lullabyknell:

Alright, so I just watched the scene in PS where Hagrid is telling Harry about Voldemort and doesn’t want to say the name. Harry is like, “Maybe if you wrote it down?” and Hagrid is like, “Nah, can’t spell it.”

And that reminded me of how it’s basically canon (I headcanon it anyway) that nobody pronounces Voldemort’s name the way Voldemort (and J.K. Rowling) intended – with the T supposed to be silent. Bc it’s French, right? And so it’s kind of a joke in fandom that nobody says Voldemort’s chosen name right and it drives the Dark Lord absolutely nuts or whatever. So what if people not being able to spell Voldemort is actually pretty common in the Wizarding World?

Like, what if, when Voldemort first started to go public, the newspapers kept on spelling his name wrong? Like sometimes it’s Volldemort and sometimes it’s Voldemore because no one at the Daily Prophet or any other publication is actually sure. Anyway, who the hell cares if they have a typo or two? (Voldemort. Voldemort cares. A lot.)

Maybe Imogen Thorpe in Fashion writes an article commenting on the Knights of Walpulgis’ choice of robes at the Minister’s New Year’s Ball and decides that she’ll just write it as Voldimorte. And Wilbur Hicks in Financial Reports is the worst with getting names right and just writes Volbimort in the hopes the editor will catch it, but Intern Beatrice Fowler is a muggleborn Hufflepuff in the middle of getting her university degree, so she’s just like, “Huh, weird name, right?” and Intern Travis Collins who hasn’t slept in five days just shrugs at her.  And Hester Whittle in Political Reports is hard of hearing and this isn’t a name from the Sacred Twenty-Eight, so she scribbles down Vuldimmori and wonders what those damn frogs think they’re doing trying to get involved in British politics – foreign bastards wouldn’t have dared back in her day.

And imagine, even during both wars, people are still getting it wrong. Diagon Alley has graffiti on the shop walls that says DOWN WITH BARON VOLLDINORT! The Ministry of Magic under Death Eater occupation has a room full of anti-Voldemort fliers where the name continuously switches between Voledeemorte and Vouldiomrt and, oh god, Wuldimurr. “It’s foreign,” Fred explains very seriously to Kingsley, right before Potterwatch, as George and Lee turn them out by the hundreds and Remus is basically crying with laughter into a table.


Tags:

#Harry Potter

americanwizarding:

tastefullyoffensive:

(via meow99)

MEMO
FROM: The Desk of Regional Commander (South-West) Cesar Majano, AB-DENs  
TO: Field Captain John Walk
SUBJECT: Field Training the New Recruits

Captain:

Please see the attached report from the agents at the DSO. Apparently some of your recruits, out on a training mission, were spotted by Muggles on a desert walk-about. Please have words with the recruits: while we are extremely impressed with the detail of their transformations, we would ask they remember that it is not enough to simply look like a cactus. Proper cactus behavior is expected. Luckily DSO agents got wind of this issue through the Meme-Divination wing of those clever bastards over in the MRD and were able to quash the story before it broke. Now we only have this rather funny picture circulating and which I feel will be an excellent learning tool for your recruits both present and future. 

Sincerely,

-RC-SW Cesar Majano


Tags:

#”meme divination” #Harry Potter #ish

Anonymous asked: What if Harry Potter, the chosen one, had turned out to be a squib, how do you think history would have turned out differently?

ink-splotch:

It was Mrs. Figg who suspected first.

She noticed many things, sitting on her side of her fence with her cats chasing butterflies and nuzzling her ankles, Mundungus and the other watchers dropping by for tea now and then.

Mrs. Figg noticed that Petunia was a nosy bit of work with insecurities hanging from her every harsh angle. She noticed when Dudley learned the word MINE– the whole neighborhood noticed that one. She noticed that Vernon glared at owls.

She noticed that when Petunia gave Harry a truly horrendous haircut one year, it grew back in at a normal rate. Harry was uneven and weird-looking for ages, hiding under beanies when he could.

When Mrs. Figg had Harry over for carefully miserable afternoons of babysitting, she noticed nothing moved that shouldn’t. He didn’t accidentally make flowers out of fallen leaves, or levitate anything during tantrums, or turn toys funny colors.

Mrs. Figg called up her mother, interrupting the wizarding bridge game she was winning against the nursing home staff, and asked her how she had known, decades back, that her youngest daughter was a squib.

When Albus Dumbledore received Mrs. Figg’s letter he wrote back a polite thank you and then went to talk with Minerva McGonagall, who inhaled sharply in horror when he told her the news.

Finally, McGonagall gave a gathered sigh. “I suppose we can ask one of the wizarding families to homeschool him,” she said. “We can’t have the Boy Who Lived not knowing about his own world.”  

“No, he’ll come to Hogwarts,” said Dumbledore.

“Hogwarts is not a place for–” Her voice fell. “–squibs, Albus.”

Dumbledore shook his head. “Harry must be taught.”

“Be taught what, Albus?”

But Dumbledore just sighed and offered her a lemon drop.

Years later, the owls and the letters came to 4 Privet Drive. The Dursleys ran, dragging Harry with them, and the letters and one stubborn gamekeeper followed– none of this would change with a magicless Harry.

When Hagrid asked Harry in that little cabin on that little rock in the middle of the sea if weird things always happened around him, Harry couldn’t tell him about vanishing glass and setting captive snakes free, about ending up somehow on the school roof, or growing his hair out overnight.  

“Strange things always happen around you, don’ they?”

“Um,” said Harry, racking his brain. “Well… I live in a cupboard under the stairs…”

Harry could tell him about how snakes sometimes talked back, because that had never been Harry’s magic, but when he did Hagrid just blanched and changed the subject.

Hagrid held out hope, even against Dumbledore’s quiet warning explanations, until they made it to Ollivander’s Wands. Harry marveled at Diagon Alley, got his hands shaken in the Leaky, pressed his nose up against shop windows. Hagrid watched the scant boy– looked at James’s messy hair, Lily’s eyes, Harry’s own wandering gaze– and he wondered how this boy could be anything but magical.

In the wand shop, Ollivander said, “James Potter, yes… mahogany, eleven inches. Pliable. A powerful wand for Transfiguration.” He said, “And your mother, Lily…  strong in Charms work, ten and… yes, ten and a quarter, willow, swishy.”

Harry picked up stick after wooden stick. They remained just that– wood with bits of feather or scale or hair. Harry wondered if the creatures who gave these offerings were still alive– if they were given or taken. What did it do to your wand when they died? He waved a maplewood wand (unicorn hair, eleven inches) and a gust from the door opening blew some receipts off the counter.

“Well, said Ollivander. “I think that’s as close as we’re likely to get.”

He sent them out with the maplewood. Hagrid bought Harry a snowy owl and a fudge sundae and tried not make it too obvious that these were condolence gifts. The next day the Prophet’s headlines read: The Boy Who Lived– A Squib? Various magical medical experts weighed in on how it might have happened. Fingers were pointed at childhood trauma, at his upbringing, at his family lineage.

Harry still met Ron on the train– Ron was still smudge-nosed and Harry still bought enough candy to share. When Molly had helped him through the platform entrance, her voice had been a little softer, a little more pitying– but it was still better than the laughter that had been in his aunt and uncle’s voices when they dropped him here to find a platform they didn’t think existed.

Hermione Granger dropped by their compartment, looking for Neville’s toad, but got distracted when she spotted Harry. “I’ve read about you! In my books, and in the paper,” she said. “You’re the Boy Who Lived, and you’re a squib.”

Harry sank down in his seat. Ron hid Scabbers under a candy wrapper.

“Squibs have never been allowed in Hogwarts,” Hermione announced. “According to Hogwarts, A History, squibs try to sneak in now and then– the furthest anyone’s ever gotten is to the Sorting Hat before they got found out.” At eleven, Hermione still believed in expulsion being worse than death. Her voice was thrumming with sympathetic horror.

“But they already found out about me,” Harry said, alarmed.

“It’s alright, mate,” said Ron. “You’re Harry Potter. Oy, Granger,” he added. “What’s this Hat? Fred and George were trying to sell me some story about having to fight a mountain troll to get your House…”

Harry sat back and watched the countryside rush by. Yes, he was Harry Potter– his aunt’s useless sister’s useless child, the boy in the lumpy hand-me-down sweaters who named the spiders who lived in his cupboard. And here, in new world, he was apparently useless too.

When they got to Hogwarts, Harry clenched his fists and stood in line with the other first years. He barely twitched at the ghosts or Peeves, just stared ahead and thought about how far he would get before they turned him around and sent him back to Vernon and Petunia.

They opened the Great Hall doors. They called the first years one by one. Harry clenched his teeth and walked up to the Hat when they called his name.

As he turned to sit down on the stool, he really caught sight of the Hall for the first time– the hovering candles, the big wooden tables, the black robes that swallowed the light. Translucent ghosts gossiped with the students beside them. The paintings on the far walls– were they moving?

Harry’s jaw had unclenched, falling open. His fists curled open, curving around the stool’s seat as he leaned forward to stare. If this was it, if this was as far as he’d get in this world, then he wanted to drink it all in. The candles were floating, in mid-air.

The Hat dropped down over his eyes and blocked out the light.

Well, said the dry voice that had been hollering House placements all night. What do we have here?

Ron had been begging for not-Slytherin. Draco from the robes shop had been scornful of Hufflepuff, desperate in his disdain. Neville had begged for Hufflepuff, sure he was not brave enough for Gryffindor.

Please, thought Harry. Don’t send me back.

Keep reading


Tags:

#Harry Potter #recs

arctic-hands:

marauders4evr:

not-kakarot-anymore:

reconfemmandoforares:

pieandhotdogs:

swan2swan:

I was on the bus thinking about Harry Potter tonight and I remembered the part where the Dementors all show up at the Quidditch game, and I remembered how they were all looking up at Harry, and I wondered why they would all be staring at him, and then I realized that it’s because he has two souls in him.

On this note, wouldn’t that also be a reason why Harry would have had a more negative reaction than his friends (even Ginny)? He was hearing his mother’s voice as she was protecting him, which in itself was his worst memory. but the Dementors were also forcing the piece of Voldemort to relive its worst memory as well… The memory of being ripped apart by the curse that backfired. No wonder Harry passed out so often.

I literally never thought about that.

omg…

HOLY

Oh FUCKING HELL, you just made me realize that it wasn’t Harry’s memory that was his father telling Lily to take Harry and run, and it wasn’t Harry’s memory of Lily screaming.

Here I was, just eating a cup of applesauce under the 14-year-long assumption that the reason a small infant was able to remember something was because this was a fictional world of magic, but no, now this entirely reasonable and somewhat less terrifying bubble has burst and I’m never going to recapture that innocence. 

I’m going to fucking bed.


Tags:

#Harry Potter #death tw #huh #interesting

mahoganyclaus:

jk rowling’s reasoning as to why fenrir greyback turned remus into a werewolf: remus’s father insulted him so he did it as an act of revenge

the actual reason greyback bit remus: the temptation to succumb to the fact that biting remus whose name literally means ‘werewolf mcwerewolf’ would be the greatest feat in lycanthropic irony the world had ever seen


Tags:

#Harry Potter #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog

hogwartsninenine:

 

snanger-danger:

l never tire of reblogging this


Tags:

#Harry Potter #since the OP is called hogwartsninenine I’m guessing the quotes are from #Brooklyn Nine Nine #(I’ve seen this quote before but I didn’t keep track of where it was from) #(much like I sometimes have trouble telling the difference between Monty Python quotes and Saturday Night Live quotes) #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog

copperbadge:

resplendeo:

team-free-will-on-skaro:

spooky-ophelia:

kiyala:

isozyme:

Remus Lupin: Sirius you did what.

Inspired by this post and others by lotstradamus

#i want the 50k story of facepalming remus and panicked sirius with kidnapped baby harry on the run from dumbledore (via meh-guh)

theboredomisdeadly

Ok but hasn’t it been shown that a single stupefy wouldn’t be enough to have an effect on hagrid due to his giant blood?

clearly this means that hagrid pretended that the stupefy knocked him out, gently laid down on the ground so the baby wasn’t jostled, and pretended to snore while sirius ran the fuck away

possibly interrupting himself mid-snore to offer advice

*Hagrid sits up*

“SUPPORT ‘IS LI’IL HEAD, YE GREAT IDIOT!” 

*lies down*

*Sirius climbs on motorbike*

*Hagrid sits up again*

“DON’ FERGET TO BURP ‘IM AFTER A FEEDIN!”

*Motorbike zooms off*

*Hagrid sits up, cups hands and yells*

“AN’ MAKE SURE ‘E SLEEPS ON ‘IS BACK!” 

*lies down again for another five minutes for good measure*


Tags:

#Harry Potter #comic #fanart #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog