So I’ve been working on writing Merlin fanfic and, like a moron, I decided I wanted it to be more historically accurate because the actual canon is a shitshow about that.
I start doing some writing, some researching, and discover that stirrups won’t arrive in Britain until the 10th century or so. King Arthur is like… early 500′s roughly.
So no stirrups. That’s not a big problem. Except it is argued that it might have been a major contributor to feudalism. Which, ok, good to know. So Arthur is pre-feudalism, got it. Shouldn’t change too much, right? (wrong)
Oh, what’s this that feudalism requires for those new wealthy landowners?
Fucking. Primogeniture.
(friendly reminder: this is the right of inheritance for the firstborn son. Like for land, or titles of nobility… or kings)
So if my research is right, King Arthur didn’t have an inherent right to the throne because he was the firstborn male heir. He was fucking ELECTED. (or maybe a lady in the lake threw a sword at him, who knows, this is all myth anyway)
But the fucking kicker?
The thing that DOESN’T EXIST in King Arthur’s time?? Because feudalism won’t show up for several centuries?
Fucking.
Knights.
In summary, the story of King Arthur is just modern day fanfiction from medieval/feudal Europe with rampant OCs, overpowered everyone, too much fucking drama, and like three different werewolves.
Also no stirrups.
this is how i learned young there’s no such thing as canon
King Arthur was ahistorical fanfic in the 12th century when the tales as we know them took shape, and in every retelling since then. It’s basically always been about projecting the author’s values backwards in time to an idealized past.
There’s literally a book exploring this and how modern retellings have continued the spirit of High Medieval versions called Silk and Potatoes: Contemporary Arthurian Fantasy. Because silk and potatoes, like stirrups, knights, and feudalism, were also not seen much in post-Roman Britain.
There really is no “historically accurate” way to write King Arthur. Even attempts to set the story in the 6th century are constructed ahistorical fantasies. You basically just have to decide which brand of anachronism you want to go with.
Hello, I have a doctorate in medieval English literature and am here to tell you: Arthuriana was always fanfic. What’s more, they’ve always been EXACTLY like BBC’s Merlin – a mash-up of time periods in their setting, but ‘modern’ (for each rewriting) in their tone and priorities and in-jokes – plus, of course, a dash (or a whole lakeful) of “It Was Better Back In Those Days”. Exactly which days “Those Days” were changes from century to century – by the fourteenth (Chaucer, Sir Gawain and the Green Knight, etc) they were mostly looking back to the days of Eleanor of Aquitaine if they were specific at all. In Eleanor’s time, which we tend to think of as the golden age of chivalry, Arthurian authors (Marie de France, Chrétien de Troyes) were looking back even further (and there’s some wistfulness for a lost pre-Norman England there too); in the fifteen century, Sir Thomas Malory (who gave us what ebcame our definitive English-language collection of Arthuriana for later centuries) was looking back from the vantage point of years of civil war to the glory days of the mid-fourteenth and Edward III’s court.
And Geoffrey of Monmouth (who, yes, is a character in Merlin) is the 12th-century historian that @star-anise mentions who was the first person to popularise these obscure Celtic and British and Welsh myths by pulling them together into something that looked like history and writing them up in Latin AS part of his “history of the kings of Britain” – a work which is itself heavily nostalgic for pre-Norman times – and, incidentally, deciding on a “date” for them to have happened.
But yes, Arthurian knights always had stirrups and were feudal because that was true of the times in which they were written and 100% of Arthurian writers agree that JOUSTING KNIGHTS ARE FUN and that is important. Actually, a lot of them also wore the high fashions of whatever day their stories were written in, because what better way to convey “this fairy queen was unimaginably beautiful and wealthy” than to have her wearing amazing exotic textiles and colours and jewels you’ve only just heard of from far-away lands?
I know it’s 2020 but Merlin AU where Uther notices a bunch of problems that could only be solved by magic ~spontaneously~ getting solved around Arthur, and concludes that this must be a side effect of Arthur only existing due to magical intervention. An intense bigotry-versus-parental-love internal conflict commences, followed by some that’s-pretty-hypocritcal-of-you-isn’t-it-dad screaming external conflict, generally upending everything. Merlin is standing in the corner the entire time holding a serving jug of mead and sweating.
Morgana, dramatically slamming open the throne room doors with both arms: I’M ALSO UNWILLINGLY MAGIC. Arthur: What???? Morgana, raising one fist at him: Solidarity, motherFUCKER! Arthur:What????????
What’s Uther gonna do? What’s he gonna fucking do???? Execute his secret Scottish child, but not his nonsecret blond heir child??? They’re ganging up on him now. He’s fucking cornered.
At some point someone mentions that an eyewitness would be great. And they all realize that Merlin is persent for all these things and start asking Merlin what it looks like when Arthur performs these magical feats. And he’s half way through the royal mead so fuck it. And he starts talking about how Arthur glows and shit. And usually Merlin has to knock him on the head to get him to stop glowing and whooshing and what not and the idea that Merlin could be saving the prince from his own magical distraction is so absurd they decide it’s just a drunk idiot telling tales.
Merlin, really getting into this: It was to save you from your own magic, sire. I had no other choice. That’s… That’s what you do, you see a born sorcerer and you just wham, knock them out for their own good.
Morgana, thinking about her sleeping draughts: It’s true Arthur that’s what they do.
Arthur: I’m.
Morgana: But it’s fine look we just have to win Merlin over to the side of magic.
Merlin: …
Merlin: I don’t know guys, that’s going to be a tough sell.
Merlin: I just. I just don’t know if I could be persuaded.
Arthur: Merlin, you aren’t even from Camelot. Why would you have anti-magic biases.
Merlin: But you’re always so insistent magic is eeeevil.
Merlin: Maybe you should persuade me. Tell me what’s so great about sorcerers.
Merlin blatantly and magically refills the jug with more mead: What? Why’d you stop? Keep talking about how great sorcerers are Arthur. Come on now, you were just getting to the good parts.
Merlin, getting irritated after Arthur splutters for several minutes, gesturing with the jug: Look, there’s no need to be modest! Say that sorcerers are brilliant and amazing and have myriad skills and cheekbones you can etch glass with.
Arthur turning red because he still thinks they’re talking about him:
Morgana, tossing her hair: Thank you, Merlin. Your non-magical cheekbones are very nice too.
#it got better #BBC Merlin #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #story ideas I will never write #fanfic #embarrassment squick #god this is so in-character though #100% the sort of thing this show would do
I know it’s 2020 but Merlin AU where Uther notices a bunch of problems that could only be solved by magic ~spontaneously~ getting solved around Arthur, and concludes that this must be a side effect of Arthur only existing due to magical intervention. An intense bigotry-versus-parental-love internal conflict commences, followed by some that’s-pretty-hypocritcal-of-you-isn’t-it-dad screaming external conflict, generally upending everything. Merlin is standing in the corner the entire time holding a serving jug of mead and sweating.
Morgana, dramatically slamming open the throne room doors with both arms: I’M ALSO UNWILLINGLY MAGIC. Arthur: What???? Morgana, raising one fist at him: Solidarity, motherFUCKER! Arthur:What????????
What’s Uther gonna do? What’s he gonna fucking do???? Execute his secret Scottish child, but not his nonsecret blond heir child??? They’re ganging up on him now. He’s fucking cornered.
(This is an ask meme where I try to describe a franchise I’ve never seen based on “dashboard osmosis,” i.e. what I’ve learned of it from fandom.)
It’s not too obscure, my dash used to be really into BBC Merlin!
I’m a big Arthuriana fan nerd so I know who the characters are, or who they’re meant to be.
BBC Merlin is a television show about “what would happen if Merlin and Arthur were the same age, and Merlin kind of pined for Arthur in a one-sided and Extra Gay way, in a land where magic exists but is outlawed. Also all the weird incesty dark stuff is sanded over.”
The result is Merlin, as a skinny Welsh kid with enormous ears and a red bandana. A large dragon and his cranky professor are insistent that he be friends with Arthur, because they love jock/nerd friendships.
Arthur’s father, played by Anthony Stewart Head, is outraged about everything. He is also alive. This is okay because all of Arthuriana is fan fiction anyway. I assume his name is Uther, because that’s what Arthur’s father is named in canon, but he might be called Gaius.
I feel like there is definitely a “gaius,” but that might be because Gaius Baltar is a character, or because ASH also played a guy called Giles. I have seen 6 episodes of Buffy and 1 of Battlestar. So I would know. Maybe the Dragon is called Gaius. Anyway, Merlin shakes his fist at the sky a lot, shouting “GAIUS!” , and I don’t think he’s yelling at another franchise.
Magic is illegal. The penalty is probably death. But Merlin is magic. He gets around this by doing lots of magic, and – this is the strange part – nobody ever notices.
Guinevere, or Gwen, is played by the Most Beautiful Girl In the World, but I don’t know if she actually does anything related to the Great Tragic Romance Plot; I think she may just hang out in a smithy, vaguely banging pans together and being sensible. It’s smart of her to stay out of it.
Morgan appears to be a cousin, rather than a sister, and apart from looking fabulous in the distance, she does not appear to menace Arthur. She does magic too but is marginally capable of actually keeping it a secret. I don’t think a Mordred ever happens but I’m okay with that. If there is a Mordred he’s probably a kitten that Arthur found.
The other knights might be around, but I don’t think they do much except go “oooh!” And “aaaah!” In unison when something happens. This is definitely not a Round Table show, the subject of the show is the eponymous Merlin and his pining, so there don’t appear to be any questing beasts or mysterious maidens imprisoned in bowers, or random digressions into the state of the ruling family in Nubia, or strange backwater incest plots, or even Mads Mikkelsen in a fur coat for no reason. So that’s kind of refreshing, although I do think the ensemble nature of Arthuriana is part of its charm, much like how the world of Harry Potter is larger than the central character. I also think the “king who invents chivalry and unites England” plot doesn’t happen.This is Arthuriana Lite, a college-AU.
“Now elodie,” you may say, “there’s like 15 seasons of this show. where is the drama and conflict, if there are no weird quests or politics and no incest?”
Ahh, you see, this is a romantic comedy show. The drama and conflict comes from Merlin, who is Gay AF, trying to win his prospective boyfriend’s father over. Arthur is oblivious and does not know he’s being courted. Uther is outraged and constantly being attacked by falling chandeliers or strange demands from the peasantry, all of which put him in a worse mood. Merlin does magic to rescue or impress Uther, then remembers that magic is illegal, so he panics and pretends it was a sudden gust of wind or an invisible badger or ergot-induced hysteria. Uther eyes him suspiciously and still doesn’t like him. Merlin tries even more desperately for Uther’s approval, and then goes to Puzzlewood and cries on a dragon about it.
“Have you told Arthur that you value his friendship yet,” the dragon says.
“Why would I do that?” Merlin says.
Then he looks sad, in the rain, with his enormous ears.
Arthur is beautiful, but utterly oblivious.
Tags:
#BBC Merlin #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #unreality cw?
I was wondering today, how come I’ve never seen mind-control fetishists talking about BBC Merlin? And only seen one piece of erotic fanfiction set in that universe?
That show had such ridiculous quantities of mind control. When it wasn’t plain mind-control magic, it was zombification (in both the “resurrection” and “enthrallment” senses simultaneously, though–at least in the case I’m thinking of–not in the “non-sapient” sense). Or love spells. Or possession. Or mind-altering parasites. Or getting their wills broken the mundane way, with torture.
One time, in series 4 IIRC, there was a five-episode streak in which somebody got mind-controlled in every episode. Not a five-episode arc involving mind control: five individual plots. It was almost half the season.
(I started laughing at episode 4 of the streak, when they said the Lamia could control men’s minds. Mom asked what was funny, and I had to take a moment to try to see it from the outside, how suspicious it would seem that I was the first one to notice despite not really paying that much attention. *I* knew it was because my salience mechanisms were attuned differently than hers, but would she be able to work that out? I don’t want my mom knowing my kinks.
After a moment, I decided I could pass it off as coincidence that I just happened to be paying attention at the right times, and told her about the streak. When the “next time on” showed the abovementioned zombification, she was laughing too.)
Was I just in the wrong places at the wrong times? Is that why I never saw anyone discussing this?
navelgazed said: Tbh that episode where merlin had to make Arthur as buffoonish as possible (no clue when that was) was like…whoa.
I was wondering today, how come I’ve never seen mind-control fetishists talking about BBC Merlin? And only seen one piece of erotic fanfiction set in that universe?
That show had such ridiculous quantities of mind control. When it wasn’t plain mind-control magic, it was zombification (in both the “resurrection” and “enthrallment” senses simultaneously, though–at least in the case I’m thinking of–not in the “non-sapient” sense). Or love spells. Or possession. Or mind-altering parasites. Or getting their wills broken the mundane way, with torture.
One time, in series 4 IIRC, there was a five-episode streak in which somebody got mind-controlled in every episode. Not a five-episode arc involving mind control: five individual plots. It was almost half the season.
(I started laughing at episode 4 of the streak, when they said the Lamia could control men’s minds. Mom asked what was funny, and I had to take a moment to try to see it from the outside, how suspicious it would seem that I was the first one to notice despite not really paying that much attention. *I* knew it was because my salience mechanisms were attuned differently than hers, but would she be able to work that out? I don’t want my mom knowing my kinks.
After a moment, I decided I could pass it off as coincidence that I just happened to be paying attention at the right times, and told her about the streak. When the “next time on” showed the abovementioned zombification, she was laughing too.)
Was I just in the wrong places at the wrong times? Is that why I never saw anyone discussing this?
Tags:
#for anyone hanging out in the tag who knows the answer to this: #erotic mind control #I don’t know why I was thinking about this on this particular morning #but I was and I figured why not say something #I don’t know the etiquette for putting kink talk in the general fandom tag #I know it’s rude to do it for shows aimed at children but I don’t know about general-audience #I’m compromising by tag-rambling long enough that it shouldn’t go in the public tag #BBC Merlin #oh look an original post #sexuality and lack thereof #nsfw text
Brinens and Things 