[Annual Reblog] I didn’t go to Mass this morning, so I made my Unitarian Universalist boyfriend tell me the story of Easter.

shayvaalski:

Boyfriend: And then they buried him, and the women were very sad because he had a rockin’ bod.

Boyfriend: And then there was much mourning, and Judas, his ex, was sad, because he had a rockin’ bod.

Boyfriend: And thus three days and nights had passed, and the Romans partied pretty hard, but everyone else had some regrets.

Boyfriend: And on the third day, they did say unto the Lord’s Angel, Where the hell is this dude’s corpse?

Boyfriend: And the Angel said, He is not here. He has risen.

Boyfriend: And the women were like, Fuck you, dude, this is why we can’t have nice things.

Boyfriend: And Jesus did come back from the dead, and He said, Eat of this bread, it is my body. And He said, This man shall wear a funny hat and be infallible, and he will be called the Pope.

Boyfriend: And He saw what He had done.

Boyfriend: And it was good.

Boyfriend: And then He said, Fuck you guys, I am taking my ball and going home.

Boyfriend: And He ascended into Heaven.

Boyfriend: And then Mary said to the angel, Man, you look familiar.

Boyfriend: And the Angel said, No, dude, we all look alike, I have never seen you before, and he did ascend into the sky, and Mary yelled, You owe me a LOT of child support.

Boyfriend: And that is why we have Easter. The eggs represent the ball Jesus took with him because he didn’t want to play anymore.


Tags:

#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #Easter #I actually kind of like Easter #it feels… #(and I know this might not actually be true) #(because there is that whole Easter Bunny thing) #but it feels very un-hegemonic to me #I get the impression that Easter-celebraters are generally very aware that not everyone does it and are accepting of that #I’ve seen a couple segments about Easter celebrations on TV news while channel-surfing #and they kind of had that tone of ‘now now be *respectful* of what the weird people are doing’ #and told us basic facts about the religious significance of Easter #as if we didn’t already know about the whole Jesus-resurrection thing #they othered the Christians *exactly* as much as they would other anyone else #treated them exactly as they would treat anyone else #it was great #Easter is what Christmas should be like #Easter is what *Christianity* should be like #one religion among many #on equal footing #tag rambles

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nenya-kanadka:

brin-bellway:

nenya-kanadka:

amnesia-machine:

My not!sister makes these too: 

Pysanky by Nepenthe

/obligatory familial boost

Two or three times over the years, in two different Girl Guide troops, they taught us to make what they described as “Ukrainian Easter eggs”. Every single time, the Guiders appeared to think this would be a more novel way to celebrate Easter, rather than the normal boring Easter eggs that we would obviously already be familiar with.

To this day, I am unsure how else one makes Easter eggs.

My fannish!sister, whose family is…Wendish? Something Eastern European that’s not Ukranian, but the egg designs are similar, learned her technique from her mother. It involves little pots of dye, and wax. You plan out the design, and dip the egg in the first colour (let’s say yellow), then paint over in wax the parts that you want to keep yellow. Then you dip it in, say, green. Paint over what you want to keep green. Then dip it in red…etc. until you have the final design. Then you melt off the wax (I forget how) and poke a hole in the end to let the egg white/yolk gloop out. Very carefully! (Can’t remember why you do that at the end rather than the beginning—probably because the egg is more fragile for painting if it’s just the shell.)

There may be other ways to do it. When I was a kid, the few times we painted eggs involved watercolour paints and markers or something. :P Not the same. 

You may have misinterpreted. I’m saying that the method you’re describing is the only way I have ever made Easter eggs. Every time there was an Easter-egg-making session of a group I was part of, it was always Ukrainian-style, the idea being (either implicitly or explicitly) that teenagers would be bored with the “usual” ways of making Easter eggs by now, so let’s try a different way. Thing is, I’ve never done the usual way, only “here’s what you do when you’re sick of the usual” (and always introduced to me as such).

(A bit like fairy tales, really. I learned Jack and the Beanstalk and Goldilocks and the like by watching Looney Tunes do several different parodies of each tale and noting the common elements. Nobody ever teaches you Fairy Tales 101 because they all assume somebody else already did, so you have to learn 101 by taking the advanced classes and reading between the lines.)

(I did suspect Easter Eggs 101 involved markers.)


Tags:

#reply via reblog

nenya-kanadka:

amnesia-machine:

My not!sister makes these too: 

Pysanky by Nepenthe

/obligatory familial boost

Two or three times over the years, in two different Girl Guide troops, they taught us to make what they described as “Ukrainian Easter eggs”. Every single time, the Guiders appeared to think this would be a more novel way to celebrate Easter, rather than the normal boring Easter eggs that we would obviously already be familiar with.

To this day, I am unsure how else one makes Easter eggs.


Tags:

#Brin talks about herself for no particular reason #of course even when you’ve done it three times rather than once #they’re not nearly as intricate as this #pretty things #impressive as fuck


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mousefeets:

god, EVERY YEAR one of the local churches puts up a big sign that says “HE IS RISEN”, and EVERY YEAR whenever I see it I just think “OH HE IS, IS HE??? WELL IF HE IS RISEN THEN HE WILL NOT BE ALLOWED AT MY SEDER, LEAVENED MESSIAHS ARE NOT KOSHER FOR PASSOVER!!!”

I also post about this on my blog every year but

that’s okay

because

IT’S OBJECTIVELY HILARIOUS

EVERY

YEAR


Tags:

#Passover #I hadn’t thought of that #but now I probably will every time I pass one of those signs