Salvete, Gaius Iuli’us Caesar sum et pilorum album quam nivem habeo et aureos, sed interdum virides lauros et imperium Romanum construxi et eius eram quasi primus Caesar (sic merui nomen meum) et multi indicant mihi me Marcus Crassus similem esse (si non scitis Marcus Crassus, vobis opus est pecunia). Brutus non est filius meus quod est bonum nam ET TU, MI FILI???!?. Iamia sum sed dentes albos et rectos habeo. Pallidam cutem habeo. Etiam, maga sum magicum ludum, nomine Pigverruca, visitans quod desinam (ego sum MMCXIV), veni, vidi, vici. Classicus sum (si vos id non suspexistis) et multas togas emptas in Basilica Iulia habeo. Ratio amo et bellum Gallicum gero. Veluti, hodie omnia Gallia occupata. Omnia Gallia? Certe! Non est vicus parvus inter Aquarium, Babaorum, Laudanum et Brevisbonum. Ambulabam foris Pigverruca. Ninxit et pluvit et Gallia divisa erat in partes tres, quod me fecit felix. Marcus Porcius Cato me observavit. Digitum medium illo monstravi.
My Latin is pretty rusty, but I know enough to say that it’s a bunch funnier, so let me take a stab at translating. I’m breaking down the original so if I make any ridiculous mistakes through not having taken Latin in 15+ years, other people can correct me.
“Salvete, Gaius Iuli’us Caesar sum” – Greetings, all! I am Gaius Julius Caesar
“et pilorum album quam nivem habeo et aureos,” – and I have spears that are whiter than snow and golden
“sed interdum virides lauros” – but sometimes green laurels
“et imperium Romanum construxi” – and I built the Roman empire
“et eius eram quasi primus Caesar (sic merui nomen meum)” – and I was, like, its first Caesar (that’s how I got my name) [note: a more literal translation is “thus I earned my name”, but it’s obvious that this is a direct reference to the line “that’s how I got my name” in the original]
“et multi indicant mihi me Marcus Crassus similem esse (si non scitis Marcus Crassus, vobis opus est pecunia).” – and many people say to me that I seem to be like Marcus Crassus (if you don’t know Marcus Crassus, your work is money). [translator’s note: “your work is money” is not a phrase I’m familiar with. Google Translate suggests “you need money” as a more idiomatic translation. My best guess is it might mean something like “you work for your money instead of being a patrician with a family inheritance”.]
“Brutus non est filius meus quod est bonum nam ET TU, MI FILI???!?.” – Brutus is not my son, which is good because AND YOU, MY SON???!? [note: this is the more classically attested version of Caesar’s last words, famously quoted in English as “et tu, Brute?” or “and you [are killing me too], Brutus?”
“Iamia sum sed dentes albos et rectos habeo.” – I am a [vampire?] but I have white and straight teeth. [note: I’m more familiar with the Lamia as a Greek female monster similar to Scylla but with only one neck. However, Google Translate’s suggestion of “vampire” seems likely accurate from the obvious context.]
“Pallidam cutem habeo.” – I have pale skin.
“Etiam, maga sum magicum ludum, nomine Pigverruca, visitans quod desinam (ego sum MMCXIV), veni, vidi, vici.” – Also, I am a female witch [at?] a magic school, named Hogwarts, which I will stop visiting (I am 2094), I came, I saw, I conquered.“ [note: “Veni, vidi, vici” is famously what Caesar said when deciding to bring his army to Rome and become its ruler.]
“Classicus sum (si vos id non suspexistis) et multas togas emptas in Basilica Iulia habeo.” – I am classical (if you didn’t know) and I have bought many togas in the Julian Basilica.
“Ratio amo et bellum Gallicum gero.” – I love reason and I conduct the Gallic [French] wars.
“Veluti, hodie omnia Gallia occupata. Omnia Gallia? Certe!” – As if, today all Gaul is occupied. All Gaul? Definitely!
“Non est vicus parvus inter Aquarium, Babaorum, Laudanum et Brevisbonum.” – It is not a small village between Aquarium [pun: fish tank], Babaorum [pun: rum cake], Laudanum [pun: opium product] and Short Good.
“Ambulabam foris Pigverruca.” – I was walking outside Hogwarts.
“Ninxit et pluvit et Gallia divisa erat in partes tres, quod me fecit felix.” – It snowed and rained and Gaul was divided into three parts, which made me happy. [note: Caesar’s history of the Gallic Wars famously begins “Gaul is divided into three parts”.]
“Marcus Porcius Cato me observavit. Digitum medium illo monstravi.” – Marcus Porcius Cato [the Younger, a famous opponent of Caesar’s ambitions] stared at me. I put my middle finger up at him.“
The year is 50 B.C. All Gaul is occupied by the Romans. All? No! One small village of indomitable Gauls still holds out against the invaders. And life is not easy for the Roman legionaries who garrison the fortified camps of Babaorum, Aquarium, Laudanum and Petibonum…
(introductory spiel to every volume of Astérix)
Tags:
#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #My Immortal #language #this probably deserves some warning tag but I am not sure what #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once
i appreciate the content warnings and understand their importance but i can’t help but giggle a little bit when i click on a fnaf fic and half the chapters have child death warnings in their notes. sir this is the Child Death Game i think i know what i’m signing up for
now are you in the right headspace to receive information that can possibly hurt you right now.
Tags:
#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #Game of Thrones #Five Nights at Freddy’s #(I knew the Game of Thrones one (at least in broad strokes) but not the Five Nights at Freddy’s one) #this probably deserves some warning tag but I am not sure what #child abuse cw? #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once
May you live an existence that doesn’t require constant resilience.
Tags:
#…do you ever just stop and stare at a post #this probably deserves some warning tag but I am not sure what #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once
#birds #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #this probably deserves some warning tag but I am not sure what #embarrassment squick? #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once
Too tired to draw but I still need everyone to be aware of this bizarre interaction I had at work this morning
Worth mentioning is that I’m in Iceland and the store I work at only accepts icelandic króna so like even euros wouldn’t have worked in this case
It occurs to me now that since cash registers are full Internet connected computers these days, surely they could be programmed to accept any currency and calculate appropriate change, with an exchange spread and an owner-configured Annoying Foreigner Surcharge.
Our full-Internet-connected-computer cash register *has* a foreign-exchange button, but (for some reason I am not privy to) it’s turned off. Our store policy is that we take U.S. cash at parity (with Canadian): if you want to pay a 35% Annoying Foreigner Surcharge, be our guest.
(Though I acknowledge that it makes a lot more sense to have a pre-existing policy on how to handle U.S. cash in Canada than it does in Iceland.)
(I think I had a guy hand me a USD$10 bill *once* in the several years I’ve worked here, and he was very apologetic about it and asked permission before ordering. Mostly it’s just a matter of not bothering to point it out when someone accidentally hands you an American nickel instead of a Canadian nickel.
We’re not *supposed* to accept when people accidentally give us British nickels or Jamaican dimes or something, but often cashiers don’t notice. Sometimes I’ll trade the cash register for it out of my own wallet so I can bring it home and go “hey guys, check out this neat coin we found!”.)
Tags:
#reply via reblog #in which Brin has a job #adventures in human capitalism #this probably deserves some warning tag but I am not sure what #discourse cw? #embarrassment squick?
i went to crunchyroll’s home page and the text was, for whatever reason, in Arabic
I was confused about this for a moment, until i noticed the url. because, you see, when I visited crunchyroll.com they detected my IP address and helpfully redirected me to crunchyroll.com/ar/
amazing. extremely helpful.
(i can bypass this to get a language i can read by manually switching to /es/, at least. would really just rather they let me get the english version but replacing it with /en/ just gets me a 404)
wild, it doesn’t do that for me
can’t believe crunchyroll is only xenophobic against me specifically
Tags:
#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #(context: both of the people in this thread are Argentinian) #this probably deserves some warning tag but I am not sure what #embarrassment squick? #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once
#bu V frr jung lbh’er cynlvat ng urer #lbh jnag zr gb cvpx frira #jryy V’z abg snyyvat sbe vg #V’z ibgvat sbe shpxvat *bar* #ubj nobhg *gung* #surveys #this probably deserves some warning tag but I am not sure what
{{translation, now that the poll’s closed and I’m not biasing other voters:
#oh I see what you’re playing at here #you want me to pick seven #well I’m not falling for it #I’m voting for fucking *one* #how about *that*}}
i think fiction should be nicer to characters’ alters
Tags:
#god‚ so much #one example off the top of my head: while the Artemis Fowl books had been going downhill for some time #the exact moment I gave up in disgust was when I realised they had casually killed off Orion offscreen between books #that poor kid deserved better #this probably deserves some warning tag but I am not sure what #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once
This is why aliens don’t want us in their Starfleet.
Are you fucking kidding this is why aliens should be begging us to join their Starfleet. The precision?? The CONTROL?? The absolute mastery this driver has over their 20+ ton of steel is superhuman. This person could weave a mothership through an asteroid belt without making a single scratch on the hull. Foh “aliens don’t want us” aliens should be sucking our dicks.
Tags:
#oh my god #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #this probably deserves some warning tag but I am not sure what #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once
A friend of mine uses they/them as the default pronoun for any stranger she’s discussing. It’s fun. Today she they/themmed the Pope.
POST CANCELLED APOLOGIES TO THE POPE.
the pope has pronouns in bio, actually
Tags:
#gender #language #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #this probably deserves some warning tag but I am not sure what #I *have* noticed this becoming a thing #I haven’t actually adopted it yet but it’s rubbed off on me enough that #it feels kind of weird to call Tumblr OPs I’ve never talked to by gendered pronouns #even when they’ve clearly provided those pronouns #we are always living through history I guess #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once
Brinens and Things 