homer yawns, stretching his arms out and cracking the joints in his neck. he definitely has dry mouth, despite the fact that he’s been gulping down every glass of water that Ray Ban and Donut Mouth have brought him, and brushing his fingers against his watch indicates that it’s only been three hours. three.
jesus christ, he’s going to die in here.
he doesn’t know where anybody else is. the last thing he remembers from the party is calliope brushing her fingertips along his knuckles and saying your poems are really good. you should do a reading.
calliope muse thought that he, homer, should do a reading. of his poetry. that he wrote.
“maybe she wants to date you,” muses Donut Mouth. “that’s literally the only reason anyone would ever encourage anybody to do a poetry reading.”
“that or she was trying to get him to leave her alone, since there is literally nothing less sexy than a nineteen-year-old poet with the beginnings of a mullet,” Ray Ban says.
“please be kind to me,” says homer. “i’m trying to tell you a story.”
GOOD NEWS, FOLKS!! a few people have asked me for this and i finally got around to it. it’s not a chapter update, BUT: a chilliad character cheat sheet.
Tags:
#oh look an update #Iliad #fanfic #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog
“April the twelfth is a High Holiday, the highest, Yuri’s Night, the day mankind first broke Earth’s eggshell and touched our rightful Space— a day for hope, for thanks, for recommitment to the Great Project.”
The Will to Battle, by Ada Palmer
Tags:
#Terra Ignota #space #proud citizen of The Future #Tumblr traditions
buying peaches is so stressful because you have to consume them so quickly…it’s like the moment the cashier types in that number the alpha peach turns to its brothers in the bags and says “alright listen up boys, it’s time to remember your training. i want to see immense bruising by sundown. i want to see you near inedible by sunrise. remember it is better to die a free man than to be eaten.” you gotta wolf down all of your peaches at the check out counter while the trader joe’s employees eagerly look at the Peach Consumption Countdown Clock and cheer you on. these peaches have sensors on them that can tell when they come into contact with human hands so they can begin their self-destruct sequence like you’re in a spy movie and the peach just relayed a message to you about the whereabouts of jimmy hoffa’s decayed remains
this response carries so much chaotic cursed energy. jimmy hoffa was declared dead in 1982 after disappearing in 1975. he was born in 1913, meaning he would be the miraculous age of 105 today if he wasn’t dead. “likely dead.” the fact that it’s a hetalia blog trying to tell me that he is likely dead. the fact that i specifically mention his decayed corpse in my post so there is literally no reason for someone to alert me that he is “likely” deceased. the fact that this hetalia blog is trying to tell this to me, a person who up until recently literally worked for the international brotherhood of teamsters as a person in charge of handling their historical records. i spent two years of my life answering phone calls from people asking me if i personally knew what happened to jimmy hoffa’s body. ive spent a significantly longer amount of time trying to forget that hetalia exists. my entire career as a hetalia facebook roleplayer at the age of 11 just flashed through my eyes. i legitimately cannot express how much this response has effected me. ive been staring at it for 7 minutes. i feel like ive entered the twilight zone
#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #food #(OP is mostly not a relatable feel?) #(I had that happen *once* with peaches from the farmer’s market) #(but usually supermarket peaches last weeks if you keep them refrigerated) #death tw #this probably deserves some other warning tag but I am not sure what #unreality cw? #amnesia cw?
(cut chain for length, since the above is mostly not directly relevant to the below)
Might also be relevant that most Canadian butter is sold in blocks the size of four sticks. (Usually with markings along the side of the (paper-lined foil) wrapper to indicate things like “slice here to get ¼ cup”.)
(I used to think it was all Canadian butter, but I recently discovered that President’s Choice brand butter is in stick format.)
So a block of butter is 2 cups of butter? I’ve seen 1 cup (so two normal sticks) size blocks and I found them to be much less convenient for baking, but alright for table use.
But then, I actively prefer the longer sticks to the shorter sticks so I might be out there in terms of butter packaging preferences.
Anyway I wonder if the different packaging styles make a substantial cost difference (where, like 1/2¢ would qualify as huge due to volume) or environment impact difference.
Tags:
#food #our home and cherished land #conversational aglets
it’s really a beautiful moment when it clicks and you suddenly realize you know what like half the members of the alt-right shamefully jerk off to
“free use… cuckold porn… noncon… racist cuckold porn… ooh, that’s a forced fem type, haven’t seen one of those in a while”
friends, romans, countrymen, embrace your fucked-up sexual fantasies and stop sublimating it into questionable political ideologies
take: okay, but now i want to know what questionable political ideologists the looners and foot fetishists and inflat
double-take: oh. never mind, on second thoughts i believe that with the help of some background reading on economic policy, i can figure out for myself what political ideology repressed inflation kinksters sublimate their thing into
third thoughts: now i’m sorting through every australian poltician by inferred kink, and i do not know how to handle this new insight (apart from “using appropriate sanitary methods”)
Tags:
#sexuality and lack thereof #politics cw #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #I *would* say ”ask game: infer my kinks from my politics” #but if anything I’m more open about my kinks here than I am my politics
Brinens and Things - Tumblr Mirror 