but cannot ever see the events of my life from a third-person perspective’.)
I think I’m in between the two of you. One of my big differences in dream-vs-real experience is that my sense of touch (and related senses, like proprioception and nociception) keeps running in the background when I’m awake, but when I’m dreaming I only feel touch/pain/position-in-space if I’m paying attention to it.
This is similar to your experiential/intuitive factor of Obvious Awakeness, yet is almost completely useless for dream testing because of pink-elephant problems. If you try to actively determine whether your sense of touch keeps working when you’re not paying attention to it, well, now you’re paying attention to it.
(I suspect it might be the reason why I pretty much never get false *positives* on dream tests, though (with only one exception I can think of). If I’m seriously wondering whether I’m dreaming, I almost certainly am. But dream!me generally doesn’t find that line of reasoning convincing *enough* to bet on it (do things that will go badly if I turn out not to be dreaming), and I can’t say I blame her.)
I don’t currently have any tests that consistently or even near-consistently work, just some that work sometimes.
—
Somewhat tangential, but kind of related: after watching the Doctor Who episode “Extremis”, I found myself occasionally performing shadow tests in dreams and failing them. I thought it was weird while watching that episode that everyone leaps from “we’re part of a simulated reality” to “we must be a training ground for aliens preparing to conquer the alpha-reality Earth”, without considering other reasons you might be part of a simulated reality, and it seems my subconscious agrees.
Simon De Montfort, having been defeated and killed by Royalists, his body mutilated and his extremities distributed among his enemies as trophies, faces the final indignity: T.K. Maxx. Leicester, April 2017.
This will cause an extra parallel-universe cognitive glitch for my American friends, and I am excited for that to happen here
I’m amused to see Elodie’s addition, because yes, that is exactly what happened.
(Me, upon seeing this picture: ”–wait what? What???”
Me, upon scrolling down just enough to see the original caption: “You mean that’s not even what the picture is supposed to be about?”)
But why would they even–
‘The company modified the name to T.K. Maxx to avoid “confusion with the established British retail chain T J Hughes (which is not affiliated with TJX)“‘
Ah, okay.
(…wait, but if it’s not called that in Britain, why is there a bit in a Jasper Fforde book that goes like this:
“You imprisoned her in a clothing store?”
“It’s not really a clothing store; that’s just the cover story. Temporal Jail, Maximum Security. Didn’t you ever wonder why it was called TJ Maxx?”)
Because the rest of that acronym was “Temporal-J Maximum Security.” I always wondered why the “J” didn’t stand for anything!
And of course it would be entirely on-theme for a Thursday Next book to have editions with slightly different text.
>>And of course it would be entirely on-theme for a Thursday Next book to have editions with slightly different text.<<
Yeah, I wondered if maybe that just wasn’t in the original, but I’m not sure how cleanly you could excise the TJ Maxx joke given that a plot conversation takes place there. Was Aornis stuck at the checkout of a different store in the original, possibly one with an impenetrably British joke? (But a reference being impenetrably obscure has never stopped Jasper Fforde before.)
Does anyone have a British copy of First Among Sequels they can check?
—
>>I always wondered why the “J” didn’t stand for anything!<<
I did some Googling and at first it looked like you were thinking of a bit in The Woman Who Died A Lot, which I haven’t read yet. I was thinking of First Among Sequels.
But then I went and looked at my copy of First Among Sequels, and that doesn’t specify what the J stands for, either.
I mean, I might have just filled it in from context, but it kind of looks like we have a Berenstain situation on our hands in more ways than one.
It could be the same store; they’d just have to make it “Temporal-K” instead. Having a letter that doesn’t stand for anything is inelegant, but if he knew it was going to have to make sense on our side of the Atlantic…
Or maybe the K did stand for something and the translators had to just cut out the joke.
#berenstjin
Tags:
#(May 2017) #conversational aglets #unreality cw #Thursday Next
i’ve been getting a lot of comments about how i pulled off my last Hidden Walmart exploit so i thought i’d go ahead and make a basic guide on how to do it. i’m no expert and be aware that you do this at your own risk
What is a Hidden Walmart?
most people have at least one walmart in their city. but what if i told you that there’s nearly always an extra walmart that you can’t see? to understand why, you need to dial the clock back to 1967. the founder of walmart, sam walton, had finally begun mass expansion across the US. it had already opened nearly 30 stores, and was at no sign of stopping. sam walton was projected to become a tycoon with his fair prices and business skills, but there was one thing holding him back: bubble-gum.
sam walton was a fervent believer that bubble gum was made from spider eggs. he was convinced that spider eggs were ground up and mixed into the sticks of chewable candy, but also was sure that bubble gum companies would cut back costs on their spider-proofing technology with the anti-sugar hysteria that was still sizzling in american suburbia, causing some embedded spider eggs to make it through the proofing process. sam walton theorized that the spider eggs would be mutated by human bodily fluids and give birth to a race of giant superspiders that would hatch from the inside of its victims and wreak havoc on his country. but sam walton was also notoriously circumspect, and was determined to preserve the legacy of his grocer chain at all costs.
after only a few years into the expansion of walmart stores, sam walton signed a behind-the-scenes contract with the stuhler construction company. the agreement obligated the construction firm to build a near-identical, underground walmart directly underneath the original. the only differences between the “Hidden Walmart” (HWM) and the “Root Walmart” (RWM) are that the Hidden Walmart is devoid of entrances and exits of any kind. in addition, every Hidden Walmart is fitted with a very primitive scanner designed to detect the presence of any arachnid buds, which would then lead to the underground building to saturate itself with high doses of gamma radiation if the scanners read anything.
the intention was clear: sam walt wanted to create a series of underground walmarts designed to persist and thrive while the surface world was ravaged by overgrown spiders. obviously, the spider apocalypse never happened, but for legal reasons the walton family today is still obligated to honor sam’s corporate order, so even the newest walmart stores today have hidden counterparts. the walmarts themselves are devoid of any staff, and it’s unknown how exactly anyone was supposed to enter the buildings (the area around the Hidden Walmart is always filled with cement), but this is where my tip comes in, because believe it or not, there is a way to get into your local Hidden Walmart.
Preparation
if you do not prepare for your venture into a hidden walmart, you risk death, or at least serious injury. thankfully, prep is minimum, and can change the outcome of your exploration. it’s advised you wear thick clothing, because the Hidden Walmart will be at least one mile underground, and devoid of sunlight. anything warm will do, but it’s crucial, and i mean crucial, that you wear a pair of reebok walking shoes.it’s not known why, but they seem to be one of the main things that allow you to enter any Hidden Walmart. anything made before 2001 will not work. generally, white pairs work the best, but i don’t think you need to be a stickler for color.
the other thing you’re going to need is a bag of flaming hot cheetoes. just trust me on this. i’ll explain why later.
Queering the HWM
now you have the necessary stuff, so let’s get to Hidden Walmart spelunking. first you’re going to need to pick a walmart, which shouldn’t be hard.once you’ve arrived at the Root Walmart, you’re gonna need to find the hardware section, which will either be labeled simply “Hardware” or “Home Detailing Appliances”.find a nail gun in the aisle, generally any will do. after finding it, you need to lie it perpendicularly against the bottom part of the rack, at least between 90° and less than 180°. from there, you’re gonna want to find a corner in the aisle. if there is no corner, you’re probably just gonna have to find another store. when you get to the corner, you need to bend over, rear facing the wall, and touch both feet with your hands. hold that pose for about 20 seconds, and you’ll feel a weight pulling on you. keep holding. what’s happening is the nail gun‘s mapping is starting to collide with yours, causing you to build up speed. at exactly one minute, let go, and if you do it right, you should clip through the ground at long enough of a distance until you suddenly pop right into the Hidden Walmart. you’ve done it.
Arrival
i’m not gonna lie. there isn’t much to do at a Hidden Walmart. the merchandise at it will be as old as the walmart above it, meaning you won’t be finding anything new unless the walmart is ~2 years old.visiting Hidden Walmarts is a way of exploring the untouched and, depending on the walmart’s age, traveling back to the past. one thing i forgot to mention: if you visit the Hidden Walmart and you have eaten in the past 3 – 5 hours, do not enter the makeup or book sections of the store. those are generally where the spider-egg scanners are positioned. it’s a primitive technology that hasn‘t been developed since the 60s, and it’s been known to mistake still-digesting organic matter in a person’s body for spider eggs. if you pass those areas after recently eating, you risk enduring lethal amounts of radiation.
Finishing the Adventure
so you’ve explored the Hidden Walmart, and seen everything there is to see. but there are no doors or exits! how do you get home? this is where the flaming hot cheetos bag comes in. technically, when you’re in the Hidden Walmart, you’re still in the Root Walmart as well. consider it like the Root Walmart unknowingly giving you a “preview” of the Hidden Walmart, although your body in the Hidden Walmart is very much real. however, when someone “previewing” a Hidden Walmart makes a sound at a high enough decibel, the Root Walmart automatically reacts by ripping the visitor in the HWM out of the store and back into the original. the human voice isn’t capable of that, but the loud popping sound of a flaming hot cheetos bag is. i don’t know why it’s specifically flaming hot cheetos. some of my friends have said the capsacin in the snack make the air inside more brittle and loud, but i don’t know if that’s true. at any rate, it ought to take you back to the original walmart so you can return home.
this is an amateur guide, like i said, but hopefully this should give you guys a kickstart into the world of Hidden Walmarts. if you have any extra advice you’d like me to add onto the guide, please message me! happy HWMing!
EDIT: fellow HWMer circutspit has just notified me saying that it’s also for the best that you avoid all canines for at least a week after visiting your local Hidden Walmart. for some reason, the process of noclipping leaves an odor that’s undetectable to most animals except dogs, and they just happen to attack anything that smells of it. thanks for the tip!
Tags:
#unreality cw #death mention #food mention #spider #body horror #storytime #I often enjoy reading video-game guides even if they’re for games I don’t play #and I’ve found that this can extend to fictional video games
Brinens and Things 