What’s even better than Winnie-the-Pooh? Winnie-the-Pooh in Latin, of course! Some of you may be saying, “Huh?” Why would you translate a children’s story into a dead language? I don’t know, but it is real and it’s called Winnie ille Pu. Just look! Pooh Bear’s in a toga and it’s so adorable.
Alexander Lenard translated A.A. Milne’s classic into the Latin language, and published it in 1960. Then and now, it proved quite unexpectedly to be very popular. Winnie ille Pu is the only Latin language book to ever become a New York Times best seller. Nothing is written in English—not even the map labels! It has been called “the greatest book a dead language has ever known.” Its popularity took even the publishers by surprise; they had only ordered a small printing to be made of the book, and within weeks it was nowhere to be found in bookstores.
Lenard spoke 12 languages, and was a Latin enthusiast. Taking seven years to translate the whole of Milne’s first Pooh book, Lenard almost became an additional author in his own right. He tailored the translation to include its own alliteration, puns, rhymes, and other language-specific quirks. Actual Latin scholars would be able to read this book for its own enjoyment, not just as an exercise.
One of the best things about Winnie ille Pu is figuring out how Lenard re-named all of the characters. Here is a list of their new Latin christenings:
Christophorus Robinus: Christopher Robin
Porcellus: Piglet
Ior: Eeyore
Bubo: Owl
Ru: Roo
Lepus: Rabbit
Canga: Kanga
Now, you may be thinking, where is Tiggerus? I also searched for him in vain. Fun fact: Tigger does not appear until the second Pooh Bear book, The House at Pooh Corner, and he is the only new major character to be introduced.
“the thing you have to understand is that, helen aside, things were kind of like, brewing,” homer says. to be fair, up until this point he really could not have given less of a shit about greek life politics. he’d rushed alpha sig because he wanted to lose his virginity, make friends, drink a lot of beer, and because lowkey he wanted to be like capi from ABC’s greek. he loved that guy. that guy was the shit.
anyway, the point is, now that homer’s really giving it some thought, yeah: the thing between troy and alpha sig had been building for a while, long before homer got anywhere near campus. helen was kind of just like, the final straw.
“the trojans aren’t even greek, is the thing,” he explains. “like, they used to be, um … i dunno, some national chapter, i forget because who cares. but they got kicked off campus and then just renamed themselves after the street their new house was on. priam’s nice but he’s not exactly creative.”
“why did they get kicked off campus?”
“well, a deer got drunk at one of their parties, and then the deer got hit by a car, and then there were all these protests by the vegan club.”
“why did they get a deer drunk?”
“is this on the record?”
“son, you’re at a police station. everything is on the record.”
homer hesitates. he’s pretty sure they’re past the statute of limitations on getting animals drunk, and also he doesn’t think that’s technically illegal, just a real dick move.
“well … they didn’t,” he admits. “but – okay. look, don’t tell anyone i told you, but the real truth is aggy did it.”
“aggy got them kicked off campus?”
“no, aggy got the deer drunk. it was on trojan property, though. and – this is extremely on the DL, i’m very serious about this, boys – it wasn’t the vegans who protested. or i mean, it was the vegans, but how did the vegans find out, you know what i’m saying?”
there’s a thoughtful hum. homer isn’t sure if it’s coming from Ray Ban or Donut Mouth, but he thinks it might be Donut Mouth because he smells a hint of bear claw on the exhale.
“so how did they find out?” Ray Ban asks. his words are a little squished, like he’s resting his chin on one of his hands.
“roy,” Donut Mouth mutters. “c’mon, this isn’t relevant.”
“so?” Ray Ban answers, unapologetic. “it’s fucking interesting. you so desperate to go write up your reports that you wanna get out of here? you itching to sit in the bullpen listening to frank powerwash the floors for the next four hours?”
homer grins. he holds his hand out for a high-five. “my main man ray ban,” he says. Ray Ban takes the five.
“it’s roy, actually,” he says.
“rick and roy, that’s cute, actually,” homer answers. “i’m still gonna call you ray ban, though. it’s like, your vibe. rick, sorry man, but you’ve been donut mouth to me this whole time and i just don’t think that’s gonna change for you.”
“for god’s sake,” Donut Mouth says, “can we please focus?”
homer, nodding, feels around the table until he finds the corner of what he’s pretty sure is the donut box. he raises his eyebrows in question and is gratified to hear Donut Mouth sigh before nudging the box forward so he can get his hand in. he grabs whatever is closest – no such thing as a bad donut, after all – and says, mouth full of strawberry glaze, “okay, so, someone told the muses and the muses told me that it was emi hunter, olly hunter’s twin sister. she’s not a vegan herself but is BIG into like, animal husbandry. their whole family have been butchers since like, the 1600s or some shit. i heard she only eats meat she’s killed herself, which is super hot and very scary.”
he waits, but neither Ray Ban nor Donut Mouth have anything to say about emi hunter. “… anyway, she found out that someone at this party had gotten the deer drunk and that the deer had gotten hit by a car and died, and also nobody even used the venison, and she sicced the vegans on them.”
This stunning artwork, titled “Margaret’s Moon”, was made by Dr. Jamie Molaro (aka Spacejammie), and I’ll just post her own description:
This piece was made using data from the Lunar Orbiter Laser Altimeter
(LOLA) aboard the Lunar Reconnaissance Orbiter (LRO) spacecraft. The
topography is the same as used in The Book of Moon, though with fewer layers. The text on the pages is original source code
for the Apollo 11 guidance computer for the command and lunar modules.
The code was written by NASA computer scientist Margaret Hamilton in
1969. It was during this project that she invented the term “software
engineering” to describe the process of writing code.
Some of my favourite moments from the day I spent at the library playing Snape for their Harry Potter event
•”The real Snape is taller than you!”
“Real Snape? Oh, you mean the muggle who played me in that film? His name was Alan. My name is not Alan, and I am sadly not 6’1”. Ten points from Gryffindor.”
•*to a little girl dressed as Hedwig complete with mask* “You’re that Potter brat’s owl, arent you? Hedwig, correct?”
“Yeah! You’re so mean to Harry! *pretends to peck at me my god she was adorable*
“See, I’d put you in detention for that, but regrettably you can’t put owls in detention. So I’ll put your mother in detention instead for raising such a disrespectful child.” *the mother cracked up at this*
•”Are you Professor Snape?”
“*long sigh* Regrettably.”
•I had a belt of potions bottles and a group of kids asked me what potions I had, so I actually gave an impromptu potions lesson. Some of the highlights included threatening to use Skele-Gro on a boy dressed as Harry who wouldn’t stop interrupting, and loudly complaining to their parents that I wouldn’t have had to waste time reteaching this lesson if their kids had paid attention the first time.
•Word got out that I actually had the dark mark on my arm so kids kept coming up to ask to see it. I made a big show of rolling my eyes and threatening them and then finally rolling up sleeve while flexing the tendons in my wrist to make the snake move. Made several kids scream. It was hilarious
•There were a couple teenagers in a group with a Luna and her friend dressed as her rabbit patronus. I had a lot of fun with them giving her a hard time:
-“Lovegood. I know that name. Why do I—ah, yes, your father.”
“He writes for the Quibbler!”
“Indeed he does. Penned an article claiming Hogwarts had a vampire teaching there. Can’t imagine to whom he was referring.” *cue biggest laugh of the evening*
-“Lovegood, if you melt on more pewter cauldron—“
“They had dark magic in them! All pewter cauldrons do!” (She was really good)
“…you’re telling me every pewter cauldron was made by a dark wizard? He must have been extraordinarily busy” *dry tone*
“Yes, and it explains why you’re the way you are. Spent too much time with pewter cauldrons”
“…why am I still talking to you, Lovegood?”
•”Why arent you at Hogwarts?”
“Have you been outside, child? It’s summer.”
•*parents who wanted photos* “Can we get our picture/their picture with you?”
“…*sigh* Fine. *dramatic eye roll* You do know I’m the villain for like six and three-fourths of seven books, right?” (They found this hilarious)
•The classic, “I love your costume/great costume!” comments followed up with “…What costume?”
•There was a sorting station I helped back up for a bit and I had way too much fun loudly groaning and complaining when kids were put into Gryffindor.
•One little girl was put into Slytherin so I introduced myself to her and her dad and was all “You’d better make me proud. Although honestly after 14 years my expectations aren’t very high so that should be relatively easy.” Went over her head but the dad lost it
•*two rowdy little boys nearly putting each other’s eyes out with fake wands and in general causing dangerous commotion* “No duelling in the halls. Twenty points each from both your houses, and a week’s detentions.” (They straightened up immediately. Was proud.)
•There was a station where kids could make Pygmy puffs out of cotton balls and glue and one kid made an all black one and proudly presented it to me with “I tried to make it look grumpy”
That is spot on and so wonderful! Share you Snapeing secrets…
it’s ninety-nine degrees outside, four fuck-thousand percent humidity, and my husband was like, “i’m gonna go for a bike ride.” and i was like “why. no. why. don’t put us on the news like that. local fool collapses on unnecessary journey. don’t do it.” so he says he doesn’t want to “hide in the house” because the sun is shining. bruh. honeybruh. “the sun is shining” does not cover it. its hot outside. its motherfucking hot as fuck outside. our outdoor plants have been crying into their hands all week. whole cars are melting into the sewer. our fucking patio umbrella developed sentience to ask me for lemonade this morning
@robotmango, you need to work for the weather forecast – this was both hilarious and so vivid it made me stand up and get some iced tea.
this is a great idea, thank you. here goes. my audition tape for the weather channel. dearly beloved. we are gathered here today to have a fucking funeral for the outdoors. it had a good run, with all its creeks and clouds and shit. pretty great. now it’s ten-thirty at night but still ninety-two asshole-sweating degrees and humid as fuck. everything is hot and slimy, like being a “borrower” that got trapped inside a bottle of shampoo and then accidentally microwaved. you can see on my doppler radar that nothing is moving around out there because everything is probably dead. the only alive thing is the mosquito currently trying to drill a hole in my leg. no surprise that all the shitbag mosquitos are fine, since the thermostat of hell is always at the devil’s preferred temperature. this forecast has gotten away from me a little, but in conclusion fuck the sun
Tags:
#weather #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #death mention
Hmm, time to cause a years-long PR disaster by accidentally starting a rumor that 95% of rationalists have a transformation fetish
It’s true, but only because we’re all trans women
“Accidentally”
anyone who says they don’t have a transformation fetish is just unaware of how many kinds of transformations there are
Tags:
#…honestly that’s a fair point #(I’m sure there are exceptions to every rule and all that but) #I don’t tend to *identify* as a transformation fetishist but I’ve definitely #encountered some transformation porn that made some very good points re: why it should appeal to me #nsfw text? #sexuality and lack thereof
How do people with good eyesight go to sleep? When I’m done with the day I take my glasses off and the world is suddenly a pleasant blur of the most generously monet filter of vision degradation and it’s like. We’re done. You don’t gotta see anything anymore. You try sleeping with perfect eyes??? Seeing stuff????? Sad. Shitty eyesight uncorrected is half a dream state already where you did lose your fucking glasses and you won’t find them till morn but it don’t fucking matter till morn do it
Also people with contacts are strong because we casually remove things from our eyeballs, people with 20/20 vision are coddled and weak and they will not survive when the eyeball touching winter comes
Maybe this is why all my friends with shitty eyesight can get to sleep easily and it takes me 4 hours
Tags:
#I find it goes more the other way #to me it’s not that no-glasses makes it easier to sleep as much as yes-glasses makes it easier to wake up #on those occasions that I have trouble getting up it’s entirely in the part before I put my glasses on #because putting glasses on sends a very strong signal to my brain of ”okay it is Getting Up Time Now and there will be No More Dawdling” #(probably-relevant note: I’m *not* caffeine-addicted) #in a more morphologically free world I think I would get my vision fixed #and then have the lenses in my glasses replaced with non-prescription ones and keep wearing them #I would like the *option* of functioning without glasses but refrain from taking that option whenever possible #my glasses are Part Of Me #even wearing very similar (but not exactly the same model) glasses feels wrong #(at least I managed to find a backup pair whose differences are subtle enough you can’t tell from the outside) #(so if one day I am forced to resort to them long-term I will still be able to look in the mirror and see myself) #(even if I don’t *feel* like myself) #((also yeah one of the *other* reasons I don’t wear contacts is because I’m a wimp)) #tag rambles
#pretty things #(which I know is a weird juxtaposition with the previous post) #(the feelings I have about this image are not very strong but they *are* positive feelings)
Also, the things I describe over on @sinesalvatorem wrt doing math super fast or it feeling like beauty aren’t really that surprising when I think about it.
The brain does a lot of math really really really fast. It’s solving equations of parabolic motion any time it tells you where to position your hand to catch a ball. And what does that feel like? Well, it just feels like Knowing where the correct place to put your hand to catch the ball is.
I think that aesthetics is, deep down, about varying levels of that feeling of Correctness. Placing my hand in the right place to catch something feels like it requires the same sense for figuring out what is Correct that deciding where apply makeup or which clothes to wear does.
Certain things just register to the brain as more Correct in certain forms than others, when they need to complement something else. Like what colour of eye shadow to wear, or which top matches my tights, or where to put my hand to catch a ball. Similarly, the integer 27 feels like it complements the concept of 3^3. That they meet in the same place, much like the specific point in space that my hand and the ball intersect.
And while these may all feel like they’re the products of different processes and should be represented as such, I’m not so confident the brain does represent them as different. I think that, at the level of implementation details, the human mind might actually work a fair bit like the Greek philosophers. Where the beautiful, the true, and the good all have the same functional representation.
And I think a lot of semi-conscious thought is just these low-level Correctness-locators printing to stdout. So the sense of one’s eye being drawn to pretty things, and the sense of one’s hand reflexively shooting out into the parabolic path of a ball, and the sense of one’s thoughts turning toward the right answer to a math problem – that all of these are the same kinds of thoughts. But looking at them from the perspective of the conscious mind, they’re hard to understand. (I’m about to start reading How The Mind Works by Steven Pinker and will maybe get some more ideas here.)
But lately I’ve been trying to look really carefully at what I want, why I want it, and how those wants are represented inside me. And I think that, even if not everyone works the way I describe above, I seem to. When I’ve been talking lately about doing the things I really want to do, I could just as well have said doing the things that feel prettiest to me. On the lowest level, there doesn’t seem to be any distinction. The things I want to do will just seem prettier when I think about them, and that will be what tells me that they’re what I want to do. I think beauty is just a catchall attractor in the mind.
And since I started just doing whatever has the strongest feeling of beauty/truth/goodness as much as I can, I’ve been incredibly happy and productive. I can trust that I’m actually doing what matters to me, because I’m doing what satisfies the cluster of mattering. The sense that assigns value to world states and their requisite actions relative to each other.
Being charitable to others is Beautiful. Symmetric wallpaper designs are True. Understanding mathematics is Good. None of these are explicitly true, but all of them point to sense that truth springs from. Comprehend it, and the Dao shall unfold before you. (At least, that’s what happened for me. No idea if it works for other people. I’m just trying to report these internal experiences as best I can, in case they’re useful.)
In a moment of coming full circle, *Alison* is now the one explaining what it’s like to have a mind with certain parts intermingled.
I don’t think I know the above feel myself. Honestly, I’m not even sure I know the *components* of this feel. For all I know, maybe my low aesthetic drive and poor aim *are* linked.
(It doesn’t bother me much: I don’t need to aim very often, and I’ve been able to turn the limitedness of my ability to appreciate beauty into an advantage. Still, it’s fascinating to get a glimpse of the inner workings of someone for whom beauty is clearly very important.)
Tags:
#(context of the first sentence: sinesalvatorem and I first got to talking because) #(she saw my ”people who can distinguish between their drive for sleep and drive for sex fascinate me” tag) #(and was curious what that was like) #adventures in dragon capitalism #(tangentially) #is the blue I see the same as the blue you see #the wondrous variety of sapient life
I love how it’s “The Strange Case of Doctor Jekyll and MISTER Hyde” as in, yeah, they are basically two sides of the same person but only ONE has a doctorate
#unless your bitch ass second personality helped you write that thesis it is your fucking doctorate
doctor banner and mr. hulk
Tags:
#I didn’t actually laugh aloud but it still amused me enough to reblog
Brinens and Things 