M: “What’s your name?”

R: “Rudolph.”

M: “What’s your real name, Rudolph?”

R: “… Red-Nose.”

M: “Quite a talent you have there, Red-Nose.”






The only holiday post worth the season


#my workplace has started playing Christmas music again so it’s time to think about this post at least once per hour #Tumblr traditions #Christmas #art #fanart #comics #X Men #crossovers








Sesame Street: Respect is Coming

#sesame street as kind old gods that invade other universes and Insist Kindness and Learning

#theyre too powerful to be killed or fought and if you hold a weapon it just turns harmless #and they just calmly say ‘well that’s mean dont talk like that’ if you say anything mean

#what im saying is #this story is better than anything ever


Your periodic reminder that Big Bird is an expression of the Eternal fucking Champion.



#apparently this is a real thing that they really did #Sesame Street #Game of Thrones #crossovers


ok but if bruce wayne somehow came upon zuko fresh out of banishment he would lose his mind.

black hair? check. bad parent(s)? check. trauma? double check.

bruce: how’d you get your scar?

zuko: my dad got mad at me for saying that killing people is wrong so he lit my face on fire and banished me.

bruce, vibrating with excitement, already pulling adoption papers from his utilility: that’s terrible. how do you feel about capes.



Zuko: Do you mind if I wear this blue demon mask?

Bruce: *sniff, tear in his eye* Not at all.



*Zuko fighting the Joker*

J: “wan na kno w h ow i go t thes e sc ar s”

Z: *rips off mask* i don’t give a fuck



I’m still stuck at the “batman has adoption papers in his utility belt”.

“Quick, it’s time to use the Bat-adoption papers!”



Bat-option papers



Okay, but you’re missing the best part of this.

Alfred and Iroh complimenting each other on tea while they discuss their overly dramatic children.



iroh: once, i told zuko that he needs to work on his inter turmoil. he screamed at me that he had no such inner turmoil, and then proceeded to go to a cliff during a thunderstorm to scream at God to strike him with lightning

alfred: master bruce and i have that interaction at least three times per week.






I see your “Alfred and Iroh as tea bros” and raise you “Alfred and Iroh as tea rivals


Iroh: you too must learn patience. Boiling the water ruins the delicate flavor of the white jade

Alfred: oh I’m dreadfully sorry – for some reason I expected this tea to have TEA in it


Alfred: *aggressively laying out full tea service with milk, lemon, sugar, and, just to drive his point in, jam*

Iroh: *dying inside*



excellent addition



hey bruce spent a lot of his bat-study abroad in the far east and has kind of a weeb weapon collection so proposal, what if Bruce appreciates Iroh’s tea

while Zuko is enthusiastic about cream and sugar

further fueling their dad-figures’ passive-aggressive rivalry?



You had me at Zuko vs. Joker, I was crying by the Eastern vs. Western tea service



Wait a minute. Batman and Zuko have the same arch-nemesis.

Mark Hamill


#Avatar: The Last Airbender #Batman #crossovers #fanfic #story ideas I will never write #tea

Anonymous asked: concept: tma and mbmbam crossover but its just a haunted doll watch bit with The Stranger



justin: boobobubobuboo its a haunted doll watch this is nikola she’s a haunted doll

nikola: i sure am : )

*incomprehensible scream*


G: “Oh, Christ.”

T: “Yeah!”

J: That’s right, it’s a Haunted Doll Watch; I know I’ve been talking about retiring this bit forever but ladies and gentlemen-”

G: “Wait-”

J: “-even though it’s in its sunset years, Haunted Doll Watch is-”

T: “No, Justin, that’s another-”

G: “That’s another bi-”

J: “-Haunted Doll Watch is- it’s always time for- see, haunted dolls never go out of style-”

G: “Were they in style?”

J: “-extremely fashionable, haunted dolls, there’s clearly a market- this one comes to us from an overseas seller, the listing is in- jolly old Brrrrritish Pounds-”

T: “Justin, I love you, but that was the worst-”

G: “-the best British accent anyone has ever done including all actual British people, can we please move on to the doll-”

J: “-seller ‘TMI Artifact Storage’ appears to be some sort of haunted artifact wholesaler, y’know, one of those places that acts like they just happen to come across so many haunted artifacts that they just need to-”

T: “They just need to get rid of ‘em all!”

G: “For many, many dollars, get rid of these real haunted items. Please. I need these gone but also I have a wife and kids who are starving-”

T: “It’s a starvation curse from all these haunted artifacts-”

J: “So- no, see, they’re selling these things on behalf of other people, is the idea, they- it’s more of a resale shop, I guess, they come with these statements from-”

G: “So- wait. There’s a store, where you can go, if you have a haunted doll-”

J: “A haunted anything, the next item in the lot is a haunted calliope-”

T: “I thought it was pronounced ‘cal-ee-OH-pee’.”

J: “This isn’t Haunted Calliope Watch, Trav, I’m trying to get to the-”

G: “-you can go to this store if you have a haunted ass, and you can sell your haunted ass to the store and now it’s not your problem-”

J: “Yes, I believe that to be the case.”

T: “Oh, ‘Doctor, my ass is haunted!’ ‘Well, I know just the place to sell your ass’-”

G: “Okay, say a haunted toilet brush-”

J: “Haunted Doll Watch, please let me get on with the listing. Statement comes from Leanne Denikin, regarding an antique calliope organ she possessed briefly in August 2004.”

G: “Juice, you just said it’s not-”

J: “Okay okay okay. Strange music, yada yada yada, creepy clown, okay, something something, here’s the doll… sending you a picture of the doll…”

G: “Oh, God.”

T: “Where’s its mouth?”

J: “This haunted doll is named Josh, and-”

G: “Josh?!?”

T: [hysterical wheezing]

G: “Your fucking haunted-ass doll that you’re selling on eBay to spook people out is named-”

J: “Yes, his name is Josh! Josh is a tormented spirit of the seller’s ex-boyfriend, who was brutally murdered in an unsolved-”

T: [still wheezing] “Please, he’s-”


J: “No, TMI is selling-”

G: “Your boyfriend was brutally murdered and you sold the doll containing his immortal soul to a resale shop and then they SOLD IT ON eBAY?!”

T: “No, it’s a scam, see? That’s the beauty of it! You disrespect his ghost like that, what’s he gonna do? He’s gonna come back and haunt you!”

J: “Come back and-”

T: “You sell the doll, it comes back to exact vengeance, you sell the doll again- it’s infinite free money!”

G: “Infinite free money that will eventually get angry enough to succeed at killing you.”

J: “Says ‘Josh is a nervous spirit who will-”

T: “The Prestige, Griffin! But- hey- I’ve got an idea right here.”

G: “Trav, tell me you’re not gonna-”

T: “If it’s trapped on the other side of the Atlantic Ocean-”

G: “Please don’t-”

J: “If it’s trapped on the other side of the Atlantic Ocean then what?!”

T: “Buy It Now, two hundred and three BrrrrrrRRRRrrrRRRRRrrrrRRrrrritish pounds-”

J: “Oh my god.”

G: “You bought this lady’s boyfriend off eBay?!”

J: “That’s not the problem-”

G: “Trav, we can’t just do this for every haunted doll-”

J: “-the problem is two hundred pounds is like, four hundred dollars US-”

T: “Not since Brexit it ain’t! That was 265.41 plus shipping!”

G: “Okay, so imagine the extra shipping costs when the package escapes to hunt down his human trafficking ex-girlfriend-”

T: “Doll trafficking. Ghost trafficking. We’ve been over this, it’s not-”

G: “Yeah, you’re going to die-”

J: “Okay, we’ll get back to this Haunted Doll Watch when Travis ends up with his jaw mysteriously torn off or something- Griffin, can we please get a Yahoo?”

G: “Thank you. This one was sent in by Level 9000 Ya-drew Druid Drew Davenport, it’s from Ya-drew Answers user MBlackwood, asking… ‘coworker keeps recording all our conversations, how do i make him stop’…”


#Magnus Archives #My Brother My Brother and Me #fanfic #ghost #crossovers #I’m not actually in either of these fandoms but #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #death tw?









M: “What’s your name?”

R: “Rudolph.”

M: “What’s your real name, Rudolph?”

R: “… Red-Nose.”

M: “Quite a talent you have there, Red-Nose.”






The only holiday post worth the season


#every single time I hear ”Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” I think about this post #Tumblr traditions #Christmas #art #fanart #comic #X Men #crossovers



A fun sciencey set up for an AU I’ve been kicking around for a while. It’s basically just a Gravity Falls/Invader Zim crossover.

I’m calling it Camp Mystery, or Camp Mystery AU.


#crossovers #nsfw text? #Gravity Falls #Invader Zim #comic #art #fanart #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #(”unless…it doesn’t”)



Do you think that in the mcu verse there’s a magic tree house book where they meet Captain America

Soldiers at Sunset

What’s it like to meet a true hero? Jack and Annie find out when the latest book sends them back to World War II – right in the middle of Captain Steve Rogers and the Howling Commandos! But all is not going well on this mission. Bucky Barnes has been kidnapped by HYDRA…again! Can Jack and Annie help Captain America save his best friend?


#fanfic #story ideas I will never write #crossovers #Magic Tree House #Marvel




AJ Crowley and Harry Potter bump into each other in public:

Harry Potter: Oops, sorry about that.

Crowley: No, it was my fault, don’t worry about it.

Public: *stares at the two men making strange hissing noises at each other*

Both: Wait…

I need this fic immediately

Someone passing, whose business this whole affair was not, said “Speak English, this is England for fuck’s sake!” 

The young man and Crowley turned as one and hissed at the person, who suddenly remembered an urgent and important errand elsewhere and ran off to sort it.

Then they turned back towards each other. The young man scratched the back of his head. “Um, this is awkward,” he said, in English, “I don’t run into this often. On the street. Or… Ever. Actually.” He had casually laid a hand on his hip, and Crowley was suddenly sure that there was a wand concealed in that pocket. 

Crowley remembered that it was very common in England for serpent speech to be considered a trait of evil. Which, well… anyway. “It’s not common,” Crowley allowed. “Special circumstances all around, I’m sure.” He tried to think of a good way to defuse the situation. “Fancy a pint?”

The young man looked relieved. “Yeah.”

“Crowley,” he said, offering a hand.


“C’mon, I know a pub nearby. First round’s on me.” 

If Harry was surprised by being led to the Cauldron Bottom, he didn’t show it. It was one of the few wizard pubs not attached to Diagon Alley in London- they were a growing population, but still unusual. It was middle of the afternoon and there were a few regulars at the bar, but it was otherwise quiet. 

Crowley nodded to the one-eyed barkeep, who nodded back, and then gave a friendlier wave to Harry. “Evenin’, Mr. Crowley, Mr. Potter,” she said. 

“Room in the back open, Jane?” Harry asked. “We’ve got some business to discuss.” 

Jane nodded. “Usuals for ya both?”

They nodded.

“Go on back, I’ll be right there.” 

Keep reading


#Good Omens #Harry Potter #crossovers #fanfic #I didn’t actually laugh aloud but it still amused me enough to reblog





It’s going to be a bad night.

Look, if it’s a real ghost, the busters get custody. If it’s just a real estate developer in a costume it’s out of their jurisdiction so we gotta hand things off to these meddling kids and their dog.

i’d watch a case of the week PI procedural about a paranormal investigator and a paranormal debunker that have to work together to figure out if this week’s ghost is bullshit or not


#Ghostbusters #Scooby Doo #crossovers #story ideas I will never write #(duelling genre conventions to create suspense is so neat) #(I read a novel once that was both ”sci-fi dystopia adventure” and ”erotic horror”) #(which have opposite conventions for which side wins) #(so you end up *genuinely uncertain* which side is going to win) #(unlike most sci-fi dystopia adventures the good guys *might actually lose*) #(because the audience wouldn’t feel betrayed by that and the author *knows* they wouldn’t)


Harry, Hermione, and Ron are killed early in their search for Horcruxes. Voldemort orders a full invasion of Hogwarts to find the remaining ones. In a panic, Hogwarts is evacuated. One student slept through the evacuation order: 4th year American transfer student Kevin McCallister.



I would like to go on the record as saying….i hate this…….



He’d win



That is part of why….I hate it……bc I genuinely to the core of my being believe that Macaulay Culkin could probably have finished Voldemort faster than the golden trio & Dumbledore combined…………this kid could play a fake recording of Dumbledore saying “Merry Christmas ya filthy animal” with the sound of spells being fired off from the Room of Requirement and Tom Riddle would be tf out of there so fast & slip on a Portable Swamp and fall down a changing staircase…………..



OK but what if the final battle was like this instead.


The Hogwarts students have spent the entire year peripheral to a war zone, with some of the enemy already present and actively tormenting and then hunting them. They have some idea that Hogwarts might be invaded by Voldemort at some point in time.

As part of their ongoing campaign of defiance of all things pureblood-supremacist and to keep up morale, they have a series of movie nights wherein they get everybody together and watch Muggle films on a TV that they’ve gotten Flitwick to charm into working at Hogwarts.

One of these films was Home Alone.

It was such a hit that they watched the other movies in the series.

And somebody, some little first year who’d been Crucio’d six times that month, raises her hand and suggests, “what if when HE came, we were prepared like Kevin was?”

And they spend the next four months booby-trapping every single inch of the castle.

People use the DA galleons to communicate, and the graduates provide supplies and research and high-level spellwork. Fred and George turn their joke shop’s entire production output to the purpose. Muggleborns, despite being on the run from the now-corrupt Ministry, buy technology like video cameras, remote controls, computers, and Muggle explosives, and research every method of sabotage, petty revenge, and dirty trickery they can think of.

When the evacuation order comes, the younger students retreat to the Hog’s Head with their arms full of screens and remotes and VR headsets, each with their assignment of an area to watch and a set of traps to deploy.

The older students prepare for battle.



The first casualty, as it were, is Severus Snape, who takes a swung paint can to the side of the head and spends the first half hour of the war locked in a disused classroom, before he can do more than demand Harry Potter’s whereabouts from Minerva McGonagall.

When Voldemort arrives with his Death Eaters, giants, werewolves, and assorted other lackeys in tow, and demands Harry Potter, the answer–from Neville Longbottom–is “If you want him, come and get him, you snake-fucking arsehole.”

Minerva has to turn a laugh into a hacking cough, and surrepticiously awards ten points to Gryffindor when nobody’s paying attention.

When Voldemort strides up to the doorway, the lawn collapses and he finds himself chest-deep in a Portable Swamp.

Ginny Weasley, responsible for the first line of defense at her own request, is downright gleeful as she activates the hundreds of freezing charms the students had added to it, and he and several Death Eaters find themselves temporarily stuck in the ice.

Everything is brought to bear. Electricity, zapping some Death Eaters. Tar and feathers, turning some werewolves into a sticky mess. Maple-syrup balloons, hidden in nets suspended from the ceilings. Legos and D4 dice, scattered across the ground after a set of permanent sticking charms that attach the attackers’ boot soles to the floor.

Some traps are magical in nature. The suits of armor, charmed to attack, and both sides of the giant magical chess set that used to guard the Sorcerer’s Stone. Others are purely mundane: tripwires that drop trapdoors full of stones, rotten pumpkins, and metal shavings on the heads of unsuspecting giants. Still more are a spectacular mix: hand grenades that bounce down stairways before exploding at the touch of a button from some second-year in the Hog’s Head.

Hogwarts’ defenders throw spells, gunfire, and molotov cocktails at the enemy, and whenever a Death Eater aims a spell at someone, a trap is sprung upon them by a watchful younger student.

When Voldemort retreats, his robes tattered and dripping with substances he can’t name and his follower count cut in half, there are no deaths among the other side.

He delivers his ultimatum anyway.

Snape, at this point, has awoken and escaped by the simple means of opening a window and flying next door; he tracks down Harry by listening to students talk, and heads to the room of requirement, dodging two or three traps (impressed despite himself) until one of the watchers contacts Harry via radio and Harry says to let the bastard at him.

What the two talk about, only they know. Hermione and Ron grab the diadem while watching them dubiously, and Snape offers to call up Fiendfire to destroy it. This perhaps proves something to Harry, who accompanies Snape to the Headmaster’s office despite Hermione’s and Ron’s, and then Minerva’s, protests.

When they are done, Harry Potter walks out the front door of Hogwarts and duels Voldemort, who starts on the count of two and kills him.

Shock, then hundreds of protests of cheating, and when Voldemort starts to gloat the chants of “CHEATER! CHEATER!” drown him out. He tries to say that it’s irrevelant; Harry Potter is dead, but is heckled in the form of thrown objects. From the shadows, Snape flings the shattered, scorched remnants of the diadem, the cup, and Nagini’s severed head. Voldemort catches the first, and shock paralyzes him long enough to get beaned in the head with the second; his shriek of rage is cut short when the third bounces right off his face.

(The Sorting Hat, begging anyone who will listen to put it on, was listened to by Snape. Being hit on the head a second time did his oncoming headache no favors, but the Sword of Gryffindor appears for bravery, and on his way down, meeting Nagini trapped in something resembling a magical tar pit, he does with the sword what the sword is for.)

There is laughter, and then that laughter becomes a roaring, thundering cheer when Harry Potter stands back up and taps Voldemort on the shoulder. Voldemort turns, and is knocked flat to the ground by a devastating punch that held every bit of misery Harry’s been through in his whole life thanks to Voldemort’s work.

Then when he gets up, Harry makes his request that Voldemort try for some regret. The Elder Wand does its thing. Voldemort falls, never to rise again.

Death Eaters escape, only to find out that some of those traps were full of pigment visible under ultraviolet light, and it is very easy for Aurors to figure out who was present at the attack.

The cleanup is a trial and a half, but the story is told for centuries.


#Harry Potter #Home Alone #fanfic #I didn’t actually laugh aloud but it still amused me enough to reblog #death tw