Like, what if his name just happens to be Montgomery Scott, so all of his friends started calling him “Scotty,” and then every time he was introduced to a new person, they would be like “Oh, are you Scottish? My uncle was Scottish!”
And finally, he just gets sick of explaining the situation, so he starts replying with “aye, laddie!” But then it turns out that the person he said that to was Captain Kirk, and he doesn’t want to admit that he lied to his new commanding officer, so he has to keep speaking in a ridiculously over-the-top brogue and commenting constantly on how much he loves drinking Scotch, and by the time that he realises that Kirk would have found humour in the situation, he’s in too deep and can’t stop pretending, and it gradually just becomes his normal speech pattern.
Then, years later, the Enterprise is being inspected by a Starfleet engineer who’s actually Scottish, and Scotty takes him on a walking tour of his warp engines and is all like “Auch! Here be me wee bairns!” and the other engineer is just like “what the fuck is wrong with you?”
I take the fact that James Doohan is Canadian as evidence of this theory.
Scotty hacking into his Starfleet personnel file to alter his place of birth.
Scotty soundproofing his quarters on the Enterprise so that no one can hear him teach himself to play the bagpipes from instructional videos.
Scotty making a great show of taking a shuttle down to Aberdeen to “visit his family” every time the Enterprise is in Earth orbit and then, once on the ground, discreetly site-to-site transporting himself to Vancouver or whatever.
None of these things are out of character or beyond his technical ability.
Yeah, but also in character: Jim Kirk has known since Day 1 that Scotty is not, in fact, Scottish, but is just sitting there waiting to see how far Scotty is willing to go to keep the story going. It started out as an “enough rope” situation but now it’s one of Jim’s greatest ongoing sources of entertainment and he wouldn’t admit at gunpoint that he knows.
Frankly, as someone who’s paternal side is all Scottish, I simply can’t see any Scottish person not seeing this situation and running with it.
Next thing Scotty knows, half of Scottish Starfleet is claiming to be his brother’s sister-in-law’s half cousin twice removed and the Loch Ness Monster has been painted on the door to his quarters.
Kirk is busy dying of laughter.
Tags:
#Star Trek #TOS #I didn’t actually laugh aloud but it still amused me enough to reblog #embarrassment squick? #headcanons #may or may not have reblogged this before #(but the thread was shorter last time I saw it)
#hey sorry I’m late #I originally had this in my queue #but I removed it a couple weeks ago because I heard about bugs in the censor causing queued posts to be published too soon #(also if I ended up leaving I didn’t want my queue to go and publish something on a blog that was supposed to be abandoned) #it is still technically the right day in my time zone so I guess it still works out #solstice #Tumblr traditions #Star Trek #TOS
has anyone made a memes on board the enterprise post
*pointing at a random piece of engineering equipment* is that a jefferies tube
imitating spock by saying “hey guess who i am” and then staring at kirk for upwards of five minutes wherever he happens to be
“broken replicators are xenophobic”
a whole week where everyone in medbay speaks in a southern accent to piss off bones except he actually doesnt notice he just takes it for granted
“captain kirk likes classical music pass it on”
whenever someone on bridge broadcasts some kind of report on a fucked up away mission its customary to turn to the person on ur left and say ‘i just wish theyd stop saying odd shit’
the xenobiology department likes to makes up random false facts about humans and include them in official reports. ‘humans actually have no bones’. ‘humans have a third eye under their left ear’
if u visit medbay at any given time theres a good chance someones going to say “congrats!!!! youre todays one MILLIONTH visitor!!!” the prize is a free hypo vaccination and you cant refuse it
the probability of this happening increases exponentially if you are jim kirk
literally anything chekov does
“thats more impressive than yeoman rand’s hairstyle”
excitedly running up to someone from the botany department and telling them youve discovered a new plant and seeing how long it takes them to figure out that the organism ur describing in complex science terms is actually earth grass
all the linguists have complex fake languages that they use to talk shit about everyone on board in public places
“this is worse than scotty drunk and trying to explain dilithium”
daily tally of shirts jim kirk has ripped
daily tally of times spock has raised an eyebrow
“raises eyebrow like spock on the bridge” as the colloquial ‘looks into camera like im on the office’ replacement
[during a battle] “this is just like that old terran movie star wars / battlestar galactica / the martian / gravity”
[in response to something unbelievable] “yeah and spock is straight”
– “is that a jeffries tube” steadily evolves from pointing at engineering equipment to at any ship equipment, then any tech at all, then anything. literally anything. [points at collection of rocks] is that a jeffries tube
– calling people ‘ensign’ when they fuck up / calling people ‘commander’ when they do good
– if jim overhears anyone complaining about anything trivial he throws an arm over their shoulders and says “you want to be captain, you say? you want to run this ship? be in charge of and responsible for this many people of this many species? you wanna lead negotiations with [insert next diplomacy mission here]? well why didnt you say so earlier!!!” then he starts trying to lead them to the bridge
– if they let him he will take them to the bridge and sit them in the charge & tell bridge they have the conn. and then refuse to do anything captain-y
– one time an ensign actually ran a first contact mission cause of this. it was a success apart from the thing with the fruit juice
– security officers travel at the speed of light
– especially if it’s a false alarm
– telling variations of the Scotty Transporting The Admiral’s Dog story, including ‘scotty beheads the admiral’s wife’, ‘scotty bodyswaps the admiral and his dog’, ‘scotty clones the dog’ and ‘everything is exactly the same but the admiral only communicates through mime’
– away mission bingo cards
– away mission superstitions
– theres a bed in the med bay with jim’s name on it. then one with spock’s. then sulu’s
– theories on what having your own med bay bed means, mostly revolving around bones being secretly married to people
– “this is just like that time on [prefix]-[random nearby object]-[suffix]”
– spocko
Tags:
#Star Trek #TOS #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog
Brinens and Things 