death tw | Brinens and Things

June 15, 2023July 6, 2023 ~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

homunculus-argument:

Fae that keep uranium amulets, clothes made out of asbestos and bowls of lead-infused water around their residences as a human deterrent. They don’t know why humans loathe these items, but for as long as it makes them fuck off, these charms are useful.

you wake up and a fairy is snorting the line of salt you put on your windowsill like it’s coke.

‘doesn’t that shit kill you?’ you ask, deeply perturbed.

‘not very fast,’ the fairy says, and keeps snorting.

Tags:

#fae #story ideas I will never write #poison cw #drugs cw #death tw #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once

May 14, 2023May 26, 2023 ~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

littlecofiegirl:

greatmountainfloofsquatch:

cheeseanonioncrisps:

Dr Doolittle-style show about a detective who can talk to animals, except instead of talking like people the animals still talk like animals, just translated into English sentences, so the plot of most episodes centres around trying to figure out what the star witness testimony actually means.

Victim’s murder was witnessed by her pet snake, whose tank was in the room. Unfortunately pet snake is incapable of describing the world around them except in terms of ‘rocks’ and ‘meat’, with their descriptions of individual forms of ‘meat’ focusing almost entirely on body temperature and smell.

(Solved when it turns out that their description of ‘warm-cold meat with rock’ was actually an attempt to describe a suspect with a prosthetic limb, which is pretty unnoticeable to a human, but looks dramatically different in infrared.)

Murder at a honey farm. Each witness managed to see about ~0.06% of the full crime, in order to get the full picture, you have to get them to swarm.

Victim was found several days after death, already crawling with maggots. Days into the investigation, protag begins a frantic search to find any surviving maggots/flies that were on the corpse, after realising that how the victim tasted would give vital information about the poison used.

Also there’s at least one or two animals who actually do talk in full sentences and in terms humans can understand, and the reason behind this is never fully explained.

All cats in this universe talk in terms of ‘mine/not-mine’ and mainly focus on territory, mates and food, with the one exception of the main character’s cat who is named Watson and knows how to use sarcasm.

All insects speak in one word sentences where everything is ‘food’, ‘enemy’ or (for hive insects) ‘friend’ and ‘queen’, with the exception of seven-spotted ladybirds specifically, who for some reason speak in full English sentences and are up to date and knowledgeable about world events. The protagonists is as concerned by the full implications of this as you are.

Crows are highly knowledgeable and erudite. They are also jerks.

Tags:

#story ideas I will never write #death tw #murder cw #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once

April 14, 2023April 25, 2023 ~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

rustingbridges:

indeed Socrates is said to have proposed that his ‘penalty’ for his conviction should be that he be dined at private expense like an Olympic victor for the rest of his life.

yeah I would have voted to poison this mf too

comparativelysuperlative:

Same thing. You say poisoned, I say dined at public expense for the rest of his life.

Tags:

#death tw #poison cw #fun with loopholes #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #light a man on fire and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once

April 13, 2023April 25, 2023 ~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

homunculus-argument:

No joke is one-size-fits-all, but adding “but I remain optimistic” at the end of any somewhat-speculating statement makes it funny, taking a different tone in each.

Adding it to the end of something positive gives it an unexpected twist – implying that whatever the good thing that happened was, it wasn’t what you expected or hoped to happen, but you’re yet to give up hope of whatever the fuck you’ve now vaguely implied towards might still happen. “He survived and is expected to make a full recovery, but I remain optimistic.”

Adding it to a neutral statement implies that you think something can be done about it, funniest if the statement is something that obviously can’t be affected. “Apparently it’s tuesday tomorrow, but I remain optimistic.”

And the bleakest, most hopeless statements just become bleakly funny by the grim absurdity. “About 30 seconds remain until impact, and the chances of any of us surviving the crash are zero. But I remain optimistic.”

Tags:

#I didn’t actually laugh aloud but it still amused me enough to reblog #death tw #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once

March 2, 2023March 4, 2023 ~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

artbyblastweave:

One of my favorite gags from contemporary SCP was from this article about a pointlessly dangerous extradimensional convenience store with layer upon layer of fatal death traps installed at every stage in the shopping process, one of which is a pit full of poisonous snakes below the checkout line. And then there’s a footnote saying that rather than being a confusion of terms between “venomous” and “poisonous” the snakes themselves are actually fangless and completely docile but anyone who falls into the pit and sees the snakes comes under a compulsion to start stuffing the snakes in their mouth

Tags:

#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #overly literal interpretations #SCP Foundation #snakes #poison cw #death tw #this probably deserves some other warning tag but I am not sure what #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once

February 20, 2023March 3, 2023 ~ Brin ~ 1 Comment

sigmaleph:

you are offered a choice:

You get to open a video-game style character creation screen and customise your body at will, to anything within range of human variation (no cat ears, sorry). This includes letting you set a new biological age, get rid of any physical health issues, and so on. Your new appearance seems unremarkable to anyone who knows you, all government databases with your picture are adjusted, etc.

You get 150 000 USD every year for the rest of your life without having to do anything for it. You don’t pay taxes on this money, it adjusts with inflation automatically, it appears entirely legitimate to any authorities, etc.

what do you choose, and also, are you trans or cis (if you’re tempted to answer ‘it’s complicated’, round off to trans)?

Choose:

My tag ramble was so long that Tumblr cut it off (apparently the current limit is 30 tags), so I’m dumping it into the main post body:

#I’ve been wavering on whether to reblog this for ages

#I felt kind of bad about piling on to Sofi’s notespam like that

#but it being context for the next post has pushed me over into “yes”

#I didn’t realise until after voting that the character creation is one-time-only rather than ongoing access

#which makes the correct answer less *obvious*

#but I stand by my vote of cis | character creation

#(as it happens I *am* considering doing a second puberty through this‚ but they’d both be estrogenic)

#(honestly I’d barely even need the magic ID updating)

#(29-year-old me in 12-year-old me’s body could pass for 29 about as well as I could in 29-year-old body)

#(the two mes look pretty much the same: it’s all a matter of how you act)

#((well‚ 12-year-old me was a little smaller‚ but within the adult range and her face was already more or less stable))

#(((ooh‚ I bet I could tweak it so that I *stay* five-foot-one this time around)))

#(((during my first puberty my body map never updated for my final growth spurt‚ and

#I’m not *dysphoric* about being two inches too tall‚ but it does get a bit disorienting sometimes)))

#anyway my point there is that…a lot of people in the notes are going “money can be exchanged for goods and services”

#but I think in this case that’s actually backwards

#while money and health do both feed into each other

#health can be exchanged for money to a much greater degree than money can be exchanged for health

#money can *maybe* buy you the *appearance* of 9 – 17

#–(depending on how much puberty I can get away with doing again without fucking up my brain)–

#more years of youth‚ but it won’t buy you the lifespan nor the functionality of it

#money can buy you the ability to *breathe* your homeworld’s atmosphere even during pollen season

#and enough of it can buy you the ability to *talk* while breathing it

#but it can’t really buy you the ability to eat and drink while breathing it‚ and that’s a significant handicap in itself

#(not to mention the street harassment you get wearing a prosthetic immune system (to keep your built-in immune system from freaking out))

#likewise‚ money can buy disease *prevention*‚ but not the ability to shrug it off once you’ve caught it

#the ability of money to buy more robust bones is extremely limited

#(have I ever broken a bone? no! but why settle for merely *adequate* bone strength when I can have *optimal* bone strength?)

#((…god‚ why is anyone who is not *actively dying* for want of resources taking the money over the health))

#((I was so very aware‚ that time last year that a ventilation floor grate broke beneath me‚ that if I’d been 80 I would have *died*))

#((but I was 28‚ and I got away without even a broken bone))

#((why would you give that up any more than you have to))

#the list goes on

#meanwhile‚ health can buy you a nice steady low-non-physical-barrier-to-entry job as a farmhand or dockworker

#(not *as* steady as magic income‚ yes‚ and I *do* care a great deal about that‚ but I care about health *more*)

#and I’m not altruistic enough to take more money than I need so that I can give the rest away‚ not given what else is on offer

Tags:

#reply via reblog #tag rambles #surveys #transhumanism #gender #is the blue I see the same as the blue you see #adventures in human capitalism #aging cw #death tw #poison cw? #injury cw #illness tw?

February 17, 2023March 3, 2023 ~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

froody:

In an ideal world, how would you like your body to be dealt with after death?

Tags:

#are you seriously telling me that 95% of voters die when they are killed #even in hypotheticals where money *and* access *and* bureaucracy-wrangling spoons are no object #that’s fucked up #death tw #surveys

February 5, 2023February 24, 2023 ~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

monkey-flute:

americanphysco:

*flirtatiously* bleeding out all by yourself, handsome?

Not for long

Tags:

#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #death tw #murder cw

January 11, 2023January 26, 2023 ~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

the-worm-man:

nflstreet:

didn’t even realize it was a bot because this interaction is so human

Tags:

#death tw #computer generated text #I didn’t actually laugh aloud but it still amused me enough to reblog #this probably deserves some other warning tag but I am not sure what

December 13, 2022December 25, 2022 ~ Brin ~ 1 Comment

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werewolfjokewar:

Santa is on strike due to global warming. All presents this year will be delivered by Sasha the Christmas Tiger. Milk and cookies may not be sufficient.

thefingerfuckingfemalefury: