The Krusty Krab Conspiracy

upsidedowncat:

Okay so you know how on The Krusty Krab there are flags on the front

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Right, so I remembered the other day that there is a Maritime Flag Language for sailors, and each flag has a different meaning, but when put together, they spell out a word. I have decided to figure out what it says.

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Mkay so here’s the thing this center flag 

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does not exist so I can only assume that they are trying to mimic the first flag on the list? Also, the 4th one appears to be upside-down.

But what it says (if you assume it’s the first one) is Romeo-India-Alpha-Uniform-Kilo or RIAUK which, from detailed internet research, only seems to be a 43-year-old woman on a dating website I’ve never heard of. Since that is not a word, I am going to investigate into the ICS (International Code of Signal) flag meanings using Wikipedia

So according to Wiki, it says

(Kay so Romeo doesn’t have an ICS meaning so we are off to a great start)-
   
“I am altering my course to port.”-
        “I have a diver down; keep well clear at slow speed.” –
           
“You are running into danger.”-
               
“I wish to communicate with you.”

So what we can gather from this is that the creators/artist for the classic series Spongebob Squarepants have absolutely no idea what the Maritime Flag Language is. 


Tags:

#Spongebob Squarepants #I didn’t actually laugh aloud but it still amused me enough to reblog

The Evidence:

fledgling-witch:

the-macra:

local-shop:

fledgling-witch:

  • The Magic School Bus can time travel
  • When asked, Ms. Frizzle denies that she “knows everything”
  • However, Ms. Frizzle always knows what her students are up to, knows the answer to every question they ask her, and never shows fear even when in extreme mortal peril, as if she’s experienced this all before
  • Although we know she was in a rock band called the Frizzlettes and was a Shakespearean actress, Ms. Frizzle’s childhood remains mysterious
  • Ms. Frizzle is EXACTLY the sort of person to travel back in time to teach herself, and is in fact the most likely fictional character to do so
  • Nobody is ever named “Valerie Frizzle” at birth
  • Ms. Frizzle dresses queerly and laughs at her own bad jokes
  • A lot of the series is about Arnold learning to take chances, make mistakes, and get messy – that phrase is more or less targeted at him as a student
  • Ms. Frizzle looks a lot like a grown-up Arnold

Holy shit???????

She literally has a giant storeroom full of barrels of pickles because she loves pickles so much what more evidence do you need

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Tags:

#… #interesting #Magic School Bus #(I had to google the pickle thing) #(apparently spironolactone causes salt cravings and this often manifests in pickle form)

“DID YOU PUT YOUR NAME IN THE GOBLET OF FIRE?!”

curriebelle:

I reblogged a post earlier today talking about how some movies are actually much better than the books they are derived from, and it got me thinking about this infamous moment from Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. Now, I really love thinking about media, and one of my pet projects is the translation of stories from one medium to another.

One of my pet peeves is when people sink into that “the books are better” mentality, often condemning the movies simply because they changed things from the books

This line is a great example of this mentality in action. It’s one of those things that bothers people immensely about the Goblet of Fire movie. People don’t like this particular line for one simple reason. In the book, the scene goes like this:

“Did you put your name in the Goblet of Fire, Harry?” Dumbledore asked calmly.” (pg 242, GoF)

While in the movie, Michael Gambon grabs Harry by the shoulder, asks him the question quite angrily – almost shouting – and shakes him as he does. Here’s the scene and its lead-up so you know I’m not trying to misrepresent it.

Fans like to hold this moment up as emblematic of how the Harry Potter movies don’t understand the characters – e.g., they think Dumbledore is angry and panicky while he’s much calmer in the books. I think this moment is emblematic of how people don’t understand how adaptations work.

Keep reading


Tags:

#Harry Potter #meta #I have no strong opinions regarding the actual argument here but #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #discourse cw?

prokopetz:

Random Headcanon: That Federation vessels in Star Trek seem to experience bizarre malfunctions with such overwhelming frequency isn’t just an artefact of the television serial format. Rather, it’s because the Federation as a culture are a bunch of deranged hyper-neophiles, tooling around in ships packed full of beyond-cutting-edge tech they don’t really understand. Endlessly frustrating if you have to fight them, because they can pull an effectively unlimited number of bullshit space-magic countermeasures out of their arses – but they’re as likely as not to give themselves a lethal five-dimensional wedgie in the process. All those rampant holograms and warp core malfunctions and accidentally-traveling-back-in-time incidents? That doesn’t actually happen to anyone else; it’s literally just Federation vessels that go off the rails like that. And they do so on a fairly regular basis.

 

writebastard:

So to everyone else in the galaxy, all humans are basically Doc Brown.

Doc Brown: Human Scientist

 

prokopetz:

Aliens who have seen the Back to the Future movies literally don’t realise that Doc Brown is meant to be funny. They’re just like “yes, that is exactly what all human scientists are like in my experience”.

 

roachpatrol:

THE ONLY REASON SCOTTY IS CHIEF ENGINEER INSTEAD OF SOMEONE FROM A SPECIES WITH A HIGHER TECHNOLOGICAL APTITUDE IS BECAUSE EVERYONE FROM THOSE SPECIES TOOK ONE LOOK AT THE ENTERPRISE’S ENGINE ROOM AND RAN AWAY SCREAMING

 

roachpatrol:

vulcan science academy: why do you need another warp core

humans: we’re going to plug two of them together and see if we go twice as fast

vsa: last time we gave you a warp core you threw it into a sun to see if the sun would go twice as fast

humans: hahaha yeah

humans: it did tho

vsa: IT EXPLODED

humans: it exploded twice as fast

 

froborr:

I love this. Especially because of how well it plays with my headcanon that the Federation does so much better against the Borg than anyone else because beating the Borg with military tactics is nigh-impossible, but beating them with wacky superscience shenanigans works as long as they’re unique wacky superscience shenanigans.

 

megabeeprime:

Yeah, I love this.

 

underscorex:

Reminds me of the thing I wrote a while back about Humans in high fantasy realms – they’re basically Team Fuck It Hold My Beer I Got This.

Impulsive, passionate to a fault, the social structures they build to try and regulate this hotheadedness ironically creates even greater levels of sheer bull-headedness. Even their “cooler” heads take action in months or weeks.

All their great heroes of the past were impossibly rash by galactic standards. Humans Just Go With It, which is their great flaw but also their greatest strength.

 

roachpatrol:

klingons: okay we don’t get it

vulcan science academy: get what

klingons: you vulcans are a bunch of stuffy prisses but you’re also tougher, stronger, and smarter than humans in every single way

klingons: why do you let them run your federation

vulcan science academy: look

vulcan science academy: this is a species where if you give them two warp cores they don’t do experiments on one and save the other for if the first one blows up

vulcan science academy: this is a species where if you give them two warp cores, they will ask for a third one, immediately plug all three into each other, punch a hole into an alternate universe where humans subscribe to an even more destructive ideological system, fight everyone in it because they’re offended by that, steal their warp cores, plug those together, punch their way back here, then try to turn a nearby sun into a torus because that was what their initial scientific experiment was for and they didn’t want to waste a trip. 

vulcan science academy: they did that last week. we have the write-up right here. it’s getting published in about six hundred scientific journals across two hundred different disciplines because of how many established theories their ridiculous little expedition has just called into question. also, they did turn that sun into a torus, and no one actually knows how. 

vulcan science academy: this is why we let them do whatever the hell they want. 

klingons: …. can we be a part of your federation

 

the-real-seebs:

Come to think of it, I mean. Look at the “first human warp drive” thing in the movie. That was… Not how Vulcans would have done it.

 

dragon-in-a-fez:

you know what the best evidence for this is? Deep Space 9 almost never broke down. minor malfunctions that irritated O’Brien to hell and back, sure, but almost none of the truly weird shit that befell Voyager and all the starships Enterprise. what was the weirdest malfunction DS9 ever had? the senior staff getting trapped as holosuite characters in Our Man Bashir, and that was because a human decided to just dump the transporter buffer into the station’s core memory and hope everything would work out somehow, which is a bit like swapping your computer’s hard drive out for a memory card from a PlayStation 2 and expecting to be able to play a game of Spyro the Dragon with your keyboard and mouse.

 

dragon-in-a-fez:

you know what, I’m not done with this post. let’s talk about the Pegasus. the USS Fucking Pegasus, testbed for the first Starfleet cloaking device. here we have a handful of humans working in secret to develop a cloaking device in violation of a treaty with the Romulans. they’re playing catchup trying to develop a technology other species have had for a century. and what do they do? do they decide to duplicate a Romulan cloaking device precisely, just see if they can match what other species have? nope. they decide, hey, while we’re at it, while we’re building our very first one of these things, just to find out if this is possible, let’s see if we can make this thing phase us out of normal space so we can fly through planets while we’re invisible.

“but why” said the one Vulcan in the room.

“because that would fucking rule” said the humans, high fiving each other and slamming cans of 24th-century Red Bull.

there must be like twenty different counselling groups for non-human engineering students at Starfleet Academy, and every week in every single one of them someone walks in and starts up with a story like “our assignment was to repair a phaser emitter and my one human classmate built a chronometric-flux toaster that toasts bread after you’ve eaten it.”

 

ciiriianan:

Humans get mildly offended by the way they are presented in non-human media.

Like: “Guys, we totally wouldn’t do that!” But this always fails to get much traction, because the authors can always say: “You totally did.”

“That was ONE TIME.” 

There’s that movie where humans invented vaccines by just testing them on people. Or the one about those two humans who invented powered flight by crashing a bunch of prototypes. Or the one about electricity. 

And human historians go, “Oh, uh, this is historically accurate, but also kind of boring.” To which the producers respond: “How is doing THIS CRAZY THING boring????????”

There are entire serieses of horror movies where the premise is “We stopped paying attention to the human and ey found the technology.”

 

theotherguysride:

reblog for new meta. 

RE that last line: McGuyver. 

 

deadcatwithaflamethrower:

“MacGuyver” is the equivalent of Vulcan vintage human horror television.

 

roachpatrol:

during orientation at a human college, vulcans are presented with a list of swear words. 

“what is the word ‘fuck’ for,” the innocent young vulcans want to know. “surely there are more logical intensity modifiers.”

“yeah, you’d think so,” say the weary, jaded vulcan professors. “you’d really fucking think so.”

there is a phrase in vulcan for ‘the particular moment you understand what the word ‘fuck’ is for’. 


Tags:

#Star Trek #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #long post #(IIRC Romulan warp drives actually produce temporal anomalies as a side effect) #(so it’s not just humans who get into weird shit all the time) #(but anyway)

jmkfan:

raptorific:

hufflepuffbeater:

raptorific:

controversial: dumbledore would’ve made the right decision taking the 1991-1992 house cup away from slytherin even if harry and co. hadn’t saved the school and stopped voldemort from returning to power

Can I ask why? Genuinely curious here

Slytherin students didn’t have better academic performance and they certainly didn’t have better behavior than the other houses. What they did have was a head of house who would award his own students points for almost no reason while handing out penalties to other houses like candy. If Draco Malfoy answered a question correctly in potions, he’d be awarded ten points, while Hermione giving the same answer would lose ten points for being a know-it-all. 

That’s the thing, the game was rigged in Slytherin’s favor. Snape set his own house up to win, through absolutely no merit of their own, seven years in a row with no penalty. Meanwhile Dumbledore is made out to be the one who “just hands victory to his own house” after four members of his house put their lives on the line to save the school from a genocidal mass-murderer

Gryffindor deserved the house cup because their students saved the school, but even if they didn’t, Slytherin should have had it taken away from them because they didn’t earn it. 

I can’t even condemn Dumbledore for letting Slytherin believe they’d won, sit in a green-and-silver dining hall, and then changing it when he announced they’d actually lost, because after seven years of cheating, it’s not enough for them to just lose. If they’d just lost, they’d think they were cheated out of something that’s rightfully theirs. Allowing them to believe they’d just once again been handed an award they didn’t deserve, and then giving it directly to the house that actually did something to deserve it, teaches a valuable lesson. 

Anyway, if we’re going to criticize Dumbledore’s abilities as a school administrator for anything, it’s how unchecked he left Snape’s treatment of his students. Even putting aside the emotional and physical abuse he inflicted on his students, there should have been some provision in place to prevent his abuse of the points system before he had a chance to hand it to his own students for ONE year, let alone seven. 

There should have been a provision that the current holder of the house cup is ineligible for participation in the next year’s competition. There should be an upper limit on how many points you can take away from another house’s students, and how many points you can give to your own students. Students should be able to appeal unfair penalties to the headmaster. 

Point is, Slytherin shouldn’t get an award just because their head-of-house refuses to play fair

I never thought of it like this before. Thank you so much, OP


Tags:

#Harry Potter #meta #interesting

cosmictuesdays:

camwyn:

graphicnerdity:

It’s all Harry’s fault. Well, partially. I suppose Voldemort can be saddled with an equal portion of the blame. The point is, the Dursleys were just minding their own business when a horcrux was dumped on their doorstep. For the next decade it proceeded to warp their minds, turning them from your garden variety insufferable human beings into horrible, heartless monsters. The fact that they survived such prolonged horcrux exposure without delving into insanity or abandoning a helpless child only solidifies their place among the pantheon of noble and virtuous heroes in the Harry Potter universe.

*Mic drop*

That… actually does kind of explain an awful lot, dunnit.

Damn, that’s some twisted meta.

…I thought this was going to be a “just say no to Horcruxes” joke.


Tags:

#Harry Potter #meta #…oh my god #I laughed at ‘Weasley children are particularly susceptible’ #and then I just stopped and stared #oh god

laurelhach:

El-Aurian Redesign

Originally from the Beta Quadrant, El-Aurians are a borderline humanoid race. They are eight limbed, with two main walking limbs, and they often use at least two other limbs during locomotion, though it’s not always necessary. They are extremely long-lived, often upwards of two thousand years.

El-Aurians have groups of cerata on their necks and their tail. Each ceras contains a central tube connected to three small highly vascularized lung-structures. A small pouch at the base expands to lower pressure inside the ceras and draw in air. Relatively simple organs, cerata regenerate easily when damaged. The constant inhalation/exhalation from the cerata causes them to wave gently. Non El-Aurians often find this effect calming, but others may think it unnerving.

El-Aurian listening skills are a racial personality trait, not biological, and their hearing is not exceptional among known races. Even before their homeworld’s assimilation, they were a widely-travelled species, and their cultural value of knowledge and history contributes to their listening skills. They have fantastic memories, and easily assume historian roles. Their arms contain partially separate nervous systems and do not require the concentration of the main brain to operate—this leaves the main brain freer for other functions, including the storage of memories (because El-Aurians have a lot). It also makes El-Aurians great multi-taskers. 

Their fan functions similarly to the antennae-plate on the Trill, though it is not a hearing organ—that is located dorsally to the fan. The fan has receptors for a broad range of particles, including chronitons, making El-Aurians a rare time-sensitive race. Their biological ability to detect spacial and temporal anomalies is unparalleled in known species.  As they have a limited skeleton and much of their body is supported by hydrostatics, they are also sensitive to pressure changes (and they like less gravity than Fed Standard—Guinan keeps Ten Forward a little light, it’s fun)

El-Aurians have at least two distinct phenotypes—-given their rarity, we don’t know whether or not there are more.

(yay for the chickensquids)


Tags:

#Star Trek #…huh #interesting

tinsnip:

Here’s something to think about: Odo is self-taught.

No mentor. No tracks to follow. Just plunked into an office by himself on a chaotic station. And he went, in a matter of years, from ‘guy randomly assigned to investigate a murder who borks it up’ to ‘single-handed enforcer of justice with a network of contacts that stretches from Starfleet to Cardassia Prime’.

He doesn’t just keep a lid on station shenanigans. He interrupts smuggling rings that are entirely off station. His tendrils are everywhere. And he’s always watching.

And this is our Odo. Who means well.

I can very easily see how the Dominion came to be.


Tags:

#Star Trek #DS9 #in the early seasons he wonders a few times if he inherited his sense of justice from his people #and I’m just like ‘…oh Odo’ #(and he does have those fascist tendencies)

thetempest:

 

charamei:

Aaaaaahhhh no okay sorry I need to reblog it again because I am having Thoughts and Feelings

I mean Time Lords as a whole are awful at the concept of disguise I mean their major spy organisation has a distinctive black-and-white uniform which they never take off for crying out loud

But what we have when conversations like this happen is an unfortunate convergence of two Gallifreyan cultural things coming into play at the same time

#1 is Things Should Be Labelled As What They Are (aka Everyone Is In Uniform At All Times)*

*Romana somehow avoided this. Go you, Romana! You are the only one!

and #2 is Gallifreyans Are Prosopagnosic And Recognise One Another By Telepathy

And like yes if your entire species is faceblind and its primary sense is telepathy (and on the whole its members have a much lower sense of individuality than humans do because of the hivemind) of course the emphasis on clothing is going to be different

Humans use clothing to protect and cover up, yeah, but we also use it to show off and to express ourselves and neither of those things is nearly as important to a hiveminded species with vision as a secondary sense as it is to us

Gallifreyans use clothing as a label because Things Should Be Labelled As What They Are

Is it orange with a single V-stripe and double sleeves and a reasonably heavy weight of fabric well then clearly you are a Prydonian Time Lord

And yes the renegades do this too the lack of a uniform is the Renegade Uniform I would refer you to the fact that the Master is always in black and the Doctor picks a single theme per regeneration and sticks with it unless major trauma happens (looking at you, Eight)

Things Should Be Labelled As What They Are and so when the Doctor picks a new wardrobe at the start of a regeneration all they are really doing is re-applying the Renegade label hello yes I am a renegade this is my new renegade uniform

(It must have taken poor Twelve quite some time to come up with the cunning plan of wearing a different uniform I mean that is some hardcore breakage of Gallifreyan brainwashing there)

So for Gallifreyan Norm #1 we have ‘Nobody ever wears clothing that doesn’t indicate their function in society therefore nobody will ever suspect I am a renegade if I am wearing a Shobogan’s uniform, not even Clara’

And then for #2 there’s this unfortunate thing that Gallifreyans don’t see faces and like yes I’m sure the Doctor is aware that humans do recognise one another by sight (they go through this every time they regenerate after all) and they know their face hasn’t changed since Clara last saw them

But

What does ‘sight’ mean

Well clearly since everyone is always wearing a uniform it means face + uniform

This face + that coat = Sixth Doctor whereas this face + guard uniform = Commander Maxil

Oh sure my face is the same but Clara won’t recognise me as me because I am not wearing my renegade uniform she’ll just think I’m a Shobogan with a very similar face that’s how humans work right?

No Doctor

No it isn’t

But nice try


Tags:

#Doctor Who #interesting #meta #meta for an episode I haven’t yet seen #but I feel that my ignorance of the episode neither detracts from the meta #nor does the meta detract from my ignorance of the episode #prosopagnosia

pottersir:

… “You must have shown me real loyalty down in the Chamber. Nothing but that could’ve called Fawkes to you.” That’s the very first thing Dumbledore thanks and praises Harry for. Not for rescuing Ginny, or saving the school from the basilisk, or for keeping Voldemort from coming back, but for loyalty.

Dumbledore judges the people he works with based first and foremost on how loyal they are to him. Not because he thinks he’s all that, but because, as I said, he views people as game pieces, and you can’t have your game pieces acting up, can you? He values his pieces. He wants to advance and protect them. But he doesn’t want them running off beyond his sphere of influence and doing their own thing. I think there’s something very ambiguous about Dumbledore’s habit of seeking out desperate, socially outcast people and doing them one or two huge favors that leave them bound to him for life. Remus, Hagrid and Snape all fit that pattern, and Trelawney and Firenze appear to join the ranks in OOP. It kind of makes me wonder what Dumbledore has done for Fletcher, Moody and Shacklebolt.

…The problem with Sirius is, he’s not loyal to Dumbledore at all; he’s loyal to Harry. From Dumbledore’s point of view, it’s as if he’s playing wizard chess, and one of the knights suddenly decides that he doesn’t care what happens to the king, he’s just going to take care of that little pawn on the left. So Dumbledore does the only thing he thinks he can do — he sticks his recalcitrant knight into a safe, isolated corner of the board and keeps him from making any moves. Perfectly sensible and strategically sound, as long as you don’t expect your game pieces to have any pesky emotions or psychological issue that need to be taken into account.

…Dumbledore’s actions at Hogwarts are another symptom of his general approach. He doesn’t treat it just as a school, but also as an instrument in his strategy. People like Snape, Hagrid and Trelawny — all lousy teachers, in very different ways — are given their jobs as perks, because of their past of future usefulness to the Order, and because it strengthens their bonds of loyalty to Dumbledore.

OTOH, look at Lupin, who is a talented teacher. Why wasn’t he hired before Harry’s third year, especially given the difficulty of finding qualified DADA professors? My theory is that Dumbledore didn’t consider it necessary. As far as he knew, Lupin was already totally loyal simply because Dumbledore had allowed him to attend Hogwarts. There was no need to bribe him with a job. He was hired only when his familiarity with Sirius became an important factor. Once Sirius proved not to be a threat, Lupin was allowed to resign…

 

stormedtrooper:

THIS IS SO GREAT AND SO INTERESTING AND EVEN MORE SO WHEN YOU LOOK AT SNAPE’S STORYLINE AND HERE’S WHY

Just look at Dumbledore’s behavior in The Prince’s Tale – especially at the contrast between before and after Snape agreed to help him defeat Voldemort. There’s so much emotional manipulation, so much that Dumbledore is doing to keep Snape on his side.

“That is why – it is for that reason – he thinks it means Lily Evans!”

“The prophecy did not refer to a woman,” said Dumbledore. “It spoke of a boy born at the end of July – ”

“You know what I mean! He thinks it means her son, he is going to hunt her down – kill them all – ”

If she means so much to you,” said Dumbledore, “surely Lord Voldemort will spare her? Could you not ask for mercy for the mother, in exchange for the son?”

“I have – I have asked him – ”

You disgust me,” said Dumbledore, and Harry had never heard so much contempt in his voice. Snape seemed to shrink a little, “You do not care, then, about the deaths of her husband and child? They can die, as long as you have what you want?”

That line, the “you disgust me” line is SO IMPORTANT. Contrary to popular belief, Dumbledore doesn’t find Snape’s obsession love for Lily beautiful; he finds it disgusting – and understandably so. Because she “means so much” to Snape that he’s willing to sacrifice her family, and therefore happiness, in order to keep her alive. And, frankly, that’s gross. Dumbledore agrees.

“Hide them all, then,” he croaked. “Keep her – them – safe. Please.”

And what will you give me in return, Severus?

“In – in return?” Snape gaped at Dumbledore, and Harry expected him to protest, but after a long moment he said, “Anything.”

Aaaaaand Dumbledore gets himself the perfect soldier – someone who is willing to do anything.

“I thought…you were going…to keep her…safe…”

“She and James put their faith in the wrong person,” said Dumbledore. “Rather like you, Severus. Weren’t you hoping that Lord Voldemort would spare her?”

Also really important. Dumbledore was supposed to protect her, keep her alive, and it didn’t work out and that greatly puts Snape’s loyalty at risk. So what does Dumbledore do? Deflect. He places the blame on Snape and Voldemort here – which, I’m pretty much with him here because Snape did tell Voldemort the prophecy and Voldemort did personally kill the Potters. But this isn’t about that. This is strategy. Keep Snape guilty and keep the blame off Dumbledore by having this whole “well there was nothing I could do” stance and thereby keep Snape both vulnerable and loyal. Make Voldemort the real enemy, someone that Snape would be willing to do anything to fight against at all cost.

“Her boy survives,” said Dumbledore.

With a tiny jerk of the head, Snape seemed to flick off an irksome fly.

“Her son lives. He has her eyes, precisely her eyes. You remember the shape and color of Lily Evans’s eyes, I am sure?

“DON’T!” bellowed Snape. “Gone…dead…”

“Is this remorse, Severus?”

“I wish…I wish I were dead…”

“And what use would that be to anyone?” said Dumbledore coldly. “If you loved Lily Evans, if you truly loved her, then your way forward is clear.

Okay so Dumbledore is definitely using Snape’s love for Lily against him – I think we can all agree with that. I mean look at how he’s referring to her as “Lily Evans” rather than as her married name, “Lily Potter.” Dumbledore has a very tough sell here; he wants Snape to help him protect the child of someone Snape loves and someone he hates. So he takes James out of the equation and it’s all about Harry’s eyes and how much they look like Lily’s and Evans. And then he takes Snape’s love and gives it a purpose.

“You know how and why she died. Make sure it was not in vain. Help me protect Lily’s son.”

“He does not need protection. The Dark Lord has gone – ”

“The Dark Lord will return, and Harry Potter will be in terrible danger when he does.”

There was a long pause, and slowly Snape regained control of himself, mastered his own breathing. At last he said, “Very well. Very well. But never – never tell, Dumbledore! This must be between us! Swear it! I cannot bear…especially Potter’s son…I want your word!”

My word, Severus, that I shall never reveal the best of you?” Dumbledore sighed, looking down into Snape’s ferocious, anguished face.

Before it was disgusting, but now that Snape’s agreed to help him, has pledged his loyalty, Snape’s love is now ~the best part of him~

“ – mediocre, arrogant as his father, a determined rule-breaker, delighted to find himself famous, attention-seeking and impertinent – ”

“You see what you expect to see, Severus,” said Dumbledore, without raising his eyes from a copy of Transfiguration Today . “Other teachers report that the boy is modest, likable, and reasonably talented. Personally, I find him an engaging child.”

Dumbledore turned a page, and said, without looking up, “Keep an eye on Quirrell, won’t you?”

Snape is only seeing James’ worst qualities in Harry (which tbh first year Harry definitely did not have) so Dumbledore brings up qualities that were, actually, found in and associated with Lily to placate him. Because Dumbledore’s biggest challenge is to make Snape forget that James is Harry’s father. He then follows this up with a request.

“Karkaroff’s Mark is becoming darker too. He is panicking, he fears retribution; you know how much help he gave the Ministry after the Dark Lord fell.” Snape looked sideways at Dumbledore’s crooked-nosed profile. “Karkaroff intends to flee if the Mark burns.”

“Does he?” said Dumbledore softly, as Fleur Delacour and Roger Davies came giggling in from the grounds. “And are you tempted to join him?”

“No,” said Snape, his black eyes on Fleur’s and Roger’s retreating figures. “I am not such a coward.”

“No,” agreed Dumbledore. “You are a braver man by far than Igor Karkaroff. You know, I sometimes think we Sort too soon…

He walked away, leaving Snape looking stricken…

Whether you believe it or not, both Sirius and Remus have said that Snape was jealous of James – of his popularity, his talents, all the glory he received, etc. And a lot of those things are perks from being a brave Gryffindor rather than an “evil” Slytherin. Dumbledore is capitalizing on that, on Snape’s secret desires. He’s manipulating Snape because wow he thinks he’s brave, he thinks he’s brave enough to even be a mighty Gryffindor – something I’m sure no one has even told him before. Something he’d never admit to secretly reveling in because he grew up unloved and unwanted. But it keeps him loyal, keeps him close to Dumbledore.

“I am fortunate, extremely fortunate, that I have you, Severus.”

The power of being complimentary, my friends, is not focused on enough. (And I’m not trying to take away from the fact that Snape is a talented wizard, because I do think that, but Dumbledore is so totally manipulating him come on. What makes me say that? Because not long afterwards does he segue into asking Snape to kill him)

“In short, the boy has had a death sentence pronounced upon him as surely as I have,” said Dumbledore. “Now, I should have thought the natural successor to the job, once Draco fails, is yourself?

There was a short pause.

“That, I think, is the Dark Lord’s plan.”

Lord Voldemort foresees a moment in the near future when he will not need a spy at Hogwarts?

“He believes the school will soon be in his grasp, yes.”

“And if it does fall into his grasp,” said Dumbledore, almost, it seemed, as an aside, “I have your word that you will do all in your power to protect the students at Hogwarts?

Snape gave a stiff nod.

Great, Dumbledore has not only a spy, but an heir.

“He is his father over again – ”

In looks, perhaps, but his deepest nature is much more like his mother’s. I spend time with Harry because I have things to discuss with him, information I must give him before it is too late.”

Harry actually shares plenty of traits with James – and based on how he’s spoken of James in the past, Dumbledore liked him. (And why wouldn’t he? Not only is James amazing jkalsdsalkdjasldaskdh but he was very loyal to Dumbledore) So this is for Snape’s benefit. Again, he’s keeping him under control by bringing Lily into the equation and make Harry worthy enough, in Snape’s eyes, to protect.

“Information,” repeated Snape. “You trust him…you do not trust me.

“It is not a question of trust. I have, as we both know, limited time. It is essential that I give the boy enough information for him to do what he needs to do.”

“And why may I not have the same information?”

I prefer not to put all of my secrets in one basket, particularly not a basket that spends so much time dangling on the arm of Lord Voldemort.”

“Which I do on your orders!”

“And you do it extremely well. Do not think that I underestimate the constant danger in which you place yourself, Severus. To give Voldemort what appears to be valuable information while withholding the essentials is a job I would entrust to nobody but you.

“Yet you confide much more in a boy who is incapable of Occlumency, whose magic is mediocre, and who has a direct connection into the Dark Lord’s mind!”

Dumbledore is clearly making Snape angry and I don’t think it’s necessarily intentional. But I do think he’s trying to make sure that Snape desires and values his trust over Voldemort’s. I mean, I’m sure he’s double checked that he has Snape’s loyalty before, but it’s safe to keep checking every now and then. But then this happens:

Snape looked angry, mutinous. Dumbledore sighed.

“Come to my office tonight, Severus, at eleven, and you shall not complain that I have no confidence in you…”

MUTINOUS IS SUCH AN IMPORTANT WORD. DUMBLEDORE IS AT RISK OF LOSING THE BEST AND MOST ESSENTIAL PIECE TO HIS GAME, HIS MVP, SO HE HAS TO REEL HIM BACK IN.

“So the boy…the boy must die?” asked Snape quite calmly.

“And Voldemort himself must do it, Severus. That is essential.”

Another long silence. Then Snape said, “I thought…all those years…that we were protecting him for her. For Lily.

Snape is currently reevaluating his life and all of his choices. Because he thinks, if not for Lily, then what is the point of protecting Harry Potter? Why is he fighting this war? Why is he on Dumbledore’s side?

“We have protected him because it has been essential to teach him, to raise him, to let him try his strength,” said Dumbledore, his eyes still tight shut. “Meanwhile, the connection between them grows ever stronger, a parasitic growth. Sometimes I have thought he suspects it himself. If I know him, he will have arranged matters so that when he does set out to meet his death, it will truly mean the end of Voldemort.”

Dumbledore opened his eyes. Snape looked horrified.

“You have kept him alive so that he can die at the right moment?”

“Don’t be shocked, Severus. How many men and women have you watched die?”

“Lately, only those whom I could not save,” said Snape. He stood up. “You have used me.

Indeed he has! And after all this time, you’ve finally caught on!

“I have spied for you and lied for you, put myself in mortal danger for you. Everything was supposed to be to keep Lily Potter’s son safe. Now you tell me you have been raising him like a pig for slaughter – ”

Uh-oh no longer Lily Evans – now she is Potter, now she and everything that’s a part of her (i.e. her son) is tainted by James. Still worth protecting? Still worth sacrificing and risking so much for? Apparently yes because this happens:

“But this is touching, Severus,” said Dumbledore seriously. “Have you grown to care for the boy, after all?”

For him?” shouted Snape. “ Expecto Patronum!”

From the tip of his wand burst the silver doe. She landed on the office floor, bounded once across the office, and soared out of the window. Dumbledore watched her fly away, and as her silvery glow faded he turned back to Snape, and his eyes were full of tears.

“After all this time?”

“Always,” said Snape.

Okay so obviously, if you hadn’t already caught on, Snape isn’t doing all of this for the cause or because he’s repenting for being a Death Eater. It’s all for Lily. The woman he helped kill. I beg you to not find that romantic. Remember Dumbledore’s “you disgust me”? That’s pretty much how I feel about Snape, and I suspect that Dumbledore still feels that way. Because, as valuable as he is, Snape has not changed. And I guess it doesn’t bother him at all if he’s risked and sacrificed so much for a child who will die anyway if it was all for her.

After all this time, you still do not see the value of protecting an innocent child? Always. After all this time you still cannot let go of a woman who never loved you romantically? Always. After all this time, you’re still fighting against Voldemort because he killed Lily and not because you believe in muggle-born rights? Always. Dumbledore had to have known this – I mean he’d been using Snape’s love for Lily against him for how long? But I’m sure it still saddened him.

Anyway, “The Prince’s Tale” is a brilliant example of Dumbledore’s manipulation and how he used it to win a war. This is where we see him really in action – and it’s fascinating. Because this is the power of loyalty – how Dumbledore could get a Death Eater so firmly on his side that he continues to do Dumbledore’s work for him after his own death. That’s powerful.

And that’s why Voldemort’s fucking scared of him. I’m kind of scared of him.


Tags:

#long post #Harry Potter #meta #interesting