anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog

~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

glumshoe:

I like haunted houses in theory BUT I have no idea how to react when the actors speak to you. They ask me a question and I just… answer it…

The scariest part of a haunted house is the unscripted social interaction.

 

glumshoe:

Scary nurse in a creepy voice: “Do you have an appointment to see the doctor?”

Me: “Uh. Do you accept walk-ins?”

 

glumshoe:

Scary farmer: “I like to kill people!”

My friend, brightly: “I like to die!”

 

puerto-nic0:

Zombie : “AARRRGH”

Me : “Do you get dental insurance?”

Zombie : “TEETH!!”

 

schmergo:

This happened to me.

Scary prison dude: HELLO

Me: Nice to meet you!

Him: (pause) No it’s noooooot

 

batsalmighty:

My worst horror house experience was when I couldn’t find the (rather obvious) exit and the guy chasing me with a chainsaw stopped, sighed and pointed me to the exit, saying “please scream as loud as you can when you run out there” and just left. I disappointed the horror house chainsaw dude and I will never get over that

 

splinterdirk:

Guy: They are all my friends.. (motioning to hanging corpses; then grabs a noose) Will you be my friend? 
Me: Sure totally, you made me a friendship necklace? Oh my god your so sweet? 
Guy: … Yes.. Please, let me.. I cant I cant just go (laughing). 

– Got to walk a second time through– 

Same guy: My friends -wailing- 
Me: I came back I just really wanted to be friends so bad
Guy: (laughing more) Please, Im not allowed to laugh. 

 

sympathetic-deceit-trash:

I went to a Haunted House and literally befriended every actor there.

Specifically, I remember;

There were zombies walking around in the waiting room. I said “Hi!” and he gave me a high five. Every time he passed from then on, I got a high five.

Near the end, there were these twin little girls. “Come play with us.” They said. “Okay!” I said. “Forever.” They said. “Oh, sorry, can’t do that. I’m busy.”

I could hear them giggling.

 

imanicepersoniswear:

Guy playing Freddie Kruger: Remember, you are all my children!

Me: thanks dad

A small chorus of teenagers: thanks dad

 

under-the-arch:

I went to a haunted corn maze once. Someone ran at me with a chainsaw. I just stared at him. He hung his head and walked away. I left.

 

thefingerfuckingfemalefury:

The Real Horror Is The People We Dissapointed Along The Way

Tags:

#embarrassment squick #death tw #this probably deserves some other warning tag but I am not sure what #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #Halloween

~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

m4ge:

a quick step by step guide on what to do if you come back to your apartment and find yourself locked out because your front door is frozen shut

  1. kick the bottom of the door for 10 minutes
  2. text your landlord
  3. remember your landlord is on vacation and also in her mid 50′s so it takes about 36 hours to receive a response
  4. briefly wonder why the fuck you moved the canada
  5. remember that college tuition is significantly cheaper here than in the united states 
  6. look up and notice your cat is at the window, staring at you. he paws at the window lightly and meows. it’s devastating. his eyes are so big and imploring. decide that you have to get inside your apartment at all costs. not even god himself can stop you from feeding your cat his chicken wet food dinner. frida kahlo herself could descend from the heavens and ask “hey you wanna bang?” and you’d say “hell yeah but first let me open this door so i can feed my cat his dinner”
  7. remember there is a starbucks 3 blocks down the street from you
  8. enter. the barista gives you a weird look for entering a starbucks at 7pm on a tuesday
  9. order a venti cup of hot water. you order in french because the barista just said “bonjour” instead of “bonjour, hi.” you have a strong american accent. you hit the r in merci a little too hard to compensate. you embarrass yourself.
  10. exit the starbucks clutching the massive cup of hot water in your hands. it’s burning your fingers.
  11. return. methodically pour the starbucks cup of water all over the the door frame. it begins moving a little but still wont open
  12. back up
  13. ensure your doc martens are properly gripping the sheet of ice covering the ground. many people have told you to stop wearing doc martens in the winter, despite your protests that theyre actually the ideal winter boot. also, you’re a lesbian and punk’s not dead
  14. release a pterodactyl screech and sprint towards the door, slamming the full force of your pathetically tiny 5′2″ 110lb body into it
  15. you dont know any of your neighbors so you dont care about maintaining your pride anyways
  16. the door swings open
  17. run up the stairs
  18. open the actual door to your apartment and yell MOMMY’S HOME MY LITTLE BITCHASS BABY BOY DONT WORRY at your cat
  19. cat flings his body to the ground and starts purring like he does every time you come home
  20. write tumblr post

Tags:

#storytime #our home and cherished land #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #embarrassment squick? #weight cw? #and this one isn’t *quite* right but close enough that I’m going to include it: #fun with loopholes

~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

sashs:

@e-seal lets start that future discourse!  flying cars are unethical as well as hoverboards! fuck the synthetic food pill industry!  holocloning feeds on young people’s insecurities about their appearances! 

 

e-seal:

wow big surprise you’re focusing on those lofty problems when the failed musk clones left after the explosions are literally biting peoples kneecaps off in downtown new new new jersey as we speak and the cops wont do anything about it since they’re technically jurisdiction of the bezos kingdom

tumblr_inline_pl927ranzg1r9j9oe_250

 

sashs:

suuure call big picture problems of hypersolarindustrialism and revelocapitalist imperialism “lofty problems”. what do u think fuels the musk clones? the system. what do u think keeps the electroborders of the bezos kingdom blazing? the system. take a step back will u? fuckin futuretankie…

 

e-seal:

can someone translate this into galactic basic please

 

sashs:

god youre dense as Lykmi²…

 

e-seal:

sorryim not familiar with that compound and icant find it on SPACE Google, what is Lykmi² ?

 

sashs:

LYKMI² CYBERBALLS YEAH BABEY!!!!1!!

Tags:

#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #discourse cw? #unreality cw? #the humour of my people #our roads may be golden or broken or lost

~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

wingdingsandbrokenstrings:

triptocaines:

nigecha:

whats it with people calling japanese characters from japanese anime who live in japan and speak japanese and have japanese names white

#Seriously if a character is supposed to be white they will be named WHITIE MCWHITERSON #and wear an american flag hoodie shirt pants socks underwear and scream stuff in english every 5 seconds

31fcc0367e970c0de648048521373571a6c0e0d7

Tags:

#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #home of the brave #racism cw?

~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

lesbianshepard:

i kinda feel bad for oedipus b/c everyone assumes he chose to fuck his mom when in fact he went out of his way to avoid it. he left his hometown and distanced himself from his parents because he was afraid he would somehow get tricked into fucking his mom. everything could have been avoided if his adopted parents told him he was adopted.

 

lesbianshepard:

someone: oedipus was fucked up like who fucks their own mother??? fucking weirdo.

me: it’s not his fault! he didn’t know!

 

lesbianshepard:

also the point of the myth is supposed to show how despite your best efforts no mortal can thwart fate but also? what the fuck? the whole thing was an oracle telling laius that his son was going to murder him and fuck his wife. that shit came out of nowhere. he didn’t offend the gods or anything. they just decided for no reason other than the world is fucked up sometimes.

 

lesbianshepard:

i have been informed that oedipus’ dad, laius, did in fact bring a curse upon himself for kidnapping and raping king pelop’s son chrysippus.

i stand by my stance that it’s still ridiculous to punish oedipus and jocasta for laius’s crimes. also why would the godss curse oedipus for fucking his mom when they tricked him into doing it in the first place? fucked up.

 

the-cheshire-cat-grin:

You’re assuming the gods are ruled by logic and not by zeus nudging poseidon and saying “hey you know what would be so fucking funny”

 

fangirltothefullest:

This is so accurate

 

gaiusthegenius:

did u guys ever watch the BBC drama “Atlantis”
where the main character is a modern guy who accidentally travels back in time to Ancient Greece

and tbh it’s full of him having moments where he realises this is a myth

like this woman comes to him and asks for help because her husband is trying to kill her baby so he helps her smuggle the baby out of the city to be taken in by another family and the other family ask the baby’s name and she says “Oedipus” and the guy is like

oh fuck

and then he meets a girl called Medusa and the whole time is just like
shit shit shit
then she goes missing and they track her to a cave and he is like “guys this is gonna sound weird but does anyone have a mirror”

BEST MOMENT  is he meets a guy who says “Hi I’m Pythagoras” and he blurts out “THE TRIANGLE GUY” and Pythagoras is just HEART EYES like “YES I LOVE TRIANGLES HOW DID YOU KNOW”

Tags:

#mythology #incest cw #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #(Pythagoras) #this probably deserves some other warning tag but I am not sure what

~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

truestoriesaboutme:

There’s nothing more representative of Doctor Who than the following two facts: 

  • every single dalek story plays the fact that the daleks are involved as a reveal
  • every single dalek story has the word “dalek” in the title

Tags:

#Doctor Who #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog

inqwatch asked: How did the sharing ever explain all their people getting horrific scars from hawks, losing limbs, and the general destruction tied to their efforts? I can accept that a lot of losses were Hork-Bajir and Taxxons, but we get a lot of descriptions of Tobias going for the eyes.

~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

thejakeformerlyknownasprince:

Look.  Meetings of the Sharing apparently involve a lot of volleyball, as we know from mentions in #1, #10, Visser, and #31.

Volleyball is a dangerous sport.  Volleyball injuries happen.  Volleyball accidents frequently result in severed limbs.  We know this from the dozens — no, hundreds — of recorded cases of this exact phenomenon occurring, almost all of them in one town in Southern California.  Statisticians have hypothesized that this may have to do with the extent to which one particular local organization uses regional variations on the standard rules of volleyball, but all attempts at participant observation have resulted in the social scientists who joined the Sharing abruptly dropping the project and going in new directions with their lives.

Currently, warning labels on volleyball equipment indicate that its use has a 15% chance of resulting in serious injury and/or death.  Factoid is actually a statistical error.  The Sharing’s inter-chapter volleyball league, which loses an average of 41.7% of its members per month to volleyball-related amputations and murders, is an outlier and should not have been counted.

 

zarohk:

“social scientists who joined the Sharing”

That sounds like an excellent way to live in a constant state of terror and fascination; being a human social scientist who is infested and watching the mess that is the Visserarchy from terrifyingly close, and thinking that that either you’ll either never be able to share your findings (if you die or the Yeerks win), or be at the edge of any entirely new edge of social science.

 

thejakeformerlyknownasprince:

This is basically my entire life.  Too accurate.  Make it stop.

 

derinthemadscientist:

Imagine being a yeerk inside a newly captured social scientist watching them passively eviscerate every aspect of your primitive 30-year-old military culture down to its component parts, every conclusion basically being “these guys suck at everything they’re doing and are struggling desperately to make sure their underlings don’t realise that”

<Stop it! Stop thinking! Stop trying to shake my loyalty!>

<I can’t! This is what I was trained to do! You don’t like it, stop reading my mind!>

<I CAN’T!>

*Visser Three starts speaking*

<And this one’s intimidation tactics have gone far, far beyond useful and are greatly crippling his own forces; not sure yet whether it’s pure unchecked sadism or insecurity and distraction as a result of – >

<SHUT UP!!>

 

sarifel-corrisafid-ilxhel:

“VISSER I NEED A NEW HOST, THIS ONE IS BROKEN.”

<It sounds like you’re the broken one.>

“PUH-LEEEAAAASSSSEEEE, I’M BEGGING YOU! I’LL EVEN GO IN A TAXXON OR GEDD, JUST MAKE IT STOP!”

 

a-k-a-l–t-y-n:

post war someone is going to have an amazing dissertation “Perverse incentives in authoritarian systems, a first(ish) person case study”

Tags:

#Animorphs #fanfic #violence cw #death tw #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #(the newly captured social scientist) #my past self has good taste

~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

cheeso:

just a reminder to my new followers that if were ever able to cross the explanatory gap and share our color perception qualia with each other, proving finally that we all do see colors differently, my red is real as shit and youve been seeing crap fake red. so come to terms with your shit fake red while it lasts

Tags:

#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #qualia #discourse cw? #philosophy