bat-trix:

Bruce Wayne, mostly to annoy Alfred and partly because he genuinely doesn’t believe anyone will care about his antics, claims that his almost ten year disappearance from Gotham was because he was cryptid-hunting across Europe/Asia.

(He was learning to be Batman but whatever.)

“Yetis are real,” he tells Vicki Vale.  “And one day, I will make contact.”

Bruce establishes himself as a cryptid enthusiast pretty quickly and blames most of his suspicious childhood injuries on dumb things he did trying to photograph Bigfoot behind Wayne Manor.

So anyways, Batman shows up and Bruce is a smart guy so he knows that Batman being partially myth and urban legend is going to help his crusade against darkness.  But he’s also smart enough to know that people are going to start getting suspicious if Batman shows up at the same place Bruce Wayne is and Bruce Wayne constantly denies his existence.

He sets his plan into motion at a bank robbery he happens to be involved in.  After sending Alfred off with his costume, he slips back into the bank in time to be there when the police arrive so that he can give his statement.

Bruce makes sure to play it up: his eyes dart around nervously, his voice pitched with excitement, and asserting at the end of his statement that, “I cannot be sure, but I am pretty positive that we were saved by a large, bat-like creature.”

The officers are like ‘yeah ok whatever man’ because Bruce Wayne once fell off of a water-tower because he thought he saw Mothman flying in the night sky, but some of the other witnesses describe seeing a weird bat-thing too so really who knows at this point.

Whenever Bruce Wayne appears publicly somewhere the Batman saves the day, he always makes sure to give a statement about Gotham’s new cryptid and how he intends to be the first on actually catching it in the wild.

“This… Bat-man creature seems to have a moral code,” he tells Vicki Vale.  “If I could just,” he clenches his fist, gazing wistfully out onto the street.  “Meet him…..”

This also allows for him to ply James Gordon for information without arousing suspicion.  And because Gordon has a soft-spot for the little orphan he comforted during his worst night, he usually is willing to give Bruce a little bit of info on cases that the Batman has been working on.

Bruce: Batman is real, don’t lie to me.

Gordon: I can neither confirm nor deny those rumors. *gives Bruce a knowing smile*

Bruce: I heard that he tore through Falcone’s racketeering club the other night!

Gordon: Well…. *glances around* We did get a call from the docks the other night.  SOMEONE tied up most of the gang and left them for us to find…

Bruce: Most of the gang?

Gordon: We think five of them are still on the run.

Bruce: Hmmm……

And of course, Batman does eventually become less of an urban legend and more of a known entity. 

Bruce, busting down the doors of GCPD: BATMAN IS REAL!!!!!!!!!

Gordon: *puts head in hands, sighs*

And like maybe one time Oprah or someone confronts Bruce like “Hey people are saying that maybe YOU might be Batman” and Bruce just like… fucking loses it on live TV and is alternately crying and talking about how Batman is REAL and he pulled Bruce out of a VERY DIFFICULT TIME and how without Batman Bruce would be LOST and if people want to ruin the SANCTITY of that BOND well FINE.

And then like… Batman Incorporated becomes a thing and Bruce is all teary-eyed and smiley doing news conferences and showing off the blurry picture of him shaking (Dick)Bats’s hand and talking about how “I just always believed and I knew this story would have a happy ending and when I clutched his talon in my hand I knew that I was home.”

Bruce similarly becomes famous for insisting the Superman is a fraud put on by the government.


Tags:

#Batman #cryptids #fanfic #story ideas I will never write #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #embarrassment squick?

accio-shitpost:

how good would it be if luna, who believes in the crumple-horned snorckack and nargles, thought that dinosaurs were made up by muggles

 

unified-multiversal-theory:

Okay, but consider:

Someone (probably Hermione) takes Luna to a muggle museum of natural history, in a last ditch effort to convince her that dinosaurs really did exist. They go through all of it: full and partial skeletons on display, fossil imprints of skin textures, a little video about carbon dating, exhibits on the evolution of all life from tiny one-celled sea creatures, bird-hipped vs. lizard-hipped, living giant isopods and coelacanths, the whole spiel about how the dinosaurs aren’t actually completely gone, since some, like the anchiornis and archaeopteryx, were the predecessors from which today’s birds – including every owl in the Wizarding World – evolved.

Luna takes all this in with her usual calm demeanor until the very end, when her eyes seem to grow even more enormous in her face, but doesn’t say anything. After a full minute of Luna’s silent astonishment, her companion prods her for a response. “Of course!” Luna exclaims, “no wonder I’ve never found them. I’ve been going about things the wrong way!” She launches into a lengthy explanation that the records that she and her father have been using for references were copies of copies of copies of absolutely ancient scripts, so in order to find the creatures as described in them, she needed to be looking for fossils

Luna (with Rolf as her assistant) begins searching through areas of Wizarding Britain, using magical equivalents of the muggle tools she read about at the museum (a variation on Tempus to determine the age of a magical item or creature, Cryptozoam Revelio as a substitute for ground-penetrating radar). She finds the remains of a number of magical creatures from various ages, as well as accidentally uncovering a nest of Knuckers, a relative of the dragon previously thought to be extinct. After this discovery, she and Rolf are given a bit more credence than before, and they gain the support among creature-handlers, especially dragonologists.  Because of this, they get access to more regions of the world, and their team grows. Eventually Luna ends up founding the Wizarding Archaeological Society, the first institution to combine both muggle and wizard research methods at a single institution.

On the 50th anniversary of the Society’s founding, they open a museum of their own (”Everything that was, at the WAS!”), to display the various fossils of magical creatures that they’ve managed to locate over the years. Unveiled at the opening ceremonies was what would become the pride of their collection, a diorama of Crumple-Horned Snorkacks in every stage of development, along with details about their habits, average lifespan, and a map of the full range of their habitat at their peak population in the mid-17th century. Their extinction at during the 20th century was attributed to rising global temperatures, as their most flourishing period coincided with the coldest years of the Little Ice Age, and no specimens from any later than the 1976 Heat Wave had thus far been recovered. The disappearance of the Snorkacks, it was said, had been an early warning sign of the global climate change which had troubled the entire world, wizarding and muggle, for the better part of the last half-century. A cooperative partnership had been reached between the WAS and the Royal Society a scant decade after the WAS’s founding , allowing research witches and wizards to pool their resources with muggle scientists, in time to prevent a catastrophe that the wizarding world would otherwise have been unlikely to survive.

In her speech at that evening’s gala, Luna told the story of how it all happened, to reveal the person who had singlehandledly started this series of events, which resulted in not only a golden age of discovery in the field of cryptozoology, but also an era of peace and cooperation between both worlds, allowing restrictions imposed by the Statute of Secrecy to be loosened for the first time in nearly five hundred years, all in the pursuit of knowledge for its own sake.

Hermione Granger, who had been grumbling in her chair the entire time, rose when acknowledged. Luna Lovegood beamed at her aging friend, the witch who had gone from being her most skeptical critic to her most dedicated – and most challenging – supporter in a mere half-century. 

 

notesoftruth:

@deadcatwithaflamethrower

 

ryanlewisandclark:

@ruffboijuliaburnsides

 

ruffboijuliaburnsides:

;_; god yes this is so good.

 

comicgeekscomicgeek:

I can dig it.


Tags:

#Harry Potter #fanfic #story ideas I will never write

joey-wheeler-official:

there aren’t enough posts going around about the swedish cryptid known as the skvader which is a rabbit with pheasant wings and also a very good boy.

 

joey-wheeler-official:

like this one dude just made a fake taxidermy and spread it around as a hoax for a good ass while and it lead to this really cool fantasy creature and i am genuinely dissapointed that it never gets used in anything

 

joey-wheeler-official:

tumblr_inline_p5ax7t7uze1tvnx3g_500

THE BOY

 

vr-trakowski:

tumblr_inline_p6a0nbh5wv1qjx31w_500

Rabbirds, by the amazing @tkingfisher/Ursula Vernon (source).  

 

songofkeys:

The lack of skvaders is particularly frustrating when you realize it forms the third point of a wonderful cryptid trifecta.

You got the jackalopes, which are rabbits with antlers.

And you got the wolpertingers, which are rabbits with antlers and wings.

And then… what? Do you escalate? That’s unbalanced, those two rabbit cryptids don’t have the same number of extra things, the wolpertinger is clearly the jackalope But More.

BUT with the skvader on the other side, balance is restored. Antler rabbit, winged rabbit, winged antler rabbit. It’s a classic Venn diagram of imaginary lapine beasts, and it’s only complete if you acknowledge the fucking skvader.

Good thing Ursula’s got our back, at least.

 

gallusrostromegalus:

This is a really excellent point and I applaud your advancements in Cryptid Theory.

 

magathapai:

Gentleman, if I might add:

tumblr_inline_pbnxsj4aix1vyppcm_500

 

joey-wheeler-official:

yes you may add this

 

thebestworstidea:

I think balance in crypdids is VERY IMPORTANT.


Tags:

#bird #rabbit #deer #adorable #art #the more you know #mythology

comparativelysuperlative:

wirehead-wannabe:

thelandofmaps:

[1200×912] Map of cryptozoological creatures for most of America’s regions
CLICK HERE FOR MORE MAPS!
thelandofmaps.tumblr.com

You should all move to the Midwest! We’re certified monster free!

DC: Congress.


Tags:

#home of the brave #so basically a lot of humans and plesiosaurs is what I’m getting from this #and also that I have still not forgiven my fellow Girl Scouts for ignoring me when I asked to be brought up to speed on this ‘Jersey Devil’ #instead just continuing on with their at best semi-penetrable conversation #about how we were in a cabin in the middle of the Pine Barrens and *anything* could *happen* #anything except learning what the fucking Jersey Devil is

The Mythic Child-Stealing Thunderbirds of Illinois

{{Title link: http://www.atlasobscura.com/articles/the-mythic-child-stealing-thunderbirds-of-illinois}}

ursulavernon:

Let me tell you, O Tumblr of my confessions, why I do not believe in Thunderbirds.

It is because I am a birder.

If a goddamn Citrine Wagtail appears in North America–a Eurasian songbird which, in winter plumage, resembles a rather drab mockingbird, only smaller and with less personality–if one shows up anywhere, suddenly birders appear around it. It is like a magic trick. It is nearly proof of spontaneous generation, except that it causes birders to appear who are in their sixties and have had careers and whom other birders will vouch for (and I am still not entirely convinced this is not the universe joggling our memories to make them fit.) Provide the rare bird and birders erupt out of the ground, and then they tell other birders. There used to be a hotline, but now there are Rare Bird Alerts sent out in near daily digest form from eBird.

If a Kirtland’s warbler should appear on the East Coast, not only is it spotted nearly instantaneously as it alights on a branch, but it is immediately assigned a park ranger to protect it from the paparazzi, as if the bird is a celebrity, which it is. (The Kirtland’s warbler, incidentally, is small, brownish-bluish-grayish, with a yellow belly. It’s big for a warbler, though.) And this is a bird that occurs in a known range in Michigan already.

If there were Thunderbirds lurking anywhere in Illinois, you would be able to find them by going to the place where there were a number of people with binoculars pointing up. You would greet them with “Got anything?” and they would reply with “Yep. Thunderbird.” And then someone with a scope would say “Want a look?” and you would get your lifer look at a mythical bird and thank the nice person for the look, and they would nod and silently judge your worth based on the quality of your optics and you would accept this as part and parcel of the birding experience.

So, no. I am skeptical. I would accept yeti and skunk ape and Chessie long before I will accept anything that could conceivably be put on a birder’s life list. Because a birder could trip over a yeti and it would come out as a footnote in a lengthy discussion three weeks later about their search for the Lewis’s woodpecker, but a Thunderbird? Naaaaah.

…that is all.

geostatonary:

Cryptid theory: Bigfoots don’t sexually reproduce; rather, they’re derived from Bigfoot hunters who go too deep and undergo the necessary metamorphosis into a Bigfoot, attracting new Bigfoot hunters in turn as part of a sinister cycle of transformation and reproduction.