oops accidental bonus headcanons because JEDI KNIGHT HAN SOLO, oooooops oh well too late now!
- “It’s LUCK, kid,” Han scoffs dismissively, then proceeds to grab up the lightsaber himself and turn on the training droid, then close his eyes and nail every single bolt before knocking the thing right out of the air. “Also, see that, you don’t even NEED the Force to do that.” “… perhaps, but that was the Force you just did that with,” Obi-Wan replies slowly. “What,” Han says.
- It was definitely the Force. “I AM NOT A JEDI,” Han Solo yells as he is dragged kicking and screaming into Jedi training by the power of Luke’s excitement at not being the only one suffering the indignity of getting hit in the ass by randomized droid blaster-shots, literally just that. Also Obi-Wan tells him he might be able to shave half a parsec off the Kessel Run, if he hones his Force-sense finely enough, which, well, FINE then. BUT ONLY FOR THE KESSEL RUN.
- “I have a bad feeling about this.”
- “I HAVE A VERY BAD FEELING ABOUT THIS.”
- “DID I MENTION THE BAD FEELING THAT I HAVE ABOUT THIS BECAUSE IT IS AN INCREASINGLY BAD FEELING.”
- Leia is so appalled by the state of the Jedi in this galaxy. “Sorry, sweetheart, we can’t all be bright-eyed little beacons of galactic hope,” Han says, smashing a Stormtrooper over the head with his lightsaber hilt. The blade is blue but NO ONE WOULD FUCKING KNOW, CONSIDERING HOW RARELY HE USES THE DAMN THING. Generally speaking Jedi Knight Han Solo uses his lightsaber as A) a laser cutter and B) a blunt instrument. Obi-Wan is dead and he is STILL going to die of shame on behalf of the Order.
- “WHY ARE WE ON THIS HELLISH SWAMP PLANET AND HOW DO WE GET OFF IT YESTERDAY.”
- The amount of gimer-stick whaps that Han Solo suffers has not been seen in the galaxy since Yan Dooku was a snotty little baby padawan who couldn’t be assed to pay attention to anything not saberplay for more than fifteen seconds at a time.
- Lando takes one look at Han Solo holding a lightsaber and laughs for TEN THOUSAND YEARS. Chewbacca is like THANK YOU, AT LAST SOMEONE ELSE SEES THE FUCKING HILARITY OF THIS SITUATION, THANK YOU, CALRISSIAN.
- “Dark Side my fine Corellian ASS, I’ll show you the fucking DARK SIDE, YOU PIECE OF BANTHA SHIT, LET ME AT HIM–”
(*Laughing helplessly*). Honestly, I think that even Vader would be speechless when confronted with Han Solo, Jedi Knight. The Dark Lord of the Sith hasn’t seen a Force-User this foul-mouthed, this rebellious, this angry, this full of sarcasm and biting wit since – since –
Vader abruptly realizes that he hasn’t seen a Jedi Knight like this since Anakin Skywalker. Except Han is taking all those traits and cranking them up to eleven. He is quietly convinced that, somewhere, Obi-Wan is laughing in the Force.
Just imagine Han Solo with telekinesis, though. Imagine it. Imagine all the things he could get up to with it, imagine how Han, already an absolute menace at sabbac, becomes downright unbeatable (”It’s training!” Han yells as he’s dragged away from the gambling table. “Heightening awareness and control, and let go of my kid, did you see that hand – “)
*cackle*
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#Star Wars #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog
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