Why don’t I hear more about undead beings coming back to warn people? It’s always zombies wanting to drag people down to join them in the grave, ghosts seeking vengeance, spirits trying to chase people out of their domains – but if you died horribly and were left rattling around some spooky mansion for eternity, wouldn’t you want to stop people from blundering into the same death you had?

You feel a cold breath on your neck as you get in the car. It won’t leave until you fasten your seatbelt. An unseen force catches your foot as you pass the fourth step every time you walk up the stairs. During a renovation, you find out the wood is rotten. You can never find a pack of cigarettes – even ones guests bring disappear from their pockets and are found weeks later on the lawn, empty. Your daughter is giggling and laughing at something unseen, chasing after it away from the cliffside on your family hike. You don’t know why, but you feel compelled to leave a spare hairband and some stickers on a picnic table as you leave the park. Tribute? A thank you? The items are gone by next time you visit, and you swear a happy child’s hum follows you home on the breeze.

…More preventative hauntings. It just makes sense.

Everyone is convinced the old house on the hill is full of evil spirits because anyone who tries to sneak in gets the ever loving shit scared out of them by the craziest poltergeist imaginable

Turns out the house had massive structural issues and was just one door-slam away from caving in on itself and the ghost was trying to keep people safe

Once the house did finally collapse the ghost moved on to the old abandoned factory that never had its industrial waste properly disposed of

Eventually the local inspection unit gave it an honorary OSHA certification



#death tw #ghosts #story ideas I will never write





an atheist ghost. they refuse to move on to the afterlife on the grounds that the afterlife does not and should not exist

they only respond to ouija board summonings in order to lecture people for participating in non-evidence-based belief systems

exorcisms dont work cause they dont believe in them.

“yeah sure I could ‘go into the light’ as you so eloquently put it, but let’s be analytical about this. worst-case scenario, the afterlife is real and I get cast into some version of Hell for being a nonbeliever. slightly better-case scenario, it’s a reincarnation-based afterlife, which means I end up having to do the whole Existence thing all over again, which frankly seems like a huge roll of the dice. enormously risky, given the low quality of life many people experience, and that’s setting aside philosophical issues of identity, e.g. without the memories and experiences that shaped me, would I even still technically exist as a version of myself I could identify? reincarnation aside, let’s bear in mind there’s no actual evidence there’s even a so-called ‘afterlife’ waiting on the other side–for all we know, my consciousness will just dissolve into nonexistence. again, huge roll of the dice. and even in the best-case scenario? wherein I somehow pass an Arbitrary Morality Test I didn’t sign up for and get accepted into some sort of magical Heaven or whatever? well. consider it from my point of view. all of a sudden I’d be a member of a strange and unfamiliar society, subject to a completely new set of rules and regulations that I probably don’t get a say in. Is ‘Heaven’ a democracy? will I still have access to free will? will I have meaningful choices regarding lifestyle and occupation? what do the holy books say about that, huh? I could be forced to spend a literal eternity worshiping a deity who has made some extremely questionable and problematic decisions regarding the universe. I’m not signing up for that! how is that any better than my current situation? listen buddy, I spent 80 years living in a capitalist hellhole before death Itself finally freed me from all the obligations and restrictions of modern existence. I don’t work, I don’t pay rent or taxes, I just wander from place to place keeping my own schedule, doing my own thing, beholden to neither laws nor peer pressure. as purgatories go, that’s a pretty sweet deal! and what guarantee do I have that any damned afterlife is going to be more tolerable than my current not-existence, huh? none! none whatsoever. skeptic? damn right I’m skeptic! not to mention this whole Heaven-and-Hell dichotomy seems extremely manipulative if not outright abusive, as moral systems go. that’s no way to parent a species! nope. just, nope. this whole religious afterlife nonsense sounds like a whole lot of unnecessary stress and risk. I’m perfectly comfortable staying right where I am, thanks ever so, so you can tell your exorcist to write that out in latin and shove it up his ass”


#yeah that’s fair #story ideas I will never write #storytime #ghosts #religion #hell cw #this probably deserves some other warning tag but I am not sure what

Eloise Needs Beta Readers



Are you excited? I’m excited! :D

Chapters 1 (pt 1 + 2; pt 3) and 2 (pt 1 + 2 + 3; pt 4 + 5) are uploaded and ready for feedback. The remaining chapters and epilogue will be posted over the next couple weeks, with Chapter 5 and the epilogue being uploaded no later than April 13th.

I would like to get at least twenty people to beta read this novella. If you’re interested in reading an urban supernatural/paranormal suspense novella about a university student, the child ghost who haunts her home, and the trouble their friendship causes, then please sign up!

(Link will take you to the sign-up form on BetaBooks)

I would love to have the beta reading process complete by June 30th so Eloise can be polished up for publication later this year.

Tagging almost everyone who ever expressed interest under the cut ^.^

(If I didn’t tag you, it’s cause Tumblr wouldn’t let me)

Keep reading

I’m interested but don’t see a link. Tumblr is known to strip them sometimes, I think? 

(note: OP replied with a link to )


#oh hey the author of that one Tumblr tale is expanding it into a novella? #I don’t think I have the time/energy to help beta it but I’ll keep an eye out for publication #signal boost #recs #Eloise #ghost

Anonymous asked: concept: tma and mbmbam crossover but its just a haunted doll watch bit with The Stranger



justin: boobobubobuboo its a haunted doll watch this is nikola she’s a haunted doll

nikola: i sure am : )

*incomprehensible scream*


G: “Oh, Christ.”

T: “Yeah!”

J: That’s right, it’s a Haunted Doll Watch; I know I’ve been talking about retiring this bit forever but ladies and gentlemen-”

G: “Wait-”

J: “-even though it’s in its sunset years, Haunted Doll Watch is-”

T: “No, Justin, that’s another-”

G: “That’s another bi-”

J: “-Haunted Doll Watch is- it’s always time for- see, haunted dolls never go out of style-”

G: “Were they in style?”

J: “-extremely fashionable, haunted dolls, there’s clearly a market- this one comes to us from an overseas seller, the listing is in- jolly old Brrrrritish Pounds-”

T: “Justin, I love you, but that was the worst-”

G: “-the best British accent anyone has ever done including all actual British people, can we please move on to the doll-”

J: “-seller ‘TMI Artifact Storage’ appears to be some sort of haunted artifact wholesaler, y’know, one of those places that acts like they just happen to come across so many haunted artifacts that they just need to-”

T: “They just need to get rid of ‘em all!”

G: “For many, many dollars, get rid of these real haunted items. Please. I need these gone but also I have a wife and kids who are starving-”

T: “It’s a starvation curse from all these haunted artifacts-”

J: “So- no, see, they’re selling these things on behalf of other people, is the idea, they- it’s more of a resale shop, I guess, they come with these statements from-”

G: “So- wait. There’s a store, where you can go, if you have a haunted doll-”

J: “A haunted anything, the next item in the lot is a haunted calliope-”

T: “I thought it was pronounced ‘cal-ee-OH-pee’.”

J: “This isn’t Haunted Calliope Watch, Trav, I’m trying to get to the-”

G: “-you can go to this store if you have a haunted ass, and you can sell your haunted ass to the store and now it’s not your problem-”

J: “Yes, I believe that to be the case.”

T: “Oh, ‘Doctor, my ass is haunted!’ ‘Well, I know just the place to sell your ass’-”

G: “Okay, say a haunted toilet brush-”

J: “Haunted Doll Watch, please let me get on with the listing. Statement comes from Leanne Denikin, regarding an antique calliope organ she possessed briefly in August 2004.”

G: “Juice, you just said it’s not-”

J: “Okay okay okay. Strange music, yada yada yada, creepy clown, okay, something something, here’s the doll… sending you a picture of the doll…”

G: “Oh, God.”

T: “Where’s its mouth?”

J: “This haunted doll is named Josh, and-”

G: “Josh?!?”

T: [hysterical wheezing]

G: “Your fucking haunted-ass doll that you’re selling on eBay to spook people out is named-”

J: “Yes, his name is Josh! Josh is a tormented spirit of the seller’s ex-boyfriend, who was brutally murdered in an unsolved-”

T: [still wheezing] “Please, he’s-”


J: “No, TMI is selling-”

G: “Your boyfriend was brutally murdered and you sold the doll containing his immortal soul to a resale shop and then they SOLD IT ON eBAY?!”

T: “No, it’s a scam, see? That’s the beauty of it! You disrespect his ghost like that, what’s he gonna do? He’s gonna come back and haunt you!”

J: “Come back and-”

T: “You sell the doll, it comes back to exact vengeance, you sell the doll again- it’s infinite free money!”

G: “Infinite free money that will eventually get angry enough to succeed at killing you.”

J: “Says ‘Josh is a nervous spirit who will-”

T: “The Prestige, Griffin! But- hey- I’ve got an idea right here.”

G: “Trav, tell me you’re not gonna-”

T: “If it’s trapped on the other side of the Atlantic Ocean-”

G: “Please don’t-”

J: “If it’s trapped on the other side of the Atlantic Ocean then what?!”

T: “Buy It Now, two hundred and three BrrrrrrRRRRrrrRRRRRrrrrRRrrrritish pounds-”

J: “Oh my god.”

G: “You bought this lady’s boyfriend off eBay?!”

J: “That’s not the problem-”

G: “Trav, we can’t just do this for every haunted doll-”

J: “-the problem is two hundred pounds is like, four hundred dollars US-”

T: “Not since Brexit it ain’t! That was 265.41 plus shipping!”

G: “Okay, so imagine the extra shipping costs when the package escapes to hunt down his human trafficking ex-girlfriend-”

T: “Doll trafficking. Ghost trafficking. We’ve been over this, it’s not-”

G: “Yeah, you’re going to die-”

J: “Okay, we’ll get back to this Haunted Doll Watch when Travis ends up with his jaw mysteriously torn off or something- Griffin, can we please get a Yahoo?”

G: “Thank you. This one was sent in by Level 9000 Ya-drew Druid Drew Davenport, it’s from Ya-drew Answers user MBlackwood, asking… ‘coworker keeps recording all our conversations, how do i make him stop’…”


#Magnus Archives #My Brother My Brother and Me #fanfic #ghost #crossovers #I’m not actually in either of these fandoms but #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #death tw?











Ah, it’s too late to post this on Halloween.  But here is a little story about ghosts, and roommates, and roommates who are ghosts.


#storytime #comic #art #Halloween #ghost #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #(the answer to ”what’s the magic word?”)


ghosts stay around because of unfinished business, and there’s a lot of unfinished business in space


My new book is out now!  It’s called HOW TO INVENT EVERYTHING and it’s a survival guide for the stranded time traveler.  It’s also the most dangerous book ever in time.  I really think you’ll love it.  With it, I really think you’ll make history… better.  Find out more here!


#the comic is nice but the part of this post that most interests me is actually the book ad #that book looks like my jam #comic #ghost #101 Uses for Infrastructureless Computers



My tablet’s still busted, but I wanted to do somethin cute for Halloween

Click to see what these silly ghosts are up to~



#ghost #Halloween #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #the other category tag would be a spoiler #I will compromise by rot13-ing it #(so you can see it now if you really want) #then coming back in a couple days to add the decrypted version for archival purposes #evpxebyyvat #(the following category tag was added retroactively:) #rickrolling


Is it possible to dress up like a ghost and fool people into thinking they’ve seen the real deal? Happily there is published research to answer this question, research carried out at no lesser institution than Cambridge University. For six nights in the summer of 1959, members of the Cambridge University Society for Research in Parapsychology took turns dressing up in a white muslin sheet and walking around in a well-traversed field behind the King’s College campus. Occasionally they would raise their arms, as ghosts will do. Other members of the team hid in bushes to observe the reaction of passersby. Although some eighty people were judged to have been in a position to see the figure, not one reacted or even gave it a second glance. The researchers found this surprising, especially given that the small herd of cows that grazed the field did, unlike the pedestrians, show considerable interest, such that two or three at a time would follow along behind the “ghost.” To my acute disappointment, “An Experiment in Apparitional Observation and Findings,” published in the September 1959 Journal of the Society for Psychical Research, includes no photographs.

Several months later, the researchers revised their experiment, changing the venue and adding “low moans” and, on one occasion, phosphorescent paint. One trial was set in a graveyard right off a main road and clearly in the sight line of drivers in both directions. Here observers hid in the bushes not only to record reactions, but to “avert traffic accidents” and “reassure anyone who became hysterical.” But again, not a single person of the hundred-plus who saw the figure thought it was a ghost, including two students from India. “Although we are superstitious in our country,” the men told one of the researchers, “we could see his legs and feet and knew it was a man dressed up in some white garment.”

In their final effort, the research team abandoned traditional ghost-apppropriate settings and moved the experiment into a movie theater that was screening an X-rated film. The author of the paper, A.D. Cornell, explained that the X rating was chosen to ensure no children were traumatized by the ghost, as though that somehow explained the choice of a porn theater as a setting for a ghost experiment. This time the “ghost” walked slowly across the screen during a trailer. The phosphorescence was not used this time and presumably low moans were deemed redundant. No mention is made of the specific images showing on the screen behind the ghost, but clearly they were a good deal more interesting: The audience was polled after the film, and forty-six percent of them didn’t notice the man in the sheet. Among those who did, not one thought he’d seen a ghost. (One man said he’d seen a polar bear.)

Spook, by Mary Roach


kelasparmak {{I think?}}:

“occasionally they would raise their arms, as ghosts will do.”


#ghost #nsfw text? #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #(”presumably low moans were deemed redundant”)







If a ghost can open cupboards and break things, why not just take a pencil, find paper, write exactly why it’s unhappy, and tape the message on the fridge.

It just became second nature to close all the cupboards first thing in the morning (even though they’d been closed the night before). Which was when things escalated from banging cupboard doors to actually breaking things.

Faucets, door handles, curtain rods ripped from the wall… all the repairs started to add up.

“Look, I didn’t mind having an ethereal roommate, but I can’t afford to keep fixing all this shit. Here’s a pencil and some paper. Just write what’s bothering you–I doubt you could put anything that would be more expensive than having a plumber come out to replace all the faucets again.”

The next morning there’s a scrawl line at the top of the page that devolved into an angry scribbling mess that tore through the page. Two cupboard doors were entirely ripped off.

“I don’t want to get someone in to banish you, but this is ridiculous. Just tell me what you want.”

The second piece of paper is ripped into shreds and several knives are embedded in the wall.

A careful examination of the paper scraps show that it had the same scribbles as the first piece.

A quick trip to the library and a stop at a store later, there are kindergarten workbooks on learning to write spread across the counter.

“Look, I don’t know if you’re just being difficult, but I hope not. So I got an audiobook on learning to read and write, and here are some workbooks for kids–don’t get mad–to teach them their letters. Just press play on the stereo, and work through the books at your own pace. I’ll get more when you finish.”

The first workbook is half-completed before being ripped to pieces, but at least there was no other damage. Replacing it is significantly cheaper than replacing cupboard doors.

It takes awhile, but eventually the workbooks progress to a fifth grade level. These ones are starting to be more costly (they’re bigger, for one thing), but it’s not even the money anymore. Little notes scrawled in a shaky hand appear on the steamy bathroom mirror

Have A gooD dy

Or written in ketchup on the counter (that was a frightening sight the first time)

You R out of MLK

And then one day there’s a message taped to the fridge. The spelling and penmanship isn’t the best, but it’s legible and even signed.

Dear Occupente,

I have haunted this spot for ovr three huner hudre 300 years. My bones are dust and I am fergotN. I do not have wants to trap me. I am here 4 ever.

I am bord. Lonly.

I am sorrY 4 breaking things.

We be frends?

Syncerly Eloise

I love you, Eloise

okay but @agwitow I need a sequel to this, please. This made me so happy.

Ohmygoodness you guys! I didn’t realize how much people would like this. Thank you all :)

@theseburns-neverfade​ I hope the sequel lives up to your expectations ^.^

Keep reading

Part 3 of the Eloise Saga :)

Keep reading


#storytime #ghost