visenyaism:

visenyaism:

one fun thing about being a teacher in march 2023 is that chess is a literal epidemic among teens. we are starting to have meetings about how we can STOP teenagers from playing too much chess which is like if we were trying to figure out how to stop them from reading for fun. When i was in high school five years ago chess was nerd shit only but now it is transcending every social and language barrier and is absolutely rampant. kids aren’t on their phone texting in class anymore it’s ONLY chess.com. kids are playing chess on their phones while playing chess in real life. this is still better than tiktok because at least the kids are developing an attention span from this

the worst part of this is that they’re on chess dot com instead of getting an education. but the BEST part of this is watching high schoolers develop the weirdest goddamn strategies I’ve ever seen. One of my students invented something he calls the “evil advisor gambit” where he gets a third person to give out constant terrible advice to both teams hoping that his opponent falls for it straight-up or that his opponent thinks HE fell for it and will act accordingly thus worsening their own strategy. he has won every game he has been able to pull off a coordinated evil advisor gambit in. this is chess innovation never before seen in its 700 years on earth


Tags:

#(I did a bit of poking around and this *appears* to be true) #chess #I didn’t actually laugh aloud but it still amused me enough to reblog #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once

arceusbeta:

chadwick-the-party-mage:

arceusbeta:

arceusbeta:

the difference between yugioh and magic the gathering (as someone who plays neither) is that a yugioh card says like “if you own a Blorbionicus the King of Red Eyes in your pendulum summon zone (but NOT your left pendulum summon zone) you can special summon (NOT ritual or zexal or pendulum summon) sixteen cards named Blorbimini (excluding Maid Blorbimini) to any zone EXCEPT the super double defense zone” and no one can explain this to me but meanwhile a magic the gathering card says “flying. after the end of your turn draw a card” and people are like oh those fools bc the action only goes on the stack after the end of your turn and because of the use of ‘your’ instead of ‘the owner’s’ and because mercury is in gatorade, technically it only resolves during the opponents third upkeep when explicitly you cant draw cards or else a sniper will shoot you

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it is my understanding that because one instance of an ability says “when you tap this card you can gain one mana” and another says “tap this card to gain one mana” they are meaningfully distinct and the former may or may not be legally allowable in multiple situations that the latter clearly is (bc of the definitions of a Mana Ability). this has been explained to me and I even vaguely understand the reasons. i still think it is very fucking funny.

God, I hate that I actually know which card(s) this refers to.

Anyway, have one of my favorite images on the internet.

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thank you so much I hate this. what do you MEAN +2 and -2 don’t cancel out,


Tags:

#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #(honestly the single funniest part of this is ”mercury is in gatorade”) #Magic the Gathering #fun with loopholes #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once

pdfbabe:

pdfbabe:

pdfbabe:

normal guy who transitions into a different, equally normal guy

guy who changes his name from robert to tom

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that genuinely makes me happy. good for him. good for him

#[looking back and forth nervously] (itsbenedict)


Tags:

#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #names #(part of the problem with the whole…*gestures at the general trajectory of the Internet*…) #(is that it’s as if people need to *justify* choosing their own name now) #(that used to be an unmarked action) #(and quite a few people ended up using their chosen names offline too) #(hell‚ I’m one of those people now‚ though I don’t go by Brin exclusively) #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once

kaijuno:

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You would kill a man for this bedroom


Tags:

#well I wouldn’t go *that* far #but #love the decor fandom #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once

itsbenedict:

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c80cd5ff384249059cfa0bc5d58683235a15f16d

per @etirabys’s request, here’s a paste of a whole lot of highly spoilery words about my favorite Horizon: Forbidden West NPC, who makes so many bad decisions

Keep reading

{{below the cut:}}

alright, so- the game in question is Horizon Forbidden West, a big AAA action game about hunting robot dinosaurs. the interesting stuff is almost entirely unrelated to the robot dinosaurs.

the backstory of this game is- a while back, evil military company made a big military AI that went out of control and took over a bunch of military robots and started wiping out humanity. standard stuff. principal characters are a couple of scientists who were part of the last-ditch effort to try to prevent this from happening before the machines wiped out humanity.

one of them, Elisabet, is spearheading this thing called Project Zero Dawn, whose plan for saving humanity is “build an AI terraforming engine equipped with a bunch of human embryos, hide, and wait for the apocalypse to finish and then re-terraform the dead world”. the other one, Tilda, works for a company called Far Zenith whose plan is “let’s just build a spaceship and GTFO”.

Elisabet is a big deal- genius scientist, multidisciplinary, very famous. Tilda is less of a big deal- she’s like a PR person for the space company, but is head over heels in hero worship for Elisabet.

this relationship is fairly loosely sketched out, since it’s only conveyed via backstory and a few audio logs. Tilda asks her out, and Elisabet is- she’s the kind of person who’s totally consumed by duty and doesn’t know what having fun is, and while she’s interested on a physical level, she proves incapable of sustaining a relationship. they break up after a few months- and then their companies start competing for the dwindling resources left as the apocalypse progresses. things turn sour.

Tilda believes- correctly- that Elisabet’s going to die if she stays behind to do her project, and she’s still in love, so she tries to invite her to abandon her world-saving project and join her in space. this doesn’t work, and in their final conversation Elisabet blames Tilda for being complicit in the shortsighted military-industrial fuckery that’s going to imminently destroy the world. this is the last they ever see of each other.

but that’s not where this ends.

Tilda goes off into space with the rest of her company, and they develop advanced biotechnology and she becomes immortal. meanwhile on Earth, that Zero Dawn thing Elisabet was working on… it has problems. doesn’t work quite right. the details are like, the whole plot of the game (two games, actually, forbidden west is a sequel) and involves a whole lot of fighting robot dinosaurs.

but the main thing is- the AI terraforming thing, in an effort to fix itself, decants a clone of its creator, Elisabet Sobeck, to try and create someone with the gene-print authority necessary to fix itself. this clone is the protagonist of the game.

this is, like, a thousand years after the initial apocalypse. a whole bunch of Video Game occurs in which this Elisabet clone, Aloy, saves the world and stuff. and then… Tilda shows up on Earth.

Far Zenith apparently had a problem with their space colony and it got destroyed, and now her and the last few survivors- insanely technologically advanced- have fled back to earth in hopes that Zero Dawn succeeded and the terraforming project would be there intact. they want to take control of the terraforming project and re-terraform the planet to their specifications, wiping out the native life, blah blah blah they’re the villains of this game.

Tilda has an important role in this plan. They’re aware that the terraforming project requires a clone of Elisabet Sobeck to operate, so they made their own. And Tilda, for totally non-ulterior motives, volunteered to raise this clone.

The clone, Beta- her role is just to open doors for the badguys, and her education is spartan and abusive and all-around horrible, designed to turn her into a tool. Tilda does not like this. She feels bad for the clone, and creates a secret VR replica of her house which she covertly invites the clone to, to teach her about art and music and poetry in between the horrible drills. And attempts to woo the teenaged clone of the ex who rejected her and then died.

Beta’s life is this woman running this bizarre abusive hurt/comfort homeschooling experience, and she regards Tilda as both the source of her suffering and the source of her relief and has a bunch of complicated feelings. Beta, like Elisabet, is also terminally duty-poisoned and submits to all this semi-willingly because she’s told it’ll save humanity.

this whole scenario would be enough for me to want to tell you about on its own- but it gets even more fraught.

the other bosses start to catch wind of what she’s doing, and she eventually shuts down the VR house and cuts off contact with Beta to protect her from reprisal, which Beta interprets as abandonment and adds a whole other layer to this nightmare smoothie.

this- and also witnessing the various evil villain stuff they start doing on earth- causes Beta to defect and be rescued by Aloy, her badass videogame protagonist dinosaur-hunting clone. she dumps all this Tilda-related trauma on Aloy and starts plotting to bring her down. Tilda, meanwhile, is despondent, because Elisabet Sobeck broke up with her again and she blames herself for it again.

but then she discovers- oh. hey. hold on. there’s another Elisabet. this one is a sexy twenty-something dinosaur-exploding badass who’s sticking it to her awful coworkers and saving the world.
she has another chance!

so she bides her time, and- during a climactic cutscene where the other baddies all show up to re-kidnap Beta- allows them to kill Aloy’s friends so that she’ll be defenseless and alone, and then picks that moment to jump in, betray her bosses, and rescue Aloy at the last minute.

Aloy wakes up in the basement of Tilda’s actual house, which contains a vault full of classical paintings and various art, and Tilda tries to do the same high-culture seduction act as Aloy’s selfless savior.

this Elisabet Sobeck is also duty-poisoned, and has a hundred questions, and her attempt at playing the wise benevolent savior falls flat. she has like. a fancy dinner prepared on a balcony at sunset, to make it as romantic as possible- but oh, fuck, this Elisabet Sobeck is also duty-poisoned and can’t think about anything but world-saving, she’s about to fuck it up again.

so she frantically tries to rewrite the script and concedes a bunch of stuff and Aloy very forcefully tells her her plan to betray the others is stupid and won’t work and here’s her much better plan, which is of course a dance she’s danced before. but she refuses to give up on making it work with this woman who’s into her but has rejected her three times.

ultimately Tilda is the final boss of the game, after her various attempts to get in good with Aloy by helping her betray the main villains don’t work as intended. she tries to get Aloy and Beta to run away into space with her (there’s another twist final act threat to the earth, not really relevant), and when they reject her again she summons a big robot to try and kidnap them. the final boss is not difficult as a fight as much as it is difficult to listen to this woman completely lose her mind throwing everything she can think of at the wall to try to get Elisabet Sobeck to give her another chance.

it’s way more fucked-up and poignant than i was expecting from the big AAA robot dinosaur fights game. this woman tries every awful move in the book to make her ex love her again and just keeps taking it too far and self-sabotaging.

anyway that’s it. the main thought i had walking away from that was “oh man, i know exactly who would eat this up, and also there’s zero chance she plays like 200 hours of videogame to find out about it”


Tags:

#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #(the incredible secondhand fuckor in those DMs) #Horizon: Forbidden West #reactionblogging #abuse cw #apocalypse cw #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once

fortooate:

what if you were hanging out on a bus or in a classroom or whatever and then something happens to you that is so ClassicTumblr™ Text Post For Notes© that you can never tell anyone. like, this bisexual punk grandmother just choked out a skinhead with her Destiel-themed cane while giving an impassioned speech about Big Pharma and now you can never tell anybody


Tags:

#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #Tumblr: a User’s Guide #this probably deserves some warning tag but I am not sure what #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once

celestialkindliness:

your discord pfp and your tumblr pfp are locked in a room together. what happens?


Tags:

#they hang out under some grow-lights #occasionally someone comes in and waters them #they’re very happy #icons #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once

mckitterick:

2022 Comedy Wildlife Photography Awards Winners

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b113d99c10022884f28d7311c9adb86f440f2bad
6b4df13bbdc884b2fe8c38c0f677cd0a782f7b5a
0c747e909b5e1ac15a052904e82a0d7c0a7f77cd
e914fe48988d0bdb7b25ea6a4abb109bc45ed91e
3e10782c3ca40fc31864591c8115e9014764149a
27c4dd795af281075981ebc768d6b619aa30de76
bd75178c16a7b607e36907d9a87d683a12e71aa6

the competition is open to wildlife photography novices, amateurs, and professionals, celebrating the hilarity of our natural world and highlighting what we need to do to protect it

full roster of this year’s winners with narratives by the photographers: X


Tags:

#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #(the meerkat one) #(especially the way the upright one is just staring deadpan into space) #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once #body horror #scopophobia #violence cw

calamitys-child:

I need. Adult sized playgrounds. I did rock climbing for a bit until I got injured and chalk gives me sensory ick anyway, I did trampolining as a kid, but that’s not enough really its not the same its too Sports coded. I need to go to a big softplay and run around with my friends and get into social bonding fights with other people there. I need to go play on the swings. I think it would be good for society generally if there wasn’t a cutoff age on Going To Play on the proprioceptive stimming machines and hurtling benevolently and haphazardly into things. Running around used to be so Fun. I don’t wanna do rock climbing again even a fraction as much as I want a jungle gym yken? I don’t wanna swim laps I wanna play on the big floating inflatable obstacle courses and go down the flumes and it’s much harder to do that as an adult


Tags:

#…yeah that’s a good point #I guess I do have child-passing privilege in this regard #I played on a public swingset‚ like‚ last year #and they do let me on bouncy castles #people who can’t pass for 13 should get to have that too #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once #this probably deserves some warning tag but I am not sure what #aging cw?