theaudientvoid:

inthetags:

rb and put in tags how many ppl your tumblr icon has killed

My old one was a surrealist painting that symbolized the horrors of the Spanish civil war, so that one was probably a lot, but tumblr’s anti-porn algorithm apparently thought two-headed monsters strangling themselves were too sexy, so I had to replace it with some melting clocks, which I sure hope don’t have a body count.


Tags:

#my icon produces oxygen and as such has killed negative numbers of people #memes #icons #death tw? #murder cw?

Concept:

thequantumqueer:

The Scottish Play, but it’s set in a fast food restaurant and everyone’s killing each other over who gets to be the manager and its played completely straight

 

thequantumqueer:

McBeth

 

thequantumqueer:

so i just learned that this is already a thing that exists and christopher walken plays macduff, and i desperately need to watch this movie

 

nerd-is-my-noun:

Holy shit. I remember that one. The witches are portrayed by 3 garbagemen and instead of saying “when Birnham Wood to Dunsinane comes”, they say he’ll be defeated “when pigs fly”. This is fulfilled when a police helicopter lands on the roof.

 

thequantumqueer:

H O L Y    S H I T

 

prokopetz:

My favourite thing about this post is folks in the notes going “no, that’s wrong, it was Richard Armitage as Macduff, not Christopher Walken”, then slowly coming to the horrified realisation that there’s actually more than one early 2000s Shakespeare adaptation with this basic premise.

(The one with Walken is 2001′s Scotland, PA, while the one with Armitage is episode two of 2005′s ShakespeaRe-Told, for the curious.)

 

archivesandfeminism:

Y’all have unlocked something in my brain because I completely forgot I watched Scotland, PA in high school


Tags:

#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #Shakespeare #death mention #murder cw? #amnesia cw?

unpretty:

06deb26731e2762a37aa1080e92a2a00f2b73c0b

Someone else was here. He could hear their boots in the underbrush, quiet as they were. His ears flicked. The fleeing pilgrim, back again? He turned his head at just the right moment to catch her eyes.

Mostly hidden behind a tree in the shadows of the leaves, she looked like one of the abandoned changelings of the Faewild Forest. She had all the tells of a child once touched but not claimed, reflective pupils and pointed ears and streaks of grass-green in her hair. For those who turned, the final effect was ethereal. Half-done, they looked like dolls abandoned in the dirt, broken and mossy.

This one was grown, though. As grown as any human ever was. What had made her leave the forest, where she could have lived on ageless and waiting?

“Hello,” he said, and her eyes widened.

“You speak Astia?” she asked. Her voice was small and coarse.

“Most Taurils do,” he said.

Her thick brows furrowed. “No they don’t.”

“I think I’d know better than you do,” he said, and she pressed her lips together. “Have you met many Taurils?”

“They keep trying to kill me,” she said. “I’ve never heard one talk.” Her eyes drifted lower, still high above her head. “Or wear clothes,” she said. “Armor, but not clothes.”

“I’m old,” he said, and her eyes narrowed as she tried to connect the two statements. “Your horse must be very fast,” he added, since few Taurils ‘tried’ to kill rather than simply succeeding.

She grinned, pearl-white teeth glinting like knives. “My sword is very sharp,” she corrected.

Read More

most of my WIPs lately have been things i can’t post but idk if this is going to be usable for anything even if it manages to go anywhere, so here, have a feral-ish hero and a monster king


Tags:

#storytime #death tw #amnesia cw #murder cw?

intosnarkness:

Jurassic Park except they provide proper enrichment for the animals and they therefor don’t feel the need to hunt slow, small humans.

 

intosnarkness:

“We stuffed this pumpkin full of live goats for the T. rex watch him try to get them out with his little fingers.”

 

intosnarkness:

“Turns out the raptors are cage breakers, so we’ve gotten them a series of door handles to manipulate. Little guys just love it.”

 

tiger-in-the-flightdeck:

“The Rexes are incredibly affectionate pack animals, so we were careful to breed multiples. Be sure to come during spring time to watch them go broody over anything even vaguely egg-shaped.”
“We put the Raptors through target training and now if they are bored, hungry, or just want a scratch under the chin they go to spot near the bars and ring a little bell for attention.”
“Imprinting after hatching was so common that we now have keepers under contract to care for the animals well into adulthood to prevent them from pining.”
“The Gallimimus turned out to be just giant Canada Geese, and so fear nothing. Their keeper regularly has to stop them from trying to attack fences, guests, feeding buckets, and the now traumatised pack of Ceratosaurs in the next paddock.”

 

rannulfr:

“We also fired Dr. Henry Wu.”

 

nudityandnerdery:

I have questions for OP either about how big they think a pumpkin is or about how small they think goats are.

 

nerdyydragon:

Listen if they can manipulate DNA to make dinosaurs alive again they can make a pumpkin grow really really big and put some goats in it


Tags:

#Jurassic Park #dinosaurs #murder cw? #fanfic

poipoipoi-2016:

A reminder that if you’re not abandoning SF/NYC for Miami, you’re behind the curve and are about to be looted by blue state politicians.   

Also that if you’re afraid of hurricanes and those videos with third-story storm surge in a major American city, you’re just a coward.

 

poipoipoi-2016:

@rustingbridges: of all the cities in the world why would I move to *miami*

Because all the tech and finance jobs are leaving NYC/SF and moving to Miami.  

In large part because of the amazing money laundering laws re: real estate.

 

yarnold:

isnt miamis whole water table teetering on complete failure

 

poipoipoi-2016:

Yes!  

They’re only 16 feet above sea level, they already have issues with salt water incursion into the freshwater supply, and there’s a Superfund site 750 feet away from the water supply for all of Miami.  

And I wasn’t joking about the storm surge either.  Tampa is 80 feet above sea level, Miami averages 16.  

The only advantage of Miami is that the mayor of Miami has explicitly said “Fuck those Commies who ruined SF”.  

/There’s some personal reasons for this as well, but I really don’t want to have to move to Miami.

 

poipoipoi-2016:

@manyblinkinglights​:

I respect you and your weird outlooks and choices but “Let’s all the rich people go move somewhere teetering on the brink of absolute infrastructure catastrophe where the mayor PROMISES not to tax anybody” has possibly the highest entertainment value yet

I know right!  

This was 1992, when FL’s population was 2/3rds what it is now.  

The South is a couple of strategic ports, a series of *inland* cities because hurricanes… and Florida, 20 Million people sitting out on a stick.  It’s already a 2-day drive to evacuate from Tampa to the state border when a hurricane hits.  Everyone who moves there is crazy, but all the people who want to employ me are *moving there*.  

b9e83ec3edcefac75e4bf49f46d255fbff93cba9

 

iteratedextras:

So what’s really being paid for is a supply of Anti-Communist Hispanic voters.

 

earnest-peer:

Aren’t a bunch of tech companies moving to Austin? I’ve certainly heard more mumbling about Austin than Miami on twitter, but maybe that’s just my bubble.

 

zexreborn:

Y’all need to move to the heartland!

St. Louis: provincial rents, world class amenities!

 

eightyonekilograms:

I know everybody thinks us tech workers are rootless, atomized yuppies who are only in San Francisco etc. because that’s where the jobs are, but I actually like Seattle, and I know plenty of people who feel the same way about the Bay Area (housing costs aside).

(That said, everyone else should take OP’s advice and move to Miami so I can get a cheaper condo here)

 

poipoipoi-2016:

I mean, I liked NYC before my knee blew out and I was no longer capable of standing on moving trains right as the local Armenians started having nightly gunfights and my entire industry evacced the dying, collapsing, suddenly crime-ridden city.  

/NYC used to have a crime rate less than the national average.  

In the year of our Lord 2021, a material-enough-to-have-to-upend-your-life-for percentage of tech/finance companies are *still* planning to make you live in the same state as them if you want to work for them? That’s fucked up.

(My dad worked tech in San Francisco for a while, but that didn’t mean he *lived* there, *god* no. He lived in *Canada* like a *sensible* person.)

((no offense to my friends in San Francisco, I assume you’re making the best of a bad situation))

I mean, I guess if you’re used to California even Miami might seem like an improvement danger-wise? Like, on a scale of 1 to California, Miami is what, a 9?

“Arranging for rich people to live in incredibly disaster-prone environments” doesn’t sound like an anti-communist position at all. That’s just using hurricanes/earthquakes/wildfires instead of guillotines.


Tags:

#getting an IFRS-based accounting designation is increasingly seeming #like a kind of precommitment against the San Francisco Gravitational Field and its descendants #”nope‚ my credentials don’t transfer to the States‚ you’ll just have to go on without me‚ so sorry‚ byeeee” #(renouncing my U.S. citizenship would be an even stronger oath to never move there but I’m still not sure if I’m willing to go *that* far) #((a few years back my dad refused a job offer from Google that was conditional on moving to SF)) #((better to work at Uber Eats here than to work at Google there)) #(((well at the time it was ”better to be unemployed” etc: Uber Eats came later))) #on a scale of 1 to California my area is maybe a 2 #there’s occasional ice storms you have to watch out for and that’s basically it #(*knocks on wood*) #home of the brave #our home and cherished land #adventures in human capitalism #101 Uses for Infrastructureless Computers #reply via reblog #apocalypse cw #death tw? #murder cw?

prokopetz:

Concept: villain receives one of those “neither man nor woman etc.” prophecies and thinks they’re terribly clever for going “aha, that doesn’t rule out nonbinary people”, so they spend the next few years being terribly suspicious of anyone with non-traditional gender presentation, and then they’re murdered by a teenager.


Tags:

#fun with loopholes #story ideas I will never write #gender #death tw? #murder cw?

lesjade-moved:

homestuck canon is so wild that you can tell me virtually anything happened and i’ll believe you. like you can say “terezi murdered dave” and i’ll be like “that sounds about right” and actually i’m gonna have to refrain from writing the rest of this post because i just remembered that terezi did, in fact, murder dave


Tags:

#Homestuck #death tw? #murder cw? #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #(I don’t speak much Homestuck and cannot *personally* vouch for this) #(but the person I reblogged this from *does* speak Homestuck and seems to think this is legit) #((I *think* if I’m interpreting his tags right Terezi murdered a version of Dave from a twig of the main timeline)) #((or something along those lines))

nightpool:

pissvortex:

never trust these hoes with idealized utopia islands and all cute cat villagers. when they aren’t posting pastel screenshots of their island they’re beating the shit out of their unwanted villagers with a net until they move away

– ursula k le guin


Tags:

#look a hive is supposed to have *female* workers #of *course* I’m going to kill all the male workers that spawn #Age of Empires #Animal Crossing #games #violence cw? #murder cw?

etirabys:

CJ and I were trying to find the proportion of severe cases in Shenzhen by age in this horrible little paper (me, after failing to find the pertinent information after looking at all the important looking graphs: maybe it’s time to read the wall of text. / CJ: I have a better idea. Let’s buy plane tickets to China, find the authors, then murder them.)

At the end, we’ve ‘found’ the right figure for the 30-39 range (The only age range with non-zero severe case proportion under age 40) by… using the screencap tool to measure how many pixels the center of the yellow square at 30-39 is from the bottom, and then measuring how many pixels are between the 0 line and the 0.1 line, and determining that 7 pixels over 53 ~= 0.13, so the fraction of severe cases for that age is 0.1*0.13.

2f7d889b6cc27ab20ed963e8e8221a851724a3cf

Civilization is maddening!


Tags:

#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #illness tw #covid19 #fun with statistics #death tw? #murder cw?

oh-mother-of-darkness:

oh-mother-of-darkness:

oh-mother-of-darkness:

Top ten quotes from law school, week one:

  1. “So the rules thus far are ‘don’t be late’ and ‘don’t be absent from class,’ unless you are absent because of circumstances outside your control. In that case, notify me before class. If I walk in here and you are not in your seat, and I don’t already know why that is the case… I will assume that you are dead. We will hold a brief service in your memory and then continue on, as we know you would want.”
  2. “Yeah I mean if you don’t know the answer that’s fine, but I’m gonna make you pick the next person I call on. It’s a social experiment I run. I like to see if people pick their friends or their enemies. Wildly amusing. Anyway, be prepared for that.”
  3. “So as the plaintiff’s counsel, you review all the possible venues and pick the one that’s the fairest to everyone….. haaaaahahaha I’m just kidding. You rig the court in your favor as much as you possibly can.”
  4. “You’re supposed to go to a basement during a tornado. Why don’t y’all have basements?” “Can’t watch from a basement” “You’re going to die”
  5. “My own law professor once described admiralty jurisdiction as ‘shit that happens on boats’ so [writes ‘boat shit’ on the board]”
  6. “So then Congress gave itself a raise and America shouted, ‘Give it back you evil bastards!!!’ so loudly that they did.”
  7. “I will provide you with pizza. For beverages, you’re on your own, but please abide by Baylor policy. Which is that we can’t have FUN.”
  8. “And WHAT do we find outside the cities????? C O W S”
  9. “All the desks on the third floor are reserved for 3Ls in practice court. Since you’re dying like, 100% of the time, they kindly give you a place to die. Sometimes you can see the lost souls wandering past the balconies….”
  10. [makes a list of twenty-four things that could go wrong] [writes TRUMP in all caps as number twenty-five]

Round two:

  1. “You don’t want conservatives! You want someone that will redistribute a little wealth! Get some commies! But don’t ask for them out loud, or it won’t end well.”
  2. “Occasionally someone will walk into your office and start with ‘well just as a matter of principle…’ and that right there? That’s when you pull out your extra-strength Advil, because it will be a long day.
  3. “You can walk into a restaurant and just say, ‘I want tea.’ Sweet is implied! If you don’t want it sweet, it’s ‘tea, hold the sugar,’ and I like that!”
  4. “My biggest goal is to die in Texas. When Gabriel’s trumpet blows, I will be resurrected from Texas dirt… if at all. Depends on his standards.”
  5. “And I say, ‘How much will you pay me?’ and they say ‘a shitload!’ And I say, ‘how much is a shitload?’ and what do you know? Our definitions match”
  6. “So you see that it’s an unincorporated association, and your reaction to that should be ‘shit!’ That is absolutely the proper reaction. That’s a good reaction.”
  7. “You know it’s not perjury if you cross your fingers, right?”
  8. “I would definitely shank someone for pizza.”
  9. “Right now you’re… you’re lawyer larvae. I have a sense for these things.”
  10. “So obviously Congress sprang into action. Why are you laughing? Oh yeah, BECAUSE IT’S BEEN A QUARTER CENTURY”

Round three:

  1. “And by that I mean CRAC, the acronym, not c-r-a-c-k as in crack. Although I was a defense attorney for a long time, so if you want to know how to make crack, we can cover that in a side session. It’s good information. Very interesting.”
  2. “And then I file a complaint against my employer for discriminating against me as a white, Anglo-Saxon protestant. You know… [sarcastically] the historically discriminated against crew”
  3. “Listen, I like money. It’s the love of money that’s the root of all evil. You can like it just fine.”
  4. “With the well-pleaded complaint rule, we take a scalpel and we carve out the cause of action. We lift it out of the body, bleeding! It is BLEEDING in your hands! You hold it in front of your face and you ask it, ‘WHO CREATED YOU?’ [groaning] ‘A federal law.’ ‘THEN YOU ARE A FEDERAL CASE!’ If it’s a state case, you cast it, still-beating, aside. And stomp on it.”
  5. [with deep respect] “You would make a really good anarchist”
  6. “Beaumont? How’s your family doing?” “Pretty well. I mean, everything is underwater, but it’s fine.”
  7. “Your argument is what? ‘You can’t make that much money because it isn’t fair?’ This is America. Fair doesn’t matter.”
  8. “We need ONLY one more thing: someone rich to sue. Can she help us?? We don’t know… until she describes one word on the side of that truck…. ‘Walmart.’ CHA  C H I N G (don’t say that part out loud)! What’s forty percent of thirty million?? TWELVE MILLION. Forty percent is the ONLY math I can do in my head, because that is PRIVATE JET MONEY, BABY! The ONLY POINT of being rich is to HAVE A PRIVATE JET, because THOSE THAT DO can MANIPULATE TIME. As you can see, I am passionate on this point.”
  9. “See this is a tough question because legislators are supposed to make laws, but how would you know that? They haven’t done it in YEARS.”
  10. “Listen I don’t condone murder-suicide, but like… I feel it.”

Tags:

#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #there is probably some warning tag I should put on this but I am not sure what