Can’t fucking stand this bitch. Just missed my charger port after two drinks
yeah,,,,
In a timeline darker than ours this is a reality
Tags:
#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #BBC Sherlock #this probably deserves some warning tag but I am not sure what #embarrassment squick? #this post was queued because my to-reblog list is too long and I didn’t want to dump it on you all at once
Every so often, I remember that like 80% of Tumblr (myself included) was completely enraptured by a show where the big twist was that the main character forgot his childhood friend was murdered by his sister, and for some reason only remembers his childhood friend ever existing as a dog.
And in that same episode it’s revealed that the same sister…..like…..hypnotized (?) the main character’s arch rival into hating him by, like, staring at him for a few minutes.
series 3 of sherlock: john marries mary morstan off-camera, the show mocks all the fans who kept the hype up during a two year hiatus, mary turns out to be an assassin who shoots sherlock, during which time he has a near-death-experience dream about his dog redbeard who was put down. also there’s a weird scene where john is revealed to be attracted to danger and so he dated mary because he was subconsciously picking up the fact that she used to be an assassin. also the series ends with sherlock committing murder in front of witnesses to save john and mary.
christmas special: sherlock goes on a bender where he hallucinates a victorian-era case, the episode ends with moriarty seemingly returning via social media and mycroft making a cryptic reference to “the other one.” oh, also any consequences from sherlock committing murder are immediately negated.
series 4: HOO BOY.
episode 1: mary is killed due to her assassin past, but no one really cares since she’s only been in the show for all of four episodes. she keeps coming back as a recorded voice/hallucination.
episode 2: john goes to a new grief counseler. also he keeps hallucinating mary. sherlock is told to solve a murder by the murderer’s daughter, but it turns out that while the murderer has a daughter, it’s not the woman who gave him the case to solve! eurus, sherlock and mycroft’s sister, has simultaneously masqueraded as john’s grief counseler and the murderer’s daughter and a random woman who keeps following sherlock because she’s a master of disguise! (to be fair, this is a legitimately cool reveal and I genuinely didn’t see it coming)
episode 3: HOO. FUCKING. BOY. eurus is sherlock and mycroft’s sister who’s been in a prison for the criminally insane for decades. mycroft has withheld this knowledge from both sherlock and their parents by claiming she died in a fire she started. turns out she’s able to hypnotize people with ???? her superior intellect ???????? and so even talking to her makes people want to do things for her like commit murder ????????? and so she’s somehow able to do things like escape from her scary island prison and then take herself back, blow up baker street, kidnap multiple people, and then pull Saw-esque morality problems on Mycroft and Sherlock and John where she just murders people for funsies with no apparent motive. IT IS DURING THIS SEQUENCE THAT IT IS REVEALED THAT SHERLOCK HAD A HUMAN BEST FRIEND THAT EURUS MURDERED BUT REWROTE HIS OWN MEMORIES TO IMAGINE IT WAS A PET DOG WHO DIED.
Y’ALL. IT IS SO DUMB. IT IS SO DUMB THAT THE FANDOM GENUINELY HAD A CONSPIRACY THEORY GOING FOR A WHILE THAT THERE HAD TO BE A SECRET FOURTH EPISODE – OF A SHOW THAT ONLY EVER HAD THREE EPISODES PER SERIES – BECAUSE THERE WAS NO WAY THAT SOMETHING THAT BAD COULD BE THE FUCKING FINAL EPISODE.
There is one thing in the final episode of Sherlock season 4 that I remember fondly: the moment where Mrs Holmes states, in front of her two sons – and in a tone of voice that suggests it’s an obvious fact – that of the two of them Sherlock has always been the grown-up one. I’m not convinced Sherlock had earned that, but Mycroft absolutely had.
(I stopped watching Sherlock after season 2, when I realised that the show I had hoped it would be and believed it had the potential to become was in no way the show its creators were interested in making, but I’ve seen the final episode of season 4 because I happened to be at a friend’s house when they were watching it. Everything about it confirmed that I’d made the right choice.)
…until I got to pedanther’s reblog (he is the sort of person who reliably snopeses things and points out when you are reading a satire piece, which I appreciate), I was about 90% convinced this was one of those facts-i-just-made-up types of performance art you get on tumblr dot com. what the entire fuck. i hadn’t even heard sherlock was *having* a series four, apparently because all my friends have better taste than to bother with… whatever the fuck that was.
we talk about shows jumping a shark, but i think this is the first time i have heard about one that not only jumped its own shark but jumped *every conceivable shark*. i am very glad i gave up after the orientalism episode, whichever season that was.
(let us say, the first orientalism episode, the one that opened with a girl sensually stroking a teapot. there was probably more than one orientalism episode, just based on how thoroughly moffat seems to keep showing his whole ass in the belief that it’s art.)
Watching the opening scene of BBC Sherlock 3×01 was the first time I had ever seriously wondered whether I was dreaming and had the answer turn out to be “no”.
I gave up about twenty minutes in.
(My mom kept going, and I saw some bits and pieces of that when I was in the same room; the stuff I saw corroborates the above thread.)
Tags:
#reply via reblog #BBC Sherlock #death tw #murder cw #amnesia cw #this probably deserves some other warning tag but I am not sure what
me every night when I sit in the dark stabbing my charger into my phone until I find the socket: don’t think of that post,don’t think of that post—
Evry damn time, but then I also remember the cure:
“Samuel Vimes dreamed about Clues. He had a jaundiced view of Clues. He instinctively distrusted them. They got in the way. And he distrusted the kind of person who’d take one look at another man and say in a lordly voice to his companion, “Ah, my dear sir, I can tell you nothing except that he is a left-handed stonemason who has spent some years in the merchant navy and has recently fallen on hard times,” and then unroll a lot of supercilious commentary about calluses and stance and the state of a man’s boots, when exactly the same comments could apply to a man who was wearing his old clothes because he’d been doing a spot of home bricklaying for a new barbecue pit, and had been tattooed once when he was drunk and seventeen* and in fact got seasick on a wet pavement. What arrogance! What an insult to the rich and chaotic variety of the human experience!”
― Terry Pratchett, Feet of Clay
Every once in a while a post comes back to smack me in the face all over again with how goddamn wonderful Sir Pratchett really was
Tags:
#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #(why *not* think about that post though?) #BBC Sherlock #Discworld #(you know on reflection I don’t think I was even thinking of *that* post per se) #(I was thinking of the ”y’all ever mess up putting your phone charger in your phone completely sober just to flex on sherlock holmes” one)
Y’all ever mess up putting your phone charger in your phone completely sober just to flex on sherlock holmes
It’s crazy how BBC Sherlock had such active and profound contempt for people in general and yet all of Sherlock’s convoluted deductions never factored in how we just do dumb shit sometimes
Tags:
#Sherlock #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #this reminds me of that ”here’s an assumption for you: Sherlock Holmes is a huge jackass” post
“i was in the sherlock fandom once” is the new embarrassing twilight phase
DON’T YOU DARE COMPARE SHERLOCK TO TWILIGHT
apologies to all twilight fans
Having recently read the post highlighted in yellow on this page*, this actually sounds about right. They’re both situations where the canon is pretty mediocre, but its existence is still worthwhile because it’s inspired other people to write stuff that’s actually good. (And also Fifty Shades, but that’s not my point here.)
Mind you, it sounds less right when you consider the OP said specifically being in the Sherlock fandom. The fandom’s pretty good, in my experience (though I do seem to have a knack for avoiding the bad parts of fandoms). It’s just the canon that’s bad.
*Sorry, person who linked to this on their Tumblr a few days ago. I’d link you if I could remember who you were.
Tags:
#Sherlock #Twilight #fandom #’Invisible Bonds’ and ‘Not Yet Dead’ got me through the Stomach Bug from Hell #I pretty much only ever see the crappy parts of fandoms second-hand through the complaining of people in the good parts #and I wonder how come they know when shit is going down and I don’t #but I suppose I’m probably better off
No, brain, come on, there are so many interesting-looking things to read in fanfiction alone that we haven’t even read once yet, stop telling me to re-read “Not Yet Dead”.
Tags:
#Sherlock #fanfic #come on brain #remember how after finishing it #(and abandoning all our other plans for the evening once we got to the climax in *order* to finish it) #you got so worked up over how awesome it was you actually aggravated the lingering traces of our stomach bug #nearly making us too ill to go out trick-or-treating the following evening #(but then again I’m not sick at the moment)
They told me “The Empty Hearse” was basically a bunch of Sherlock fanfiction smushed together. I didn’t quite believe them.
I believe them now.
I’m sure the look of utter shock on my face at the 2:30 mark would have been very amusing, had anyone seen it. I honestly wondered if I was dreaming.
Three minutes, forty-five seconds. Three and three-quarter minutes in. That’s how far I’ve gotten, and already my mind is utterly blown.
It’s been an hour since I decided to watch it. I’ve managed less than four minutes.
How am I ever going to cope with an hour and a half of this episode?
Tags:
#Sherlock #oh look an original post #I suppose next you’re going to tell me Mrs Hudson’s anosmic #maybe this is for the best #maybe I’ve gotten all of the shock out of the way at the beginning #(who am I kidding) #(oh god) #(by the way every rotaryphones fic I’ve read has been brilliant) #(I recommend them) #(the following category tags were added retroactively:) #reactionblogging #sexuality and lack thereof
Mycroft remains standing in the doorway, despite Sherlock’s demands. John is sitting on the sofa, looking rumpled and sleepy in his robe, eating toast, drinking tea. John in the morning. Two years since John in the morning.
But this is John being offered a search and recover mission. Is John even qualified?
Sherlock had never bothered researching John’s military career, confident in his ability to read what was necessary, what mattered. He’d never asked either, in the same careful way John so obviously avoided volunteering that information.
Now he regrets it, regrets not knowing more about the worlds inside John, his past, his exploits, and how those systems function as a whole.
And here Mycroft is, knowing more, as usual, because he pries and watches and hoards these secrets Sherlock doesn’t care about until it’s too late. Here Mycroft is offering John a mission he has no right to.
Kurgistan. Ethnic cleansing. Chemical fire raining down. Phosphorus. Mustard. Cyclosarin, and whatever else the local dictator had stockpiled since the last war. And someone has to go in, locate the disabled field agent, treat his wounds and exposure, then escort him through the seven circles of hell to safety and extraction.
John wrapped up in semtex, ready to sacrifice. John steadying his aim, taking the shot. John adapting to the crisis du jour.
John would be perfect.
“He doesn’t wan- he won’t.” Sherlock’s throat works for a moment. “He’s not taking it.”
John clears his throat, and Sherlock freezes. John’s eyes have grown tighter and harsher with every word Sherlock has uttered.
“Excuse me,” John says, edge in his words, “but I believe they were addressing me.”
And Sherlock wonders for a moment if his two year absence has rendered him more susceptible to John’s voice somehow, because he has to work hard and fast to keep from flinching or gasping or reacting to that quiet sentence.
Mycroft notices.
Mycroft always notices. He smirks.
John’s eyes blaze, and a flashbang may as well have gone off at 221B. “That’s not a yes.” Even Mycroft takes a step back, and Sherlock realizes it’s not just him. Something has changed in John in these last two years. Something has hardened, has cleaved to a perfect edge.
“I’ll have the file, though,” John adds quietly, and Sherlock thinks that it’s almost worth this nonsense of John being considered for a mission to see the look of uncertainty on Mycroft’s face. “When you’re ready, of course.”
Mycroft hesitates and Sherlock doses him with a perfect copy of his previous smirk. Mycroft’s face hardens and he hands over the dossier. John takes it.
“You’ll have my answer in six hours.” His voice is calm, level, betrays no trace of his inner workings. “You may see yourselves out.”
Sherlock actually has to remind himself to pick his jaw up from the floor as Mycroft turns and his two suited companions follow him out, dismissed like children, dismissed and accepting it.
Sherlock stares at John, and realizes how little he knew about John when he decided he knew him well enough. There is an uneasy feeling of motion and dizziness building in his head.
“You can’t actually,” he began, but John cuts him off by standing, file in hand.
“You know, the more you tell me what I can and can’t, the more I wonder why you came back at all.”
It’s two years ago, and Sherlock is breathless, heartstill, on his back. He is looking up and up and up, and John is looking down –
Sherlock blinks, wondering suddenly why he’s standing and why John is here looking at him that way-
John covers what his face is shouting by turning and taking the file upstairs.
Sherlock clenches a hand. This is not over. Whatever this is.
#Sherlock #normally I would not reblog this #I’m not even really sure what’s going on or when it’s set or just about anything #I was going to just quietly like it and then stumble across it later when looking through my likes list #but then I realised it’s my thousandth liked post #so I felt I should honour this occasion with a reblog
” Um. Hm. You… you told me once that you weren’t a hero. Um. There were times that I didn’t even think you were human. But let me tell you this, you were the best man and the most human…. human being that I have ever known, and no one will ever convince me that you told me a lie. And so… there. I was so alone and I owe you so much. Please, there’s just one more thing. One more thing. One miracle, Sherlock, for me. Don’t be… dead. Would you do that, just for me? Just stop it, stop this…”
Brinens and Things 