story ideas I will never write

~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

rustingbridges:

oligopsoriasis:

calibre TTS to MP3 feels like i’ve unlocked a whole new level of piracy, like torrenting into a parallel universe. just reams of books too academic to get converted to audio in our timeline

torrenting into a parallel universe

is this an anime, it sounds like an anime. if not it should be

Tags:

#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #fun with loopholes #story ideas I will never write #(although the part of me that used to read QNTM #–before I got tired of the risk of him dripping acid into my brain– #is going ”is this The Peripheral”)

~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

headspace-hotel:

concept: there are lots of different worlds and all of them have different levels of access to magic. Some are just all over the place and some have no magic at all.

You would think that we would be one of the strictly non-magical worlds, but actually, that’s not the case—we don’t have like, a huge excess of magic, but we have, like, dreams, and the placebo effect, which puts us pretty solidly in the “Numinous” world category.

​

headspace-hotel:

This post brought to you by the placebo effect, which is completely insane if you think about it for more than like 3 seconds

but for some reason we insist on thinking of it like “so people’s symptoms improve, but like, it’s Fake” rather than “HOLY SHIT humans are so powerful, they can improve the symptoms of their illnesses just by believing they are being cared for.”

​

headspace-hotel:

Anyway just imagine like

Human, suddenly sucked by portal into a Magical Land: damn I wish I came from a magical world lol

Elf wizard dude: hahaha bro what are you talking about

Human: well, my world is just—

Elf wizard dude: what about the magic rocks????

Human: What magic rocks?

Elf wizard dude: You know, the magic rocks. The ones that generate near infinite energy by tearing apart the fabric of their reality? You know, like, uranium? You haven’t found those yet?

Human: Wait wait wait. That’s not—

Elf wizard dude: And like, come on, you even have some low level necromantic spells over there, like—

Human: We do not have necromantic spells, what are you talking about

Elf wizard dude: didn’t you say your friend was an EMT though? they do that shit all the time. Hell, you don’t even have to be like a high level caster or some shit, it takes like a few weeks to learn CPR

Human: Wh—

Elf wizard dude: You guys do have CPR, right?

Human: I mean yes but—what the—CPR is not necromancy!! That’s not how it works, it doesn’t bring people back from the—well I guess technically it does but that doesn’t—

Elf wizard dude: Next you’re going to be telling me Mothman doesn’t “count” either.

Human:

Human: …

Human: …What.

​

headspace-hotel:

Human: You don’t understand. I mean…Radioactivity kills people!

Elf wizard dude: Ohhh. You got just the cursed magic rocks.

Human: …

Elf wizard dude: Damn. That sucks man.

​

headspace-hotel:

Elf wizard dude: So you have no talking animals? None?

Human: Well I mean—there is that one type of parrot but like that doesn’t—

Elf wizard dude: godDAMN it

​

stabbedinthenameofscience:

It got better!

​

thessalian:

Human: Oh, right, and various of the corvids. Ravens and that. They talk too.

Elf wizard dude: And no sapient animals? At all?

Human: Well … I mean, depends what you call ‘sapient’. Crows remember who’s nice to them and bring them presents, and will get the whole flock to attack people who are mean to them, and cats basically conned us into lavishing them with food and attention–

Elf wizard dude: And that?

Human: Oh, that’s a pigeon. They’re really dumb, though.

Elf wizard dude: It’s getting on your public transport network!

Human: Yeah, it’ll get off at its stop– wait.

Elf wizard dude: CATCHING ON YET?!?

​

ruffboijuliaburnsides:

ok seriously tho like. The placebo effect can work EVEN IF YOU KNOW YOU’RE GETTING A PLACEBO as long as you believe in the placebo effect itself.

Like, there is nothing about sprite that should soothe my stomach when I’m nauseous, and I know this, but if I’m feeling nauseous sipping sprite is one of the fastest ways to settle my stomach, because when I was little my mom told me it would help.

If that’s not a kind of magic IDK what is.

Tags:

#that one post with the thing #(personally my favourite anti-nausea spell is the scent of peppermint) #this probably deserves some warning tag but I am not sure what

~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

thebibliosphere:

punkfaery:

punkfaery:

punkfaery:

going through my microsoft word archives is great fun because i always find the wildest shit in there and by “the wildest shit” i mean the time i tried to rewrite the entire bible from scratch at the age of eleven and a half

“And so Adam and Eve were cast out of the Garden of Eden, and Eve turned to Adam and said, ‘Nice going, loser.‘”

iconic

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whilst you were listening to avril lavigne, i learned the way of the Lord

I would read this in its entirety.

Tags:

#story ideas I will never write #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #death tw #this probably deserves some other warning tag but I am not sure what

~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

moral-autism:

winged-light:

chimaerakitten:

people write AUs where characters from a fantasy universe are in like, the setting or plot situation of another non-fantasy story all the time, and usually it’s a no-powers version of those characters because more often than not the powers would absolutely break all the stakes of the au.

And that’s totally logical and makes sense, but I think the version where the transplanted characters get to keep their powers and break the stakes has hilarious and underutilized crack potential.

Like just once I’d like to read “The 74th annual Hunger Games goes absolutely tits up and nobody knows why none of the kids seem to be dying despite some serious effort on the part of the gamemakers. Meanwhile sharp-eyed viewers at home may notice that the shy and unassuming male tribute from district 11—whose personal item was a pair of costume glasses—hasn’t been seen on-camera even once since the opening gong. But not many people do notice. After all, in all the pageantry leading up to the games, no tribute was more boring than Clark Kent.“

I absolutely love this and will contribute the ideas:

  • The Animorphs must kill both Donald Trump and Putin in order to avert nuclear war
  • Perhaps the fault is not in our stars, but in the fact we haven’t killed enough rats yet for me to level up to a third-level cleric and become immune to cancer
  • Just the Karate Kid movie but halfway through Luke figures out how to use the Force, surprising and confusing his mentor Mr Miyagi
  • Every character from League of Legends suddenly exists in Game of Thrones and now everyone has to cope with that, somehow
  • The Princess Diaries but your dad is Poseidon and your mom is a queen and therefore your life gets very complicated whenever you’re really supposed to be at a royal function but you have to flee to Camp Half-blood so you don’t get eaten by monsters

But I ALSO want some non-powered individuals walking into situations where the characters ought to have powers.

  • How do we get the ring to Mordor? We get in a modified Aston Martin and drive. Whoever this wizard guy is, he’s no match for Bond…. James Bond.
  • Just a competent, functional adult tries tackling the Yeerk invasion. Like completely no powers but they’re a functional adult who makes excellent life choices. Instead of turning into an animal to raid Yeerk headquarters, they just buy large quantities of plastic explosive.
  • How fast can Sherlock Holmes speedrun Pale?
  • What if you were in the Pokemon universe and you did not have any Pokemon but you did have a basic grasp of economics

And I kind of want to read stuff where they keep their powers…. and go into a setting with completely different powers.

  • Taylor Hebert Beats Up Aslan, Takes Over Narnia
  • The USS Enterprise encounters an odd society where people are divided into factions like Dauntless and Abnegation, which Spock thinks is illogical
  • Gracelings vs. Fire Lord Ozai in the ultimate showdown
  • You have a Portal gun. Your task is to find the Holy Grail. Morgana le Fay may interfere

I participated in an (on indefinite hiatus) glowfic that was, basically, a D&D druid meets the USS Enterprise. The druid couldn’t use most of their powers normally because they work with ensouled life and classical elements, not these ‘atoms’ and life that does all its cognition with just the brain. It was fun.

And ahead of me if I work on it is the uplifting story of a magic school student … not having access to his powers and instead introducing a high-magic lower-nonmagical-tech setting to the wonders of electricity and electronics and modern medicine.

Tags:

#yeah I was reading this post the whole time thinking ”have *I* got the genre for *you*” #glowfic #recs #story ideas I will never write #fanfic #this probably deserves some warning tag but I am not sure what

~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

thesaltofcarthage:

whetstonefires:

thetimetostrikeislater:

thetimetostrikeislater:

taken-aurally:

marlinspirkhall:

A Vulcan named Stork works at the Terran adoption agency. Parents always request that he be the one to deliver their child to them.

It’s years before anyone explains it to him.

People keep gifting him robes with long white birds on them.

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The fun thing is he would understand why people were getting him outfits with storks on them. That’s a word, it’s his name, straightforward. All the humans get him the same gag gift, but like, they’re putting effort in at least. This is a genuinely nice outfit. Stork will be a walking zero-effort pun sometimes, rather than waste a perfectly fine robe.

It’s fine. This is a readily comprehensible human illogic. Exactly the kind of thing he expected from moving to Earth.

Six years in he finds out about the stork bringing babies.

Stork has a good long meditation session about this myth, his name, his job, the outfits, the whole shebang (or whatever Vulcan concept is the equivalent).

And he decides he’s honored by it, in a humanly illogical way.

The humans are asking him to do what is after all his job, and specifically requesting him for the joy his name brings them on top of an already agreeable and satisfying task. He has no objection to engendering positive emotions in others. Harm hastens the heat-death of the universe, Surak teaches, so happiness must logically slow it down.

Plus, Vulcans of his generation love puns. There were two decades of punning competitions in colleges across the planet. So when he realizes that he is a walking zero-effort pun, and that the humans also love the pun, he is all for it. He is the Joe Cool of the entire Vulcan population in his city.

And via this pun, the humans are including him in a cherished and traditional myth, by casting him as the literal bringer of life and the expander of families.

There’s no downside. Stork wears his robes, pins, keychains, and other bird-related tchotchkes with genuine pride.

Tags:

#Star Trek #fanfic #story ideas I will never write #puns #adorable #embarrassment squick?

~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

beast-glatisant:

villain going to the goon shelter to pick out a new henchman

beast-glatisant:

this energetic and diabolical boy was rescued from a goon hoarding situation… he loves pulling levers, gloating, and turning cranks with great abandon. prefers to be the only goon. needs an active lair with plenty of enrichment.

beast-glatisant:

now this fella comes with some baggage. his previous villain was going to have put down when he refused to perform unsedated human vivisection as a form of torture. one of our agents intercepted the execution and brought him to the goon shelter. would thrive in an environment of G or PG-rated villainry.

beast-glatisant:

on the other hand, if you’re looking for something a little more… advanced… then this fine lady over here would make a great challenge for an experienced villain able to set firm boundaries. she will NOT be released to first-time villains; proof of prior henchpeople must be demonstrated before adoption approval. high prey drive. under no circumstances should she be left alone with children or small animals. must sign waiver releasing the goon shelter from responsibility if her behavior is deemed excessively depraved.

beast-glatisant:

These two are pair-bonded and may only be adopted together. Up for anything, they are fiercely loyal to their employer provided their needs are met and they are permitted to hold hands. They look alarmingly similar to one another but it is undeterminable whether they are close blood relatives or lovers who choose to dress and style themselves in identical ways. Habit of finishing each other’s sentences with rhyming couplets; we have not attempted to train this out of them. Will answer to whatever names or titles you give them so long as they are complimentary and/or rhyme.

beast-glatisant:

Will you help this goon find his forevil lair? He’s been returned to the goon shelter six times now but we refuse to give up on him. A vile little rat of a man, he’d be the perfect accomplice to someone willing to overlook his unfortunate heterosexuality. If gay-coding is not your style and you don’t expect it from a henchman, please consider giving this little guy a good home in your dastardly schemes.

beast-glatisant:

This guy is not your typical goon. He was rescued from a high-kill shelter after being deemed unfit for henching. His deep baritone voice, his darkly handsome good looks, and his flair for the dramatic have made prospective employers pass over him time and time again, making him the longest resident of the goon shelter. But don’t judge a book by its cover—while his appearance and demeanor suggest “villain”, his real passion is taking orders and faithfully serving a master. If you’re secure in your villainry and not prone to jealousy, he may just be what it takes to turn your base into a lair.

Tags:

#storytime #story ideas I will never write #this probably deserves some warning tag but I am not sure what

~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

moral-autism:

chipper-smol:

chipper-smol:

A dragon who decides to hoard mint and various types of mint plants (and not knowing that mint has the mushroom’s blessing of inevitability were ever its planted) can go one of two ways.

1: The dragon is absolutely horrified as the mint engulfs and takes over its den. Its gold? Mint. Its gems and goblets? Mint. Its stores of wine? Mint. No matter what they do they can’t get rid of it.

2: The dragon is delightfully ecstatic as the mint engulfs and takes over its den. It’s a self growing hoard. No matter what any adventurers or knights do, they can’t get rid of it.

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✨✨✨ ヽ(✿ﾟ▽ﾟ)ノ ✨✨✨

there is a mature dragon in the game I play in who knows perfectly well what mint is like and, in the giant puzzle maze devoted to showing off eir collections, the largest room is the Room of Minty Paradise, which is packed with mint, has walls full of guides to mint usage, and has magic to further enhance mint growth.

Tags:

#plants #gardening #dragons #adorable #story ideas I will never write

~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

digitaldiscipline:

frozenartscapes:

theramblingvoid:

Why don’t I hear more about undead beings coming back to warn people? It’s always zombies wanting to drag people down to join them in the grave, ghosts seeking vengeance, spirits trying to chase people out of their domains – but if you died horribly and were left rattling around some spooky mansion for eternity, wouldn’t you want to stop people from blundering into the same death you had?

You feel a cold breath on your neck as you get in the car. It won’t leave until you fasten your seatbelt. An unseen force catches your foot as you pass the fourth step every time you walk up the stairs. During a renovation, you find out the wood is rotten. You can never find a pack of cigarettes – even ones guests bring disappear from their pockets and are found weeks later on the lawn, empty. Your daughter is giggling and laughing at something unseen, chasing after it away from the cliffside on your family hike. You don’t know why, but you feel compelled to leave a spare hairband and some stickers on a picnic table as you leave the park. Tribute? A thank you? The items are gone by next time you visit, and you swear a happy child’s hum follows you home on the breeze.

…More preventative hauntings. It just makes sense.

Everyone is convinced the old house on the hill is full of evil spirits because anyone who tries to sneak in gets the ever loving shit scared out of them by the craziest poltergeist imaginable

Turns out the house had massive structural issues and was just one door-slam away from caving in on itself and the ghost was trying to keep people safe

Once the house did finally collapse the ghost moved on to the old abandoned factory that never had its industrial waste properly disposed of

Eventually the local inspection unit gave it an honorary OSHA certification

GHOSHA

Tags:

#death tw #ghosts #story ideas I will never write

~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

biggest-gaudiest-patronuses:

felren13:

biggest-gaudiest-patronuses:

biggest-gaudiest-patronuses:

an atheist ghost. they refuse to move on to the afterlife on the grounds that the afterlife does not and should not exist

they only respond to ouija board summonings in order to lecture people for participating in non-evidence-based belief systems

exorcisms dont work cause they dont believe in them.

“yeah sure I could ‘go into the light’ as you so eloquently put it, but let’s be analytical about this. worst-case scenario, the afterlife is real and I get cast into some version of Hell for being a nonbeliever. slightly better-case scenario, it’s a reincarnation-based afterlife, which means I end up having to do the whole Existence thing all over again, which frankly seems like a huge roll of the dice. enormously risky, given the low quality of life many people experience, and that’s setting aside philosophical issues of identity, e.g. without the memories and experiences that shaped me, would I even still technically exist as a version of myself I could identify? reincarnation aside, let’s bear in mind there’s no actual evidence there’s even a so-called ‘afterlife’ waiting on the other side–for all we know, my consciousness will just dissolve into nonexistence. again, huge roll of the dice. and even in the best-case scenario? wherein I somehow pass an Arbitrary Morality Test I didn’t sign up for and get accepted into some sort of magical Heaven or whatever? well. consider it from my point of view. all of a sudden I’d be a member of a strange and unfamiliar society, subject to a completely new set of rules and regulations that I probably don’t get a say in. Is ‘Heaven’ a democracy? will I still have access to free will? will I have meaningful choices regarding lifestyle and occupation? what do the holy books say about that, huh? I could be forced to spend a literal eternity worshiping a deity who has made some extremely questionable and problematic decisions regarding the universe. I’m not signing up for that! how is that any better than my current situation? listen buddy, I spent 80 years living in a capitalist hellhole before death Itself finally freed me from all the obligations and restrictions of modern existence. I don’t work, I don’t pay rent or taxes, I just wander from place to place keeping my own schedule, doing my own thing, beholden to neither laws nor peer pressure. as purgatories go, that’s a pretty sweet deal! and what guarantee do I have that any damned afterlife is going to be more tolerable than my current not-existence, huh? none! none whatsoever. skeptic? damn right I’m skeptic! not to mention this whole Heaven-and-Hell dichotomy seems extremely manipulative if not outright abusive, as moral systems go. that’s no way to parent a species! nope. just, nope. this whole religious afterlife nonsense sounds like a whole lot of unnecessary stress and risk. I’m perfectly comfortable staying right where I am, thanks ever so, so you can tell your exorcist to write that out in latin and shove it up his ass”

Tags:

#yeah that’s fair #story ideas I will never write #storytime #ghosts #religion #hell cw #this probably deserves some other warning tag but I am not sure what

~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

prokopetz:

prokopetz:

Concept: protagonist becomes embroiled in a series of high-stakes underground deathmatches of something that isn’t even illegal, like for some reason there’s a dark-web competitive cooking show. None of the ingredients are horrifying or even particularly unethical, but it’s still treated as this huge transgression with dire consequences for failure.

The cutthroat world of underground competitive cat shows.

Dark-web lumberjack challenges.

Gardening, and God help you if the judges don’t approve of your marigolds, because no Earthly force will.

Tags:

#story ideas I will never write #food #I didn’t actually laugh aloud but it still amused me enough to reblog