I picked up a worm, and it wrote something in my hand with a tiny pencil. Unfortunately it was too small to read. An autograph? A spell? An angry note?
Ooh! Thank you for this valuable contribution to the field of worm linguistics and/or art. It is still unclear to me if it’s meant as a rude message to me, if it’s just putting its tag there, or something else. Further research is needed!
I think the idea of it being a penis is anthropomorphism. I mean, the worm doesn’t have a penis itself, nor proper eyes with which to see one. No, I’m afraid this is something far more interesting: a self-portrait. You have been touched by an aesthetic annelid, and now your life will never be the same.
The United States is about to elect a new president. I’ve previously polled UK Grindr users on Scottish independence, the 2015 generalelection, and Brexit. This time, I decided to poll US Grindr users on who they think should be leading their country.
The following is a representative sample of the replies.
(Identifiable faces have been censored.)
For every state, I aimed for a number of responses equivalent to each state’s number of presidential electors – from 55 for California to 3 for Delaware, Vermont, Alaska etc. A few fell a little short as I was banned (my 10th Grindr ban to date) just before I could finish, though most matched or exceeded the target. The number next to each state is the number of responses I received, though the percentages are only taken from the responses that can reasonably be interpreted as a decisive answer – undecided voters, non-voters, and evasive responses are listed separately. Major candidates who received 0 votes are also listed.
CALIFORNIA: 53
68% (21) Hillary Clinton 6% (2) Donald Trump 6% (2) Bernie Sanders 6% (2) “Yo momma” 3% (1) Gary Johnson 3% (1) Barack Obama 3% (1) John F. Kennedy 3% (1) “Myself”
0% (0) Jill Stein
2 Undecided 4 None of the above 3 Not eligible to vote 13 Evasive or unclear responses
0% (0) Donald Trump 0% (0) Jill Stein 0% (0) Gary Johnson
1 Evasive or unclear responses
0 Did not respond
SOUTH DAKOTA: 3
100% (2) Hillary Clinton
0% (0) Donald Trump 0% (0) Jill Stein 0% (0) Gary Johnson
1 None of the above
1 Did not respond
NORTH DAKOTA: 2
100% (2) Hillary Clinton
0% (0) Donald Trump 0% (0) Jill Stein 0% (0) Gary Johnson
1 Did not respond
WYOMING: 2
100% (2) Donald Trump
0% (0) Hillary Clinton 0% (0) Jill Stein 0% (0) Gary Johnson
1 Did not respond
MONTANA: 1
100% (1) Donald Trump
0% (0) Hillary Clinton 0% (0) Jill Stein 0% (0) Gary Johnson
8 Did not respond
WASHINGTON, D.C.: 2
100% (1) Hillary Clinton
0% (0) Donald Trump 0% (0) Jill Stein 0% (0) Gary Johnson
1 Evasive or unclear responses
3 Did not respond
The overall US-wide vote is as follows.
63.25% (191) Hillary Clinton 17.88% (54) Donald Trump 3.31% (10) Jill Stein 1.99% (6) Gary Johnson 1.99% (6) Bernie Sanders 0.99% (3) “Yo momma” 0.66% (2) Deez Nuts 0.66% (2) Cthulhu 0.66% (2) Mickey Mouse 0.33% (1) Evan McMullin 0.33% (1) Vermin Supreme 0.33% (1) Don Bacon 0.33% (1) Barack Obama 0.33% (1) John F. Kennedy 0.33% (1) Ronald Reagan 0.33% (1) Vladimir Putin 0.33% (1) Eric Andre 0.33% (1) Beyoncé 0.33% (1) Harambe 0.33% (1) Mighty Mouse 0.33% (1) Patti LuPone 0.33% (1) Prince 0.33% (1) Cardi B from Love & Hip Hop 0.33% (1) Jesus 0.33% (1) Katya 0.33% (1) “Space raptors” 0.33% (1) “A giant meteor”
In addition, 1.99% (6) voted for “Myself”, although these aren’t lumped together as they refer to separate individuals – namely, “WOOF!”, “MiamiLatino”, “nICE GUY!!!!!”, “2017 ready now”, “no pic don’t”, and “DatFckboi”. 0.66% (2) also voted for their own penis – 4 if we count pictures of a respondent’s penis as an actual answer to the poll.
Not counted towards the percentage are the following responses:
19 Undecided 60 None of the above 9 Not eligible to vote 181 Evasive or unclear responses
“Evasive or unclear responses” can be roughly divided as follows:
55 Miscellaneous evasion 41 Explicitly declined to answer, “none of your business” etc 25 Irrelevant or incomprehensible 18 Too horny to engage politically 13 Total bewilderment 12 “Anyone but…” (10 Trump, 2 Clinton, 1 Johnson, 1 Stein) 7 Overt hostility 3 Nudes
Here are the number of states candidates win when only Grindr votes.
Hillary Clinton: 42 (6 as part of a tie) Donald Trump: 13 (7 as part of a tie) Bernie Sanders: 3 (3 as part of a tie) Jill Stein: 1 (1 as part of a tie) Evan McMullin: 1 (1 as part of a tie) Deez Nuts: 1 (1 as part of a tie) Beyoncé: 1 (1 as part of a tie) Ronald Reagan: 1 (1 as part of a tie) ″A giant meteor”: 1 (1 as part of a tie) ″My big fat cock”: 1 (1 as part of a tie) Gary Johnson: 0
In the electoral college, this should translate into the following numbers of electoral votes. When dealing with ties, electors are divided evenly between candidates.
Finally, here is the electoral map, according to Grindr.
Hillary Clinton comfortably clears her target of 270 electoral votes, and the Democrats are re-elected. Grindr is, for once, with her.
Tags:
#long post #nsfw text #nsfw image #Grindr #oh my god they’re doing a series of these #I remember seeing one of the previous ones #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #election 2016
so I guess it was some ancient Greek who said “truth lives at the bottom of a well” and I don’t know what he meant or why it stuck, but I’ve seen a lot of 19th-century references to it (because people always love showing off how much they know about stuff)
but I like this because imagine how fucking pissed off you would be if you lived at the bottom of a well in the first place, but then you had to climb all the way out of it somehow because humans were such unbelievable assholes that you were forced to yell at them in person
I want to turn this into a meme, so that every time somebody spreads a terrible study or something I can just post the picture and they’ll know what I mean.
I really love the idea of 19th-century men of letters having a heated argument over correspondence, and one of them includes an engraving of this piece as the equivalent of a smug anime reaction GIF.
So it turns out as a movie it is pretty problematic and shitty but a good 25% of it is Alan Rickman wearing swishy cloaks trancing (or something like it) ladies who realllllyyyyyy seem to enjoy it. But he just keeps whining about healing the world and science and stuff.
This is for science.
And medicine.
Not sexy at all.
SHE WANTS THE T. (T=trance)
Goddamn that little handhold in a hypno context can just be the most intimate thing.
Ugh Hans Gruber Snape Mesmer Rickman stop making me love you.
Not sexual. Nope.
NOTE This character is pretty much moaning at this point. Because getting your blindness treated is hawt.
Prettttttty sure I do something like this in trance.
I guess this could be kinky but she’s already blind.
Like I said, there’s a lotta dis.
AW YEAH GET IT GURL AND BY “IT” I MEAN YOUR VISION AND THERFORE AN EYEFUL OF SEXY HYPNOTIST ALAN RICKMAN.
ALL THE FRENCH ROYAL LADIES WANT THE T.
Same.
Wait I think I saw a porno like this once.
WHAT THE FUCK HE IS MAKING A ROOM FULL OF FRENCH LADIES HAVE AN ORGASM. THIS MOVIE IS NOT EVEN PRETENDING MESMERISM ISN’T SEXUAL. WHAT IS GOING ON. WHY IS THIS MOVIE SHITTY/GREAT?
YOU TOO ALAN?
GREATEST.
MOVIE.
SCENE.
EVER.
In conclusion: Thank you, Dr. Mesmer. You hoped your work would cure suffering and disease, and eventually your legacy resulted in freaks like me getting off on it. And you got a shitty biopic that was kinda hot in a weird way, even by hypnofetishist standards. Mazel tov.
Also, Alan Rickman can get it.
SWAG
You hoped your work would cure suffering and disease, and eventually your legacy resulted in freaks like me getting off on it.
To be fair, this was totally a thing at the time. Consider, for instance, this extended quote regarding the morality of “animal magnetism”. which is basically a bunch of medical commissioners being extremely suspicious of how much resemblance hypnosis bears to sex. I think there might be other choice quotes in that book, too, but that was the easiest one to find.
(The book’s an interesting read, regardless. The late-1700′s conception of hypnosis described in the historical sections is pretty much unrecognisable from a turn-of-the-millennium point of view (my turn-of-the-millennium point of view, anyway), and even the “modern-day” (1890′s) sections are very different.)
Tags:
#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #(‘Hans Gruber Snape Mesmer Rickman’) #reply via reblog #sexuality and lack thereof #though I actually don’t really find mesmerism hot #for pretty much *exactly* the same reasons that contemporaries *did* find it hot #orgasms are so not my style #too stimulating #not restful enough #I suppose this probably counts as #nsfw #oh and also #long post
Hi! Are you a CAMAB transfeminine person who’s sick of only ever seeing resources for CAFAB trans people on your dash? Are you just coming out to yourself and struggling with Peak Dysphoria? Are you a CAFAB trans person who wants to support the people above? Then here’s a post for you!
This is a post about tucking!
Wait Erika, what the fuck is a tuck?
Glad you asked! For those who don’t know, tucking is a technique for achieving a flat groin area. It’s a time-honored tool of CAMAB trans feminine people but, unfortunately, the tradition doesn’t seem to have been communicated very effectively to the current generation.
So what’s the point of tucking?
Tucking has lots of awesome benefits! These include:
Being able to wear pants & shorts marketed to women more comfortably
Seeing yourself with a flat front often reduces dysphoria (it did for me!)
Referring to the previous bullet, it is one of the easiest ways to lessen your dysphoria when you’re still closeted, since you can wear a tuck under your normal pants/shorts and no one has to know
It can help us reduce some of the risk of being outed in public
Oh neat. How do I tuck?
The basics of tucking goes like this:
Push the testicles up into the inguinal canals
Pull the rest of the junk between the legs
Secure the arrangement with very tight underwear (or some other method)
Wait wait wait… What the hell is an inguinal canal?
Alright, so…. this is gonna require some body exploration on your part if you can stomach it. Basically, the inguinal canals are little tunnels in your pelvis above the testicles. If you push your testicles directly up into your body from their resting position, they should slide pretty neatly into the inguinal canals.
Yeah… this is what the TW was mostly for. Sorry, but the visual is helpful.
Ok…. So how do I secure it all in place?
Ok so first thing’s first: do not use duct tape. A lot of tutorials online (particularly ones for and by drag queens) recommend using duct tape, but that shit hurts and it’s super unnecessary!
Instead you need two things:
A tight pair of panties (preferably more, so you can do this frequently without wearing the same undies every day)
Control briefs
…. Control briefs?
I know, I know, so many new words tonight! Ever heard Spanx products? They’re mainly marketed to cis women for “tummy control”, but they have another awesome use as well – tucking! Here’s an example at Target.com (you should be able to find them at any store that sells women’s underwear, but if you’re afraid to go buy them in the store that pair is pretty cheap and you can order it online if you’re in the U.S.)
If you get the right size of control briefs (I would recommend buying a size down) they should fit very snugly over your junk. To hold your tuck in place, simply hold it between your legs, pull up your undies all the way, and pull the control briefs over them. Assuming you’ve pulled everything up as much as possible and kept everything tucked between your legs correctly, you should now have a snug and smooth tuck! Congrats!!!!!!
But wait, I can’t get that stuff! What do I do???????
Hey, that’s ok! Couple of ideas here:
Get a pair of tights (possibly old ones from a friend) and cut off everything but the stretchy part at the top. Congrats! Those are basically control briefs (albeit kinda messy ones)
Contact me and I’ll try to get you a pair of those control briefs from Target (if you live outside the US im sure we can find another website)
Ok…. So is there anything I should worry about with the tuck?
Unfortunately, yeah – mainly discomfort. Here’s a few ways discomfort occurs when tucking and how to avoid it:
Tucking with the inguinal canals can be painful at first. I spent weeks practicing using them before ever getting my first tucking materials. If the pain is too unbearable for you, dom-the-destitute suggests just tucking everything back and continuing from there.
After a few hours of tucking (varies depending on how active you are) things are probably gonna start to feel a little out of place. Part of the prevention here is practicing lots to get as tight a tuck as possible. Other than that, it’s something you’ll have to get kind of used to dealing with – I usually excuse myself to the bathroom when a tuck becomes too uncomfortable and fix it in the stall.
After even more hours you’re going to feel a pretty general aching. Much as people who bind shouldn’t do that for too long, you shouldn’t tuck for too long at once. Usually 4-8 hours (again, depending upon activity level as well as experience) is gonna be all you can stand before getting some longer lasting aching. I don’t know if there’s any long-term harm that can occur from tucking too long, but it’s best if you’re not the first to find out.
Generally I find that more & longer pubic hair can cause discomfort and generally make your tuck less effective. Definitely look into shaving down there, or at least trimming up a little bit if you don’t already (I’m not going to go into details about pubic shaving but send me a message if you need help in that department).
Congrats! You now know how to tuck! Go get those cute white capris you saw at Macy’s the other day and ROCK that shit!
If you have any questions or need additional help, feel free to send me an ask. If you have any additional suggestions to add to this post, please go ahead and reblog it with comment or send me a message about it!
Please, make this post as popular as possible. CAFAB trans folks all have so much info about binding, but so many CAMAB trans feminine folk don’t know about tucking and could use the info!
Brinens and Things 