(I finished writing up my tags page today, by the way. I expect I’ll think of more tags I forgot to include later, and there will probably be new tags to add at some point, but I think it’s reached a state where I can call it v1.)
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#Brin talks about herself for no particular reason #(haven’t decided yet if I’m going to include that one) #oh look an original post
My thoughts sometimes (or maybe “often”; I’m not sure which way to categorise it) write themselves in forms resembling blog posts. They’ve done this sort of thing for a long time, but now that I have a Tumblr they’re often more specifically Tumblr posts.
Some of them I adapt into diary entries (particularly the ones that might not actually make any sense to other people), some into forum comments. Occasionally there is one sufficiently standalone (and relatively unlikely to start a flamewar) that I can actually use it in its original form. Many require jumping-off points that don’t actually exist; once in a blue moon, I stumble across roughly the right jumping-off point after the fact and manage to dig through my memory and find the prepared response I now have an excuse to give. Many never leave my head: things I wanted to say to people, but never found a good opportunity, or was too afraid, or was simply worried nobody wanted to hear.
I don’t know what to do about wanting to write but not having a good enough excuse to give people the words I have. I don’t know if there’s anything I should do.
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#(and yes this post is itself an example of what it’s talking about) #(though I made some tweaks to the wording as I was writing it down) #(this one is fresh and the phrasing hadn’t fully settled yet anyway) #oh look an original post
This cold is weirdly accelerated. The symptoms are more severe, and have rather longer periods of overlap (normally one symptom fades out as the next fades in), but overall it seems to be going by faster.
At first, this seemed like a good deal. Yeah, Day 2 in particular was pretty miserable, but on Day 3 I already felt like I’d turned the corner. It’s Day 4 now, and I feel the way I normally would around Day 6. My appetite isn’t up to par, but my body generally isn’t resisting me anymore when I try to get it to eat, and occasionally I even feel hungry. My sense of taste is still a bit distorted, but I can mostly taste things now. My normal level of executive function has more or less returned. The tiredness still feels mostly hollow, and I certainly don’t feel the way I ought to feel after getting ~4 – 5 hours of sleep the night before, but it isn’t completely hollow.
Turns out there’s an additional price I didn’t foresee, though it’s sort of mentioned in that list:
If your coughing is accelerated such that you are having 1 – 4 bouts of coughing per 2 minutes, you cannot sleep. Every time you start to even sort of settle in, another cough wakes you up. I spent three straight hours (3 – 6 AM) lying in bed, trying to find stimuli that would distract me from the urge to cough but not distract me from sleeping. (I considered taking dimenhydrinate, but given that I was already on pseudoephedrine and dextromethorphan*, I didn’t want to add another drug into the mix without having a chance to look into their interactions. Maybe tonight.)
(In the end, I don’t think anything I did worked: the coughing just sort of stopped for a while around 6 AM, enough that I was able to get another ~3 hours of sleep in.)
Given the choice of this symptom profile or the normal one, I might still go with this one, but it’s less obvious a choice than it was yesterday.
*I thought “reduces the urge to cough” meant “reduces frequency of urge to cough”, but last night’s experience was actually “reduces severity of urge to cough, such that it’s easier to ignore if you have things to take your mind off it”.
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#”get well soon” indeed #oh look an original post #Brin talks about herself for no particular reason #illness tw #disordered eating?
Because I feel like it, and because the occasional precedents I’ve seen elsewhere seemed to work out well, I am going to answer all of the questions in this ask meme.
How badly will I twist the questions? How many of the questions even make sense? Join us below the cut to find out!
A. If you could get away with one murder in your lifetime without any legal, social, or emotional repercussions, would you kill someone?
Wouldn’t the whole point of killing someone be to cause the repercussions? Or do you mean only the repercussions specifically focused on me?
Even using the generous interpretation, nobody really springs to mind.
B. What is your first thought when you receive a message on Tumblr, are you excited for the idea of someone from potentially the other side of the world wanting to talk to you or fearful that someone will criticize you?
If I’ve said something controversial lately, fearful. If not, slightly excited, but mostly thinking it’s probably a spambot.
C. Have you ever looked down on someone because you thought your religious views were superior?
See question Z. (No.)
D. Would you rather know everything the universe has to offer but in exchange lose all emotions or remain the way you are now?
My first impulse is to do it, then spend the rest of my life recording the information not currently known to Terrans, in descending order of projected usefulness.
Possibly I have been spending too much time around utilitarians. Possibly I have been spending just enough time around utilitarians.
(I’m not sure whether I actually would go with the first impulse, though.)
E. If you could live and be healthy without sleeping or eating/drinking, which would you cut out of your life?
Due to being relatively prone to digestive issues, I have spent more time wishing I didn’t need to eat than I have wishing I didn’t need to sleep. There are also potential complications of being rendered incapable of sleep.
On the other hand, 8 – 9 hours (depending on whether you count dreaming) more consciousness out of every 24 is quite a lot of effective lifespan extension, and it never actually says I would be incapable of sleep at all, let alone incapable of dozing. Given the information provided, I would rather go without sleep.
F. If you could take on the exact body and form of anyone else on Earth, who would it be?
I would need more information on the potential forms available, in order to determine which one would have the best balance of maximum health (both quality and quantity of life) and minimum dysphoria.
Given that I’m currently 21 years old, with basically no dysphoria and no chronic health problems save for severe nearsightedness, it’s very likely that the best body is in fact the one I currently have.
That’s all assuming that the legal issues of getting a new body are magically dealt with, of course. Otherwise it’s even more likely to be best sticking with my current body.
(This question is supposed to be about beauty, isn’t it? I already look plain in a vaguely pleasant manner, what more could I want?)
G. Would you rather burn or freeze to death?
Rumour has it that freezing hurts less, and also has a better chance of being revivable.
H. If it meant it would solve all world hunger, war, disease and bigotry, would you spend the rest of eternity in Hell?
The most effective way of doing that is to kill everyone (solving the first three) and mind-control their immortal souls (solving the last; I assume that since Hell is involved, there are immortal souls in this scenario). That’s not worth going to Hell for.
(Was anyone else surprised that humanity did not go extinct (save for the two people in the eye of the reality storm, of course) during the world-peace part of The Lathe of Heaven?)
I. Was the first crush in your life something you had or something someone had on you?
Presumably something someone else had, though if so I have remained blissfully unaware of it.
J. Could you live without having sex ever (again) in exchange for eternal youth?
See question E above re: complications. It would only take a bit of definition-twisting for this to result in me dying horribly of magically enforced sleep deprivation, leaving an eternally youthful corpse.
(Also, to confirm, “eternally youthful” is still fully grown, right? I don’t want to end up in a baby’s body forever, especially if my mind is adversely affected by having to fit into a baby’s head.)
One needs to define “sex” very precisely for a question like this to be answerable. Like, never mind my fetishes: what if I accidentally do something to fulfil someone else’s? There are all sorts of potential issues here.
If we go with a strict definition, something like “genital intercourse between two or more people, with full knowledge and consent of all parties, for the purpose of inducing sexual pleasure in at least one party”: yes, in a heartbeat. Sounds like a sweet deal. Wasn’t even planning to do that anyway.
K. Have you ever watched a full length pornographic movie?
Nah, videos don’t do it for me.
L. The Beatles or The Rolling Stones?
Neither. I dislike both of them. *dodges thrown tomatoes*
M. If you could have the ability to manipulate matter or energy, which would you choose?
To what extent is that even a meaningful question?
N. What was the worst nightmare you ever had?
Measured in terms of “how long did it take me to calm down afterward”, probably the one with the serial killer.
O. Would you rather spend one year with your one true love just to never see them again or the rest of your life with second best?
Okay, that’s definitely not a meaningful question.
P. All the sequels/remakes/adaptations/rip-offs in movies nowadays, good or bad?
I don’t consider it inherently good or bad, but rather judge on a case-by-case basis.
(Also, I am informed by Shakespeare nerds that this tendency towards sequels/remakes/adaptations/rip-offs is not a new phenomenon.)
Q. Would you rather be dirt poor and emotionally fulfilled in life or be rich beyond imagination and emotionally dissatisfied for life?
This is a very similar question to D, but replacing “think of what I could teach!” with “think of what I could give to charity!”. The same answer applies.
R. Do you have any (secret) feelings of bigotry to any group of people?
I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it may force me to incriminate myself.
(Besides, then they wouldn’t be secret anymore, would they?)
S. Would you rather be the only person in the world that can read minds or have everyone else in the world be able to read minds except for your own?
If I can turn it on and off at will, me. Mostly to keep it from falling into the wrong hands. (I can’t entirely guarantee that I’m not the wrong hands, but giving telepathy to everyone would definitely cause it to fall into some wrong hands.)
T. If everyone in the world would automatically only know one language, which language would you choose?
I seem to recall that English is currently the most widely spoken language, which means that choosing English would minimise the extent and number of horrific mind-alterations performed on people. I’d really rather not have to do it at all, though.
U. If you were old enough and not in a situation where it would be inappropriate, would you sleep with one of your (past) school teachers/professors?
There is no situation in which having sex with your mother is appropriate. I’ve never met any of my other teachers in person, though come to think of it, I don’t actually have to have seen them in order to say I wouldn’t have sex with them. It’s a safe assumption in general.
V. A world without religion, good, bad, neutral?
Impossible, unless you kill everyone (again). Unlike maggots, religions can reproduce via spontaneous generation.
W. The men’s rights movement, legitimate cause or laughable, and why?
Last I heard, there were multiple causes calling themselves “men’s rights”, of varying levels of legitimacy.
X. You can eliminate one of your five senses to substantially strengthen the others, which one and would you do it?
I would need more information to make that decision. Getting rid of smell will normally impair taste: am I magically protected from this? Will my senses be strengthened to the point of painful overstimulation?
(I probably wouldn’t do it, especially since I’m having a hard time seeing how the answer to my second question could be “no”.)
Y. Do looks mean anything to you? Don’t lie, could you fall in love with someone you thought was ugly?
Well, aren’t you pushy.
Current evidence suggests that I cannot fall in love with people I think are ugly. I also cannot fall in love with people I think are pretty.
Z. Can you understand the mindset and logic used by the opposite spiritual opinion? An atheist understanding the belief in a higher power and vice versa.
The only reason I don’t “belie[ve] in a higher power” is because I haven’t encountered any evidence for it. Unlike most people who say that, I am willing to accept subjective spiritual experiences as evidence. I haven’t had any such experiences, and may not be capable of them.
(So, yes.)
—
Well, I think we’ve all learned something here, and it’s that I have spent too much time reading genie stories.
(Or possibly just enough time reading genie stories.)
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#Brin talks about herself for no particular reason #(I don’t think I’ve ever done a readmore before) #(I hope it works) #anyone else want to join me in answering all the questions? #so I don’t feel as alone in this? #and also so I can see what your answers are? #meme #oh look an original post
Easily the most horrifying line of dialogue I’ve ever heard in an animated movie.
NO BUT THIS WAS SUCH A GOOD GODDAMN MOVIE LIKE THE MUSIC IS FUN AND SUPERB THE CHARACTERS WERE REAL PEOPLE EVEN THE ANTAGONISTS THE WOMEN WERE GREAT IT WAS ALL GREAT. IT DOESNT MATTER IF YOURE JEWISH, CHRISTIAN, MUSLIM, ATHEIST, WHATEVER ELSE IT DOESNT MATTER ITS SUCH A GOOD MOVIE AND ITS LITERALLY ONLY 90 MINUTES OF YOUR DAY AND EXPERIENCE THIS HERE JUST CLICK IT LITERALLY IT WILL OPEN IN A NEW TAB GO WATCH.
also can we point out that none of the characters were white? like damn accurate depictions of Biblical characters
I reblog every time Prince of Egypt comes up because holy fuck this movie is so good.
first movie i ever saw in theaters
First movie I ever saw in theaters too! That’s probably not coincidence!
But, like, this line is part of why I grew up thinking utilitarians are monsters. And I mean that in the “check under the bed” sense—there are people who will do literally anything (depending on the circumstances) and not care if the Bible says it’s evil! And they might be coming for you!
And now of course I’m a utilitarian, and so are a lot of the people I think of as doing the most good. Turns out that genocide against a bunch of babies? Not actually a fair portrayal of people doing things for the greater good.
Also, I recognised this gifset as being from Prince of Egypt (through cultural osmosis; haven’t actually seen the movie), but skimmed the context, so up until “they were only slaves” I thought it was Moses talking about murdering every non-Jewish firstborn in Egypt. And I was glad that apparently somebody in the film had tried to call them out on that tactic. But no, it’s just the same-old-same-old.
See, you have no idea how much that incident scarred me as a child. You’re supposed to hear that story and empathise with the oh-poor-Jewish-slaves-who-just-want-to-be-free, but I empathised with the Egyptian peasants. My fellow firstborns, slaughtered en masse for being born to the wrong families at the wrong time. Innocent, unknowing people, who happened to meet a totally arbitrary qualification that I met.
(My parents, in a desperate attempt to console me, tried to tell me I didn’t meet the qualifications. That in their place, I’d have been one of the ones with goat’s blood painted on the doorway. Thing is, being firstborn is more important to me than being Jewish 10.5 months out of the year, and even during Christmas season, it’s not so much “Jewish” that’s important as much as “not Christian”. (The Egyptians weren’t Christian either.))
That damned story was what made me really aware, on a visceral level, of my mortality. Learning how not to be viscerally aware of mortality (apparently some people do manage to function while aware of it, but I can’t imagine how) was an extremely long, painful process. By the time I’d more or less finished, it had taken me something like a third of my lifetime-at-that-point. (Then Five for Fighting released “100 Years” and started getting it played on all the radios and even a TV commercial, and I had to spend another few months re-doing some of the painstakingly crafted mental blocks. I swear, if I ever meet the one man who comprises Five for Fighting, I’ll…well, I probably couldn’t get away with punching him. I suppose I’d tell him about how he rubbed salt in a traumatised child’s wound, and let his own guilt punish him appropriately.)
Occasionally I hear of people who laugh at the idea that the Bible isn’t suitable for children. I’m not laughing.
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#long post #Brin talks about herself for no particular reason #death tw #(kind of a meta death-tw) #(it’s a story about how *I* needed death tw’s for a few years) #(I haven’t had a full-on 100-Years-style breach of the psychological barriers in a long time) #(but sometimes there’s still little leaks) #(there’s something about the way Florence Welch sings ‘I’m going to drink myself to death’) #(something about the way Cecil says ‘blood’ when reciting the Night Vale Community College minutes) #(that reminds me of being seven) #(I’m glad I’m not seven anymore)
…dammit, I knew I shouldn’t have kept listening to that science podcast once I realised it was about antibiotic-resistant infections in chickens transmitting to humans through meat.
Especially when I am having chicken products for dinner. (It’s eggs, not meat, but still.)
I…will probably be able to eat it anyway? Probably without significant nocebo effect? I definitely don’t feel nearly as bad as I did after that one Night Vale horoscope, so I’m hopeful.
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#oh look an original post #in which Brin has a food poisoning phobia #why do I do these things to myself #(well there is the fact that I live in a subculture that considers learning about the horrible things of the world to be a moral imperative) #(except they generally draw the line at things that will aggravate phobias) #(so really the question of why remains) #Brin talks about herself for no particular reason
BEING HORMONAL AND HORNY WHEN YOU’RE ASEXUAL IS LIKE GETTING A $200 GIFT CARD FOR A STORE THAT DOESN’T EVEN EXIST
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#that’s not it at all #(well I expect that’s what it’s like for some people) #(but for me that’s not it at all) #it’s *exhaustion* #it’s taking half again as long to complete your schoolwork #because you’re so tired it’s hard to think about anything but how tired you are and how much you wish you could rest #it’s having trouble even concentrating on *video games* because of that dreary fatigue #it’s that feeling at the back of your eyes like you didn’t get enough sleep last night #even though you did #(except you didn’t) #(not really) #(what use is unconsciousness and forgotten dreams and forgotten dozing) #it’s the catch-22 of a mind screaming for quiet #it’s going to bed that night knowing you almost certainly won’t feel any better in the morning #knowing that you’re just going to have to wait it out #count the days until it wears off #five days can be a very long time #asexuality #sexuality and lack thereof #people who can distinguish between their drive for sleep and drive for sex fascinate me #tag rambles #Brin talks about herself for no particular reason #and wonders if she should bother
Disney’s The Jungle Book cast so far: Neel Sethi as Mowgli, Ben Kingsley as the voice of Bagheera, Lupita Nyong’o as the voice of Rakcha, Scarlett Johansson as the voice of Kaa, and Idris Elba as the voice of Shere Khan (x x x x)
YO, THIS IS A REAL THING THAT IS HAPPENING
And not only is the cast amazing, but the film is going to be a mixture of live-action and animation (a-la Mary Poppins). Neel Seth (Mowgli), is going to be the only live-action actor and everyone else’s characters will be animated AND I COULD NOT BE MORE EXCITED.
Directed by Jon Favreau. This whole thing feels like a dream.
YESSSS.
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#The Jungle Book #Disney movies that I somehow managed to never see despite being raised in a time period where they were available #of which there are many #I don’t think we ever deliberately *avoided* Disney movies or anything like that #we just…never got around to a lot of them for some reason #which means I was seventeen by the time I first encountered Kaa #old enough to grasp the full horror that is Kaa being played by Winnie the Pooh #(like it’s recognisably the same voice) #(not just the same actor) #there is *nothing okay* about Kaa sharing a voice with Winnie the Pooh #*nothing* #I will *never feel clean again* #so I’m glad they’re making a version of the Jungle Book that will not scar the next generation of kinky young Winnie the Pooh fans #sexuality and lack thereof #Brin talks about herself for no particular reason #tag rambles
Last Person That:
Slept in your bed besides you? Nobody else has ever slept in my bed. In October 2007, when I had the mattress but the rest of the loft bed hadn’t arrived yet, our dog slept on the mattress with me (and was very upset when my parents tried to make him stop).
Saw you cry?: Mom
You went to the movies with? Mom (in an unrelated incident)
You went out to dinner with? My parents and brother
You talked on the phone to? Mom
Made you laugh? Some TumblriteWould You Rather:
Pierce your nose or your tongue? Nose, I guess
Be serious or be funny? I dunno
Drink whole or skimmed milk? Whole
Die in a fire or drowning? I suspect drowning would be less painful, but I’d rather not find out.
Spend time with your parent(s) or enemies? ParentsAre You?:
Simple or complicated? Complicated, of course. Isn’t everyone?
Straight, gay or bisexual? A few weeks ago I was taking one of those surveys that pays you pocket change (I’m saving up for a Mass-Effect-capable laptop), and the demographic section had eleven different options for sexual orientation, with “asexual” top of the list (despite not being in alphabetical order). That was nice. Mostly they just give this “straight/gay/bi” crap, and I have to settle for “prefer not to answer”, even though I’m perfectly willing to answer if they’ll let me tell the truth.
Tall or short? Fairly short
Right handed or left handed? Right-handed
A lover of music or a lover of books? Both, but I’m capable of six-hour binges only with books.Do You Prefer?:
Flowers or sweets? Chocolates
Grey or black? Both
Colour photos or black-and-white photos? Colour
Sunrise or sunset? Sunrise, though that might be the rarity value.
M&Ms or Skittles? M&Ms
Staying up late or waking up early? Waking up early, unless I’m expecting a particularly unpleasant schoolday. That’s why I woke up half an hour late today. (Yes, it’s Saturday, but I took Thursday off, so fair’s fair.)
Sun or moon? They’re both pretty awesome, though I do like looking up at the moon and knowing there are people’s footprints on it. Makes me feel proud to be Terran.
Winter or Autumn? Autumn
10 acquaintances or 2 best friends? Best friends sound nice. It’s been ages since I had them.
Rainy or sunny? Probably sunny
Vanilla ice cream or chocolate ice cream? Chocolate
Vodka or Jack? I’ve never had either of those, so I can’t say.About You:
What time is it? 10:44 AM
Name? Brin
Nicknames? None online
When is your birthday? November 14 (no, I was not conceived on Valentine’s Day)
What do you want? For my computer science class to not have sprung a five-part writing assignment on me. (At least it doesn’t have a deadline beyond “get all of your coursework for the class submitted by the end of November”.)
How many kids do you want? The first three years or so (counting pregnancy) of child-raising sound extremely and near-unrelentingly unpleasant. I could maybe handle an older kid, but I’d really rather not.
What would you name a girl?: Naomi’s a nice name that doesn’t get enough use.
What would you name a boy? I haven’t thought about it.
What kind of music do you like? See this post.Unique:
Nervous habits? I don’t know about nervous. I rub my fingertips together when I’m anticipating something.
Are you double-jointed? Don’t think so
Can you roll your tongue? Hmm…*tries* maybe a little?
Can you raise one eyebrow? Only my left one
Can you cross your eyes? Probably?Random:
Which shoe goes on first? Right
Ever thrown something at someone? Of course
On average, how much money do you carry with you? Somewhere between $3 and $30.
What jewellery do you wear? A steel wristwatch (on my left wrist) and a hematine ace ring (on my right middle finger, of course).
Have you ever eaten Spam? …no.
Favourite ice cream? Thin Mint
How many kinds of cereal are in your cupboard? I’m not sure if we have any Cheerios at the moment. If not that, then nothing.
Can you cook?: A bitLast:
Alcoholic beverage? A sip of grasshopper, New Year’s Eve 2012. I could have had the whole glass if I wanted, but I don’t like eating so close to bedtime, and it felt too much like eating.
Car ride?: Coming back from Buffalo Wednesday evening.
Song played? Um…*checks* “Believe Me” by Fleetwood Mac.
Person you saw? Mom, though she was asleep at the time so it might not count. But the one before that was also Mom, so I guess it doesn’t matter.
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#meme #Brin talks about herself for no particular reason
My not!sister makes these too:
/obligatory familial boost
Two or three times over the years, in two different Girl Guide troops, they taught us to make what they described as “Ukrainian Easter eggs”. Every single time, the Guiders appeared to think this would be a more novel way to celebrate Easter, rather than the normal boring Easter eggs that we would obviously already be familiar with.
To this day, I am unsure how else one makes Easter eggs.
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#Brin talks about herself for no particular reason #of course even when you’ve done it three times rather than once #they’re not nearly as intricate as this #pretty things #impressive as fuck
Brinens and Things 