embarrassment squick?

~ Brin ~ 1 Comment

glumshoe:

my best OC is Brad Wayne, Bruce’s illegitimate biological child via a totally normal woman he had a fling with when he was younger and didn’t stay in touch with

Brad grew up a totally normal kid, went to college, joined a frat, and decided to get in touch with Bruce, who now has an awkward situation on his hands

now the other Batkids have to deal with fucking Brad Wayne, whose normalacy is absolutely insufferable… he tells Dick to try yoga and suggests that Tim will sleep better if he gets more exercise… Bruce goes out of town and Brad decides it’s time to throw a house party with his frat friends

he’s so good

 

glumshoe:

All of Brad’s Bat-siblings are absolutely unprepared to deal with him. They can’t handle it. They can’t even hate him properly, even Damien, because he’s just… he’s not even… he’s just Some Guy™️!

They’re all braced for the inevitable reveal that he’s a villain, an imposter, or an interloper there to usurp the Wayne fortune or spy on Batman. They have all sorts of plans to foil his schemes and the only thing they’re not able to prepare for is the fact that he’s just. Brad. He’s not a bad guy, but he’s not a saint, either—his problems are just so mundane, so ordinary.

They TRY to understand what his life is like, but how are they supposed to relate to someone who doesn’t text back because he’s hungover or his phone died, not because he’s tied up in a death trap somewhere being menaced by someone in a Halloween costume?

No one’s ever tried to ritually sacrifice him before and it shows.

 

luckyladylily:

Does he know they are the batfam? Or does he just think it is so cool that his dad has adopted all these kids that needed a home?

 

glumshoe:

Oh he has no idea. Brad didn’t grow up in Gotham and isn’t really familiar with its culture, so he thinks it’s an ordinary city with ordinary problems (presumably there’s still a concept of ‘ordinary’ in the DCU).

When someone tries to tell him he laughs it off. Maybe one of his friends asks him about the popular rumor that Bruce Wayne is Batman, but he’s never even contemplated the possibility. Later he’s trying to coax Dick into playing beer pong and loudly tells the story to party guests as a funny anecdote. He thinks the whole concept of Batman is hilarious. Maybe he makes up stories about seeing Batman to impress his family and make himself sound cool.

 

jamisings:

Eventually though some bad guy who wants a huge ransom is going to kidnap Brad. What happens then? Does Batman call in a favor to one of the other members of the Justice League or does Damien go out and rescue his brother and tell him he’s the most useless of all his brothers because he’s so ordinary? Because you know if anyone is going to blab it’s going to be Damien.

 

glumshoe:

Brad gets kidnapped and Steph and/or Cass rescue him in costume.

Later, in Wayne Manor, he tells his family all about how the Batgirls were totally flirting with him and how he managed to take out a few of the bad guys all by himself.

 

glumshoe:

Brad Wayne: “Hey, do you guys think Batman fucks? Like, you think he has ever gotten laid?”

Dick, stiffly: “Um. Yes. I think so.”

Brad: “Really? Guy sounds like a turbo-virgin to me. I mean, he fights crime in a fursuit! Come on!”

Tim: “I have it on reasonable authority that Batman fucks. Unfortunately.”

Steph: “Hey, Damian. Penny for your thoughts?”

Tags:

#Batman #fanfic #story ideas I will never write #kidnapping cw #this probably deserves some other warning tag but I am not sure what #embarrassment squick?

{{next post in sequence}}

~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

the-real-numbers:

The 5 signs of math poisoning:

  1. You become increasingly pedantic to the point of absurdity
  2. Stock art photos of random white symbols, incomprehensible formulas, and geometrical diagrams on a green background make you foam at the mouth
  3. You catch yourself instigating arguments about the technical definition of a sandwich, just to rope unsuspecting, curious people into a never-ending dinner debate
  4. In order to be internally consistent with your idealization of the abstract, you yourself strive to have zero total practical uses
  5. When you see random UTF-8 character strings, you catch yourself looking for an operator or an equals sign

 

lgthpt:

You were absurdly pedantic before the math

 

the-real-numbers:

Define “absurdly pedantic”.

 

the-real-numbers:

Wait

Tags:

#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #math #embarrassment squick?

~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

idontwant-these:

A Star Trek idea: A comedy sitcom where instead of a Vulcan on a mostly human ship it is a human on a mostly Vulcan ship

 

hanasheralhaminail:

All the Vulcans are fiercely protective of the ‘fragile, illogical, prone-to-danger, smart, reckless little human’.

To make the human feel more accepted (as it is only logical) the Vulcans try to include aspects of terran culture in the ship’s day-to-day life, failing spectacularly at it.

The human loves them even more for it.

 

southerndrawlinmypants:

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They’ll get better at celebrating the human’s birthday next year. It’s the thought that counts.

 

sergle:

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@jvlianbashir​ THAT’S A GOOD END TO THAT EPISODE THOUGH…

the vulcans put together awful, bland decorations. they make a cake because it’s of “significant importance”. they go through the process of putting together this party and Studying this Human Ritual and the entire episode is setting up to what you KNOW will be a horrible result. they do a bad job!!

then when the human’s birthday comes, and they reveal the off-the-mark, underwhelming looking birthday bash, the human just. starts crying. because they had no idea their crew would go through all this trouble to celebrate their birthday, and even put up DECORATIONS, or make a CAKE, and there’s a birthday card with extremely polite impersonal messages written and a hundred perfectly tidy signatures.

and the vulcans are just standing around like “you appear upset. the Birthday Party was unsatisfactory”.

 

rumshop:

I would watch the fuck out of that

“Humans require regular physical contact to remain healthy. We have a weekly rotation for The Daily Shoulder Pat. Please inform us if this is insufficient contact, either in frequency, magnitude, or duration.”

 

carmineeyes:

Okay, I reblogged this because of how adorable it is, but then I started picturing McCoy as the sole human.

Tags:

#Star Trek #story ideas I will never write #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #embarrassment squick? #birthday

~ Brin ~ 2 Comments

sigmaleph:

jenroses:

thereallieutenantcommanderdata:

Things that should happen in a Sci-Fi story with a Universal Translator

One character who constantly makes bad puns … except the UT totally fails to translate them.  “I guess you could say he … had a bad time”, “Well, I don’t think they’ll be … visiting again any time soon”.  There’s some other aliens of the same species who groan every time

A group of aliens who share a common language get into a discussion about grammar … but the UT translates the word they’re arguing about the same way every time.  “It looks like they left in a hurry … or is it ‘left’?” “You’re expressing uncertainty, so you have to use the subjunctive form ‘left’” “No, you don’t use the subjunctive here, you’re expressing a deduction based on evidence, so you have to use the deductive form ‘left’” “Wait, you say ‘left’ for the deductive?  Are you from the Southern Continent?” “Yes, I am.  Wait, what’s it in your dialect?” “We say ‘left’ where I’m from”

A character unexpectedly becomes angry at another character.  At the end of the episode you find out that the first character had switched verb forms to a more affectionate form when speaking to the second character and was mad that they were ignoring the obvious indication of their feelings

The captain nearly derails tense diplomatic negotiations because of a UT slip up, inadvertently implying a definite claim to a particular planet, as opposed to a tentative claim subject to negotiation

The crew is visited by a group of aliens whose UT is a few centuries out of date, so they’re greeted with Early Modern English

An alien recites the equivalent of Jabberwocky and the UT just completely gives us “’Twas something and the something something did something and something in the something …”

okay but I once went researching pumpkin names in French and Google autotranslated and I read with my own eyeballs the sentence, “Pumpkins, pumpkins and pumpkins are all different from each other.”

‘no es lo mismo ser que estar’, or in english, ‘being and being are not the same thing’

Tags:

#language #story ideas I will never write #yes this #some of these would be a bit embarrassment-squicky for my *personal* taste in stories #but still #and anyway when writers ignore translators sometimes they *still* end up with cringe-comedy mistranslations by accident #so it’s not perfect protection #(like in one of the comments that I will be rounding up soon) #((Cardassians try to hold a detective denouement #but due to a translation error half the people there think it’s a trial and try to apply a trial’s rules))

{{next post in sequence}}

~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

hobbit-hole:

if i had to get in a fistfight with any member of the fellowship it would be Frodo because i would easily win

 

hobbit-hole:

all i am saying is that he would ostensibly be the easiest one to take on in a fight given that he’s like three feet tall and has led a life of (physical) leisure compared to all of the others due to his standing as a gentlehobbit

legolas, aragorn, and gimli are all used to combat, sam works as a gardener, merry and pippin often gallivant off and get into mischief so they have the advantage of experience in whatever it is they’ve gotten up to/would possibly fight dirty, gandalf is gandalf so while weapons are out of the question i suppose that depends on if magic is involved. i don’t think i could take him without magic even if he IS old because he’s a very large guy, but maybe

it would be my knuckles against Frodo’s baby soft poet hands, plus i’ve got the additional height and fighting experience. i just think that he would be the easiest to win against in hand-to-hand combat out of the rest of them. also he isn’t real so he can’t offer a rebuttal to my claim

 

penny-anna:

you’re absolutely correct BUT wanting to fight Frodo makes you a monster D:

 

hobbit-hole:

this has nothing to do with WANTING to fight Frodo, i just think he would be easiest for me to beat in a fight with no weapons. unless he utilized his very large feet, but i think he’s too polite to do that because it’s a fist fight and that would be considered playing dirty

 

penny-anna:

for someone who doesn’t want to fight Frodo you sure have put a lot of thought into fighting Frodo……….

 

animate-mush:

OP is wrong though: you fight Pippin.

First off, Pippin has it coming, so you won’t be fighting your conscience at the same time.

Secondly, Pippin is a spoiled rich kid. He’s no less gentry than Frodo is, but Frodo works out and is shown to have better stamina, at least at the outset. Pippin is also both the stupidest and the slowest of the hobbits. They both nearly beat one (1) troll, so that’s comparable, but Pippin appears not to have got a single hit in against the orcs that captured them while Merry was cutting off hands like a boss. Pippin also straight-up tell Bergil that he’s not a fighter.

Also there’s a nonzero chance that Frodo will just straight up curse you (if the guilt of fighting Frodo isn’t enough if a curse by itself).

And, of course, if you try to fight Frodo, you will 100% end up fighting Sam, and he will wreck you (and you’ll deserve it, you monster)

 

penny-anna:

Also: if you fight Frodo you’ll have a very angry Sam & possibly also the entire Fellowship to deal with BUT if you fight Pippin they will probably cheer you on.

 

ainurs:

Bold of you to assume one could attempt to fight Pippin and NOT instantly be killed by Boromir.

 

feynites:

So here’s the thing – you absolutely DO NOT want to try and fight Frodo or Pippin because they are going to be protected by the rest of the Fellowship, which basically exists to stop asshole Big People from picking on the hobbits. Folk might talk a big game but when the chips are down, you are not going to lay a single hand on any of the hobbits. Either you’ll find yourself immediately fighting all four of them or else you’ll move to land your first hit and suddenly Aragorn will side-tackle you into the trees. And he probably hits like a freight train tbh.

So here’s what you do:

You fight Legolas.

The thing about fist-fighting Legolas of course is that you will lose. This is not a fight you’re gonna win no matter what. But Legolas has his standing competition with Gimli, so once the challenge is issued, he’s not gonna let anyone else step in and fight you either. No one is liable to volunteer on his behalf, either, so you will only end up fighting the one member of the fellowship. If you are lucky he might also take his shirt off. Bonus!

Anyway.

Legolas will mop the floor with you, but he’s also already convinced you’re weaker than him anyway because you’re not an elf, so he’s gonna go kind of easy on you. And when you lose he will be all snide and superior about it, which means everyone in the fellowship is gonna sympathize with you, and Gimli will probably challenge him on your behalf afterwards, but here’s the key thing:

You will have lost a fist-fight to an immortal warrior prince.

That’s a way better loss to cop to than that time you tried to fistfight a pudgy gentlehobbit and got beaten to the point of unconsciousness by his gardener, yeah?

 

icescrabblerjerky:

okay so tolkien tumblr is fast becoming my fave tumblr community thank you thank you all you are the true fellowship here.

Tags:

#Lord of the Rings #violence cw #embarrassment squick? #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #long post

Video ~ ~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

{{There was originally a video here, but it was consuming 34 MB of valuable WordPress media-storage space even though I never even *wanted* the video: I was only reblogging for the transcript. Video link is https://www.tumblr.com/video/brin-bellway/180738117249/500/ for however long Tumblr continues to function, and I think it’s also more or less equivalent to https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pIVZpzvduZ4 if you can get that to work.}}

dontbearuiner:

whatsitnot:

vulpeculavolans:

pactmagic:

somewhat-honest-abe:

brainshart:

John Mulaney, a true ADHD icon

I love how he gave this bit at an autism benefit because it is also a heavy Autism Mood™

This is the most relatable thing I’ve ever seen.

TRANSCRIPT:

JOHN MULANEY: I normally don’t notice people. I zone out constantly. Have you ever zoned out for a few minutes? I’ve been zoned out since 2014.

AUDEINCE LAUGHS

MULANEY: I just – all day long, I wander into traffic walking like Charlie Chaplin, listening to a podcast while thinking about a different podcast.

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

MULANEY: I can zone out anywhere – I was at the doctor’s office, he was reading me the results of a blood test, it was important I listened, and I zoned out! I was like, “nah, I’m gonna stare at the wall and think my thoughts”.

AUDIENCE MEMBER WHOOPS

MULANEY: I was like, “huh. None of the Beatles had moustaches… but then one day, all of them had moustaches.”

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

MULANEY: “That’s weird, I can’t think of a time a group has done that”. Some people in my life don’t want me to zone out as much – they want me to focus, and they want me to be in the moment, and they want me to do this by meditating. I don’t know if you’ve ever tried meditating, but I’ve been trying it. This is how you meditate, okay? You sit on the floor with your back perfectly straight, which I hate more than ISIS –

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

MULANEY: I don’t like sitting up straight! Alright?! It’s never gonna happen! If meditating was sitting hunched over on the toilet with your elbow on your knee while kind of looking at your phone, I’d be the Dalai Lama.

AUDIENCE LAUGHS/APPLAUDS

MULANEY: I don’t like sitting up straight. So you sit up straight, and you breathe, and this helps you stay in the moment. Don’t bother! The moment is mediocre at best!

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

MULANEY: I mean, it’s fine. Let’s all try right now – let’s all be in the moment, in silence, right now. [A HALF-SECOND PAUSE] Sucked, right? Not fun at all!

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

MULANEY: That was boring! You gotta zone out! You have an imagination! You have a movie theatre in your brain that plays fake arguments that you win.

AUDIENCE LAUGHS/APPLAUDS

MULANEY: Have you ever just been sitting there thinking about something for twenty, twenty-five minutes, and all of a sudden you’re like “oh my god, I’m driving!” and you remember? You’re like –

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

MULANEY: “I’m going seventy-five miles an hour! I have been for a while! I could’ve changed so many lives!” Sometimes, my wife – I have this wife – she’ll be like, “are you watching the road?” and I’m always like, “I am looking through the windshield.”

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

MULANEY: “And I’m not gonna hit anyone, but no. I’m thinking about the Beatles.”

Hey @vulpeculavolans added a transcript to this AND THAT IS SO AWESOME THANK YOU SO MUCH!

*throws out my notes for bit about having ADHD*

Tags:

#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #(have not watched the video but the transcript is hilarious) #ADHD #embarrassment squick?

~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

im-a-tnuc:

I don’t know why, but I think some Americans don’t realise how big the UK is….

 

American Customer: you’re English right? Do you know the bookshop between Wales and Bristol that has lots of books in?

 

Me in my head: yeah mate, I know that one. Classic. Love to pop down there on a cheeky break between work. What a wanker…

 

lizq-vs-the-kitkatuprising:

the continuous 48 states are is almost 39x the size of the isle of great britan

that’s your answer

 

mymindsecho:

For reference:

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That’s JUST Texas.

 

welcometothemusicandthemisery:

Fucking hell

 

ryuraven:

But how many bookstores do you know the location of in your state, just for reference? Because my guess is it’s still too big to know even a quarter of them, which I think op’s post was about.

 

elodieunderglass:

If the conversation happened at all, the poor possibly-fictional American was probably just trying to talk about Hay-on-Wye. Hay-on-Wye is the most famous book town in the world, with a prestigious literary festival and so many “shops with all the books in” that the streets are literally full of open-air bookshelves. It’s like Pinterest and Diagon Alley and Waterstones all created some kind of massive hashtag-book-life village for the sole purpose of trying to attract Americans. It’s on the Wales/England border and a tourist would have approached it from Bristol.

This is hardly an unreasonable conversation starter, not like how British people are always demanding to know where I’m from, and then, when I release the information, say chirpily “I have a brother in San Diego!” as if that isn’t on the other side of a continent. And then! ! the only thing for it! is to say “Oh, I don’t believe in San Diego”! and turn away!

In general, the premise of the OP surprises me a bit, because I bet that I could put a photo of a single tree from somewhere in the UK on my Tumblr with a slightly incorrect caption, and three people would immediately correct me, because they would know that specific tree with an uncomfortable intimacy. I know because you have done this to me. It’s like a national pastime for you all. I’m shaken by OP, I am shaken to my fucking core and I respect them so much for having this terrifyingly novel attitude. I bet they’d look me dead in the eyes and tell me they had never heard of London. This is some kind of Gen Z shit that I’m not prepared for.

Because I know, I KNOW that I could spout a bunch of gibberish CAPTCHA word salads that are much more obscure directions than this, and y’all will IMMEDIATELy know exactly where in the British Isles I was talking about to a fuckin’ five foot radius, like some kind of wild scavenger hunt, you’ll all be like “oh did you enjoy it Elodie? did you go to the tea shop”

I swear to God I’ll do it. how do we place bets. how does that work exactly, does anyone know

Tags:

#UK #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #home of the brave #geography #discourse cw? #embarrassment squick? #(I actually kind of find it weirdly gratifying when people ask me questions about where I’m from with bad geographical assumptions encoded) #(I know that sounds unlike me but) #(I tend to suck at foreign geography and I find it reassuring that foreigners also suck at my geography) #(like it’s fair you know? it’s not just me‚ means I don’t feel as guilty about Shouldn’t I Know This) #((I’ve had multiple people at work express concern about my relatives dealing with hurricanes)) #((and I’ve had to explain that we’re from the *north*east and hurricanes are just big thunderstorms by the time they reach us)) #(((unless they’re named Sandy))) #(((but Sandy was a pain in Ontario too))) #((one time I told a Brit I was travelling to Massachusetts and he wished me luck with the jet lag)) #(((it’s in the same time zone))) #tag rambles

~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

gcu-sovereign:

humanfist:

unpretty:

unpretty:

come to think of it, why wouldn’t someone with superman’s powers use them for physical comedy? like. buster keaton style. or dick van dyke. he is invulnerable and can fly, those are the perfect circumstances for a pratfall. half the time only he is aware that he is joking and he just looks like a clumsy asshole but he knows in his heart that the timing on that gag was perf. add this to my list of stupid fucking headcanons.

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clark sits down too aggressively in a desk chair, rolls backward across basically the whole office before the chair tips backward and he rolls out of it and into a vending machine in the break room that drops candy on his head because he whacked it. lois is laughing so hard she can’t breathe but the joke is on her, he did that on purpose. he planned that gag for days. she is laughing with him, not at him. who is the real winner here. score one for kent.

I just want to see him run off the edge of a cliff and not fall until he looks down.

Glory Girl could substantially up her Amusing Children at the Hospital game.

Tags:

#Superman #headcanon accepted #I especially like the not-falling-until-he-looks-down

Image ~ ~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

bartdontlie:

Sometimes I accidentally receive email intended for other people. 

I try to be helpful. 

(Meanwhile I haven’t replied to like the last six emails from actual family members. I’m the worst.) 

 

bartdontlie:

UPDATES! 

Jules replied to thank me for pointing out her error. She regrets to inform me that they already have an officiant: 

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Then while attempting to send the wedding weekend accommodations email to the correct Ed she sent the original email to me again. 

I’m still trying to help: 

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I haven’t heard from Jules since Friday so I suspect this is the end of our correspondence, but I’ll keep everyone posted. 

 

bartdontlie:

UPDATE! Pete and Jules’s big day is almost here! 

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It seemed like the right thing to do for all the joy they’ve brought us. 

 

bartdontlie:

Oh my god oh my god oh my god! 

Pete and Jules sent me a thank you note! 

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Complete with a very nice note: 

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Aren’t they just the best? I should probably send them a thank you note to say thank you for the thank you note, shouldn’t I? 

Of course I should. 

 

bookoisseur:

God I fucking love the internet.

 

yieldsfalsehoodwhenquined:

:D

Tags:

#storytime #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog