1. Tim Rice wanted to write a musical about chess since he was born, but couldn’t figure out a high-stakes plotline. He was really excited when he learned about the Cold War.
2. Tim Rice wanted Andrew Lloyd Webber to help him write a musical about chess, but Andrew Lloyd Webber wanted Tim Rice to help him write a musical about cats. They both called each other fucking morons, and there was an intense stand-off where all the pent-up sexual tension came to a boiling point.
3. Hateful words were exchanged that day, words that were regretted the moment they were said but that could never be taken back, words like “you plagiarized every good bit of music you’ve written,” “you have never written a good lyric,” “your face looks like the word moist.”
4. .Tim Rice next turned to Stephen Sondheim, but Sondheim said he was in the middle of an adaptation of a Kaufman and Hart play with George Furth.
5. As a last resort, Tim Rice met with the Swedish pop group ABBA. Since chess does not exist in Sweden, they thought it was a game of Tim Rice’s own invention.
6. Musicals did not exist in Sweden either. ABBA thought Tim Rice was an eccentric genius inventing a whole new game game and a whole new genre of media just to showcase that game–or vice versa. They were eager to collaborate.
7. There was a legal dispute over some songs and lyrics that were stolen wholesale from March of the Falsettos such as “I’m Breaking Down” (sung by Florence), “This Had Better Come to a Stop” (sung by every character to Freddie) and, of course, “The Chess Game.” Even though March of the Falsettos wouldn’t be written for another 10 years, the ACLU got involved, and William Finn won.
8. Tim Rice and ABBA got along well, but Tim Rice missed Andrew Lloyd Webber. He longed for the days when they would put on top hats and coattails and stroll down the River Thames, tossing street urchins stale crusts of bread for a shoe shine. But neither would apologize for their words on that fateful day.
9. The book for the musical was turning out to be a major problem. It was not shaping up the way anyone wanted it to. Tim Rice refused to turn to Andrew Lloyd Webber to help. Instead, he sought the aid of numerous writers including William Goldman, Carrie Fisher, and Edward Norton, none of whom could help. “Go back to Andrew,” Carrie implored, “he misses you.” But there was too much pride at stake.
10. As of today, there are over 1,760 major rewrites and versions of Chess. None of them work.
#unreality cw #Chess: the Musical #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #I don’t go here but ”your face looks like the word moist” is a hell of a line