overly literal interpretations

~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

this-glittering-world:

now that internet quizzes are big again, throwback to the time when 12yo me made a quiz that was like “this miraculous quiz can guess your hair color with ONE HUNDRED percent accuracy! just answer every question honestly and the quiz will know your hair color as if by ~magic~”

and then the actual quiz was just. one question. “what is your hair color”

honestly i still think that was pretty funny

Tags:

#overly literal interpretations #fun with loopholes #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #hair

~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

argumate:

I still remember the way she walked into my office, which is a good sign, as it only happened this morning.

I looked her up and down; mostly down, I’m pretty tall.

She had a face.

Her lips were saying hello but her eyes were telling a very different story, blinking in morse code about the assassin in the air vent.

She knew she had me right where she wanted me: at my desk, in my office, at 11am, the time we had scheduled for this appointment.

As she leaned in close I couldn’t help noticing the kind of details that would give you an uncomfortable degree of insight into the precise contours of the author’s sexual obsessions. It was awkward.

I promised her I’d do whatever I could, because promising to do whatever I couldn’t sounded dangerously illogical.

She reached over and took a swig from the bottle on my desk in a way that was clearly intended to be alluring and transgressive but honestly just felt a little rude, and besides there could have been absolutely anything in that bottle, window cleaner, who knows. As it happens it was only water — I’m trying to stay hydrated and kick the booze habit I picked up after the untimely death of my partner — but she still knocked it back and grimaced just for show.

This Dane meant trouble. (She was from Denmark).

Tags:

#overly literal interpretations #death mention

~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

teamgalactica:

god nerfed me by making me allergic to garlic and sunlight

 

valquita:

so, a vampire?

 

teamgalactica:

i can confirm that i am not a vampire as i have blood

 

alparlaboratories:

Is it your blood?

 

teamgalactica:

it is blood, yes

 

alparlaboratories:

Is it blood that has always belonged to you, from the moment of your spawning?

 

teamgalactica:

it is blood, it is in my possession, therefore it is my blood

Tags:

#vampires #blood #fun with loopholes #overly literal interpretations #I didn’t actually laugh aloud but it still amused me enough to reblog

~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

a-point-in-tumblspace:

Click here to find hot local maxima in your area

Tags:

#overly literal interpretations #(which then cease to be literal when Google Maps finds only theatres and restaurants *named* after the literal thing) #(but I already knew I wasn’t in a good area for that sort of thing) #(…if you want to define ”good” as *having* that) #fun with google maps #(I actually meant to type just ”maps” there but accidentally hit a previously-used tag I forgot I had) #(which was even more accurate)

~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

roswell-newton-vargas:

The last time I played Puck, the director was a huge freak about not letting us wear shoes on stage because it would “ruin the look”, but we all kept eating shit, and instead of just letting us wear skintone dance shoes or something with grip, motherfucker poured Pepsi on the floor so it’d be sticky and we had to schlorp around. I fucking hate you, David.

 

coolberniebernie:

Why couldn’t this have been a one time I dreamt

 

roswell-newton-vargas:

Coking the stage (mopping it with diluted soda so it’s a little sticky) is a legitimate low-budget tactic for slick floors, but he just poured so much Pepsi on the floors that for about a whole week, it was audible.

Maybe the course of true love would run a little fucking smoother if we didn’t have to ford your Pepsi river, DAVID.

 

spontaneous-avocado:

I would just quit. Fuck people like that. It’s easy to walk away

 

roswell-newton-vargas:

No it’s not. Didn’t you read the post? There was dried Pepsi everywhere.

Tags:

#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #(the last two posts) #overly literal interpretations #this probably deserves some warning tag but I am not sure what

~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

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fatpinocchio:

Source: “I’m paid biweekly, just not by leprechauns: Evaluating valid-but-incorrect response rates to attention check items”

Tags:

#survey #overly literal interpretations #fun with loopholes #this probably deserves some warning tag but I am not sure what #(I *think* I’m generally pretty good at guessing what attention-check items want to hear even when there is no single right answer) #(but yeah it’s annoying when you look at one and you’re like ”there are definitely circumstances under which this could be true”) #(even more so when you’re *in* those circumstances) #(and god knows I’ve ”failed” some questions in school quizzes from overthinking them)

~ Brin ~ Leave a comment

sanctferum:

da07071ee7182750dec619fe35c77399c7ab5db6

Tags:

#food #overly literal interpretations #I didn’t actually laugh aloud but it still amused me enough to reblog #(I *have* eaten cardboard-flavoured ice cream though) #(if you leave the opened carton in the freezer too long the cardboard flavour seeps in) #(it’s not very good)