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cosmic-llin:

So my friend purplefringe and I got kind of obsessed with THIS POST about folks on DS9 complaining, and spent some time (that we should have been working) imagining it in a bit more detail:

@staff anti-gravity malfunctioning on the promenade again. Request immediate assistance!
@jumalsjumja Hello Jumal this is Intern T’Pok. I have logged your case in our system. You are number #103 in the queue. Your request will be dealt with shortly. Thank you for your patience.
@staff thanks!! any idea how long it will be out this time?
@staff only last time all my jumja sticks got stuck everywhere
@staff NEW REPORT help a nest of voles has just floated out past my stall. This definitely violates health and safety!
@jumalsjumja Hello Jumal this is Intern T’Pok. I have logged your case in our system. You are number #104 in the queue. Your request will be dealt with shortly. Thank you for your patience.
***
@chiefofops Chief the anti-grav seems to be on the blink again. Infirmary is in lockdown
@CMO on my way Julian
@chiefofops thanks! (see you at dinner, unless I end up in quarantine)
@CMO quarantine?
@chiefofops just got a faceful from an unsecured petri dish I’d been cultivating.
@CMO You ok??
@chiefofops should be in a few hours. Currently experiencing slight loss of motor-control, dizziness, enhanced aural sensitivity, tingling in my extremities, and everything seems to have gone quite a nice shade of pink. Not really the symptoms I was expecting at this stage but it’s a positive sign and all very interesting. Should be able to get at least one paper out of th(CHARACTER LIMIT REACHED)
@chiefofops…please could you tell Garak I won’t be able to meet him for lunch.
@chiefofops Chief?
@CMO stay where you are Julian I’ve got a situation on the promenade. Hang tight
***
@chiefofops Chief could you send another team to the Promenade?
@majorkira what is it Major?
@chiefofops some idiot in security left the doors to the office open. Odo and his bucket have floated out. Separately. Odo’s all over the Promenade
@majorkira uh oh
@chiefofopshe is NOT going to be happ
[@majorkira went offline]
@majorkira everything ok?
@majorkira Kira please respond
[@majorkira came online]
@chiefofops sorry Chief, just had to rescue a couple of vedeks from an unintentional anti -grav orb experience. Could have been messy. Jadzia’s here helping me now. All under control. We’ve got Odo back in his bucket
@chiefofops oh and chief Dax says to tell you not to worry about the voles
@majorkira voles??? I wasn’t worried but I am now. What’s she done?
***@WORF hey Worf you’re not answering your comm. Are you listening to opera? I know you’re off duty but we have an anti-grav situation over here, and could really use your help.
@dax I am on my way.
@WORF great! You can help me round up these floating voles/
@dax On second thoughts, I am very busy at present. I am needed on the Defiant. My apologies.
@WORF Worf you get over here right now and help me round up these voles or I guarantee I will throw you a surprise party for your next birthday
@dax I am on my way.
***
@dax Commander what’s happened with the voles?
@dax never mind, the nest just floated past. see you’re on the case. good work
@chiefofops thanks chief! I’d stay away from the infirmary if I were you, Julian’s got some sort of airborne plague in there.
@dax don’t I know it. Last thing we need is transmission by vole
***
@chiefofops URGENT URGENT GRAVITY MALFUNCTION IN THE BAR
@cometoquarks Quark please don’t use this channel, this is for senior staff only. Use @staff like everyone else.
@chiefofops did I mention this was URGENT
@cometoquarks A repair crew is currently assessing the situation on the Promenade.
@chiefofops the promenade?? You need to PRIORITIZE here. I have LATINUM on the CEILING
@cometoquarks Quark we’re working as fast as we can here. Your bar is NOT top priority.
@chiefofops not top priority??? Chief you don’t seem to understand, I have to look after my customers! Bad business is bad for everyone. They have a bad experience here, they report it back home, that could cause a diplomatic INCIDENT. You want that on your conscience??
@chiefofops also did I mention the LATINUM on the CEILING
@cometoquarks you’re not even our second priority
@chiefofops where’s my idiot brother?? why isn’t he fixing this??
@cometoquarks he’s helping to secure Odo
@chiefofops …Odo’s regenerating? Say no more. I completely understand. I have everything under control here, you just take your own sweet time
@cometoquarks Quark Odo is definitely going to review all the security footage after this. Whatever you’re thinking of doing, don’t.
@chiefofops you wound me, Chief. I thought we were friends. Your DARTS are floating around my bar. If they take someone’s eye out, YOU’RE paying for it.
***
@staff hi there, is there any reason why gravity seems to be functioning in the tailor’s shop, but not here? Only I can see his shop from my stall and it all looks fine in there. It’s chaos out here.
@jumalsjumja Hello Jumal this is Intern T’Pok. I have logged your case in our system. You are number #116 in the queue. Your request will be dealt with shortly. Thank you for your patience.

And then we got carried away and did some more:

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Tags:

#Star Trek #DS9 #fanfic #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog