Imagine ye olde tales of sirens, but like if the sirens calling for sex were about as effective as your average porn bot. Less of a mythical creature, and more of a regular nuisance.
You and the gang pass by these misty islands and there’s a billboard in the water reading “Hot sirens in your area! Just jump off your starboard bow and say hi ;)” and nobody really talks about it, you just keep hoisting the sails and privately hope that whatever poor woman had her photos stolen for it isn’t suffering because of it
Yet somewhere you suspect there are sailors that inexplicably keep falling for it because there’s always a new billboard every week
Loving the idea that the sirens will like. Run out of billboard money if they don’t eat enough people
You know how it is
Tags:
#advertising #mythology #cannibalism cw?
By Eliezer Yudkowsky
MORPHEUS: For the longest time, I wouldn’t believe it. But then I saw the fields with my own eyes, watched them liquefy the dead so they could be fed intravenously to the living –
NEO (politely): Excuse me, please.
MORPHEUS: Yes, Neo?
NEO: I’ve kept quiet for as long as I could, but I feel a certain need to speak up at this point. The human body is the most inefficient source of energy you could possibly imagine. The efficiency of a power plant at converting thermal energy into electricity decreases as you run the turbines at lower temperatures. If you had any sort of food humans could eat, it would be more efficient to burn it in a furnace than feed it to humans. And now you’re telling me that their food is the bodies of the dead, fed to the living? Haven’t you ever heard of the laws of thermodynamics?
MORPHEUS: Where did you hear about the laws of thermodynamics, Neo?
NEO: Anyone who’s made it past one science class in high school ought to know about the laws of thermodynamics!
MORPHEUS: Where did you go to high school, Neo?
(Pause.)
NEO: …in the Matrix.
MORPHEUS: The machines tell elegant lies.
(Pause.)
NEO (in a small voice): Could I please have a real physics textbook?
MORPHEUS: There is no such thing, Neo. The universe doesn’t run on math.
Tags:
#I’ve read this before but it’s still great #The Matrix #fanfic #unreality cw #death tw
Bad: aliens that insist upon referring to human women as “feeeeemales”.
Good: aliens that insist upon dividing humans into binary categories, but the binary in question is based on something we’d regard as trivial and bizarre.
pro cilantro and anti cilantro
Just to screw with us they refer to have designated half the population as “edible” and the other half is “inedible.”
No intention of eating anyone, they just like how uncomfortable it makes everyone.
Even better: the aliens all agree on who is edible and who is inedible, but the humans have no idea what the criteria is
Even better: there is no criteria, the Aliens just keep a running list of whenever one member designated a human as edible or not. People are baffled because the selection appears random yet all the aliens are up to date, so there must be SOMETHJNG
I love this because it implies the aliens possess either (1) a universal hive mind or (2) an intergalactic group chat dedicated to fucking with humanity
they have a hive mind but they only use it as a shitty groupchat for this kind of stuff
Tags:
#aliens #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #cannibalism cw?
I want a scene in Hannibal where Hannibal is holding a baby and looking at it, and that’s it.
Really, that’s it?
That’s quite a modest proposal.
GO TO YOUR ROOM.
Tags:
#Hannibal #…oh my god #puns
Thank goodness for the internet & thank goodness for Rob Cantor.
Tags:
#music #Shia LaBeouf #Tumblr traditions #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog
Brinens and Things 