#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #sexuality and lack thereof #(I have very specific tastes and do not think I would actually endorse either of these posts myself) #(but they’re funny) #(and YKIOK)
#Star Trek #SpongeBob SquarePants #text quote posts #art #fanart #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #(…although ”licking doorknobs is illegal on other planets” kind of hits different now‚ huh) #(when I was a kid it was just this out-of-the-blue incongruous thing to be illegal) #(but now ”to lick doorknobs” is slang for doing something ridiculously/needlessly dangerous to show off how little you care about risk) #(a little like ”yoloing” was in its day‚ but #”yoloing” was sometimes appreciative while ”licking doorknobs” is always derogatory or at least sarcastic) #((also ”licking doorknobs” carries connotations of being specifically uncaring about *disease* risk‚ but #I would expect that by extension it *can* be used for other dangerous stunts)) #(((…*is* this an actual change in our language‚ a thing that once was not and now is‚ or #is it just a coincidence of what I’ve happened to encounter?))) #(((maybe doorknob-licking always meant this; maybe it never did and still doesn’t))) #tag rambles #illness tw?
meanwhile, in finland: ok, today we’re going to explode this sofa with hand grenade. why? because no one has exploded sofa before. this video is sponsored by underwear
Tags:
#anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #juxtaposition
#art #comics #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog #bicycles #this probably deserves some warning tag but I am not sure what #embarrassment squick?
Have you heard that Moderna is testing an even higher dose vaccine now? It’s meant to be the “Omicron version” of the vaccine. They just floored it more. That’s the kind of solution that I would propose. “Use a bigger fucking needle, with more of the good stuff in there.” You have to admire their style.
Folks over at Moderna won’t be happy until it takes you three days to recover from the jab and aerosolized COVID bursts into flames within a 30-meter radius. Just walk directly into the hospital and hear crackling and shrieking from the ECMO ward as the patients remove their masks too early and get a backdraft situation. Walk right up to God and give him back the corpse of his precious virus. Better luck with your next plague, asshole. We knew how to make a number bigger.
Guy stands behind you at the 7-11, gets a little bit too close, breathes on your neck and it just blows his throat open. Headless corpses littered all around the gas station. You’ll be shooting up with Scanners-style boosters between particularly risky visits to Home Depot. Trying to get your range to a full kilometre sitting on the vaccine amplifier. Fuckin’ Professor X, plugged into Moderna’s Cerebro, psychically throwing immunization at the developing world.
Your blood is just incredibly aggressive T-cells, they start disintegrating the sample needles when the WHO kicks down the door looking for the gigavaccine patient zero.
“Oh, you shouldn’t have let it out,” you say as your eyes roll back in your head. Now that it’s loose from the host, it detects traces of other coronaviruses on their feet and legs. Sees the little spikes. Goodbye.
Day Two of containment breach: 100.000000% vaccinated.
Day Three: the T-cells got bored, mutated, and decided to fuck up polio too because it “looks kinda similar.” Average human life expectancy is now 739 years. The earth’s surface is a never-ending roaring hellfire, a Gaian apocalypse. Someone coughs in the subway in Seoul and is immediately reduced to his constituent atoms, mere grist for the immune system.
Moderna stock price goes up nine basis points.
Tags:
#unreality cw #illness tw #covid19 #vaccines #death tw #anything that makes me laugh this much deserves a reblog
Brinens and Things 