✶8 September 2016 “Star Trek speaks to some basic human needs: that there is a tomorrow — it’s not all going to be over with a big flash and a bomb; that the human race is improving; that we have things to be proud of as humans. No, ancient astronauts did not build the pyramids — human beings built them, because they’re clever and they work hard. And Star Trek is about those things.” – Gene Roddenberry
please take a moment to imagine the Federation version of Eurovision as @swordfern and I have envisioned it, in a post-DS9 peaceful future:
-Bajor does something very soothing with hand percussion and like…. background eurythmy dancing but the lyrics are utterly heart-wrenching.
-Betazed is always a fan favorite- they really get into the pop ballads and impressive choreography, and of course always cause ~feelings~
-Romulans do the super intimidating acts like that one song about Moskau.
-Klingons just do fucking opera every time.
-Andorians do… whatever the andorian version of death metal is. imagine andorian headbanging. just imagine it.
-the new Cardassian Republic, when it finally gains admittance, is intensely earnest and a bit disco. No one really knows how to react to this.
-Vulcan sends one person with a Vulcan lute and they play an extremely logical arrangement extremely well, with no dancers or any illogical frippery… and they repeat this each year. No one ever votes for Vulcan.
Okay, but what we really want to know is “who sings the equivalent to ‘Irlande Douze Pointe’?”.
“We are Bajorans, so why is our song almost completely in Reduced-Ambiguity Simplified Vulcan every. single. year?”
“Who invited the Ferengi, this is the Federation Video Media Association Song Contest, and are they in the Federation? I sure don’t think so.”
Ganymede separatists getting upset that they can’t bring their flag because it’s political, and why are they stuck being treated as just “part of the set of human habitations around Jupiter” anyway, why must people take “United Federation of Planets” so literally these days, ugh.
Actually, is this by species or by planet or what?
Tags:
#Star Trek #story ideas I will never write #Eurovision
has anyone made a memes on board the enterprise post
*pointing at a random piece of engineering equipment* is that a jefferies tube
imitating spock by saying “hey guess who i am” and then staring at kirk for upwards of five minutes wherever he happens to be
“broken replicators are xenophobic”
a whole week where everyone in medbay speaks in a southern accent to piss off bones except he actually doesnt notice he just takes it for granted
“captain kirk likes classical music pass it on”
whenever someone on bridge broadcasts some kind of report on a fucked up away mission its customary to turn to the person on ur left and say ‘i just wish theyd stop saying odd shit’
the xenobiology department likes to makes up random false facts about humans and include them in official reports. ‘humans actually have no bones’. ‘humans have a third eye under their left ear’
if u visit medbay at any given time theres a good chance someones going to say “congrats!!!! youre todays one MILLIONTH visitor!!!” the prize is a free hypo vaccination and you cant refuse it
the probability of this happening increases exponentially if you are jim kirk
literally anything chekov does
“thats more impressive than yeoman rand’s hairstyle”
excitedly running up to someone from the botany department and telling them youve discovered a new plant and seeing how long it takes them to figure out that the organism ur describing in complex science terms is actually earth grass
all the linguists have complex fake languages that they use to talk shit about everyone on board in public places
“this is worse than scotty drunk and trying to explain dilithium”
daily tally of shirts jim kirk has ripped
daily tally of times spock has raised an eyebrow
“raises eyebrow like spock on the bridge” as the colloquial ‘looks into camera like im on the office’ replacement
[during a battle] “this is just like that old terran movie star wars / battlestar galactica / the martian / gravity”
[in response to something unbelievable] “yeah and spock is straight”
– “is that a jeffries tube” steadily evolves from pointing at engineering equipment to at any ship equipment, then any tech at all, then anything. literally anything. [points at collection of rocks] is that a jeffries tube
– calling people ‘ensign’ when they fuck up / calling people ‘commander’ when they do good
– if jim overhears anyone complaining about anything trivial he throws an arm over their shoulders and says “you want to be captain, you say? you want to run this ship? be in charge of and responsible for this many people of this many species? you wanna lead negotiations with [insert next diplomacy mission here]? well why didnt you say so earlier!!!” then he starts trying to lead them to the bridge
– if they let him he will take them to the bridge and sit them in the charge & tell bridge they have the conn. and then refuse to do anything captain-y
– one time an ensign actually ran a first contact mission cause of this. it was a success apart from the thing with the fruit juice
– security officers travel at the speed of light
– especially if it’s a false alarm
– telling variations of the Scotty Transporting The Admiral’s Dog story, including ‘scotty beheads the admiral’s wife’, ‘scotty bodyswaps the admiral and his dog’, ‘scotty clones the dog’ and ‘everything is exactly the same but the admiral only communicates through mime’
– away mission bingo cards
– away mission superstitions
– theres a bed in the med bay with jim’s name on it. then one with spock’s. then sulu’s
– theories on what having your own med bay bed means, mostly revolving around bones being secretly married to people
– “this is just like that time on [prefix]-[random nearby object]-[suffix]”
– spocko
Tags:
#Star Trek #TOS #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog
playing hide and seek with Odo would be LITERALLY IMPOSSIBLE
just yell “holy shit quark is totally doin smtin illegal” and he’ll reveal his position in 0.4 seconds
100% guaranteed to work actually yeah
Tags:
#Star Trek #DS9 #(didn’t they actually play hide and seek with Odo once though?) #(he played a Founder in a Dominion invasion drill?) #(but that’s not nearly as funny)
Because hell yeah – promotion via death (“Oh, our CMO bought it in that last attack? Looks like you’ve got the job now, McCoy” – what the hell, that’s not how the chain of command works!), acting captain (Spock) and ex-first officer (Kirk) get into punch-up on deck and not alone an ordinary fight, Spock is very nearly strangling him to death, and everyone just stands there and looks on? Where the hell were Security in that scene? Nobody called them? Nobody – not even McCoy – tries to pull Spock off Kirk?
We go from Spock not wanting to assign Uhura to the Enterprise in order to “avoid the appearance of favoritism” (translation: ‘everyone will think you only got the posting because we’re screwing’) to Carol Marcus and That Scene because while you do need to be good at your job, the unspoken addendum that everyone knows is that it does no harm to flash the goods for the guy in charge so he knows what’s on offer.
No rank badges on the women’s uniforms unless they’re wearing the long-sleeved version of the uniform – not that far from the midriff-baring uniforms of mirror!verse for the women.
No attempt to evacuate the people in San Francisco or even, as far as we can see, have a warning siren blaring as Enterprise and Vengeance scream through the atmosphere overhead – why, is this because screw them, they’re only dumb civilians?
The only way the scene in Starfleet Headquarters with ‘Harrison’ makes sense is if Admiral Marcus is string-pulling: “Oh my, we’re just having a top secret high security meeting with the ranking Starfleet officers after a terrorist attack on one of our facilities, so of course we’re having it in an unshielded room with ceiling-to-floor windows where the guy responsible for that bomb can fly up right up to the window and blow you all away, conveniently leaving me in sole charge to prosecute my plans”?
Heading for the mirror!verse makes a scary amount of sense. Vulcan (the voice of reason as most everyone accepts, the one planet which had a restraining effect on Terra because come on, the Tellarians and the Andorians aren’t even at the races in reboot) is gone. Starfleet is on a war footing, whether that’s admitted or not (they actively went out looking for potential threats after Nero which is how they found the Botany Bay and Khan), there’s not a word about the civilian government of the Federation – the President and Council – which makes it seem like Starfleet is the one body making decisions on a grand scale.
Nearly thirty years of paranoia after Nero (the destruction of the Kelvin may have had a huge effect on skewing the development of both Starfleet’s approach and civilian politics) resulting in militarisation, seeing enemies and potential enemies everywhere, an attitude of “you could be killed in the morning through no fault of your own”, ‘dead men’s shoes’ being acceptable as a career ladder, casual sexism and trading sexual favours for promotion/better opportunities being accepted within Starfleet, casual and routine lying on reports (see how outraged Kirk is that Spock told the truth about what happened on Nibiru!) leading to blatant ditching of the Prime Directive, the perception that the only way Terra will be truly safe is to get them before they can get us – it’s easy to see it happening.
Maybe the reason we don’t hear about Tarsus IV and how it affected reboot Kirk (because a traumatic event like that would certainly explain why he turned out to be “the Mid-West’s only genius-level repeat offender”) is that in this universe, the Governor is not regarded as Kodos the Executioner, but Kodos the Saviour – after all, he kept half the population alive until the relief ships could arrive, and without his forward thinking, determination and leadership, a lot more people would have died for no good reason (instead of being sacrificed as ‘useless mouths’ for the fit to survive).
I mean the mirrorverse has its own backstory but “most worlds converge on mirrorverse-ish stuff” is also cool!
all i want is more mundane shows in sci-fi and fantasy verses
i just want friends, but set on ds9, and they had to pull some strings to keep their quarters on the habitat ring next to each other with the nice view of the wormhole, and they sit around shooting the shit and loitering in the promenade and having like dating crises and in the background the star fleet officers are running and yelling and the station goes to red alert and they’re like “ugh we just got comfortable!!!”
when the environmental controls fail they have to split up by species gravity tolerance and put all the breakables in someone’s bedroom
one of them works part time as a dabo girl but we never see them at quarks, we just hear complaining about the boss and sometimes horrendous work outfits
i want like “my dog got stuck in the station ventilation shaft, we have to sneak it out before star fleet notices”
community, but in space, at the shitty knock off academy that people who didn’t test into star fleet go to, for fucking interstellar trucking or something
featuring a pseudo jeff winger who’s an academy washout and he’s always like WELL IN STAR FLEET and everyone else like groans and throws crumpled up candy wrappers at him
TEEN WORF
i want fucking war horse, but set during the cardassian occupation on bajor
goddamn patriot about like kahless or something, fighting to unify klingons against a larger threat and with inexplicable modern accents and clothing
goddamn pocahontas in space, with first contact, where it makes no sense with what we actually know about. physics. and history in the larger world. and it’s obvious propaganda
(like i couldn’t think of an example like pocahontas that wasn’t. just as racist. but like! if you want your weird romantic colonialism, just set it in space, with fake history, and no one will know my guys! no one will be mad you aged up the fucking vulcan princess or whatever and then we can all enjoy this ridiculous story and the talking sand dunes or whatever)
HOUSE HUNTERS BUT IN SPACE! THIS INTERSPECIES COUPLE NEEDS QUARTERS ON A STATION THAT CAN DO BOTH OXYGEN AND CHLORINE ATMOSPHERES….PLUS A BIG KITCHEN FOR ENTERTAINING like please. spcae
real housewives of alpha centauri b
the office, but in space, about the small self-sealing stem bolt company that gets a boost in sales after they accidentally make a huge sale to the new federation-run space station outside bajor
manager: why would they order from the federation if they didn’t breath oxygen
me: *looks into the camera like in The Space Office*
THE DEADLIEST CATCH, BUT WITH STUPID SCI-FI ANIMALS
it’s always sunny on rigel 7
i could go all day hollywood call me you can reuse whatever’s in the backlots and the rental houses i don’t care man! just! do it! space!
ASK AND YE SHALL RECEIVE easy to reblog post compilations ANYWAY I WANT
ALL
ANY
OF THESE
also for the new people in the back: i may look like all the crying about nerds in space i do is about star wars, but let me assure you. that i am ALWAYS crying about any given franchise with ‘star’ in the name at basically any time, ever.
House Hunters: Interstellar. Tom and Becky have a home on the Terran Moon along the shores of the Sea of Tranquility, but now they’re in the market for a vacation property on Risa. Their budget is 1.2 million bars of gold pressed latinum.
Brinens and Things - Tumblr Mirror 