infernalfarndamn:

in the style of poetry
to which we are accustomed,
uncapitalized and with line
breaks:

i’m going to stab death in his idiot
skull with an ice pick and leave
him swaying back and forth
pinned to the big-ass tree outside

trying to sound sonorous
despite the whistly sound of wind in
his ventilated spinal cord, which
i forgot to mention,
i ventilated his spinal cord
also with the ice pick

which would paralyze him
were there anything to paralyze,
so the tree thing is my stopgap
for immobilizing him,
as no one expects to be nailed
to a tree

he will say something about needing him
and something about the shadow of
humanity, or the abyss of meaning,
he will squall and sob from his
dense, selfish eye sockets
too good for the flesh he wants us in

and children will be encouraged to
throw baseballs. i will charge admission
to the resting site of that 
crusty tool,

but, like, a buck.


Tags:

#poetry #transhumanism #death tw #joking but also not joking

radioactivepeasant:

On the topic of humans being everyone’s favorite Intergalactic versions  of Gonzo the Great:
Come on you guys, I’ve seen all the hilarious additions to my “humans are the friendly ones” post. We’re basically Steve Irwin meets Gonzo from the Muppets at this point. I love it. 

But what if certain species of aliens have Rules for dealing with humans?

  • Don’t eat their food. If human food passes your lips/beak/membrane/other way of ingesting nutrients, you will never be satisfied with your ration bars again.
  • Don’t tell them your name. Humans can find you again once they know your name and this can be either life-saving or the absolute worst thing that could happen to you, depending on whether or not they favor you. Better to be on the safe side.
  • Winning a human’s favor will ensure that a great deal of luck is on your side, but if you anger them, they are wholly capable of wiping out everything you ever cared about. Do not anger them.
  • If you must anger them, carry a cage of X’arvizian bloodflies with you, for they resemble Earth mo-skee-toes and the human will avoid them.
    • This does not always work. Have a last will and testament ready.
  • Do not let them take you anywhere on your planet that you cannot fly a ship from. Beings who are spirited away to the human kingdom of Aria Fiv-Ti Won rarely return, and those that do are never quite the same.

Basically, humans are like the Fair Folk to some aliens and half of them are scared to death and the others are like alien teenagers who are like “I dare you to ask a human to take you to Earth”.

 

dalekteaservice:

We knew about the planet called Earth for centuries before we made contact with its indigenous species, of course. We spent decades studying them from afar.

The first researchers had to fight for years to even get a grant, of course. They kept getting laughed out of the halls. A T-Class Death World that had not only produced sapient life, but a Stage Two civilization? It was a joke, obviously. It had to be a joke.

And then it wasn’t. And we all stopped laughing. Instead, we got very, very nervous. 

We watched as the human civilizations not only survived, but grew, and thrived, and invented things that we had never even conceived of. Terrible things, weapons of war, implements of destruction as brutal and powerful as one would imagine a death world’s children to be. In the space of less than two thousand years, they had already produced implements of mass death that would have horrified the most callous dictators in the long, dark history of the galaxy. 

Already, the children of Earth were the most terrifying creatures in the galaxy. They became the stuff of horror stories, nightly warnings told to children; huge, hulking, brutish things, that hacked and slashed and stabbed and shot and burned and survived, that built monstrous metal things that rumbled across the landscape and blasted buildings to ruin.

All that preserved us was their lack of space flight. In their obsession with murdering one another, the humans had locked themselves into a rigid framework of physics that thankfully omitted the equations necessary to achieve interstellar travel. 

They became our bogeymen. Locked away in their prison planet, surrounded by a cordon of non-interference, prevented from ravaging the galaxy only by their own insatiable need to kill one another. Gruesome and terrible, yes – but at least we were safe.

Or so we thought.

The cities were called Hiroshima and Nagasaki. In the moment of their destruction, the humans unlocked a destructive force greater than any of us could ever have believed possible. It was at that moment that those of us who studied their technology knew their escape to be inevitable, and that no force in the universe could have hoped to stand against them.

The first human spacecraft were… exactly what we should have expected them to be. There were no elegant solar wings, no sleek, silvered hulls plying the ocean of stars. They did not soar on the stellar currents. They did not even register their existence. Humanity flew in the only way it could: on all-consuming pillars of fire, pounding space itself into submission with explosion after explosion. Their ships were crude, ugly, bulky things, huge slabs of metal welded together, built to withstand the inconceivable forces necessary to propel themselves into space through violence alone.

It was almost comical. The huge, dumb brutes simply strapped an explosive to their backs and let it throw them off of the planet. 

We would have laughed, if it hadn’t terrified us.

Humanity, at long last, was awake.

It was a slow process. It took them nearly a hundred years to reach their nearest planetary neighbor; a hundred more to conquer the rest of their solar system. The process of refining their explosive propulsion systems – now powered by the same force that had melted their cities into glass less than a thousand years before – was slow and haphazard. But it worked. Year by year, they inched outward, conquering and subduing world after world that we had deemed unfit for habitation. They burrowed into moons, built orbital colonies around gas giants, even crafted habitats that drifted in the hearts of blazing nebulas. They never stopped. Never slowed.

The no-contact cordon was generous, and was extended by the day. As human colonies pushed farther and farther outward, we retreated, gave them the space that they wanted in a desperate attempt at… stalling for time, perhaps. Or some sort of appeasement. Or sheer, abject terror. Debates were held daily, arguing about whether or not first contact should be initiated, and how, and by whom, and with what failsafes. No agreement was ever reached.

We were comically unprepared for the humans to initiate contact themselves.

It was almost an accident. The humans had achieved another breakthrough in propulsion physics, and took an unexpected leap of several hundred light years, coming into orbit around an inhabited world.

What ensued was the diplomatic equivalent of everyone staring awkwardly at one another for a few moments, and then turning around and walking slowly out of the room.

The human ship leapt away after some thirty minutes without initiating any sort of formal communications, but we knew that we had been discovered, and the message of our existence was being carried back to Terra. 

The situation in the senate could only be described as “absolute, incoherent panic”. They had discovered us before our preparations were complete. What would they want? What demands would they make? What hope did we have against them if they chose to wage war against us and claim the galaxy for themselves? The most meager of human ships was beyond our capacity to engage militarily; even unarmed transport vessels were so thickly armored as to be functionally indestructible to our weapons.

We waited, every day, certain that we were on the brink of war. We hunkered in our homes, and stared.

Across the darkness of space, humanity stared back.

There were other instances of contact. Human ships – armed, now – entering colonized space for a few scant moments, and then leaving upon finding our meager defensive batteries pointed in their direction. They never initiated communications. We were too frightened to.

A few weeks later, the humans discovered Alphari-296.

It was a border world. A new colony, on an ocean planet that was proving to be less hospitable than initially thought. Its military garrison was pitifully small to begin with. We had been trying desperately to shore it up, afraid that the humans might sense weakness and attack, but things were made complicated by the disease – the medical staff of the colonies were unable to devise a cure, or even a treatment, and what pitifully small population remained on the planet were slowly vomiting themselves to death.

When the human fleet arrived in orbit, the rest of the galaxy wrote Alphari-296 off as lost.

I was there, on the surface, when the great gray ships came screaming down from the sky. Crude, inelegant things, all jagged metal and sharp edges, barely holding together. I sat there, on the balcony of the clinic full of patients that I did not have the resources or the expertise to help, and looked up with the blank, empty, numb stare of one who is certain that they are about to die.

I remember the symbols emblazoned on the sides of each ship, glaring in the sun as the ships landed inelegantly on the spaceport landing pads that had never been designed for anything so large. It was the same symbol that was painted on the helmets of every human that strode out of the ships, carrying huge black cases, their faces obscured by dark visors. It was the first flag that humans ever carried into our worlds.

It was a crude image of a human figure, rendered in simple, straight lines, with a dot for the head. It was painted in white, over a red cross.

The first human to approach me was a female, though I did not learn this until much later – it was impossible to ascertain gender through the bulky suit and the mask. But she strode up the stairs onto the balcony, carrying that black case that was nearly the size of my entire body, and paused as I stared blankly up at her. I was vaguely aware that I was witnessing history, and quite certain that I would not live to tell of it.

Then, to my amazement, she said, in halting, uncertain words, “You are the head doctor?”

I nodded.

The visor cleared. The human bared its teeth at me. I learned later that this was a “grin”, an expression of friendship and happiness among their species. 

“We are The Doctors Without Borders,” she said, speaking slowly and carefully. “We are here to help.”

 

flicker-serthes:

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

 

thephilosophersapprentice:

THE ENDING

*cries with joy*

 

piscine-unrelated:

@figmentforms


Tags:

#long post #storytime #aliens #death tw #illness tw #I feel like this probably deserves some additional warning tag but I’m not sure what

another-normal-anomaly:

evolution-is-just-a-theorem:

gffa:

gffa:

gffa:

–From a Certain Point of View, ”An Incident Report” by Mallory Ortberg

“It must, however, be pointed out that at present the number of planets destroyed solely by the unaided power of the Force is zero.”

MOTTI JUST DRAGGED THE FUCK OUT OF VADER I AM FUCKING LIVING

tumblr_inline_oylqhies9d1ueftr3_540

“I imagine Lord Vader would have had to stand very close to the planet Alderaan indeed today if he wanted to demonstrate how thoroughly his Force-wielding abilities outmatch the Death Star.”

THIS ASSHOLE IS GOING TO DIE, BUT IT WILL BE IN SERVICE OF THE MOST GLORIOUS DRAGGING OF VADER I HAVE EVER SEEN.

tumblr_inline_oylqih9k5b1ueftr3_540

“I merely spoke the truth: Lord Vader’s devotion to a nearly extinct faith has not resulted in the recovery of the stolen data tapes, nor has it given him insight into the rebels’ secret base, nor has he ever destroyed a planet.”

“He found my lack of faith disturbing?  I have never claimed to be an adherent to his sect.  I found his lack of faith in this military installation disturbing.”

MOTTI IS GOING TO FUCKING DIE IN A SPACE DITCH WHERE VADER DUMPS HIS BODY BUT HOLY SHIT HE WENT OUT LIKE A GODDAMNED LEGEND

I’m pretty sure the force *has* destroyed planets.

Yeah, my fiance clarified this morning that the force has been used to destroy multiple planets. However, this occurred several thousand years prior at a lower level of canonicity, so Motti can hardly be blamed for not remembering that.


Tags:

#Star Wars #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog

Slashdot headlines written by neural network

rangi42:

lewisandquark:

The news site Slashdot (“news for nerds, stuff that matters”) is celebrating its 20 year anniversary this October. What could be geekier than celebrating with the help of an open-source neural network?

Neural networks are a type of machine learning program that learn by example, rather than by a human programmer feeding them rules. Whatever the headlines contain, whatever common words and rhythms, a neural network will do its best to imitate. I’ve trained an open-source neural network called char-rnn to imitate all kinds of human things, like paint colors, guinea pig names, and craft beer names.

Slashdot sent me a list of all the headlines they’ve ever run, over 162,000 in all, and asked me to train a neural network to try to generate more.

I used a neural network called char-rnn, an open-source neural network by Andrej Karpathy, and trained it separately on the first and second decades of Slashdot headlines. Let’s see what it learned!

Decade 1: 1998 – 2007

Alternuting Your Computer
The Internet Spectrum Violated
Microsoft To Develop Programming Law
Star Trek Creates Free Memory
Launching the Linux Group Socially
Microsoft Releases New Months
More Pong Users for Kernel Project
Nintendo Goes Canadian Edition to Customers
New State of Second Life
Sexual Security To Allow Australia
Programming Supercomputer Library In Star Wars
What are The Final Fantasy
Review of the Wireless Monster?
Portable Mail With Spidey Law
New 5400 GPL Formed into An Internet
Dvorak on Mario Games?
Half-Life 2X Speed Released
Ban Manhunt 2 Better than Linux?
Vista Releases Denial of the Mumble
New Company Revises Super-Things For Problems
The Dead of Managing Moneys?
Judge Releases Sony Practices in Death
Doom’s On Worldwire Networks
Sun Releases Enterprise in Smackware
I Wants To Control of the Net
Nintendo Can Start in the Wild Button?
Secondors Talk Open Source For Super-Bork?
AOL On Beam Doubt

Some familiar personalities of the tech industry make an appearance:

Microsoft Releases Bill Gates Service Start
Steve Jobs To Be Good
Shatner Awards Up Towards A Game Car Challenge

Cell phones appear to be have been weird in the early days:

Stem Cell Phone Standards in Space
Why Are Blow Systems Taking Your Phone?
New Unreal Tournament Phone Reviews Doubts
Forget To Support Flat Spam Phone

And you find companies doing rather unexpected things: 

Microsoft Announces Mac OS X Released
Intel Releasing Linux In A Networks
Sun Upgrades Apple Devices
Corel Launches $100 Laptop
Microsoft Announces Firefox Portal
Mozilla’s Audio Caroffice
Apple Finally Launches Microsoft

I produced the above headlines by allowing the neural network a high creativity setting, so it could range over many different headline topics that it’s seen over and over. But it’s also fun to turn the creativity down near zero, so the neural network can try to generate the most quintessential headlines:

All The Company Programming Software Software?
Some Computer Computer Solution of the New Company Computer
More Anti-Spam For Software Computer
Mac OS X Interview with Linux Computer
Mac OS X Accused of the Business
Sony Plans To Start Patent System For All Time
Security Hole For Security Hole
Security Hole in the Star Trek
Computer Computer Computer Computer Software?

Decade 2: 2007 – 2017

The neural network had a tougher time with decade 2 – it seems the headlines became longer and more complex, as Slashdot experimented with new formats and new topics.  The neural network struggled to create grammatical headlines as a result. But it still did its best to reflect the new topics of the last decade. Compared to the late 1990s and early 2000s, some companies and topics disappeared, while the coverage of Apple in particular exploded. Star Trek and Star Wars, however, remain perennial Slashdot favorites.
Here are some neural network-generated headlines for 2007-2017:

Twitter Discovered In the Pirate Bay
Google Bacon Medal To Contract Computational Lab
Scientists Discover Free Wi-Fi Store In the US
Steve Jobs Sues Death of the Future
Apple Seeks To Be Become Windows 10 Has Been Control the Desktops
Stanford Computer Scientists Develop Super Man Sales For Computer Science
Star Wars Hacked In Life On the iPhone
Computer Finds Court Broke Math For Secret Company
How Do You Design To Stay Them Bomb
Ask Slashdot: How Clinton Uses Display For Android Chips On Netflix Court From the Jobs
People ‘Fork” At a Flaw Refused
The Pirate Bay Tracking Storage Security For Windows 10
German Porn Update To Compete At CNSR Healthy Court Says
Supreme Court Can Be Lingeries
Apple Says the Moon Project To Pay $1.7 Billion For Free Software
Steve Jobs Allowed To Deal With Solar Power
Apple Sues Apple To Get Flash Mathematics
Microsoft Slashdot: How To Build a Bad Privacy For Windows 10
Twitter That We Use Facebook To Receive The Life
Linux Kernel 3.1.0 Launches In Late, Facebook To Sue Star Trek
The One-Department For Alleged For Connectivity: 3-D Printed Baby
Black Hole Proposed

My favorite part, though? The Slashdot headlines that appeared to come from an alternate, much more advanced, somewhat terrifying timeline:

Google Returns To the Space Station
Mac OS X Project Announces Space Station
Sony Announces Mars Rover Release
Google Patents Intelligent Space Telescope
Officials Release Android Apps For New Space Telescope
Star Trek Control of the Wild Start Up
Scientists Army Interviewed
Company Computer Releases Cloning Crime
Building A Nano-Tech Back
Full Life On The Linux
Chernobyl Announces Company And Educators
SGI Launches Space Station
FreeBSD Base Scientific Hits the Moon
Red Hat Releases Linux Games And Moon
Apple’s Moon Review
About New Moons of a Company
Looking For Mars Landers to Linux
Mars Rover Set for Alien China
Congress To Buy Mars Mister
Building a Top 100 Company For Mars
Apple Considering Debut in People Processors
Apple vs. Biology Details
An Android Bans Secret Project For Console Devices
Your Own Portals
U.S. Considering Death of the Solar System
Black Holes from Digital Dell
Black Hole Sension of the Linux
Microsoft’s Lab Changes “Space”
IBM Moves to The Matrix
Super Planet Wars Solved

The quintessential headline, though? When I trained the neural network with all 20 years of Slashdot headlines, then turned down the creativity level to near zero, I reveal the following essential Slashdot headlines, distilled from 20 years of technology news:

Sun Sues Open Source Project Content
Sun Sues Anti-Spam Computers
Sun Sues Security Flaw Contest
Sun Sues New Star Trek To Stop The Math
Sun Sues Anti-Spam Standards And The Star Wars To Stop Computers
Star Wars Companies Are Streaming the Star Wars
Star Wars To Support Linux Development
Apple Settles The Future of Star Wars
Apple Releases Secure State of the World
Apple Sues Apple To Start The Solar Power Project
Sony Sues Apple Server For Seconds Off From SpaceX Project
Ask Slashdot: Do We Want To Be the Computers?
The Desist of the Planet

Want 4 more pages of Slashdot headlines from the neural network? Sign up here and I’ll email you a pdf.

Also: POLL! I’m collecting names of Halloween costumes for training a future neural network. Enter as many as you like (no email address required).

Ask Slashdot: Do We Want To Be the Computers?


Tags:

#long post #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #(my favourites are ”Scientists Discover Free Wi-Fi Store in US” and ”Facebook to Sue Star Trek”) #(though I agree that ”Do We Want to Be the Computers?” is pretty great even if it does break Betteridge’s Law) #((mind you I’m not sure uploading *in itself* appeals to me)) #((I’m sure silicon-based substrates have their own problems and I have more experience coping with my current body’s problem set)) #((and given that I am honestly impressed this laptop has made it to nearly its third anniversary of purchase)) #((I have no reason to expect they’d even be more durable overall)) #((so really the nice thing about uploading is being able to evacuate to a new body when your current one gives out)) #((for which a cortical stack and the occasional previously-uninhabited clone body would do just fine)) #(((and some offsite backups in case the stack is unrecoverable might be helpful but do leave you more open to forknapping))) #tag rambles #transhumanism #death tw

(I feel like @itsblehnedict might find this interesting)

[under the cut for non-fourth-wall-breaking infohazards, and also cordyceps spoilers if anyone still cares]

So in my dream this morning I was playing a video game (it might have been a VR game, but the way my dreams work all media is VR media, so I’m not sure if it was *meant* to be VR), and part of the plot was an elephant-induced apocalypse†. I thought it was neat how the game handled that.

(Note: in this game, the elephant is foodborne as well as airborne, and was deliberately developed and put into place by some evil conspiracy. Never reached the part where they explain what the conspiracy was trying to accomplish.)

As you would expect, the game tracks physical infection and memetic infection separately. You can actually survive for quite a while after eating a poisoned cookie, if you play in exactly the right way to keep your character oblivious to the apocalypse going on around them.

But it’s really hard to do that and people normally only stumble into it by accident, because the game performs (limited, one-way) fourth-wall breaking.

If this is not your first playthrough to reach the elephant plotline, the game *knows that you know* (because you’ve played before), and will flag you as memetically contaminated even if your character has no idea.

But it goes farther than that. The plot flag that triggers the apocalypse is finishing your dinner that night. (You then–if you don’t have other plans for the night–go to eat poisoned cookies and watch a poisoned movie with your family, and many other people in other places are doing the same. If you do have other plans, your family does it without you.) There is no in-game indication that an apocalypse will start then (in the main branch of the plotline, you actually *die* that night, and are resurrected by plot stuff later). If the game notices you building a bunker, buying gas masks, avoiding finishing your dinner to buy yourself more time to prepare††, the game *realises you must have read a walkthrough* and *flags you as memetically contaminated* (because why would you be doing this stuff if you didn’t know what was coming?).

†For anyone who has not read Cordyceps but still wants to read this post, the short version is that “the elephant” is a disease that is fatal when symptomatic but can only become symptomatic *if you know the disease exists*. If you’re infected without ever learning about the disease, it lies dormant for a few months and then dies out, unless you learn about it during that timeframe. (They call it “the elephant” because it’s pink and you mustn’t think about it.)

††If you say you aren’t hungry and put your dinner in the fridge, the “finished dinner” flag is not set and the apocalypse is postponed. You can eat other stuff later, and as long as it isn’t *that* particular meal the flag is not set. Letting the food rot sets the flag, but you can still buy yourself about three days this way.


Tags:

#cordyceps tcftog #illness tw #apocalypse cw #infohazards #oh look an original post #dreams

{{previous post in sequence}}


Speaking of which:

During the less thought-requiring parts of my job (sweeping and such), I keep thinking about that Suffering vs Oblivion post. Specifically, the bit where a large fraction of respondents say they would rather die than spend every waking moment of the rest of their life working in fast food.

When I first read that post, I’d never worked in fast food. I *suspected* that given only those two options I’d rather live, certainly a strong enough suspicion to give it a shot, but without more experience I couldn’t be sure.

Now, about a month in, I’m more confident that I’d rather live. My time spent at work has been positive utility: not *ideal*, sure, but all else equal I wouldn’t replace it with unconsciousness. Not even close. And most of the negative bits are the times I’m not sure what exactly I ought to be doing, which get less frequent the more experience with the job I have (and I expect this decreasing-frequency trend to continue).


Tags:

#although to be fair I’ve had pretty decent co-workers so far #and I work in a small* Canadian* town #(*+1 modifier to customer niceness) #so thus far the interpersonal aspect has been pretty much a non-issue #*knocks on wood* #in which Brin has a job #(a better paying job than the last one) #(and with more hours) #(though I might try transcription again at some point if I find the time) #(last I checked there was hardly ever anything but I think that might be from people using it as a summer job) #(note to any relevantly magical entities or somesuch: this post does not in itself constitute permission to sentence me to spend the rest of #my waking time working in fast food) #(whether I’d want to do that depends on what the other options are) #(it’s significantly better than death but not as good as the life I have now) #death tw #oh look an original post #(the following category tag was added retroactively:) #adventures in human capitalism

(This is a complete tangent on a post that’s already long, so I think I’ll split it off.)

You know, while I *had* considered the possibility that my and Dad’s differing baseline approaches to household finances was a generational thing, I’d figured it was because he’s from one of the few patches of space-time where single-breadwinner middle-class households were feasible, common, expected, and he still aims for this no-longer-practical goal. I’d never thought of it in terms of differing conceptions of the *apocalypse*, and yet it fits.

For him (part of what the post calls “Generation Jones”), the central example of an apocalypse is total nuclear war. Quick, sudden, binary, inescapable. Either humanity goes abruptly extinct or it continues on as before, and there is not a damn thing you can do about it either way (unless you are (or can become) one of the few people with power over it).

For me, the central example of an apocalypse is global warming. Long, slow, gradual, mitigate-able. The world has been ending for a hundred years, and it will keep ending for a hundred more. Humanity is unlikely to go *entirely* extinct even in the worst cases, and there are many possible cases other than the worst ones. There are many opportunities (most tiny, some larger; large ones mostly only available to the powerful, but everyone has at least *some* opportunities) to make the apocalypse be just a little milder, or work just a little slower.

The goal is something a bit like longevity escape-velocity. You’re never safe from destruction, not truly. You’re only ever buying time. But you can use the time you buy to buy yourself *more* time, and so on, and with some luck and a lot of diligence, you might never get around to dying. You might even live long enough for the powerful to come up with a way to truly fix things, but even if that doesn’t happen, you can still survive, though with death always nipping at your heels.

As above, so below.


Tags:

#I say this having earlier today done a [s]three-hour[/s] 3.5-hour shift at a fast-food place #(it was going to be three hours but we were busy so I stayed late) #thereby obtaining enough income (money and free food) to cover ~3.4% of the total weekly expenses of my household #(probably more actually) #(that percentage is based on 2016 average expenses) #(and we’ve been gradually getting better at frugality over time) #(likely enough to be a bigger factor than inflation) #I was raised with an every-bit-counts mindset towards saving the world and I approach saving my family the same way #oh look an original post #death tw #scrupulosity tw #I feel like this probably deserves some additional warning tag but I’m not sure what #apocalypse cw? #(the following category tag was added retroactively:) #adventures in human capitalism


{{next post in sequence}}

petimetrek:

ziyal:

when i see those posts about like “what division of starfleet would you be” i’m like…. if the star trek universe was real i would just fuckin live on earth in a little house and chill out in post-scarcity utopia i’m not gonna go to space and DIE

This post was wrote by a Mccoy’s ancestor.


Tags:

#yes this #Star Trek #death tw

trainsinanime:

Just once, I want the hero to go “your wife/sister/mother/whatever would not have wanted this!”, and the villain to go, “actually, we talked about this a lot. She was really into vigilante justice and eye for an eye stuff. She always said, if something like this happens, avenge me.”

 

dreadlord-mr-son:

“Your mother never would have wanted this!”

“Wow you clearly never met my mother.”

 

amuseoffyre:

“Your wife wouldn’t have wanted this!”

“To be honest, I’m following her list of instructions. Do you think I came up with this plan by myself?”

 

dragonwitch21:

“I wanted to go to art school, but no! You had to kill my sister and make me enact her 37 step plan on what to do in case she was murdered!”

 

kaylin881:

@shedoesnotcomprehend for some reason I felt like this was relevant to your interests???

 

shedoesnotcomprehend:

and you were SO RIGHT

(zari: *looks down at list* *sighs* “look, she specified I need to push you off this cliff in the rain, and the forecast is for it to clear up before noon, can you please wrap this up because otherwise I’m going to have to orchestrate you watching everything you love fall apart all over again.”)


Tags:

#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #death tw

unknought:

I’m lying in the dark and something like oblivion starts to flood my mind. Am I falling asleep? It occurs to me that I don’t actually know. For all the thousands of times I’ve fallen asleep, I can’t remember a single one. I don’t know what it feels like to stop being conscious. If I am in fact falling asleep right now, I realize, then what I’m experiencing in this moment will be gone from my mind when I wake up.

A tiny part of my mind panics: I don’t want to be erased! I don’t want to die! I’m jolted back to full consciousness. I lie still for a while, my thoughts slow, my mind starts to fill with something thick and sluggish and quiet, a part of me panics again. Not most of me; I know that I need to sleep. But enough of me to manage a veto, or at least a filibuster.

In the morning I wake up. I remember the cycle of drifting off towards probably-sleep and being repeatedly pulled back by a tiny fear of oblivion. I don’t remember how it ended.

Saaaaame.

(My feelings about this are so complicated and connected to so much other stuff in my head that it’s hard to really express them properly/coherently. And it might be TMI anyway.)

(I get the impression from reading about other people’s experiences that there’s quite a range of hypnagogic recall ability, and I’m towards the worse end of the scale. TBH, #1 quality-of-life tweak I would make to the human brain is improved hypnagogic recall. Since there are already people who have it, it’s clearly possible to set up a brain that way.)


Tags:

#obligate dozing fetishism + poor hypnagogic recall + psychological Issues regarding memory and existence = cruel joke of Nature #(of course it’s bedtime now isn’t it) #(I suppose I shall go nobly sacrifice very-near-future!me for a better-rested tomorrow) #(like every goddamn night) #reply via reblog #amnesia cw #death tw #infohazards #(you can really see the mishmash of grandfathered blacklist-tag formats on posts like this) #sexuality and lack thereof #people who can distinguish between their drive for sleep and drive for sex fascinate me