i think that the “i do not control the ____” memes are generally tame and do not lend enough credence to the genuine absurdity of the original line that is
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#I don’t think I’ve ever heard of this meme before #but I looked at this picture and went ”is that…Josh…Peck?” #and I looked at TagViewer and to my surprise I was actually right #so I am reblogging in honour of that #Drake and Josh #prosopagnosia #death mention
justin: boobobubobuboo its a haunted doll watch this is nikola she’s a haunted doll
nikola: i sure am : )
*incomprehensible scream*
J: “Okay, so we’ve got another Yahoo from- BOOP BOO-BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOO-BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOO-BOOP BOOP”
G: “Oh, Christ.”
T: “Yeah!”
J: That’s right, it’s a Haunted Doll Watch; I know I’ve been talking about retiring this bit forever but ladies and gentlemen-”
G: “Wait-”
J: “-even though it’s in its sunset years, Haunted Doll Watch is-”
T: “No, Justin, that’s another-”
G: “That’s another bi-”
J: “-Haunted Doll Watch is- it’s always time for- see, haunted dolls never go out of style-”
G: “Were they in style?”
J: “-extremely fashionable, haunted dolls, there’s clearly a market- this one comes to us from an overseas seller, the listing is in- jolly old Brrrrritish Pounds-”
T: “Justin, I love you, but that was the worst-”
G: “-the best British accent anyone has ever done including all actual British people, can we please move on to the doll-”
J: “-seller ‘TMI Artifact Storage’ appears to be some sort of haunted artifact wholesaler, y’know, one of those places that acts like they just happen to come across so many haunted artifacts that they just need to-”
T: “They just need to get rid of ‘em all!”
G: “For many, many dollars, get rid of these real haunted items. Please. I need these gone but also I have a wife and kids who are starving-”
T: “It’s a starvation curse from all these haunted artifacts-”
J: “So- no, see, they’re selling these things on behalf of other people, is the idea, they- it’s more of a resale shop, I guess, they come with these statements from-”
G: “So- wait. There’s a store, where you can go, if you have a haunted doll-”
J: “A haunted anything, the next item in the lot is a haunted calliope-”
T: “I thought it was pronounced ‘cal-ee-OH-pee’.”
J: “This isn’t Haunted Calliope Watch, Trav, I’m trying to get to the-”
G: “-you can go to this store if you have a haunted ass, and you can sell your haunted ass to the store and now it’s not your problem-”
J: “Yes, I believe that to be the case.”
T: “Oh, ‘Doctor, my ass is haunted!’ ‘Well, I know just the place to sell your ass’-”
G: “Okay, say a haunted toilet brush-”
J: “Haunted Doll Watch, please let me get on with the listing. Statement comes from Leanne Denikin, regarding an antique calliope organ she possessed briefly in August 2004.”
G: “Juice, you just said it’s not-”
J: “Okay okay okay. Strange music, yada yada yada, creepy clown, okay, something something, here’s the doll… sending you a picture of the doll…”
G: “Oh, God.”
T: “Where’s its mouth?”
J: “This haunted doll is named Josh, and-”
G: “Josh?!?”
T: [hysterical wheezing]
G: “Your fucking haunted-ass doll that you’re selling on eBay to spook people out is named-”
J: “Yes, his name is Josh! Josh is a tormented spirit of the seller’s ex-boyfriend, who was brutally murdered in an unsolved-”
T: [still wheezing] “Please, he’s-”
G: “You’re SELLING your BOYFRIEND’S GHOST on eBAY?!”
J: “No, TMI is selling-”
G: “Your boyfriend was brutally murdered and you sold the doll containing his immortal soul to a resale shop and then they SOLD IT ON eBAY?!”
T: “No, it’s a scam, see? That’s the beauty of it! You disrespect his ghost like that, what’s he gonna do? He’s gonna come back and haunt you!”
J: “Come back and-”
T: “You sell the doll, it comes back to exact vengeance, you sell the doll again- it’s infinite free money!”
G: “Infinite free money that will eventually get angry enough to succeed at killing you.”
J: “Says ‘Josh is a nervous spirit who will-”
T: “The Prestige, Griffin! But- hey- I’ve got an idea right here.”
G: “Trav, tell me you’re not gonna-”
T: “If it’s trapped on the other side of the Atlantic Ocean-”
G: “Please don’t-”
J: “If it’s trapped on the other side of the Atlantic Ocean then what?!”
T: “Buy It Now, two hundred and three BrrrrrrRRRRrrrRRRRRrrrrRRrrrritish pounds-”
J: “Oh my god.”
G: “You bought this lady’s boyfriend off eBay?!”
J: “That’s not the problem-”
G: “Trav, we can’t just do this for every haunted doll-”
J: “-the problem is two hundred pounds is like, four hundred dollars US-”
T: “Not since Brexit it ain’t! That was 265.41 plus shipping!”
G: “Okay, so imagine the extra shipping costs when the package escapes to hunt down his human trafficking ex-girlfriend-”
T: “Doll trafficking. Ghost trafficking. We’ve been over this, it’s not-”
G: “Yeah, you’re going to die-”
J: “Okay, we’ll get back to this Haunted Doll Watch when Travis ends up with his jaw mysteriously torn off or something- Griffin, can we please get a Yahoo?”
G: “Thank you. This one was sent in by Level 9000 Ya-drew Druid Drew Davenport, it’s from Ya-drew Answers user MBlackwood, asking… ‘coworker keeps recording all our conversations, how do i make him stop’…”
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#Magnus Archives #My Brother My Brother and Me #fanfic #ghost #crossovers #I’m not actually in either of these fandoms but #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #death tw?
one time as a kid I forcefully shoved two magnets together, and these were the strong magnets my dad used in his shop to pick-up missing little metal bits, and I held them really tightly in the palm of my hand, went up to this one kid who legit said things like “I think black cats are bad, they should be drowned” and drew crosses on the notebooks of kids if she found out they didn’t go to church, I told her “Hey. I’m a witch. If you don’t stop trying to hurt animals and picking on kids, I’ll use my magic to throw you into the sky”, and when she dared to doubt my powers I told her that I had two “rocks” in my hand that I could send across the playground, then I opened my hand the the magnets shot off in two different directions (we were over in a spot that was empty, so no other kids were around, nobody got hurt), one of them stuck to a drainpipe and the other stuck to a fence. This kid SCREAMED, and ran to the office, and I guess had her mom pick her up from school, and then she wasn’t there for a couple of days, finally her mom called my house and claimed I had “traumatized her daughter by performing a terrifying magic trick”, and when my parents asked what I did I just said “I showed her a magnet and she flipped out. She’s not gonna be happy when she finds out about gravity, either”. eventually this kid came back to school and always made a point to come up to me and say “Hey, my mom told me not to talk to you!”, and would just be like “Good job, you already screwed that up”
Inadvisable D&D campaign premise #137: the Old Republic’s code of laws is unique in that it binds the natural world as well as human society. While these laws don’t always work in humanity’s favour, they establish a web of obligations that can be leveraged for humanity’s advantage; thus it’s possible to bargain with a storm, make contract with a river, or take the seasons to court. As the the features of the natural world have no particular ability to communicate or assert their needs, they’re assigned human advocates, who swear fearsome (and magically binding) oaths to represent the best interests of their “clients”.
Of course, nothing lasts forever. The Old Republic fell apart centuries ago, dissolving into a loose affiliation of sporadically warring provinces that each claim to be the Republic’s only legitimate successor. Even in this fractured state, the old laws retain their temporal power, but they can’t be modified or repealed, as no valid legislative body can be convened. In the campaign’s present day, those laws are nearly four hundred years out of date, which often places them considerably out of step with the needs and concerns of contemporary society – but any province that tries to simply discard them loses the protections they afford and is promptly ravaged by natural disasters.
The player characters in this campaign are a roving team of lawyer-adventurers who specialise in devising and implementing solutions to the bizarre legal conundrums that emerge from this state of affairs.
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#story ideas I will never write #fun with loopholes
