sinesalvatorem:

sigmaleph is a sofa who is rumored to write things. Like all sofas, this one hovers above the ground and traverses the open planes of prehistoric earth. Why do they do this? Well, why does anyone do anything strange that you can’t understand? Because they hate freedom, of course.

When this sofa lazily ambles down the road, children and small woodland creatures flock to them. They are constantly mobbed by small birds attempting to make capitalism. But does Sigmaleph help them to make capitalism? No! They HATE cute little parasitic cowbird babies. HATE them. They hate all good, cute things. They once came across a Precious Cinnamon Roll, and they ATE it! Have they no SHAME???

They’re the type of pretentious bourgeois intellectual who corrects people’s Spanish and discusses why signaling isn’t really about signaling. Thus far, every pretentious intellectual I’ve summarised has either been a
Degenerate Cuckster or a Degenerate Cuckster Wannabe. Since correlation always = causation, this proves that Sigmaleph is degenerate. Then again, so is Tumblr is general, so w/e.

But if my hardcore Logic™ above didn’t convince you of their degeneracy, what about the fact that they read MLP fanfic, huh???? It is impossible to go anywhere near MLP without acquiring degenerate ideas like friendship being optimal. Yuck.

Friendship: Not Even Once

And, of course, even their friendships are degenerate. Take, for example, their association with flowery pretty gays like nihilsupernum. Sure, he’s an agenty, protagonisty gay, but that’s not the point! Given this Indisputable Evidence, it is safe to assume that Sigmaleph is a *floral print* sofa. Disgusting.

They are also a Utilitarian, which means that they’re Evil and Immoral. They would feed dust specks to a kid in Omlas’s basement. They think we should have never-ending babies until there’s no more world left! That’s why they gave birth to the president! Twice! Sofas giving birth is about as degenerate as it gets, TBH.

They have literally made a deal with devil in which they literally correct anyone who misuses the word “literally”. They also support devil-worship in a more general sense. Their blog is literally the triple point between atheism, molten statues of Satan, and grammatical pedantry.

Follow sigmaleph if you want all your furniture to float away and get knocked up by Satanists.

Tags:

#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #just…just read all of these #they are amazing #read them in order they build off each other #(you’ll understand more of the jokes if you have a decent grasp on rationalist subcultural references) #(but I’m pretty sure they’re still funny without it)