twunkmichaelmell:

what’s new pussycat just started playing in this restaurant and every millenial in the room shared a knowing, fearful look

 

polishhammer83:

It’s fucking Tom Jones? Millennials are you too stupid to realize that Tom Jones is the reason some of you exist? (Think about it for a second, you’ll get it)

 

kleinsens:

hhhhhh oh my god ohhh my god oh my fucking god

 

cobrall:

tom jones fucked all of our moms

 

lizaleigh:

Two weeks ago, my sister and I went out for breakfast at a popular cafe near her place. Enya’s ‘Only Time’ started playing halfway through our homefries, and was still droning right along as I ate my last bite of potato. Squinting, I looked up at the ceiling, looked at my sister, and said:

“Either someone’s playing ‘Only Time’ back-to-back, or ‘Only Time’ is a lot longer than I remember.”

Her eyes went huge. We lingered over our tea (a thing we normally wouldn’t do in a crowded eatery, but we had a mystery to solve) and soon confirmed that, yes, somebody was looping Enya. No one else in the cafe seemed to have caught on, but we were some of the younger people present anyway. The staff were all going about their business. Nobody was looking around with fearful millennial knowingness but us. By the sixth-ish repetition, we were in silent hysterics, biting our fists, whispering “GODDAMMIT” to each other, drawing weird glances from adjacent tables.

My sister got up to use the bathroom. Left alone with the seventh repetition of ‘Only Time’, I left my stuff at our table, got back in line, and ordered a pastry to go. As the barista rang me up, I said:

“Hey, sorry, weird question, but I have to know. Are you guys pulling a Salt and Pepper Diner right now?”

Her face transitioned from ‘polite customer service mask’ to ‘sly but delighted’ in .2 seconds. “We’ve been waiting to see if anybody would notice. Nobody’s been reacting at all!”

“Is there a prize for being the first?” I promise I was joking, but she lit up and said,

“Yes, oh my god! Do you want a cookie??”

And that’s the story of how John Mulaney won me a giant ginger-molasses cookie. 


Tags:

#embarrassment squick #food #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #music #storytime

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i-change-too-often:

peteseeger:

tumblr_pp1uptt7ib1qepbxk_500

You can tell how long someone’s been on tumblr by whether or not this image evokes primal emotions in them

I’m too tired for this


Tags:

#oh look an update #history #food #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #unreality cw #(I hope Perchu’s okay and doesn’t regret it) #(there is nothing wrong with being performatively over-the-top anti-Moreo) #((and if you *do* end up with like 20 cookies and no icing left feel free to give them to me))

sanctferum:

da07071ee7182750dec619fe35c77399c7ab5db6

Tags:

#food #overly literal interpretations #I didn’t actually laugh aloud but it still amused me enough to reblog #(I *have* eaten cardboard-flavoured ice cream though) #(if you leave the opened carton in the freezer too long the cardboard flavour seeps in) #(it’s not very good)

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sinesalvatorem:

brin-bellway:

image

Welcome back! I’m afraid I didn’t notice when you left…

I didn’t say much about it because…well, first of all it’s very hard to talk about going to Disney World without sounding awkwardly frivolous. It sounded awkwardly frivolous to me when Mom first said we were going. On the other hand, that “first said we were going” was two years ago. There’s been a fair few obstacles in the family’s path over those two years, and I saw the way that the thought of a Disney trip at the end of the tunnel kept Mom going. It was probably worth it for that alone.

(Especially when she managed to convince them to give us a whole bunch of Disney restaurant credits: one “snack” (roughly what you’d think it means, though it had to have a symbol next to it on the menu indicating you could use a credit on it) and two fast-food “meals” (entree, beverage, dessert, though you could swap out any or all of those three for any available snack) per person per day. She got all this for the low, low price of researching Disney enough to hear about the free-food promotion (that bit wasn’t really a price, as she enjoyed it), staying up most of one night to get in as soon as the deal opened, spending an hour and a half on hold while trying not to fall asleep, and promising to stay in a Disney-owned hotel and schedule our trip for mid-September, which is apparently a relatively bad time for them profit-wise because most kids have just gone back to school. Joke’s on them: we were going to go then regardless, and I think we were going to be in a Disney hotel too.

The portions in Disney, for the record, are very big, and our appetites (especially mine) are not so big, so it was rather more credits than we could actually use on the trip itself. We ended up bringing back about a hundred chocolate bars to eat at home later, as they were the least perishable tasty thing available for a snack credit.)

Also, I was taught as a young child that the fact that one is leaving one’s house unoccupied is a vulnerability that should be kept secret as much as practical until after it is over. Intellectually, I’m not convinced this is reasonable advice, but on more visceral levels I’ve inherited much of the paranoia of my native culture, and perhaps added some of my own.

This all actually sounds pretty cool. I hope you had fun!


Tags:

#(September 2015) #(was checking my ”replies” tag to confirm that I’d already posted a reply at the time and found this other post) #conversational aglets #Disney #food

rustingbridges:

two things I learned today:

1) there’s a youtube video in which George RR martin shares his opinions on new york pizza

and

2) said opinions are thoroughly peasant-tier

Given one of our previous discussions [link], my first thought was that a peasant-tier opinion on this is “the best pizza is the kind you get for free by showing up to NYC tech meetups and pretending to care about The Cloud”. I *suspect* that’s not actually what you meant, though.


Tags:

#reply via reblog #food #adventures in human capitalism

kid-crashed:

buffaliengirlfriend:

buffaliengirlfriend:

the newlywed game but with superheros and their sidekicks.

the host: what does robin love to eat after a night of fighting crime?

9 yr old dick grayson: a pb&j, with crunchy peanut butter and strawberry jelly on whole wheat, the crust cut off, and the sandwich cut into squares!!

bruce: turns his sign around to reveal ‘the most specific peanut butter and jelly sandwich on earth.’

Young Wally West: EVERYTHING!!

Barry: turns his sign around to reveal ‘if it’s food, he is eating it’


Tags:

#Batman #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #food

illidanstr:

salt, fat, acid, heat is the cooking book i always wanted but didn’t know what to ask for

it is so good

it explains how cooking works.  which nobody else ever bothers to actually describe in even the most miserable faintest detail.  it is what I was hoping the modernist cuisine books would be:  the equivalent of a description of what the parts of a computer or the function of subnetting in a network but for sauces and meats and vegetables

many things are starting to make sense and I’m barely even into the book.  here is an idea I had: so much “american” food is so lacking in acids, which is why americans are famous for adding ketchup to everything.  is ketchup as the universal sauce for everything you can imagine terrible?  yes.  is that grossly terrible?  obviously.  would a fermented ingredient like pickle, a wine vinegar to baste in, fresh citrus or grated parmesan added after the food is done be better for that specific dish?  yes.  is it better than not having any acid at all?  also yes.  which is why people add ketchup and get used to the habit of doing it; you’ve got salt, umami, sugar, and acid packaged together as an indulgence which can never remove the sins of the cook but can paper over the most egregious violations of decency

(would this explain part of why so many traditional cuisines rely on heavily fermented foods?  if you don’t have the range of acids at hand we do now, you still need some way to kick the whole meal up to par..)

fats greatly enhance flavor and make foods moist.  so when you take out all the fats, like we did with “fat-free” food, you get disgusting dry results.  that’s why Costco food always tastes better than any of the grocery chains; it’s full of cream and butter.  

it even explains why cooking from a recipe is so tortured: there are endless variables in your ingredients and cooking environment you could never ever fix as either the author of the recipe or the person working from it.  do you know from a label exactly how sweet or acidic the specific batch of tomatoes or oranges you are using is when it varies from basket to basket in the orchard? no, but it could be critical.  that’s why your focus has to be on the food; watching it, listening to it, tasting it; the chaos of oven temperatures varying through time and space doesn’t matter quite so much when you have all of the tools at hand to know when to adjust and compensate!

modernist cuisine, in comparison, tries to find ways to statistically monitor and fix the variables using tech (sous vide, obviously – your steak is mathematically guaranteed to end up evenly medium rare all the way through, then you blowtorch it for the sear without the variance of coals on a grill!)  which is also cool, but this! this, is what I was looking for.


Tags:

#food #interesting

mousefeets:

god, EVERY YEAR one of the local churches puts up a big sign that says “HE IS RISEN”, and EVERY YEAR whenever I see it I just think “OH HE IS, IS HE??? WELL IF HE IS RISEN THEN HE WILL NOT BE ALLOWED AT MY SEDER, LEAVENED MESSIAHS ARE NOT KOSHER FOR PASSOVER!!!”

I also post about this on my blog every year but

that’s okay

because

IT’S OBJECTIVELY HILARIOUS

EVERY

YEAR


Tags:

#Passover #Judaism #Easter #Christianity #food #puns #Tumblr traditions #this post was queued to ensure proper timing