I have a friend who, like me, does not have “heart feels” when cooking. We need measurements. We need exact replicable steps. Cooking should be more like baking where if I follow instructions precisely I’ll have the same meal each time.
So when he asked his mom for her recipes he was vexed to find that she’d say one thing but use a lot more or less than the spice she’d said. Her approximated recipes were much less vibrant that the real food she made.
His solution: he weighed her spices before and after the meal while noting all the steps she took. Finally. A recipe that was true.
Tags:
#oh my god #that’s brilliant #fun with loopholes #food #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once
the scariest thing in the world is probably whatever’s going on in the tiny gap between my kitchen counters and the oven
Tags:
#well #uh #the good news is that the mice ate all the popcorn that had fallen back there #there are no more crumbs! #the bad news is there may or may not be mouse poop back there now #(it looks like we’ve managed to kill all the mice‚ at least) #((the sentinel piece of popcorn I deliberately left on the floor a couple of days ago has not vanished)) #(*knocks on wood*) #domesticity #relatable #unsanitary cw #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once
I, of mostly sound body and spirit, request that if I’m ever to die, someone post a new work on my AO3 that says “sorry, she died, ongoing stories postponed forever” because don’t I want my fanfic buddies to think I ghosted them. Amen or whatever you say in a will.
This was written as a joke, but for those who don’t know, this is an actual optional service that AO3 provides called Fannish Next of Kin.
Tags:
#AO3 #the more you know #death tw #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once
#oh my god #art #comics #fun with loopholes #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once
Your throwing knife embeds itself in the wall behind the wizard’s head, and he pulls a gun. Too late to get out of sight, he pulls the trigger, and you pray that it hurts.
You pray there’s blood. That you need healing soon, that you’ll be weak in that arm for months.
Because the alternative is so much worse. The last thing you want to happen when you go up against an artificer is that they shoot you with bullets that don’t hurt. That means they have a gun that shoots something besides pain and death. Something worse.
You collect all the clues you can once the battle is over, the wizard breaking a pendant of escape and warping out of the continent. Various blueprints written in eldrich runes that hurt your mundane eyes to even look at, books that whisper in the night, prototypes labeled ominous things you worry about.
You make it back home, mission partially successful, fearful that the townspeople might attack you on sight. Worried that your loved ones might not remember you. You visit another, friendlier wizard, to have them examine your collected evidence. They pour over the items, getting excited about new branches of science, magic, and magical science. You angrily cut them off, saying you’re not here for their PhD thesis, just tell you what that fucking gun did?
The light goes out of their eyes, but they pull up a final blueprint. Says here it’s the Gun of Cold. Odd, you reply. It didn’t feel cold when they shot you with it. You sneeze.
They offer you a handkerchief. No, not that kind of cold. Simon in the village makes some good chicken soup. You’ll need it, magic can’t cure this you know, but you’ll be better in a week or two.
Tags:
#One Hundred and One Magical Pistols #storytime #guns #illness tw #this probably deserves some other warning tag but I am not sure what #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once
Someday Chocolate Guy is gonna make a working time machine out of chocolate and we’ll just be like. Of course. Of fucking course. It’s the fucking chocolate guy, what did we expect.
Tags:
#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once
#it’s time once again for Stories Told Through Memes #Wisemind #storytime #I didn’t actually laugh aloud but it still amused me enough to reblog #this probably deserves some warning tag but I am not sure what #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once
You’re just not ready. At no point in this video when he says the next thing are you ready.
original transcription by @psychopompsglomps but edited by me for small corrections
[Video ID: TikTok video from user luke.kidgell, a stand-up comedian, two and a half minutes in length. The video is entirely trained on Luke, standing at a comedy club stage presumably, as he is taken on a large tangent after asking a question to the audience. Implied NSFW (mention of fetish). The dialogue shows up color coded (blue for luke, green for the main audience member responding who is a clown, and yellow for her daughter who responds very briefly) in the video. Transcript below under readmore for length. End ID]
Luke asks “Has anyone else also stumbled across, like, a weird fetish online before?”
Audience member, soon identified as a Clown, shouts out “Looners!”
Luke: “What’s that?” Clown: “They’re into balloons.”
Luke: “Ohhh, yes of course, like rubbing it, like-like the feel of that-”
Clown: “No-no-no, they sit on them, they offer a lot of money just to blow them up in front of them.”
Luke: “I hate blowing up balloons. (It) scares the shit out of me. (Audience laughs) Does that not fuckin’ terrify people, when you’re blowing it up and it’s getting big and you see it thinning, and you’re like, ‘that’s lost its colour, it’s gonna fucking go right in my face?’ Imagine that but like, it explodes (gestures in front of his face) and then so do you (gestures vaguely near his crotch). Do you know anyone who has it [the fetish] or just see it on the internet?”
Clown: “No no, I’m a, a clown for a living and I get lots of offers, every week.”
Luke: “Oh do you get asked to do it?”
Clown: “Yes, I do.”
Luke: “Oh my god. So, have you ever done it, for cash?”
Clown: “No but I (cracking up a little) pass it on to a friend of mine who does do it.”
Luke: “Ohhhhh. Do you get like a, referral kickback?”
Clown: “Do I get a bit of kickpack? Yes I do.”
Luke: “Oh you do! Fuck yes. That is awesome.”
Clown: “I’m sitting next to my daughter, so, sorry.”
Luke: “Oh you’re sitting- you’re sitting next to your daughter, she just found out her mum’s a clown pimp. (Laughing, camera cuts out a bit) Did she know that?”
Clown’s daughter yells back, beleaguered, “No I didn’t know!”
Luke: “Oh, that’s awesome. Fuck, were you a bit worried then when I asked ‘have you done it,’ you just like, looked at your mum like, ‘Don’t, even if you did, shut the fuck up or I’ll be on fuckin’ tiktok.’ (Takes a breath, camera cuts between angles again) Bein’ a clown’s very interesting, so d’you, are you a clown at a circus?”
Clown: “No, I’m a children’s entertainer, so I dress as a clown, and (trails off)”
Luke: “And at, hang on, is this how it goes, so at- at the party, I imagine it’s like a, a 5th birthday party, all the parents are standing around, you’re doing some balloon stuff, the classics (wobbles and gestures out) aw slipped right, I don’t know, right, I’m sure your act’s much better than that, then, the parents kind of watch from the back, and is it.. The afterwards bit, you know, a couple of beers flowing around the barbeque where like the uncle steps in and goes, (here Luke starts waving his body about a little to represent an uncle trying to be smooth as he steps up to the clown), ‘Do you do any uhh, extra work? You got a thing for those balloons, you made that little fuckin’ snake before, and umm, it reminded me of mine.’ Uhhhh! Is that how it goes??”
Clown, voice sounding of morbid laughter: “I wish you were fucking joking.”
Luke breaks up laughing fully and turns from the camera, slapping his leg. Right before the video cuts out he quips that “It’s always the fuckin’ uncle isn’t it!”
End Transcript]
Tags:
#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #sexuality and lack thereof #nsfw text #this probably deserves some other warning tag but I am not sure what #embarrassment squick? #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once
Okay so, got here from a book on animal behavior but: Vulcan stand-up comedy as a competitive activity.
Because most Vulcans don’t actually pretend they don’t have emotions, it’s all about self-regulation, right? And good comedy usually hinges on manipulating the relationship between our faculties of recognition and surprise in various ways, you can get pretty scientific with it.
So Vulcans go to the comedy act, and the idea is the comedian is trying to make you crack up, and the audience is trying to not even crack a smile, and if you do laugh, you lose. Like all in good fun, but Vulcans are both really competitive and really aware of how dangerous that urge can be to a society, so this could actually be classified as highly orthodox Surakian practice.
So of course the comedian has to actually be funny, or there’s no challenge and the game is boring.
Which means the really good Vulcan comedians (most of whom tend to extremely dry delivery of their bits) are going to go around playing to packed houses, which mostly sit staring stonily back at them, with occasional breaks when someone loses it and reacts.
And after a show you’ll have Vulcans walking out discussing with great approval how very humorous that was, with varying degrees of muted smugness or chagrin depending on if they won or lost.
I bet there are human comedians whose grandest fantasy is being good enough to do a set in Vulcana Regatta and have people going around bragging about not laughing at them.
“My agent was very concerned, wanted to make sure that I knew that no one was going to be laughing at my jokes.”
“‘Yes, I know’ I said. ‘I’m used to that.’”
Tags:
#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #(I never claimed to be competing) #Star Trek #fanfic #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once
There is a new special tint for people with migraines and light sensitivity and/or photophobia- instead of the yellow night driving tint, it’s actually shown to be more effective as a pinkish tone (they call it “rose” but it’s very pink).
This is an ad for this specific company- but the research regarding FL-41 (the pink/rose tint) is real. It was suggested to me by my doctor after I talked about how painful and frequent my migraines are and how light often feels like someone’s stabbing me in the brain and makes me want to claw my eye out with my fingers (or at least wear an eye patch), but I just ordered my first pair so I don’t know yet if it’ll be effective for me.
My migraines and photophobia are caused by a car accident injury back in 2018, which left me with a tbi and damaged ligaments around one of my eyes among other injuries.
I’ve had my migraine glasses for about two weeks and so far:
Had one instance where I was aware I had a headache and already had my glasses on when the feeling started. Did not progress past maybe a 1 or 2 on the pain scale my entire day at work, until I took my glasses off at home and had the worst killer migraine.
Woke up with a migraine and put my glasses on since I had to drive. Within a 30 minute span, migraine reduced to barely noticable pressure with no pain.
A couple things:
I’m not using the advertised brand above, I got my glasses from Zenni which were about 55 bucks for my rx level + tint, but the FL-41 tint is the most important. Don’t buy “red” or “rose” or “pink” glasses, make sure they’re FL-41 tinted.
I do use my glasses at night. I have only about 10% tint so they aren’t very dark. It does really help with bright headlights- I’m in a really rural area with a lot of wildlife crossing the road so most people don’t bother to turn off their brights when passing and that means my photosensitive ass is often IN HELL driving at night. But with these glasses it no longer feels like someone is carving my eye out with a spoon so I feel like that’s doing *something* to protect me?
It does seem to both stop migraines in their tracks and also prevent new migraines from getting out of control. This is really great because usually my migraines aren’t touched by the OTC pain meds I can take with my other issues, and I’m in the “too few migraines and also too many migraines for meds” zone where doctors won’t give me rx meds at all to control them so I guess I get to just suffer.
The glasses at 10% tint look super pink from the outside but aren’t noticably pink when I look through them while they’re on my face. There’s a brief moment of “oh that’s very pink” and then I blink a couple times and it stops. My color vision isn’t quiiiiiiite correct- very light blues and greens on reflective or backlit surfaces look much more grey. I can see that my blue water bottle is blue, but my coworker’s light powder blue car looks like a blue-ish silver to me. We color-code appointments at work and the greyish light green color on the screen also looks fairly grey to me. It also means when I take the glasses off, everything looks fairly green.
This makes sense to me because it’s blocking specific blue light that are known to be migraine and photosensitivity triggers, so of course bright lights that are blues or greens are going to have less light/color to them. Interestingly, purple is unaffected by this, which proves to me that purple is the superior color. I can also play videogames with my glasses on with no big problem with color, but then I’m not playing very *blue* games, and it seems the eye strain is fairly reduced as well because I don’t tear up as much while playing.
Lastly I get tons of compliments on them! A lot of people have responded really positively to my glasses, and nothing’s changed about them except the tint because I ordered the same frames.
Tags:
#the more you know #migraines #transhumanism #this probably deserves some warning tag but I am not sure what #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once
Brinens and Things 