thelethifoldwitch:

There are, it is known, some truly bizarre wixen names, at least to muggleborn wixes. The family named “Bad faith” for example, and Ollivander is generally agreed to be quite a bizarre name, and that’s not even mentioning “Dumbledore”.

There are nonetheless some, which are strikingly odd. The Bentwhistles of Newcastle for example, and the Liverpool Goatcurls. The Knockturn alley Brownnoses, and the Crumplesnitch Bookie family.

None have quite as brilliant a family origin name as the respectable Greengrocers, the Cabbagewanks. Owners, for generations, of the Magic Neep of Hogsmeade, they had a long, loud and occasionally violent rivalry with the Dogweed grocers and apothecary family. This reached it’s zenith when Dorian Dogweed suggested to the owner of the Magic Neep (then called William Turnip), that their regular orders of winter Ice Cabbages were going to cause them to go bankrupt, and that they really should diversify their stock of cabbages.

Somehow, and no one outside of these two great greengrocing families quite know how, this sparked a verbally vociferous war which lasted for some ninety years. The Dogweed’s already given occasional mockery for their name, but generally understood to be fine, upstanding wixes and offerers of good advice were hardly mocked for this, but the red-headed and red-tempered Turnips were mocked ruthlessly for their “Cabbagewank” as it was called. 

(There were some, of course, who claimed that Dorian Dogweed had been found knocking one out over the Magic Neep’s stock of Ice Cabbages, but this is considered too crass for the official version.)

However the name of Cabbagewank stuck, to such the point that William Turnip’s son, George, put the name as the surname of his son, Benedict, and it has since, firmly stuck.

(At least, some say, he didn’t end up quite so badly off as Priapus Dickson.)

(Image Source)

Tags:

#nsfw? #…is this a Benedict Cumberbatch joke? #I think I just read a story that was one long leadup to a Benedict Cumberbatch joke