technically the only appropriate reaction
Tags:
#cordyceps tcftog #oh my *god* #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #high context jokes #amnesia cw
oh my god
You know those little things that keep bread bags closed? Well, the internet would like to tell you about them. If you’re not doing anything too important right now, I think you should visit HORG (that’s the Holotypic Occlupanid Research Group) and explore a beautiful, obsessive, hilarious taxonomy of occlupanids.
(ht Metafilter)
Some of these must have a tiny , isolated reproducing population, because they’re looking rather in-bread.
This is amazing and up your alley.
Phylogeny is such an artificial fucking hot mess, I love it. I love it all.
Tags:
#oh my god
Neon salesman’s sample case, circa 1935
Imagine walkin around in a suit with this like a big ol business man and someone fucking mugs you and takes it and they open it up when theyre at the safehouse and their shocked and disappointed face is highlighted by neon
black market glowstick salesman
Tags:
#oh my god #those mental images #their shocked and disappointed face is highlighted by neon
my favorite thing that Clark Kent does is try to figure out how a Normal Human Man would respond to getting injured
like if someone shoots at him he can say “oh he missed” and if someone tries to punch him he can kind of roll with it and barely avoid getting hit so they don’t smash their hand while going “oh ow oof what a punch ouch”
but then here comes the Joker with a comically large wooden mallet and now Clark has to figure out how Normal Human Man Clark Kent could conceivably survive this without making it obvious that he is not actually a Normal Human Man. just “oh goddammit i’ve never even seen someone get hit with one of these before, the joker’s probably seen all kinds of people get hit, he knows what this is supposed to look like but i have no goddamn idea i am so fucked”
superman may have the power of flight and super strength but clark kent has the power of improv
Tags:
#Superman #comic #oh my god
Truth Coming Out of Her Well to Shame Mankind, 1896 by Jean-Léon Gérôme
I’ve been thinking a lot about it and this is literally the best title of anything
so I guess it was some ancient Greek who said “truth lives at the bottom of a well” and I don’t know what he meant or why it stuck, but I’ve seen a lot of 19th-century references to it (because people always love showing off how much they know about stuff)
but I like this because imagine how fucking pissed off you would be if you lived at the bottom of a well in the first place, but then you had to climb all the way out of it somehow because humans were such unbelievable assholes that you were forced to yell at them in person
“I CAME OUT OF THE WELL BECAUSE YOU NEED TO STOP”
I want to turn this into a meme, so that every time somebody spreads a terrible study or something I can just post the picture and they’ll know what I mean.
I really love the idea of 19th-century men of letters having a heated argument over correspondence, and one of them includes an engraving of this piece as the equivalent of a smug anime reaction GIF.
Tags:
#oh my god #nsfw
Farnham: So, I’ve decided to work on a side project
Farnham: And I’ve got it, like, deeply conceptualized
Farnham: Which I usually don’t
Farnham: So I figured I’d run it by you
Farnham: See what you think of the premise
Benedict: ?
Farnham: Okay, so we open on this alternative medical company.
Farnham: Scarborough Fair Pharmaceuticals — specializing in herbal medicine a step removed from homeopathy
Farnham: And they release a drug that, they claim, allows one to instinctively understand cryptic speech, mysticism, etc.
Farnham: Like, not just in the sense some people use, where you’re in the right mindframe and get suggestible and your brain comes up with whatever it wants
Farnham: As in, you actually gain the ability to instinctively parse gurus, and come out with what they /meant/ instead of whatever they /said/
Farnham: Of course, no one believes them; that’d be a ridiculous claim from almost any corporation, let alone a little alternative outlet
Farnham: So they decide to publicly perform a study
Farnham: They dose up an experimental group and a control and send them, independently, to the lectures of Dr. Lee Kendricks
Farnham: And this guy is basically my Dr. Gene Ray, btw
Benedict: uh oh
Farnham: Dr. Lee’s been giving lectures for years, and everyone on the internet is basically convinced that he’s spouting the same old Christian conspiracy material, Templars Freemasons the Devil etc. etc.
Farnham: They send in these groups, and the control submits reports on what they think he said — fractured, without consensus, etc. etc.
Farnham: The experimental group all produce, independently, nearly identical reports on his claims
Farnham: They all report his claims thus: pink appears on the color wheel as between red and purple, but the spectrum of light doesn’t seem to support that, right?
Farnham: Dr. Lee Kendricks says that this is because pink — especially certain shades of pink — are intrusions into reality
Farnham: That is, they are the color of time itself, showing through otherwise mundane light
Farnham: (Taking inspiration from Philip K. Dick’s VALIS there)
Farnham: And he claims that great works of art, ones that seem timeless, are /actually/ timeless — that they’re inspired via the light by the presence of pink images of that art in the future
Farnham: So all timeless great art is acausal
Farnham: and the first instance, he says — not that that’s super consistent with the timeless thing, but you know, guru — the first instance of this phenomenon was the Pieta
Farnham: And as a result, time has essentially been transmuted into copies of the Pieta
Benedict: i’m getting suspicious
Farnham: The medium through which time works uses endless images of the Virgin Mary as a medium
Farnham: I’m sort of trying for an EVA feel
Farnham: Although I know I do that all too often
Farnham: Y’know, religious concepts slightly misapplied
Farnham: For ridiculous Gnostic coolness
Farnham: And so, Dr. Lee Kendricks comes out and verifies the whole thing — yes, these are his exact claims
Farnham: And zero people expected this — like, this drug Scarborough Fair Pharma has released is essentialy telepathy
Farnham: *essentially
Farnham: induced psychic powers via alternative medicine
Farnham: of course, no one quite considers Dr. Kendricks’s claims as viable in any way, but they’re shocked that they could parse Time Cube-equivalent so perfectly
Farnham: So Scarborough Fair Pharmaceuticals gets caught up in this marketing blitz
Farnham: And they’re still slightly stunned about being proven right (or close enough) in a scientific way
Farnham: So they rewrite the slogan to be about the success of the test:
Farnham: “Parse Lee, sage, ’bout rose Marian time!”
Benedict: i fuckin’
Benedict: god damn it
Benedict: i got suspicious too late
Farnham: Scarborough Fair Pharmaceuticals
Farnham: sounds just legitimate enough
Farnham: only to factor into the pun!
Farnham: !!!
Benedict: wait wh
Benedict: oh god damn it, i forgot that was in the
Benedict: if i’d remembered the lyrics i would have worried a lot earlier
Farnham: get dunked on
Benedict: oh fUCK ME AND THEY’RE HERBAL ALTERNATIVE-
Benedict: FRIGGIN
Farnham: LAYERS, NERD
Farnham: LAYERS
Benedict: it’s all ogre for me
Tags:
#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #oh my god #puns
After the party found a Dragon Egg
“Well, since it takes a village to raise a child, it should take a party of adventurers to raise a dragon.”-Kinetisist
“However, it only takes one dragon to raze a village.” -Druid
Tags:
#puns #oh my god
Our puppy recently had an operation and got the cone (or lampshade haha), so we decided to do this.
Tags:
#dog #oh my god
#034 Thyme Cops
hypotheticalpoliceprocedurals:
PREMISE: It was the best of thyme, it was the worst of thyme… good thing these two cops can tell the difference. Thyme Cops follows the adventures of two police officers who are experts at identifying whether or not a particular herb is, in fact, thyme. The series was cancelled after just one season, as many viewers were disappointed that it was not about time travel. Viewers’ confusion was compounded by the fact that the show was advertised exclusively on the radio, and was almost never mentioned in print.
CHARACTERS: Kendra Zucco is a veteran detective and a thyme traveller–a thyme traveller being someone who travels in social circles with other people who really like thyme. Her partner is Vic Quail, a rookie cop who was has become lost in thyme–which is to say he spends every waking hour thinking about thyme because he likes it so much. Viewers rightly complained that the show’s creators seemed to be going out of their way to mislead people into thinking that the show was about time travel.
NOTABLE EPISODE: In the pilot, Zucco and Quail have to use Zucco’s new invention, a thyme machine, to travel back in thyme to prevent a thyme paradox from causing a tear to appear in the very fabric of thyme. “Travelling back in thyme” refers to walking backwards through a field in which thyme is being grown; a “thyme paradox” is what Zucco and Quail call it when you get confused and your head starts to hurt because you can’t even understand why you like thyme so much; the “tear in the fabric of thyme” was a reference to the crimes of a rogue thyme enthusiast who was sneaking onto thyme farms to rip up all the plants; and Zucco’s “thyme machine” turned out to be a DeLorean whose trunk was filled to the brim with dried thyme. Viewers who had closed captioning turned on realized what the show was actually about immediately, but it took most people until the end of the episode to catch on, as the word “thyme” was only spoken, not shown, until the graphic with the show’s name appeared in the end credits. (S01.E01 – “The Land Before Thyme”)
CATCHPHRASE: “It’s go thyme.”/“Don’t do the crime if you can’t do the… thyme.”
TRIVIA/MISCELLANY: The show received excellent reviews, even from those who stopped watching. In the words of one disgruntled viewer, “It was actually really good, I just felt tricked.”
See also: #012 Time Cops
Tags:
#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #puns #oh my god #I’m in the middle of reading the Hypothetical Police Procedurals archive #quality stuff #read it in chronological order for full effect #(this is the *third* show that tricked people into thinking it was about time travel) #(but the others didn’t do it as beautifully as this) #(wait sorry this is actually the second of the three chronologically) #(I only read it third because I didn’t start off in chronological order) #(but anyway this is great)
Brinens and Things 