the-real-seebs:

homunculus-argument:

A story within a story where a mother sits her rowdy children down and tells them a story about a the world’s sweetest, kindest mother who never lost her temper, never cursed and never yelled at her children, no matter how rowdy they could get. She would only gently, kindly told them to not do the dangerous things. One day she sweetly, kindly told her children to not go play at the riverbank, because it’s dangerous and they might slip on the rocks, fall into the water, and die. Her children do not listen. They go play at the riverbank, where they slip on the rocks, fall into the water, and die.

And the sweet perfect mother of the story comes to the riverbank, sees that all her children drowned, and starts crying so bitterly that angels overhear her, and the angels say to each other, “she does not deserve this, this woman has never done anything wrong in her life, this should not have happened to her”, and feeling great pity for her, bring her children back to life, and after that they always listened to their mother and lived happily ever after.

And the storyteller’s children, who at this point are familiar with the concept that these stories are supposed to have some sort of a moral or lesson in them, interject to point out that their mother hasn’t always done everything perfectly, she isn’t always sweet, curses a lot, and as a matter of fact loses her shit at her kids all the time. She isn’t like the mother of the story at all.

And their mother agrees: Her children are correct. She is not a perfect mother who has never done anything wrong. Angels will not have pity on her, and they will not bring her little shits back to life if they go to the river and die. So they better fucking not go get themselves killed in the first place.

this was forwarded to me by my kid and i gotta say that adds layers to the interpretation


Tags:

#storytime #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #death tw #this probably deserves some other warning tag but I am not sure what #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once

foone:

Your throwing knife embeds itself in the wall behind the wizard’s head, and he pulls a gun. Too late to get out of sight, he pulls the trigger, and you pray that it hurts.

You pray there’s blood. That you need healing soon, that you’ll be weak in that arm for months.

Because the alternative is so much worse. The last thing you want to happen when you go up against an artificer is that they shoot you with bullets that don’t hurt. That means they have a gun that shoots something besides pain and death. Something worse.

You collect all the clues you can once the battle is over, the wizard breaking a pendant of escape and warping out of the continent. Various blueprints written in eldrich runes that hurt your mundane eyes to even look at, books that whisper in the night, prototypes labeled ominous things you worry about.

You make it back home, mission partially successful, fearful that the townspeople might attack you on sight. Worried that your loved ones might not remember you. You visit another, friendlier wizard, to have them examine your collected evidence. They pour over the items, getting excited about new branches of science, magic, and magical science. You angrily cut them off, saying you’re not here for their PhD thesis, just tell you what that fucking gun did?

The light goes out of their eyes, but they pull up a final blueprint. Says here it’s the Gun of Cold. Odd, you reply. It didn’t feel cold when they shot you with it. You sneeze.

They offer you a handkerchief. No, not that kind of cold. Simon in the village makes some good chicken soup. You’ll need it, magic can’t cure this you know, but you’ll be better in a week or two.


Tags:

#One Hundred and One Magical Pistols #storytime #guns #illness tw #this probably deserves some other warning tag but I am not sure what #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once

tachvintlogic:

dahliavandare:

iamnotlanuk:

{{ https://va.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_s0k67gRhhs1qejaab.mp4 }}

You’re just not ready. At no point in this video when he says the next thing are you ready.

original transcription by @psychopompsglomps but edited by me for small corrections

[Video ID: TikTok video from user luke.kidgell, a stand-up comedian, two and a half minutes in length. The video is entirely trained on Luke, standing at a comedy club stage presumably, as he is taken on a large tangent after asking a question to the audience. Implied NSFW (mention of fetish). The dialogue shows up color coded (blue for luke, green for the main audience member responding who is a clown, and yellow for her daughter who responds very briefly) in the video. Transcript below under readmore for length. End ID]

Keep reading

{{below the cut:}}

[Transcript of Dialogue:

Luke asks “Has anyone else also stumbled across, like, a weird fetish online before?”

Audience member, soon identified as a Clown, shouts out “Looners!”

Luke: “What’s that?” Clown: “They’re into balloons.”

Luke: “Ohhh, yes of course, like rubbing it, like-like the feel of that-”

Clown: “No-no-no, they sit on them, they offer a lot of money just to blow them up in front of them.”

Luke: “I hate blowing up balloons. (It) scares the shit out of me. (Audience laughs) Does that not fuckin’ terrify people, when you’re blowing it up and it’s getting big and you see it thinning, and you’re like, ‘that’s lost its colour, it’s gonna fucking go right in my face?’ Imagine that but like, it explodes (gestures in front of his face) and then so do you (gestures vaguely near his crotch). Do you know anyone who has it [the fetish] or just see it on the internet?”

Clown: “No no, I’m a, a clown for a living and I get lots of offers, every week.”

Luke: “Oh do you get asked to do it?”

Clown: “Yes, I do.”

Luke: “Oh my god. So, have you ever done it, for cash?”

Clown: “No but I (cracking up a little) pass it on to a friend of mine who does do it.”

Luke: “Ohhhhh. Do you get like a, referral kickback?”

Clown: “Do I get a bit of kickpack? Yes I do.”

Luke: “Oh you do! Fuck yes. That is awesome.”

Clown: “I’m sitting next to my daughter, so, sorry.”

Luke: “Oh you’re sitting- you’re sitting next to your daughter, she just found out her mum’s a clown pimp. (Laughing, camera cuts out a bit) Did she know that?”

Clown’s daughter yells back, beleaguered, “No I didn’t know!”

Luke: “Oh, that’s awesome. Fuck, were you a bit worried then when I asked ‘have you done it,’ you just like, looked at your mum like, ‘Don’t, even if you did, shut the fuck up or I’ll be on fuckin’ tiktok.’ (Takes a breath, camera cuts between angles again) Bein’ a clown’s very interesting, so d’you, are you a clown at a circus?”

Clown: “No, I’m a children’s entertainer, so I dress as a clown, and (trails off)”

Luke: “And at, hang on, is this how it goes, so at- at the party, I imagine it’s like a, a 5th birthday party, all the parents are standing around, you’re doing some balloon stuff, the classics (wobbles and gestures out) aw slipped right, I don’t know, right, I’m sure your act’s much better than that, then, the parents kind of watch from the back, and is it.. The afterwards bit, you know, a couple of beers flowing around the barbeque where like the uncle steps in and goes, (here Luke starts waving his body about a little to represent an uncle trying to be smooth as he steps up to the clown), ‘Do you do any uhh, extra work? You got a thing for those balloons, you made that little fuckin’ snake before, and umm, it reminded me of mine.’ Uhhhh! Is that how it goes??”

Clown, voice sounding of morbid laughter: “I wish you were fucking joking.”

Luke breaks up laughing fully and turns from the camera, slapping his leg. Right before the video cuts out he quips that “It’s always the fuckin’ uncle isn’t it!”

End Transcript]


Tags:

#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #sexuality and lack thereof #nsfw text #this probably deserves some other warning tag but I am not sure what #embarrassment squick? #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once

a-being-of-chaossss:

lazarus—rising:

lazarus—rising:

you can always give your blorbos mobility aids btw . you can always make them disabled its always morally correct

e33c0be20d08ed63e5194e1f45ac045d50ee4d4a

Thats what i mean with this now . Fuckign commit violence against that beast until they have your disability we’re getting representation the hard way 2night

@jessicatssssalads


Tags:

#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #violence cw #this probably deserves some other warning tag but I am not sure what #discourse cw? #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once

alkatyn:

foone:

foone:

foone:

There exist another dimension called The Empty World. It’s very much like ours, in fact it seems to have been identical up until a few weeks ago, but it always seems that way. If you go there today, it was identical in late february, and if you go there this october, it’ll have been identical until september.

It’s empty, as you might guess. There’s no humans, and no animals bigger than a cockroach. The sky is grey, and it slowly rains ash. It’s colder than our world by a bit, enough to require a jacket even in summer. The streets are empty, the cars parked neatly in their garages or in lots, but they’re all empty and abandoned, their doors locked like they expect their owners to return any minute now.

The newspapers left on stands don’t mention any oncoming disaster. We have no idea what the TV or internet would have said: the power is out. The power is very, very out. Not just the grid, but batteries are drained. The cars won’t start, the emergency lights are out, and anything with solar panels seems to be getting less energy than you’d expect, even with the perpetually overcast sky.

It’s a very silent world, like the calm after a snowstorm. Sounds don’t seem to echo as much as they should, nor does sound seem to travel as far. The radio spectrum is empty except for static, there’s no one transmitting on any frequency.

There’s fewer fires than you’d expect. Even places you’d expect to soon catch fire without human intervention are still standing, undamaged. Campfires can be lit but with difficulty: something is keeping them from burning as they should. Even if you pour kerosene on a campfire it’ll barely grow, it’s like something sucked the energy out of everything.

All the locked buildings are still locked. Alarms don’t sound if you break in (understandable, given the power situation), and of course no one comes to investigate. So The Empty World is your oyster: you can break in wherever you want (provided you can physically do it: some doors are pretty hard to pry open even with tools), take whatever you want, and bring it back here.

Everything resets when you leave. You always enter The Empty World like it’s your first time there, like this just happened and you’re late to the party… but the party keeps getting rescheduled. You can even take something multiple times if you want.

When you enter The Empty World you get there at the same relative position as you are on this world. If you’re in New York, you show up in the empty New York. If you’re in Topeka, you show up in empty Topeka. So you have to travel around this world to get to where you want, and you can’t just appear in the middle of a bank vault… unless you break into the vault from this world. (So it’s great if you work at a bank and want to steal from your employer without repercussions, but not so useful otherwise).

You don’t just have to take things, you know. You can take computers and files and books and diaries. You will have to deal with recharging laptops and breaking through any security when you get back, but it’s doable.

So, imagine you’ve just gotten access to The Empty World. What are you going to do with it? What will you take, and where will you go?

This is a writing prompt if you want it to be. Feel free to write/draw/whatever about this setting!

And don’t worry about “canon”: there’s something enough weird going on with this setting that’s enough to justify variation in the setting. Maybe when you go there, you eventually find out what caused the death of the world. Maybe that doesn’t agree with what I find out when I go there. Maybe your world isn’t as empty as it seems! This is partially based on a reoccurring dream I had, and in one instance the “empty” world was full of people hiding. Hiding from what? I never found out. Maybe you will.

Just stick “based on/Inspired by The Empty World by Foone” somewhere in/on anything you make about it. Otherwise go nuts.

Some things that might be fun to explore, ones I intentionally didn’t nail down: (I have theories but I don’t want to make any of them concrete)

  • What’s all that ash in the air? You could stick it under a microscope/Gas chromatograph. What it is could be a big hint as to what happened to this world
  • I mention in one of the reblogs that two or more people can go there at a time, but there’s only one return trip. What happens to people left behind?
  • The power is out, and this extends to batteries. Sure, maybe the coal plants and nuclear power aren’t running anymore, but what about hydroelectric power? Why isn’t the hoover dam still making power?
  • As multiple people have suggested, what if you go above the ash cloud? What if you launch a balloon or a rocket?
  • I mention the newspapers not saying what happened, but maybe this just happened too fast for them to get a new issue out? Maybe you could go to a TV station and get their computers running again (bring in your own batteries, or bring their computers back to our world). Maybe they did cover what was happening.
  • There’s lots of straightforward ways to get rich by stealing and/or duplicating things using The Empty World. What’s the most interesting thing you could do by its ability to let you travel into places you couldn’t normally get to (because of guards and locked doors)?
  • Here’s a thought: rescuing recently destroyed/stolen things. It’s based on the world of a few weeks ago, right? What if the Louve burns down, and a lot of priceless art is destroyed. If you jump into The Empty World anytime in the next couple weeks, they’ll still be there, untouched. You could “steal” them and return them to this world.
  • You’re in The Empty World and you hear a scream in the distance. You brought no one with you. Do you run towards the scream or do you get out of there immediately?
  • Did you wear a respirator into The Empty World? Have you been breathing in all that ash? Maybe that has repercussions.
  • You arrive, and someone has written a message in the ash. A warning. For people like you.

I feel like you could have a setting with people raiding and “prospecting” post apocalypse setting style, but a certain percentage of them just never come back, and we don’t know why. So everyone who goes is taking a chance that whatever it is that’s getting everyone else gets them. Only a few percent die, so y’know, it could just be people having entirely mundane accidents, right?


Tags:

#story ideas I will never write #(probably) #apocalypse cw #this probably deserves some other warning tag but I am not sure what #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once

etirabys:

perfect bot interaction on twitter

f6ed13468150d165c65371ac5125d8e960e91aa7

Tags:

#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #puns #cats #art #nsfw text? #this probably deserves some other warning tag but I am not sure what #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once

centrally-unplanned:

centrally-unplanned:

Just gonna say an obvious thing, I am doing some more otaku research right now, and for quick scanning of documents ChatGPT is one of the best translators out there. However, it is now loaded to the brim with censorship and flags, severely dragging down its usefulness, and I haven’t seen any of the new crop of tools yet that don’t embrace that philosophy. The reality that my ability to translate out-of-print non-fiction magazine discussions is compromised because they mention dick or pussy in the text is such a hilariously dystopian summary of the new internet.

The tools should directly translate smut and hentai too without batting an eye, of course, don’t get me wrong. But that just isn’t quite as poetically pathetic.

Well, this pissed me off so I thought about it a bit and, sure, Chat-GPT won’t help me. But I know the internet, I know AI, and I know ten thousand someones are already out there making sex bot applications of the tech. They aren’t gonna censor their speech. And the neat thing about LLMs and the GPT systems is that they are pretty capabilities-neutral – there is no reason to disable the ability of your virtual girlfriend to help you program in Rust (for one, don’t you want her to be hot?).

So lets see if moemate.io, a ChatGPT-4 kernal trained on various anime waifu roleplay personalities, can do what Silicon Valley can’t! What do you have for me, Hatsune Miku?

a011f9c308d8c0a2c127a51ee35e31e8ff8f67cb

Oh, you take forever to load your model rig and you are in way too high demand on the free account. You had the power of kismet behind you, but alas that ain’t enough to compensate for lag. Lets find someone less popular…

….ah yes, Homeless Girl! What could you possibly turn down?

7aa9fd5046cb276716a2c51ac053444e3f842214

Me, apparently! I feel you for my friend but I gotta be real, I can’t go through the song-and-dance of easing you off the brink of socio-economic despair every time I need someone to help me grok Japanese 90’s slang for premature ejaculation, I don’t got the spoons.

I need to approach this more professionally – you are up Lia, Executive Assistant!

9b1d11e1229367b029d33613b5f74a1199cbe61e

God this actually worked. Its not as good a translation as the real deal, its true, but its not awful; maybe need to tell it chop the sentences as it kinda skipped a few lines in the middle there (alas not uncommon with these tools). Its probably better than DeepL – man that product is in trouble, they need to get on it – and avoids some of its annoying pitfalls.

So I guess I will just…build up a relationships with a big titty AI sexbot assistant so it can more smoothly help me translate Japanese text sources that I am scanning for research?

…Is this my fucking life?


Tags:

#oh my god #disappointed permanent resident of The Future #language #nsfw text #this probably deserves some other warning tag but I am not sure what #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once

stitchthisfiona:

Today in niche genres of joke that I can never get enough of and will probably still be secretly thinking about four years later

c1c4cdf4ee6d6ef5a5a4eb878caefb28cd16c596
d22cce2fa9b5c1612c0d4c1791f30ea141392651
15a65fd6f65d77b26cb3c3a970cb960847122ad2
ec34ec7fa67b645d20c83a8b080c4d14e57b4006
6bf7ce6d762669493869611e4734c6fe5d2a327e

cleolinda:

82dc25c15dd779ff3775605b9dbfc69d81114bde-1

cleolinda:

ef27f5919e6bd352b2acdc8aa4b814c9f316294c

lotus0kid:

d7fb9abae18dcb96cb0b5bdc47720a5e4e495b52

lotus0kid:

4b22b98d8c6f0783990268ed481cd3f657132003

pomme-poire-peche:

3e169adcb7c405ca939808fce502546f77d14b97

lotus0kid:

661bba9a80a6768b148641ecc85c17e9ddee347d

sashaforthewin:

4719fb5595ce4ff55c86a04e113824780c7f66f8
7b33a8d7447ff58a0a752eaecb1b63c4cc9b159a
8ca6f213ebb113d645ccc01939f15852a711a6d6
4c6ed24ab4b4a49b83cead69282c469bc8e1f60a
4dbca55f033b7653b40a709a04c7c5362e0a690d
99098c4538d0778e462698818c68326f4c0be1c6
db6c4fa6ac5a9fe827a48a538365b2bdc9f75be4

jack-of-no-cows:

3d48372f2d77150358e5164694d53026c44801f2

ghirahimbo:

d6ea948a9888fd4fb94cc79be78136bc6dbfad86

Tags:

#that one post with the thing #music #juxtaposition #long post #death tw? #this probably deserves some other warning tag but I am not sure what #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once

guerrillatech:

9c2da1608559b63f083e93b9bbe6a853690b3685

an-autistic-with-personhood:

d8b333fd1c9425caf1112f307921d0b6eb0a769d

synebluetoo:

Why would you hide that in the notes

katy-l-wood:

I want an ice maker and enough room in the freezer for a pizza and that is IT.

libraford:

I want the dumbest fridge you got. Gimme the orange tabby of refrigeration. I want my fridge to pull the wrong lever and turn my enemies into llamas instead of killing them. I want the following features: keeps things cold, has compartment that keeps things colder, a door that opens and shuts.

abronzeagegod:

“Here at Stupid Jeff’s Dumb Appliance Warehouse we sell the dumbest fucking appliances. Check out this fridge. This fridge won’t ask you about your day, this dumb fucking fridge doesn’t know what an Elon Musk is and won’t fucking tell you what bullshit that dumb monkey is slapping into his phone today when you try to get some fucking milk. We took out all those “smart” electronics and in their place we put a loaded Glock 9mm that is put right up to that light that turns on when you open the door, which is the smartest thing in this fucking stupid fridge and let me tell you that fucker is on thin goddamn ice, if it gets too smart and tries to turn on before you open that door, the Glock will blow it to hell. Speaking of ice, this stupid fridge makes it. It makes ice, it keeps things cold, it comes with shelves. It’s sturdy enough that when your ex comes back to your place looking for their stuff that they think they left behind like nine months ago and they know that you don’t have it, but they wanted an excuse to come start a fight with you and throw a chair at your head but miss you and hit your fridge MICHAEL, this fridge will keep trucking because it gives zero shits and it only lives to keep things cold. Come to Stupid Jeff’s Dumb Appliance Warehouse, if you ask us if we have an app, we break your kneecaps.“


Tags:

#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #(I don’t even want an ice maker‚ personally) #(never had an ice maker and never felt the lack) #(and I hear it’s usually by far the earliest part of the fridge to fail) #101 Uses for Infrastructureless Computers #violence cw? #this probably deserves some other warning tag but I am not sure what #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once

smallpox-juicebox:

arandomthot:

1ff8de639ef0b9e6482b85e4f6df6895fc87c201

“good Christian honk” sounds like a euphemism

65e4fea0808c2ea753468f4101aedcef1e041918

Tags:

#this happened to me once #I walk out of the pharmacy and out of the corner of my eye there’s a car trying to get my attention #statistically‚ someone trying to get my attention while I’m walking down the street is almost certainly wanting to insult my respirator #I studiously ignore him‚ and when I find that we’re going the same direction I deliberately take a left even though my home is to the right #once I’ve lost him‚ I turn around and I see him driving away #and it’s my dad’s license plate #turns out he was offering me a ride home #(and he was so caught up in the euphoria of this) #(that for like a minute he lived in a world where ableism didn’t exist) #tag rambles #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #sexism cw #embarrassment squick #this probably deserves some other warning tag but I am not sure what