people who can distinguish between their drive for sleep and drive for sex fascinate me

Libido

~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

asexualactivities:

Do you have a libido?  What is it like?

What is a libido, anyway?

When I talk about my “libido”, the main thing I’m usually referring to is the frequency and intensity of my sexual fantasies.

During high-libido times, I think a lot more about (loosely defined) sex, and how good it feels, and how much I’d like to be having some right now. Even when I’m not focusing on it, if my libido’s high the fantasies and the longing will often be kind of running in the background.

I’ve heard other people describe feelings of “pent-up sexual energy”, but in my own context that feeling manifests as more of a fatigue.

I wrote a tag ramble about this ages back, which I still mostly endorse. (Unlike past!me, I at least have the *option* of masturbation now, even if I’m not especially good at it and often don’t get around to it anyway.)

Tags:

#reply via reblog #sexuality and lack thereof #is the blue I see the same as the blue you see #(in this case: no) #people who can distinguish between their drive for sleep and drive for sex fascinate me #nsfw text

~ Brin ~ 1 Comment

{{previous post in sequence}}

enscenic replied to your post “Once Upon a Time (cont.)…”

This is, of course, the pay off on following you – the commentary and evaluation is delightful. Especially in the tags.

:)

—

I’m realising that it’s really hard to model my ten-year-old self’s sexuality, because there was so much she didn’t know. Nowadays it’s hard to grok what it’s like to know that little, and to not even be aware that you might be missing information in this area.

(Apart from the lack of practical demonstrations (no condom-on-a-banana or anything; it was all book-learning), my sex education was about as good as it could reasonably have been, which is to say it was absolutely terrible for me except for teaching me how my reproductive system worked on a purely anatomical level.)

Like, how high was my pre-pubescent libido? In early puberty, when my body was still sorting out what hormonal profile to have, what effect did that have on it? I don’t know, because at the time I didn’t have a concept of “libido” in a way that was relevant to my life, and so it never occurred to me at ten to ask questions like “how often do I think about hypnosis?” or me at thirteen to ask “that time when I spent two (nonconsecutive) weeks out of a four-week period (so to speak) menstruating* because my body was still a noob at having a menstrual cycle, did I feel really tired a lot no matter how well I slept**?”. I didn’t know that these things were all connected until several years after the fact, so I didn’t keep track.

—

It occurred to me this morning: while I loved A Wrinkle in Time (and thought the sequels were reasonably enjoyable in themselves but failed to live up to the first one), and I loved the Children of the Red King series, my main reaction to Molly Moon was “more boring than it had any right to be”.

I mean, it was okay, and I read a couple of the sequels, but like, how bad does your book about hypnosis have to be to get merely an “okay” rating from a porn-starved hypno-fetishist?

A model of my childhood sexuality would need to account for that, and I’m not sure what it was that made it different. (“Told almost entirely from a top’s perspective”? “Being ‘a book about hypnosis’ is actually a problem, because it causes too-high expectations”? Both? Something else?)

—

*And so possibly two weeks ovulating as well.

**For a moment there, my brain tried to combine the stereotype of “teenagers are constantly horny” with that hypothesis of “our society has been chronically-sleep-depriving the vast majority of its teenagers for so long that we think symptoms of chronic sleep deprivation are ‘just part of what being a teenager is like’”, and then I remembered that for normal people, “constantly horny” is not a symptom of chronic sleep deprivation. (Note that I personally was not chronically sleep-deprived as a teenager: I was homeschooled and allowed to set my own sleep schedule.)

Tags:

#enscenic #replies #(the chronic-sleep-deprivation hypothesis would certainly explain why everyone was always so impressed with my maturity as a teenager) #(perhaps I was the only well-rested teen they’d ever met) #sexuality and lack thereof #people who can distinguish between their drive for sleep and drive for sex fascinate me #my childhood #nsfw?

~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

Today’s answer to “am I ovulating, or am I sleep-deprived?” is “both”.

Tags:

#*flop* #*muffled ”ugggghhh”* #I am so fucking tired #in my case I don’t think this is an Amenta-induced problem #(that would be the part of me that cringed when Mom said my hair gets a red tint to it in the summer) #I am fortunate enough to have an incredibly incompetent reproductive drive #like #from what I’ve been able to figure out #this feeling (or the ovulatory component of it rather) was ~supposed~ to be about wanting babies #but that was multiple rounds of intra-brain Telephone ago #and by the time it actually becomes a quale it’s mangled enough to have completely lost sight of its evolutionary purpose #(which suits me just fine thank you) #(at least compared to the alternatives) #(*knocks on wood*) #tag rambles #people who can distinguish between their drive for sleep and drive for sex fascinate me #sexuality and lack thereof #nsfw? #oh look an original post

~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

unknought:

I’m lying in the dark and something like oblivion starts to flood my mind. Am I falling asleep? It occurs to me that I don’t actually know. For all the thousands of times I’ve fallen asleep, I can’t remember a single one. I don’t know what it feels like to stop being conscious. If I am in fact falling asleep right now, I realize, then what I’m experiencing in this moment will be gone from my mind when I wake up.

A tiny part of my mind panics: I don’t want to be erased! I don’t want to die! I’m jolted back to full consciousness. I lie still for a while, my thoughts slow, my mind starts to fill with something thick and sluggish and quiet, a part of me panics again. Not most of me; I know that I need to sleep. But enough of me to manage a veto, or at least a filibuster.

In the morning I wake up. I remember the cycle of drifting off towards probably-sleep and being repeatedly pulled back by a tiny fear of oblivion. I don’t remember how it ended.

Saaaaame.

(My feelings about this are so complicated and connected to so much other stuff in my head that it’s hard to really express them properly/coherently. And it might be TMI anyway.)

(I get the impression from reading about other people’s experiences that there’s quite a range of hypnagogic recall ability, and I’m towards the worse end of the scale. TBH, #1 quality-of-life tweak I would make to the human brain is improved hypnagogic recall. Since there are already people who have it, it’s clearly possible to set up a brain that way.)

Tags:

#obligate dozing fetishism + poor hypnagogic recall + psychological Issues regarding memory and existence = cruel joke of Nature #(of course it’s bedtime now isn’t it) #(I suppose I shall go nobly sacrifice very-near-future!me for a better-rested tomorrow) #(like every goddamn night) #reply via reblog #amnesia cw #death tw #infohazards #(you can really see the mishmash of grandfathered blacklist-tag formats on posts like this) #sexuality and lack thereof #people who can distinguish between their drive for sleep and drive for sex fascinate me

~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

connard-cynique:

Your fetish is the main topic of a two hours long movie where it’s applied to the whole world. There’s no sexy time, the whole movie is about the financial and societal consequences on your fucked up fetish on society.

How boring is it?

 

ultratangerine:

Bloodborne: the movie

 

multiheaded1793:

Oppressive [Light Is Not Good] oligarchic dystopia…. but that’s pretty damn hot; you can just leave details to the imagination. Could range from less creepy (everybody’s just LARPing!) to creepy/hot mind-screw (modifying people to enthusiastically consent??!).

 

brazenautomaton:

it’s really boring because there’s no conflict as everyone is satisfied with things, also there’s half an hour of exposition to explain how the fuck things are able to happen, like how people can keep giving birth to the same people multiple times, and other logistical issues

 

earthboundricochet:

Running Man but as an accurate book adaptation, I guess.

 

fierceawakening:

…that’s a LOT of blood

 

decepticonsensual:

Everything takes five times as long because whatever you do, the recipient has to describe in eye-wateringly explicit detail what it’s like and how good it is.

Your boss spends half her time standing behind you, murmuring what a GOOD worker you are, go on, add another column to that spreadsheet, YES, just like that…

 

isaacsapphire:

I keep on thinking about doing an epic book series on this premise with a/b/o/knotting/futa/whatever the opposite of futa is as the fetish.

It’s mostly about the social implications and the years long love story/life stories of several people.

 

whiny-degenerate:

pretty sure some of the nastier Cognite antics in Eclipse Phase are this

 

mitoticcephalopod:

Society could not keep functioning if my main fetish were real. Too many deaths too fast, humanity itself would probably go extinct soon afterwards.
Vore is so good tho, it’d be worth it

 

sdhs-rationalist:

Well fuck, I certainly hope that AI was friendly

 

promethearecycling:

uM

“screenplay by Neal Stephenson and Nick Land”

 

ozymandias271:

[looks at sexual abuse stats]

I am pretty sure this is just… society actually

Mine is also just society, though for very different reasons.

Like, people make stories about the societal ramifications of a world where my fetish isn’t frequently happening to everyone. (Or, if they’re Fox, put out a press release saying they’re going to make a story and then apparently never get around to it.)

(Note: despite being a not-just-for-fantasy kink, this ubiquity is mostly not as much fun as it sounds.)

Tags:

#okay so I’m conflating some stuff here #to create a world where my fetish isn’t routine you wouldn’t actually have to remove sleep entirely #just (”just”) tweak human neurology to have a much sharper line between consciousness and unconsciousness #or hell you could even keep dreaming in #sexuality and lack thereof #nsfw text #people who can distinguish between their drive for sleep and drive for sex fascinate me #rape tw #(for preceding posts)

Hypnokink Education Alert

~ Brin ~ 1 Comment

ellaenchanting:

@hypnokinkwithmrdream is posting their old hypnokink class notes under the Fetlife Hypnapocalypse tag. It’s a fascinating read- like having a mini-EEHU in my living room. Since there are a lot of older notes, it’s also an interesting peek into how and when hypnokink culture evolved into what it is now. 

Thanks for posting these @hypnokinkwithmrdream!

Personally, I find these posts chilling.

Being so much about the power of suggestion, hypnosis is, to a fair extent, what people believe it to be. What hypnosis is changes over time, as society’s view of it changes.

I happened to be born into a part of space-time where the view of hypnosis meshed with what I was naturally inclined to find hot. It hasn’t always been this way, and, I expect, it won’t always be this way.

Someday, you’re going to leave me behind. You’ll move on to new pastures, where I will not want to follow. When I read things like this (or this, or that vanilla article you linked a while back on waking suggestions that I can’t find), I fear that it is already happening.

I’ve read over two pages of the /chrono version of the tag you linked, and he hasn’t said a single thing that makes me think “yeah, that sounds appealing”. It’s all a mix of things that don’t sound like fun at all and things that sound like they maybe could be fun but in a purely platonic way.

His kink is okay, but it is not my kink. If I’d been raised in a culture where this was the consensus view of hypnosis, I don’t think I would be a hypno-fetishist.

Sooner or later, and perhaps sooner, the future of hypnosis will be defined by people who say things like:

“Honestly I think the ‘relax/sleep/deep’ is counterproductive to what I want. People treat it as an idiomatic crutch but the reality is that I don’t really want any part of the person to sleep. I want them to be so focused that they can barely integrate the experience they are having with anything before, after, or around them.”

I look at that, and all I can think is, “I hope I find my real people before these people realise I’m not theirs.”

(And if I don’t find them in time, at least I’ll have had something resembling a community, and which will have taught me some useful techniques that I’ll likely be able to preserve privately even after they fall out of fashion. The next generation of people like me may be completely alone.)

Tags:

#I spent yesterday afternoon dealing with communities that insisted on claiming me as a member against my will #and yesterday night dealing with communities that #I’m at least 60% convinced are getting ready (however slowly) to kick me out and leave me stateless in that regard #yesterday was a bad day for group affiliations I guess #reply via reblog #sexuality and lack thereof #people who can distinguish between their drive for sleep and drive for sex fascinate me #adventures in ‘close but not quite’ #raw nerves #negativity #nsfw? #in which Brin is predictable #(maybe not quite *as* predictable as the other post I’ve used that tag on) #(but this involves a couple of recurring and related themes of my blog)

{{next post in sequence}}

~ Brin ~ 2 Comments

For anyone betrayed by that post going around that claimed to be “Weightless” by Marconi Union (aka “the most relaxing song ever”), but was actually (spoilers) n inevnag bs “Pbggba Rlr Wbr”: here is an actual recording of “Weightless”.

Tags:

#(I believed that post at first) #(and I *did* consider reblogging it without listening to it because I’d already heard it on Youtube) #(but I decided to look at TagViewer first) #(this was the correct decision) #oh look an original post #music #I was disappointed but not surprised to learn that this song makes my chest hurt #and to a lesser extent my head #it’s the opposite of relaxing #look brain #I love you and I know you love me #I know you’re just trying to protect me #but also you’re a paranoid wreck #and as if that weren’t bad enough you were given some very fucked up sex ed as a kid #(I don’t mean that in the usual sense) #(I don’t necessarily think there’s a whole lot anyone could’ve done to make my upbringing less toxic in that regard) #(it just happened to be an incredibly bad match) #I’m glad you’re a *little* less panicky now that you have some decent models for what consensual sex can look like #I hope we can heal more in the future #((um)) #((for anyone who found this in the Marconi Union tracked tag or something)) #((I swear these tags make sense in context)) #tag rambles #(I specifically left them in the tags) #(in order to leave it up to the individual whether to include them when reblogging) #(so you can just have the PSA part if you want) #sexuality and lack thereof #people who can distinguish between their drive for sleep and drive for sex fascinate me

Random Question

~ Brin ~ 1 Comment

sebsteerpike:

daja-the-hypnokitten:

tennfan2:

enscenic:

jonsmisu:

So, random thing, based on a mood I keep having: How many people here are more into the less ero* side of things? Or not as into the BDSM aspects with it? I’m curious, mainly because it fits me pretty well and I like to think I’m not the only one out there with that view.

 

 

*I’m horrible at defining it, but let’s say it means that while hypno is a bit ero for you, you prefer the more funny/not as ero side of things.

This is a topic of much debate – @tennfan2, @soundshypnotic, and I occasionally “teach a class” themed around it. (I use “teach a class” because really it’s more like “put on a show”.)

And my role in said class is (as in real life) the guy whose heart is just about always in the hypnosis-for-hypnosis’-sake camp.

To be clear, it’s still very hot to me; hypnosis (depending on the context) is both a nerdy hobby and a kink, but adding the BDSM (for me) doesn’t necessarily amp up the hotness.

I mean, to me, hypnosis is almost always erotic on some level? there are a few *people* who are exceptions, but that’s mostly because of the nature of my friendship with those people…

As most of my EH pals know, and as I’ve talked with @jonsmisu about in private in the past, this is a HUGE topic for me–not so much on trying to parse the varying types of personal erotic interest, but in how our EH community makes itself fun and welcoming to all types, not just BDSM folks,

I’m personally not a “hypnosis for hypnosis’ sake” guy–I’m much more into using hypnosis as a tool to get at other mind-control or transformation erotic fantasies. That said, I do dabble in BDSM when it’s hot for a partner (which makes it hot for me!), and I absolutely know that most of my fetishes center around a power exchange of some sort and often a certain type of mental sadism. (Yes, all sadism is probably mental on some level – everything we do is mental on some level – I just mean my sadism tends to lean more toward doing nasty, mean, cruel things to someone’s mind and will, rather than physically to their body.)

So I’m definitely into hypnotism for the Ero part of Erotic Hypnotism.

However, I’ve often warned that our growing EH community needs to keep reminding itself that not everyone is into BDSM; not everyone has a D/s relationship with their partners; not everyone wants collars or to use terms like “pet,” “slave,” “Mistress/Master,” “Sir/Miss;” not everyone is into rope or floggers or canes. And while I put myself firmly on the Erotic side of things, I also have to remember that there are folks whose idea and definition of “erotic” is very different from mine—just as there may be folks who are into erotic hypnosis who have ZERO interest in a power exchange or control of another.

We have a very lovely, welcoming, friendly community, but as I’ve written at length before, the BDSM side of things still tends to dominate the community (no pun intended) for several reasons, including the fact that many EH groups and events are created in conjunction with an existing BDSM kink community or local dungeon, so not only do information about and invites to events disseminate through that BDSM community first and foremost, but also people already comfortable with being in a kink group and attending in-person events tend to be more likely to hear about and come out to attend an Erotic Hypnosis event.

In the past year, I’ve met so many more EH people like myself, or Smisu, or others here who are NOT necessarily into the formal BDSM side of things, and that’s been very encouraging and wonderful. And at the same time, I’ve done some of exploring myself of types of play that involve more elements of BDSM, with mixed but always fascinating results.

I hate having to repeat this over and over, but someone ALWAYS misses the point: I am NOT saying BDSM is bad or that it shouldn’t be part of the EH community. I am NOT suggesting we further sub-divide and Balkanize our EH community. I love my BDSM-lovin’ friends and play partners, I love talking to them, learning from them, and playing with them. I have NOTHING against BDSM and have always appreciated my own explorations of it. What I am repeatedly saying is that our larger community needs to be aware that not everyone is into BDSM and should keep our events and discussions as open and friendly as possible for folks curious about or into erotic hypnosis from different, non-BDSM angles.

But still, especially here on Tumblr, depending on how you curate your feed, you can find your daily dashboard filled with an overwhelming amount of BDSM images and discussions—much of it from your close friends in the EH community. And there are times when that feels overwhelming and alienating—it can make you feel like an outsider in the very EH community you were hoping to finally find fellowship in. You discover the EH community and think, “Oh yes, finally! My people!” and then you look around and go, “Oh wait… hmmm… Are you my people? Am I your person? Do I really belong here?”

The short, easy answer is always YES, of course you belong here—when you tune out all the BDSM imagery on Tumblr, we’re still left with a growing and varied community of great folks who welcome everyone, whatever they’re into to whatever degree. The issue isn’t how nice and welcoming and diverse the EH community is, it’s just how some of us sometimes perceive it, based on some of its most overt BDSM imagery and topics. 

We meet cool, fun, awesome new friends, and then sometimes there’s that feeling of, “Oh, but they’re into so many things I’m not.” That can sometimes leave you feeling lonely and left out again. When you’re trying to find play partners to do the hypno things you want to do, but it seems like everyone is into all kinds of things you’re not, and you despair of ever finding a play partner who’s into YOUR thing or your particular level and definition of eroticism.

Jon Smisu, I’m sure your idea of and interest in “erotic hypnosis” is different from mine, and I know mine is different from @tennfan2’s or @daja-the-hypnokitten’s or @enscenic’s. Heck, I know my fetishes don’t even line up exactly with the play partners I do lots of fun things with—almost all of them have other kinks or fetish interests that fall outside my usual realm of play. Some of those things I explore with them, some of them I shrug and leave be.

All of which is to say, hang in there – keep exploring and defining your hypnosis interests for yourself; maybe try some new things, if only to figure out what you’re not into; but most of all, just know that you are far, far from alone in all this. Maybe all our kinks and fetishes and definitions of “erotic” don’t always match, but many of us have felt exactly that mood you’re describing. And meanwhile, our community needs to keep reminding ourselves of that—that not everyone seeking shelter under the umbrella of “erotic hypnosis” is looking for or excited by the same things.

(This post is somewhere between “direct reply” and “using previous posts as jumping-off points”.)

Yeah, my relationship with erotic hypnosis is…complicated, and full of approximations: “this isn’t quite right, but it’ll have to do”.

jonsmisu: you prefer the more funny/not as ero side of things.

Well, I definitely wouldn’t say I prefer the “funny” side of things, because that seems to generally mean embarrassment humour, and I hate embarrassment humour.

sebsteerpike: And while I put myself firmly on the Erotic side of things, I also have to remember that there are folks whose idea and definition of “erotic” is very different from mine

I think of my fetish as sexual, but I often have more in common with people calling themselves “nonsexual kinksters”. I could easily see someone with the same sexuality as me but a different outlook on it using the term “nonsexual kinkster” too.

just as there may be folks who are into erotic hypnosis who have ZERO interest in a power exchange or control of another.

Yeah, the thing where BDSM is treated as the be-all-end-all of kink tripped me up in my late teens. I called myself submissive for a while because I didn’t really know you could be a kinky bottom without being submissive.

(And…this isn’t quite the same thing as conflation with BDSM, but the assumption that a person will be into a wide variety of things is also tricky. Here I am with just the one paraphilia: a few different aspects, but in essence one thing. Being kinky doesn’t make me ~adventurous~. Hell, I’m not even into genitals.)

You discover the EH community and think, “Oh yes, finally! My people!” and then you look around and go, “Oh wait… hmmm… Are you my people? Am I your person? Do I really belong here?”

The short, easy answer is always YES, of course you belong here

I’m not convinced that I do, but I do think there’s something to be gained by hanging out with people who are only almost My People. It’s good for its own sake, and it’s additionally good because places like this are my best chance at running into someone who is My People.

but it seems like everyone is into all kinds of things you’re not, and you despair of ever finding a play partner who’s into YOUR thing or your particular level and definition of eroticism.

Yep. Not even anyone to play with, necessarily, just somebody to talk to.

(I’ve been feeling lonely this week, because on Tuesday it was time for a round of “Am I Ovulating, Or Just Sleep-Deprived?*”. And I knew that if I complained about it on Tumblr, I might get a few people commiserating as best they could, but there would be nobody to nod and say “I know that feel”, because none of them did know that feel.)

*I suspect the answer was “sleep-deprived”, because the next day I slept better but felt worse. Ovulatory libido spikes don’t have a ramping-up period like that (at least for me), so I think I was sleep-deprived on Tuesday but ovulating on Wednesday.

Tags:

#reply via reblog #sexuality and lack thereof #people who can distinguish between their drive for sleep and drive for sex fascinate me #long post #nsfw text

Anonymous asked: Oh there is absolutely no reason for you to decaffeinate. Isn’t that what blood is made of?

~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

tennfan2:

I need to sleep! That’s the whole point. If you don’t appreciate sleep and you’re reading my blog I feel like you landed in the wrong kink, anon.

Tags:

#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #sexuality and lack thereof #people who can distinguish between their drive for sleep and drive for sex fascinate me