vantablack saga

Agreement

~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

jukeboxemcsa:

Ami couldn’t stop staring into the darkness. It was as if it simply swallowed up every stray particle of light that came her way, leaving her eyes so completely and totally accustomed to the blacker-than-blackness that greeted her gaze that she couldn’t even imagine illumination anymore. She didn’t know if she was blinking or not; her eyelids felt like they were fluttering and drooping, but there was no difference between the world of utter shadow that greeted her when they slipped shut and when they struggled, desperately and ineffectually, to open. Her optic nerves were simply shutting down from lack of stimulus, taking her mind along with it.

She knew there was a person with her in the room; she could feel fingers caressing her nudity, groping and squeezing her body. But the latex suit they wore blended in perfectly with the impossibly deep shadows of the room, absorbing every last bit of luminescence until Ami’s eyes tricked her and she couldn’t pick them out from the black background they walked past. The only sign they even existed was when she saw them cover her skin with a silhouette of pure darkness, brushing her with caresses that kept her dazed and disoriented and helpless. She knew there must be light coming into the room from somewhere–she could see her own tawny flesh, at least when her stare wasn’t captivated by the perfect darkness that drew her ever deeper. But she didn’t know where it was coming from. Everywhere she looked, she saw only void.

The absence of visual stimuli numbed her brain, leaving her progressively more vacant and empty and desperate to be filled. It was as though the absolute blackness was leaking down through her eyes into her mind, her very soul, deadening Ami’s will and making her increasingly helpless to think her own thoughts anymore. When she felt the invisibly dark cock brushing against her lips, she opened wide for it simply to feel something concrete and tangible–she didn’t know whether it was flesh behind the sheath of latex, or a silicone strap-on, and she didn’t care. The shaft was real inside her mouth. She could center herself on it. She could anchor her mind to it. When it popped out, leaving her alone, she almost cried.

She knew she couldn’t take much more of this. Ami could sense her mind teetering on a precipice of utter subjugation, the sheer void around her leaving her unmoored to the point of total personality collapse. “Please,” she whimpered, her voice almost sounding as if it too was absorbed by the endless darkness, “please, I’ll do anything. Please, use my cunt, use my mouth, use my ass, I… I’ll be yours forever, I promise.” Her cheeks burned furiously at the depths to which she’d sunk, but she couldn’t stop herself from babbling out desperate pleas of submission and obedience. “Please, just t-tell me who you want me to be. Tell me what you want me to do. I, I’ll do anything, just command me. Just please tell me what I have to do. Please. Please tell me. Please.”

And she heard it. The voice in the darkness. Her new owner. Her salvation. The command that would tether her soul back to her body. Ami nodded gratefully as she heard, “By accepting this brainwashing you confirm that you are not Anish Kapoor, you are in no way affiliated with Anish Kapoor, and you are not being fucked into obedience on behalf of Anish Kapoor or an associate of Anish Kapoor….”

(Like this flash fiction? Want to see more? Visit https://www.patreon.com/Jukebox or drop me a tip at https://ko-fi.com/jukebox if you like my work!)

Tags:

#I don’t normally reblog porn and this porn isn’t even my style #but I have to admit that ending is amazing #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #vantablack saga #sexuality and lack thereof #nsfw text #rape tw #this probably deserves some other warning tag but I am not sure what

~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

kvothe-kingkiller:

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guess who ingested some foreign objects!

also he has now been officially weighed and he clocks in at a whole 7 pounds. (hes not malnourished hes just leetle)

kvothe-kingkiller:

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bastard man ate some rubber bands

kvothbloodless:

hi im sorry but “patient: the void” is the greatest string of letters ever created

kvothe-kingkiller:

ikr, I died when my mom sent me that picture

kvothe-kingkiller:

wow okay this got a lot of notes overnight

yes my cats name is The Void and for good reason because most of the pictures we try to take of him end up like this

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and yes he is in that last picture ^^ youre gonna need to jack the screen brightness up to find him

or alternatively:

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viandpuppycat:

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mr. void, would you like to meet the abyss?

kvothe-kingkiller:

twin agents of darkness

mycatshuman:

This is so cute.

eriquin:

To pet this cat to first have to sign a statement saying you are not Anish Kapoor.

Tags:

#(I am reluctant to reblog posts with lots of images these days because it makes archiving harder) #(but rules are rules (I should know‚ I wrote them) and the circumstances are not dire enough for me to make an exception) #(sorry future self‚ I’m sure further-future selves will appreciate your effort) #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #vantablack saga #cat #adorable #maryellencarter tagged this #high context jokes #and I might not have thought to tag it that but I see their point

{{Good news: I’ve figured out some more efficient image-mirroring techniques over the past year–“Classic” blocks and upload-by-URL are your friends–and inline images are now only very mildly annoying. Although I *will* still have to be careful to stay under the total media-storage limit: I’m at 97.7% right now.}}

~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

moose-shampoo:

if you’ve ever wondered what it’s like to live in the midwest, this is it. 

 

jasperzilla:

You missed some of the best ones

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dragonastra:

the best part about it is that the art installation isn’t actually called the Bean. It’s called Cloud Gate, and artist Anish Kapoor (yes, THAT Anish Kapoor) hates that we call it the Bean.

But i mean, look at it. It’s a bean.

 

phantomofthebookstore:

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How could you forget this one though

 

akamine-chan:

I HAD NO FUCKING IDEA THAT THE BEAN WAS CREATED BY ANISH KAPOOR.

 

solongstarbird:

someone help me why is anish kapoor important what did he do?

 

gay-jesus-probably:

Alright sit down for some Art World Drama bcause this is what I live for.

So, sometime last year (?) science invented Vantablack, which is the darkest possible shade of black. Art world got incredibly excited. But as it needs to be very carefully made in a lab, it’s hard to get a hold of, and is extremely expensive. Enter Anish Kapoor, aka FuckFace McGee. Anish Kapoor buys the rights to Vantablack. He is the only human being on the planet that can legally use it, and he’s kind of a prick about it.

Art world is not thrilled with that.

Enter Stuart Semple.

Stuart Semple is an artist, and also makes pigments to sell in his free time. Stuart Semple is astoundingly pissed about this Vantablack nonsense, and Anish Kapoor’s dickery. Stuart Semple makes a new pigment, the brightest shade of pink ever, called Pinkest Pink, and puts it for sale on the internet. To be bought by everybody except Anish Kapoor. Literally, to purchase, you need to confirm that you are not Anish Kapoor, do not associate with him, and will not sell or give the pigment to Anish Kapoor or his associates. Art world has a good laugh, everyone buys Pinkest Pink because it’s awesome, and damn it we deserve something.

Anish Kapoor however is a penis, and will not take this lying down, because HOW DARE he not have literally everything.

Anish Kapoor gets his London associates to buy him a thing of Pinkest Pink, and being such a classy human being, posts a picture to instagram of him with his middle finger covered in Pinkest Pink, captioned with “Up yours. #pink”

Everyone flips shit, because. Y’know. Fuck that guy. Especially Stuart Semple. For context here, Anish Kapoor is one of the richest artists on the planet, and has repeatedly been referred to as everything wrong with the art world, and the epitome of the art worlds elitism problem. He’s a giant douchebag. Meanwhile Stuart Semple makes pigments just to get them out there. He turns 0 profit from his now enourmously popular pigments.

Stuart Semple launches an investigation as to who the fuck leaked Pinkest Pink, and plans to strike back. He does so by releasing two new products. First is Diamond Dust, which is a glitter made from glass, so that a painting is still visible after it’s applied, but glitters like a mofo. It’s the most reflective glitter out there, and is available to everyone who isn’t Anish Kapoor. And it being made of glass, if you stick your finger in there, it’s going to hurt quite a bit, so that was Stuart Semple’s way of saying “shove your middle finger in this, asshole, see what happens”. Except without saying that, because he can get an insult across while still being fucking classy.

He also releases Black 2.0, created with the help of over a thousand artists worldwide.

Black 2.0 is the answer to Vantablack. Black 2.0 is a slightly less black black, but looks functionally the same to the human eye. It’s completely safe, smells like cherries, and costs four pounds. Vantablack is highly toxic, potentially explosive, needs to be applied in a special laboratory and sealed properly, can’t be moved across borders, can reach 300 degrees celsius if you’re not extremely careful, and costs thousands of dollars. Anish Kapoor is the only human being who can use Vantablack. He is the only human being who cannot use Black 2.0.

So I think we can guess who got the better deal.

And thus the feud ends, Kapoor defeated.

…But not quite.

Kapoor, in this entire afair, has made exactly two comments to the public. The first being his charming message about aquiring Pinkest Pink, the second being claiming to Buzzfeed that he and his small army of lawyers will be suing Semple, an extremely poor artist who cannot afford a lawyer.

No lawsuit has been made yet, fyi.

The point is, Kapoor is a prick, and doesn’t like talking to the lower classes. So one day in July 2017, he decides he needs another floor on his London studio apartment, and starts making arrangements to have it built. His neighbors are fucking pissed, because this will ruin the light of their apartments. They call to Semple to save them, or at the very least piss Kapoor off some more.

Semple answers to the call, and releases two new paints, Phaze and Shift, as always, banned to Kapoor. They change colours, Phaze with temperature, and Shift is just iridescent. Shift needs to be painted over Black 2.0 to work, and Phaze just works on its own.

So that’s been the art world for the last two years.

Basically, get fucked Anish Kapoor your bean sucks and so does your vantablack.

 

todayiwrotenothing:

Stuart Semple is organising a bean-kissing event for Anish Kapoor’s birthday.

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brightoncemore:

Reblogging for “By attending this event you confirm that you are not Anish Kapoor, you are in no way affiliated with Anish Kapoor, you are not attending on behalf of Anish Kapoor or an associate of Anish Kapoor. To the best of your knowledge, information, and belief this event will not be attended by Anish Kapoor.”

 

queen-of-heck:

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ALSO HE JUST POSTED THIS!!!!!! LIGHTEST LIGHT!

 

extremedistressorstellarblowjob:

I know this isn’t my art blog but this entire post gives me life

Tags:

#oh look an update #vantablack saga #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #long post

~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

orcshaming:

when you spend enough time looking at unnecessarily gendered products it starts to become clear that the only two real genders are pink and black, so from now on i’m going to ask heterosexual couples which one of them is the stuart semple and which one of them is the anish kapoor

Tags:

#gender #vantablack saga #I didn’t actually laugh aloud but it still amused me enough to reblog

~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

why-is-it-always-autumn:

By reblogging this post you confirm that you are not Anish Kapoor, you are in no way affiliated to Anish Kapoor, you are not reblogging this post on behalf of Anish Kapoor or an associate of Anish Kapoor. To the best of your knowledge, information and belief this post will not make its way into the hands of Anish Kapoor.

Tags:

#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #(I promise)

Artist Bans Anish Kapoor from Using ‘Most Glittery Glitter’ | artnet Nes

Link ~ ~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

{{Title link: https://news.artnet.com/art-world/artist-bans-anish-kapoor-glitter-792458 }}

plantpuppy:

to summarize:

•Anish Kapoor gets exclusive rights to use Vantablack, the world’s “blackest black” pigment, which understandably upsets a lot of artists
•Stuart Semple responds by creating Pink, the world’s “pinkest pink” pigment, which he makes legally available to everyone except for Anish Kapoor
•Kapoor somehow gets ahold of Pink and posts an Instagram photo of his middle finger dunked in the pigment that Semple had banned him from using
•Semple gets ahold of Vantablack and posts an Instagram video of his hand making the peace sign with his fingers coated in Vantablack
•During this time, Semple also releases Diamond Dust, the “most glittery glitter,” again available to everyone EXCEPT Anish Kapoor

The best thing about Diamond Dust is that it’s made from actual shards of glass so Anish can’t just stick his middle finger in it again

This petty art feud is actually starting to look like it could be one of the most important pieces of performance art of the 21st century

Tags:

#oh look an update #(I’m starting to wonder if they’re actually doing this as some sort of joint advertising campaign) #(but it’s fun regardless)

This Artist Is the Only Person Banned From Using the World’s Pinkest Pink

Link ~ ~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

{{Title link: http://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/artist-only-person-banned-using-worlds-pinkest-pink-180961464/?utm_source=mentalfloss&utm_medium=partner&utm_campaign=mentalflossfacebook }}

zohbugg:

Anish Kapoor has long been known for his large-scale, intensely colored artworks, but his penchant for being proprietary has long irked others in the art world.

But then came Vantablack.

Earlier this year, Kapoor sparked outrage from artists all over the world with the announcement that he had made a deal to become the only person in the world allowed to use the blackest pigment of black paint ever developed. Known as Vantablack, the unique carbon nanotube-based pigment is produced solely by a British company called NanoSystem, and was originally developed for military technologies. However, Kapoor made an agreement with the company that he is the only person allowed to use it for artistic purposes.

Needless to say, that made plenty of other artists furious.

“When I first heard that Anish had the exclusive rights to the blackest black I was really disappointed,” artist Stuart Semple tells Kevin Holmes for The Creators Project. “I was desperate to have a play with it in my own work and I knew lots of other artists who wanted to use it too. It just seemed really mean-spirited and against the spirit of generosity that most artists who make and share their work are driven by.”

Like Kapoor, Semple’s work often uses vivid shades of color, and for years he had worked with scientists to develop increasingly intense pigments to use in his artwork. So as a response to Kapoor’s exclusive deal with Vantablack, Semple decided to release his own special pigment, known simply as “Pink,” the Irish Examiner reports.

Pinkest Pink

While “Pink” isn’t based on nanotechnology, like Vantablack, Semple says it is the pinkest pink pigment ever created. Now, in an effort to thumb his nose at Kapoor, Semple is making it for sale to everyone in the world—except Kapoor, Tom Power reports for the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation’s Q.

i am living have you ever been this petty  

😂😂😂

 

bemusedlybespectacled:

i am sobbing

By adding this product to your cart you confirm that you are not Anish Kapoor, you are in no way affiliated to Anish Kapoor, you are not purchasing this item on behalf of Anish Kapoor or an associate of Anish Kapoor.

To the best of your knowledge, information and belief this paint will not make it’s way into that hands of Anish Kapoor.

can you imagine

Tags:

#I’m not sure how to tag this #except for #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog