The United States is about to elect a new president. I’ve previously polled UK Grindr users on Scottish independence, the 2015 generalelection, and Brexit. This time, I decided to poll US Grindr users on who they think should be leading their country.
The following is a representative sample of the replies.
(Identifiable faces have been censored.)
For every state, I aimed for a number of responses equivalent to each state’s number of presidential electors – from 55 for California to 3 for Delaware, Vermont, Alaska etc. A few fell a little short as I was banned (my 10th Grindr ban to date) just before I could finish, though most matched or exceeded the target. The number next to each state is the number of responses I received, though the percentages are only taken from the responses that can reasonably be interpreted as a decisive answer – undecided voters, non-voters, and evasive responses are listed separately. Major candidates who received 0 votes are also listed.
CALIFORNIA: 53
68% (21) Hillary Clinton 6% (2) Donald Trump 6% (2) Bernie Sanders 6% (2) “Yo momma” 3% (1) Gary Johnson 3% (1) Barack Obama 3% (1) John F. Kennedy 3% (1) “Myself”
0% (0) Jill Stein
2 Undecided 4 None of the above 3 Not eligible to vote 13 Evasive or unclear responses
0% (0) Donald Trump 0% (0) Jill Stein 0% (0) Gary Johnson
1 Evasive or unclear responses
0 Did not respond
SOUTH DAKOTA: 3
100% (2) Hillary Clinton
0% (0) Donald Trump 0% (0) Jill Stein 0% (0) Gary Johnson
1 None of the above
1 Did not respond
NORTH DAKOTA: 2
100% (2) Hillary Clinton
0% (0) Donald Trump 0% (0) Jill Stein 0% (0) Gary Johnson
1 Did not respond
WYOMING: 2
100% (2) Donald Trump
0% (0) Hillary Clinton 0% (0) Jill Stein 0% (0) Gary Johnson
1 Did not respond
MONTANA: 1
100% (1) Donald Trump
0% (0) Hillary Clinton 0% (0) Jill Stein 0% (0) Gary Johnson
8 Did not respond
WASHINGTON, D.C.: 2
100% (1) Hillary Clinton
0% (0) Donald Trump 0% (0) Jill Stein 0% (0) Gary Johnson
1 Evasive or unclear responses
3 Did not respond
The overall US-wide vote is as follows.
63.25% (191) Hillary Clinton 17.88% (54) Donald Trump 3.31% (10) Jill Stein 1.99% (6) Gary Johnson 1.99% (6) Bernie Sanders 0.99% (3) “Yo momma” 0.66% (2) Deez Nuts 0.66% (2) Cthulhu 0.66% (2) Mickey Mouse 0.33% (1) Evan McMullin 0.33% (1) Vermin Supreme 0.33% (1) Don Bacon 0.33% (1) Barack Obama 0.33% (1) John F. Kennedy 0.33% (1) Ronald Reagan 0.33% (1) Vladimir Putin 0.33% (1) Eric Andre 0.33% (1) Beyoncé 0.33% (1) Harambe 0.33% (1) Mighty Mouse 0.33% (1) Patti LuPone 0.33% (1) Prince 0.33% (1) Cardi B from Love & Hip Hop 0.33% (1) Jesus 0.33% (1) Katya 0.33% (1) “Space raptors” 0.33% (1) “A giant meteor”
In addition, 1.99% (6) voted for “Myself”, although these aren’t lumped together as they refer to separate individuals – namely, “WOOF!”, “MiamiLatino”, “nICE GUY!!!!!”, “2017 ready now”, “no pic don’t”, and “DatFckboi”. 0.66% (2) also voted for their own penis – 4 if we count pictures of a respondent’s penis as an actual answer to the poll.
Not counted towards the percentage are the following responses:
19 Undecided 60 None of the above 9 Not eligible to vote 181 Evasive or unclear responses
“Evasive or unclear responses” can be roughly divided as follows:
55 Miscellaneous evasion 41 Explicitly declined to answer, “none of your business” etc 25 Irrelevant or incomprehensible 18 Too horny to engage politically 13 Total bewilderment 12 “Anyone but…” (10 Trump, 2 Clinton, 1 Johnson, 1 Stein) 7 Overt hostility 3 Nudes
Here are the number of states candidates win when only Grindr votes.
Hillary Clinton: 42 (6 as part of a tie) Donald Trump: 13 (7 as part of a tie) Bernie Sanders: 3 (3 as part of a tie) Jill Stein: 1 (1 as part of a tie) Evan McMullin: 1 (1 as part of a tie) Deez Nuts: 1 (1 as part of a tie) Beyoncé: 1 (1 as part of a tie) Ronald Reagan: 1 (1 as part of a tie) ″A giant meteor”: 1 (1 as part of a tie) ″My big fat cock”: 1 (1 as part of a tie) Gary Johnson: 0
In the electoral college, this should translate into the following numbers of electoral votes. When dealing with ties, electors are divided evenly between candidates.
Finally, here is the electoral map, according to Grindr.
Hillary Clinton comfortably clears her target of 270 electoral votes, and the Democrats are re-elected. Grindr is, for once, with her.
Tags:
#long post #nsfw text #nsfw image #Grindr #oh my god they’re doing a series of these #I remember seeing one of the previous ones #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #election 2016
More recently, I’ve been asking Grindr users in and around Edinburgh whether they believe the United Kingdom should withdraw from the European Union. Here is a representative sample of the replies:
STATISTICS:
I was only able to question 327 users before Grindr moderators intervened. 151 users left some kind of response. Of these, 108 settled on a yes or no answer.
81.48% (88) would like to REMAIN in the European Union.
18.52% (20) would like to EXIT the European Union.
Other responses can be divided as follows:
10 Undecided 8 Don’t care 8 Miscellaneous evasion
6 None of my business 3 Too bewildered to answer 3 Too horny to engage politically 3 Turned out to be a spambot 2 Incomprehensible
(This leaves 38 users who presumably blocked me by the time the results were counted. Any responses they may have given are not counted here.)
In conclusion, Scottish Grindr users are overwhelmingly against leaving the European Union. With it looking increasingly doubtful that such a comfortable victory for remainers will be reflected in the broader United Kingdom’s vote in the upcoming referendum, Grindr may have to consider declaring itself an independent nation to remain in the EU.
Brinens and Things 